Author
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Topic: Life is not worth it
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Natsukashii Knowflake Posts: 481 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted June 20, 2013 02:16 PM
HelloThe more I think about it the more I see that I end it all. But I'm a coward who doesn't have the guts and it would hurt my Brother and best friend who are possibly the only ones who really cares for me. It would break their heart. And my old dog would be left to possibly starve to death I was born illegitimately to a single Mom who struggled to bring us up. She gave us the best childhood she could but she couldn't be there all the time and a few neighborhood men saw fit to sexually abuse me at different stages of my childhood in her absence I was burgled a month ago and live alone in fear. Home is not the sanctuary it once was There is a woman at work who makes my life a misery every single day as do her cronies. And today after my third straight 12 hour day I told my manager that I'm going to be leaving I guess some people are not meant to be happy and every time I try to be something happens to destroy it I don't have the guts to kill myself but I feel like I am dying spiritually and emotionally instead, No need to respond Lindalanders. Just needed a place to express my thoughts Please excuse me if this is in any way innapropriate
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Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 43076 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 20, 2013 03:24 PM
I am sorry, dear Nat. Would you like to come on Sweet peas and talk more. I understand the kind of pain you are feeling and I want to help ------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Natsukashii Knowflake Posts: 481 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted June 20, 2013 04:09 PM
I would like that, thank you Ami. I've tried being positive but every time I try to climb out of this hole the universe kicks me back inIP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 43076 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 20, 2013 04:22 PM
Would you like me to re-post this for you in Sweet peas, dear?------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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juniperb Moderator Posts: 7019 From: Blue Star Kachina Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 20, 2013 04:33 PM
Moving to SPITR------------------ Christian, Jew, Muslim, Shaman, Zoroastrian, stone, ground, mountain, river, each has a secret way of being with the Mystery, unique and not to be judged. Rumi IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 43076 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 20, 2013 05:31 PM
Tell us what is going on, Nat. Start from the beginning and don't worry that it is too long ------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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pire Knowflake Posts: 2216 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 20, 2013 06:11 PM
we are not equal, so if you compare yourself with someone else you may not appreciate the luck that is yours. every situation, even harsh, is a jewel that allows the one that knows how to see to learn something... given time, you'll be Wise... the biggest problem with suicide is that it postpone lessons. I don't have a religious approach of suicide. I don't condemn it. but I see its inconvénients. also, a problem is that is "unchangeable" but when you will know how to ride on life's struggle like a surfer on successive waves, cause you will, then you'll realise you took the right decision to not cross the line. this difficult life of yours is your chance like a future champion during is difficult training session. accomplished sportsmen enjoy as much the training as they rejoice in the victory, because they know what makes them being champions. what makes them a champion, the long training or the moment of the victory? you can be a champion in this life, for yourself, and for those who will meet you. stay strong IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 43076 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 20, 2013 06:17 PM
That is lovely, Pire!------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Lazyscarecrow Knowflake Posts: 1328 From: Silent Hill Registered: Aug 2011
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posted June 20, 2013 08:41 PM
You're in my prayers and thoughts. IP: Logged |
Swift Freeze Knowflake Posts: 321 From: One World Registered: Nov 2009
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posted June 21, 2013 04:04 AM
The one thing you 100% are not, is a coward. It takes huge courage and strength of character to be able to deal and cope with the feelings you are experiencing. You are an incredibly strong person.Just take it one day at a time. Don't get lost trying to look too far ahead. And most importantly, give yourself time between thinking about how you feel, and acting on how you feel. "People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead." I would really like it, if you could find the time to read the pages in this link. http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ Life is not always easy, and even when it seems there isn't much light. It is still worth looking for. Try and find someone you can talk to, about how you feel, or even just things in general. Maybe this will help give you an anchor. I wish you all the best.
------------------ Learn lots. Don't judge. Laugh for no reason. Be nice. Seek Happiness. Follow your dreams. IP: Logged |
charmainec Moderator Posts: 6802 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 21, 2013 04:29 AM
The good part of this is that you are able to express those feelings and have the guts to share them with us; that's no coward. Pire pretty much summed up what I was going to say. Don't give up! ------------------ quote: You will find the Treasure. The Map is within you.
