posted June 28, 2013 04:18 PM            

I feel very lonely and life feels like a mess. I kind of live with the burden of my childhood overshadowing my entire life, my parents, my inability to hold on to friends. I feel absolutely depressed and there's no better way to explain how I feel. I'm young, I clearly don't look forward to the rest of my life anymore.

I know how people feel sad once in a while, but I know this is not the same. I find myself pushing me to be happy, to smile, to just not feel lonely and hurt and defensive whenever someone responds unkindly / doesn't respond at all.

I sometimes wish I wasn't myself. Life is really driving me nuts inside my head. I could blame it on Pluto transiting almost all my inner planets, but I just want to find a way to not hurt so much anymore.

posted June 28, 2013 04:33 PM            

I understand

I really do. I have had depression so bad that all I could do was hold God's hand and pray that He really was there.

Talk to me!

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted June 28, 2013 07:52 PM            

You're not alone.

I've been feeling really sad lately, too.
Very lonely.

Hang in there, okay?
There are lots of people who feel the same way.. even if they don't say it.

posted June 29, 2013 01:07 AM            

Thank you Ami and Doux Reve
I know it's not easy approaching a sad person online and yet you did, which just makes me very happy.

I have an issue of sorts, one day I feel very happy and the other I'm down into pieces. It doesn't affect my family a great deal because I keep my thoughts to myself but it has been affecting the person I really love and care about, and after trying a lot of talking and getting through to me, I feel his patience wearing out. He really does manage to break through and I'm happy for 2-3days and then the cycle repeats.. I just want to stop being that way. Yet I can't control it. I don't have access to a psychologist here in my country because i really havent heard of anyone seeking help (there's stigma attached to it).

I want to know if its okay that I'm a generally sad person, because all I see are very happy people around me, it makes me sad to not have a normal life. I know how the saying goes, "the grass is greener on the other side". But I can't seem to help myself look.

This is the first time I'm posting about something so personal to me, LL or otherwise, so thank you both of you

Ami,
Thank you for being there for countless number of people here it is definitely not an easy task. I'm a daily lurker here on LL. even though I registered, I've hardly posted much. I like just seeing how things are, it's like a lil happy family I love seeing.
You have done a fabulous job and I read your psychic journal once-twice a week at least, although I've noticed lately that the Libra moon hasn't made it to your top favourites (I am one, in 8th house!), but I think you've had your experiences so I will respect your opinion and agree on a few things as well.
Thank you.

Doux Reve,
I've seen you aplenty on LL and I think you're very very sweet. Do you have any personal planets in Capricorn? (Or Scorpio, I may have read that somewhere, I just vaguely recall).
Also is Doux Reve French for something? I'm quite fascinated by your name.
Is there a reason why you're lonely? I'm a good listener myself, so please feel free to talk to me unless there are any issues or its too personal to answer that

(I'm sorry about the timing, time zone differences, well it's morning here right now. I'm also sorry if I'm not allowed to have such an extensive private conversation here)

posted June 29, 2013 07:28 AM            

You sound so lovely.
Thank you very much for your kind words.
And no, you can pretty much say as much personal info as you want, I don't think there's a limit for that (as long as the language is acceptable and there are no racist/discriminative references).
And as long as you're comfortable with what you say, of course.

You should post more!
At first it feels kinda scary because you're a new member (to us, at least) and it's like arriving at a new place and trying to make friends and build connections.

But eventually, if you stick to it, it can become a good experience because you'll be able to just talk with people and exchange all kinds of ideas and opinions.

About you feeling sad:

Do you have any idea why this happens?
What triggers the mood swings?
Maybe it's hormone related.. like an imbalance of some sort in your body.

How long have you been this way?
I think you should see a doctor first to check if something's not quite right on a biological level first.

quote:

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Do you have any personal planets in Capricorn? (Or Scorpio, I may have read that somewhere, I just vaguely recall).

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I have no personal planets in Capricorn, but I have my Midheaven there.
And my Saturn makes a lot of aspects to my planets.
Scorpio - yes. Sun, Mercury, Mars & Pluto.
It's interesting that you have an opinion of me based on my posts, I mean I didn't even know you existed, and yet.. Here you are!
Very cool.

quote:

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Also is Doux Reve French for something? I'm quite fascinated by your name.

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Oh yes, ma'am!
It means "Sweet Dream".

quote:

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Is there a reason why you're lonely? I'm a good listener myself, so please feel free to talk to me unless there are any issues or its too personal to answer that

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Aw, thank you for the support!
Well the reason is quite simple - I don't have anyone to share my life with, and all the friends I have live abroad.
I have a hard time connecting with people on a level that I'd find satisfying, which really does get depressing sometimes.

quote:

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I'm sorry about the timing, time zone differences, well it's morning here right now.

