posted May 26, 2013 04:50 AM            

This may be peer pressure (I'm in my early 20's, does that still count? Lol) because almost all people my age are happily engaged in a relationship and all that. I know I'm still young and everyone tells me that I'm going to find the love that I've been looking for soon, but despite knowing that, I feel empty and lonely. Even though I tell myself to be positive and just go with the flow, part of me still feels hollow.

posted May 26, 2013 05:04 PM            

One thing is that many women learn to base their worth on being with a man and make that their primary concern, otherwise she feels something is wrong with her (and given how many can talk about how perfect their relationship is and "yet something's wrong" like "I love him, but I'm not in love," for example, remain unfulfilled). And if the relationship isn't working then that's probably considered her fault, too (even if he's cheating, it's usually considered a woman's fault), so they have more incentive to pretend everything is wonderful. That's not to say it never is, but even when truly "in love" it's often a temporary chemical reaction in the brain (and it has its downs as well as ups so it's not all bliss) that's going to go away, especially for those in their early 20s and younger.

When you're older you'll probably have a much better idea what you want and be braver in going after it than you are now (though peer pressure will always have an affect). And any relationship you have then is much more likely to work out with less drama, too.

posted May 27, 2013 07:54 AM            

quote:

---

I thought that maybe there are other plans laid out for me instead of being in a happy relationship, you know? [/B]

---

Hi Lunae,

I know how you feel, I went through the same period of loneliness. I always had trouble with my self-esteem, and for many years I only had platonic and unrequited love affairs which caused me a lot of pain. I also asked myself that time, why the hell I cant find the right guy? The answer is always inside us, and i personally found out that there were two main issues that prevented me from finding a bf: 1. I practically had no free time, casuse i was always very busy 2. I had a lot insecurities and false concepts about love and relationships.
So i did a huge change in my life in order to create space for a relationship and i also did a lot of self-healing. Step by step I started to become more and more happy and content with myself and my life as it was, and just like you, i even accepted the fact, that probably a long-term relationship was not in my destiny.
But very soon after this realization, I met someone in a truly unexpected way. And we have been together for more than a year now!

So, i just wanted to say that things can really change. Try to find out the reasons why you havent had luck so far, and do something to change it. So dont give up, just belive in yourself and fill the void inside you by being your real self and living your life. Good luck

posted May 28, 2013 04:41 AM            

Glad to hear that my experience could be helpful for others!
Please, just dont give up
But dont want it badly either... it's so tricky, because i was also like that... I soooo much wanted to have a bf, I envied so much those who have been in happy relationships.

But I realized that until we want sth too much, it means that we are not ready to have it... becasue we need to HEAL first from all those painful expericences.
My bf was the first guy whome I was not obsessed with from the beggining (which was a huge turn off for guys i liked in the past)... I was pretty much distant with him, but fortunately, he really, really wanted to get me, and so he did not give up. He called me again and again, and I just fell in love with him sooo much
In the past it was always me who went after the guys I liked or were unavailable or did not love me back, no surprise that i suffered so much.

The key is to realize why the hell you attract those guys???? There is always a pattern. You can even write down your thoughts, so you can read it through over and over... this is something that really helped me.