Randall <3IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 43076 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 21, 2013 07:48 AM
Lovely post, Chris and Charmaine. I hope Nat comes back today to talk to us ------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Love&Light Knowflake Posts: 735 From: India Registered: Oct 2011
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posted June 21, 2013 10:00 AM
(((((((((Natsukashi)))))))))) Lots of love to you. A suggestion. Why don't you put up your natal chart in the personal readings section. I am useless in this department but I am sure some of the LLs would definately help you to see if anything particular is hindering you. It could help you to understand yourself better and find your way around or through it with awareness.IP: Logged |
libraschoice77 Knowflake Posts: 851 From: NYC Registered: Aug 2010
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posted June 21, 2013 11:09 AM
Right now I think you some good listening ears and some plenty of ((huggs)) LL is filled with helpful people so if you need to talk about anything, we are here to comfort Natsukashii.IP: Logged |
Randall Webmaster Posts: 29206 From: Saturn next to Charmainec Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 21, 2013 11:32 AM
What pire said. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 43076 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 21, 2013 12:41 PM
quote: Originally posted by Love&Light: (((((((((Natsukashi)))))))))) Lots of love to you. A suggestion. Why don't you put up your natal chart in the personal readings section. I am useless in this department but I am sure some of the LLs would definately help you to see if anything particular is hindering you. It could help you to understand yourself better and find your way around or through it with awareness.
Great idea. Transits would be good, too. You could put it in personal readings or Beginners Astrology with attention to me( so I am sure to see it) Either way, it should help to see what is going on
------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Natsukashii Knowflake Posts: 481 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted June 21, 2013 01:50 PM
All......You touch me with your concern and kindness....sorry this is so late I had another 12 hour day at work. pire I hear you...I know my soul is being tested because I have to learn something but I don't know what it is. What is it that I need to learn from in the space of a year the loss of two family members and my dog,the hatred of this woman at work, my manager who sees me as a means to and works me to the bone, an accident with my car, and a burglary at home? I have people who care for me and enjoy my company but there are always people I encounter wherever I go who start of nice and end up hating me . Are they holding up a mirror to me? Maybe I am the bad person? Why am I targeted by at least one person wherever I go? Is it me? I am consciously jeopardizing my career. I told my Boss today that he has no compassion at all. I am my own worst enemy, when I fall into a hole I dig even deeper. He told me an hour before I actually left that I could go home and he would finish up but I don't him I didn't want him to think I was unprofessional Swift thanks for the link i read it all and what stood out for me was this : Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. Yes.... I feel this. I read and retread the doc you referred me to and as I did that I felt as though I was in a room with all of you being surrounded by your love and support. Ami thanks for the offer I may just take you up on that....you read for me before and you gave me insights about myself that I didn't have before For all your thoughts, prayers, support and encouragement Lindalanders I thank you. While writing to you I was reminded of Victor Frankel who went through so much worse and became a beacon of hope to thousands. And also of the poem invictus... In my religion we believe that the more God tests you in this life the greater your reward is in the Hereafter I believe also that our souls get to choose the life they lead. I chose this life and I guess my purpose is to find out why I won't do it my friends. I need to find a way to stop my soul and spirit from dying Love and Thanks, Nat
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Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 43076 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 21, 2013 02:02 PM
Aww Nat I thought I looked at your chart. I am glad you are feeling better, Friend ------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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pire Knowflake Posts: 2216 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 21, 2013 04:38 PM
well, what you describe is challenging indeed. and it is alright to feel overwelmed by emotions (good and bad). everyone that faces challenges of this gravity does feel like you. and everyone experience that, for those who grow up in a golden cage have to face a double difficulty with the loss of the illusion of an easy life and what causes their grief.I noticed that you put on the same level things that are not. such as the loss of family members that are life changing, and a car that breaks down. to me, that is something that you must consider. but I also understand that when our core is unsettled, everything gets out of proportion. one thing to remember is that from time to time, because life is what it is, everyone's core get shaken up. so do not expect that it will ever get totally stable. that is a false hope that even those who grew up peacefully realise eventually. life is about lessons and lessons means getting out of the comfort zone. thinking that we will eventually get a comfort zone may be a mistake. and because we have been longing all our life for life experiences, we may get lost in the illusion that it exist. but it never existed in the first place, at least not as we longed for it. the proof is that those who have a peaceful, protected childhood, also experience difficult, unsettling situation. a bit like a surfer, riding the wave is the way to go. or like the stillness offered by a moving train... I don't know how old you are, but some period in life are more or less set up to provoke us (such as the saturn return) astrology is a good way to understand the mechanics of ourselves, the world and those who surround us. it is also a good way to approach metaphysics. may be that is why you landed on the shore of lindaland. take your time, and, amen to randall IP: Logged |
Natsukashii Knowflake Posts: 481 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted June 22, 2013 01:41 AM
quote: Originally posted by pire: well, what you describe is challenging indeed. and it is alright to feel overwelmed by emotions (good and bad). everyone that faces challenges of this gravity does feel like you. and everyone experience that, for those who grow up in a golden cage have to face a double difficulty with the loss of the illusion of an easy life and what causes their grief.I noticed that you put on the same level things that are not. such as the loss of family members that are life changing, and a car that breaks down. to me, that is something that you must consider. but I also understand that when our core is unsettled, everything gets out of proportion. one thing to remember is that from time to time, because life is what it is, everyone's core get shaken up. so do not expect that it will ever get totally stable. that is a false hope that even those who grew up peacefully realise eventually. life is about lessons and lessons means getting out of the comfort zone. thinking that we will eventually get a comfort zone may be a mistake. and because we have been longing all our life for life experiences, we may get lost in the illusion that it exist. but it never existed in the first place, at least not as we longed for it. the proof is that those who have a peaceful, protected childhood, also experience difficult, unsettling situation. a bit like a surfer, riding the wave is the way to go. or like the stillness offered by a moving train... I don't know how old you are, but some period in life are more or less set up to provoke us (such as the saturn return) astrology is a good way to understand the mechanics of ourselves, the world and those who surround us. it is also a good way to approach metaphysics. may be that is why you landed on the shore of lindaland. take your time, and, amen to randall
Pire you have made a very good point. I'm clumping all the bad stuff together. Ever heard of the "last straw that breaks the camels back"? I guess that because I have been through stuff I am giving too much energy to the things that should not impact me in the way they do now
Significantly I had a dream last night about my house being not just burgled but invaded. It illustrates I guess how out if control things have felt and how I am allowing others to impact me the way they do Or maybe it's meant to show my comfort zone (home). The invasion could be these feelings that require me to take action or to move I don't know. These sad and dark emotions are still there I need to find s way to deal with them. This too will pass...and hopefully one day I can look back and smile at the lessons I learned from it Please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers everyone Love, Nat IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 43076 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 22, 2013 07:21 AM
Yes Nat The dark things do pass. That is happening for me. It is not happening perfectly or as fast as I want but it is happening. The most important thing is never make a permanent decision on temporary facts, no matter HOW real they feel. Come and talk to someone like you did us ------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Randall Webmaster Posts: 29206 From: Saturn next to Charmainec Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 22, 2013 07:51 PM
Try to focus on things you can find to be grateful for. I know it's easier said than done, but no matter how bad things may seem, there are always things that one can shift focus to. Do you have a roof over your head? Some people don't. Did you have a meal today? Some people didn't eat at all today. When you are truly grateful for some things you may have overlooked, a light will peek out from the darkness. Does someone love you? Do you love someone? These last two are things that are worth waiting out the dark times for, because I promise you, things will get better. IP: Logged |
Natsukashii Knowflake Posts: 481 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted June 23, 2013 11:25 AM
Ami, Randall you are both so rightI am more fortunate than 75 percent of people on this planet. Yes to all you asked Randall. I think thats why I am drawn to this site, you guys tell it like it is. I am alive and the fact that I woke up this morning means I get another shot at this. I need to see Life as a gift and not something to throw away when I start to not like it THANK YOU ..to both of you IP: Logged |
Randall Webmaster Posts: 29206 From: Saturn next to Charmainec Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 23, 2013 12:07 PM
That made me teary-eyed. Anytime.IP: Logged |
Hera Knowflake Posts: 6166 From: Aries fantasy land ^_^ Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 23, 2013 12:33 PM
When I was very deeply into my depression and suicidal, a while back, I accidentally came across this guy on youtube. Perhaps you heard of him, I didn't, before this. I was very touched by his story and humbled by his immense enthusiasm and appetite for life, when I was so ready to give mine away. If you can, do seek professional help. It really makes a difference. And, like others have said, sometimes you lack the necessary resources to deal with everything that's on your plate. And that's okay and it's alright to seek help, if you can. Oh, here's who I was talking about. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXlCeKBWfaA I don't remember which video I saw back then but it's of no importance. I know things can get really hopeless sometimes.. Believe me, I KNOW. But hang in there and give life another shot. It does get better. You have all it takes to change it and turn it around! IP: Logged |