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posted June 29, 2013 10:47 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:

Do you have any idea why this happens?
What triggers the mood swings?
Maybe it's hormone related.. like an imbalance of some sort in your body.

How long have you been this way?
I think you should see a doctor first to check if something's not quite right on a biological level first.

---

Thank you Doux Reve for your response :heart: I'm not someone that uses heart emoticons liberally but I really feel good venting out; it's strange how sometimes people you're very close to just seem to not understand you when you lose it.. sometimes you just have to get perspective on things from a fresh pair of eyes :)

Well, before, it was the whole "once-every-month" outburst.. but recently, since last December or so, it's been pretty bad. And it's not just because of that, but also because I've had my siblings move abroad, lost touch with the friends I had earlier and then the only so-called friends I seem to have are the ones I have nothing in common with.. I've tried compromising (which I kinda regret doing now) but now I just have gone to the other extreme and I don't keep in touch with the people at my college.

The fact that I don't get along also means that I don't go out as much as I wish I could.. I just go on solo walks around my neighborhood once in a while to clear my head and cheer myself up. I don't know, I wish sometimes I wasn't so serious, so responsible about everything in my life. It makes me just very different from the people around me and they seem unable to understand what my problem is.

I'm not completely sad though because my life isn't the most miserable thing ever, but it just stings sometimes that conventional fun isn't my thing. :( Maybe it's just me.

On a biological level (as you put it), I'm fine. I catch the common cold once in a while that goes away in sometime.. I just think I've always been a lil' stressed out though. I started to lose hair severely when I was 15 because of stress, doc said it could've been genetic or because I was just very sad at that point in my life too. That's probably the only big thing that's happened to me till date.

haha, well I'm just the opposite, I have a Scorpio Midheaven, and Cap everything except for Pluto, Jupiter, Saturn & Moon.

Well I enjoy reading and not exactly being part of the conversation most of the time, that's why my existence is almost negligible :)

Sweet Dream, wow, that's great now :) well, I'm Paris-obsessed, I've always wanted to go there. I plan on living there for some time at some point of time in my life. It sounds cliche, perhaps, but I've just always felt a deep connection :)

I can relate to your situation because well, I feel pretty much the same way :)

posted June 29, 2013 10:54 AM            

That is so lovely, Thank YOU, Affy dear.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted June 29, 2013 11:11 AM            

Not all Libra Moons are jerks, just one

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted June 29, 2013 12:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by CatMote:
affy i can definitely relate. i have this problem where i have so much trouble connecting to people truthfully. and maybe its an odd thing but ive been feeling so lonely as well. its like none of my friends understand me and i always put my needs on last. whenever i put my needs first people always try to downplay them. and then i tell them i am upset with them and it winds up pushing them away.
i hope things pick up soon for you affy

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For you too, CatMote.

posted June 29, 2013 03:35 PM            

if it is not a situation, then it is a feeling about it. Just live 'through' your feelings, and things will get better with time.

also if you are doing no harm, please don't ever change for anyone. let your own light shine through, no matter how different or 'annoying' it may be to others...

posted June 29, 2013 06:25 PM            

I hope you'll be able to make your dream come true and live in Paris for some time.

Ah, you're Capricorn-heavy.. that explains some things.
I mean, Caps tend to be melancholic sometimes.

Anyway, glad you could relate!
We're in the same boat.

quote:

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Well, what do you do if you can't connect with people, do you just move on with some hope or give up and just stick to yourself?

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Ohhh that's a good question..
What do I do.. um, it depends on my mood at that time
Sometimes I wanna give up - that's when I withdraw, for several days. No social contact.
Other times I still want to reach out to people and send a message to a friend (to which they usually don't reply because I'm not lucky when it comes to emotional support from others) so I get even more disappointed, lol.
No but sometimes it works.. haha.

Better laugh about than cry about it, right?
That's what I tell myself.

posted June 30, 2013 10:59 AM            

Honestly, yes, I'm tired of being a doormat and last night was pretty tough for me, but I wrote a very honest, clear mail to the person I really love and apologised for my behaviour because I really was very much in the dumps and unwilling to get out.. And I made a conscious decision to wipe clean the slate of all my worries and grudges and went to bed with a promise to myself. I think it helped me. I try not to lose myself in the process of being sad about lil' things.. It's a lil better today honestly. I'm very blessed I must say. Thank you for the blessings, and may you be blessed and happy

Doux Reve,
You seem like a realistically-optimistic person! (If there was a term like that )

No really, if I could explain what your words feel like, they're like rays of sunshine! And don't worry, the ones who don't respond in kind words are really undeserving of a wonderful person like yourself. If I knew you, I doubt I'd let go of you as a friend.. Just talking to you over a forum gives me the vibes of a person good at heart and patient with people around.

Honestly, I'm not very comfortable being very mushy and personal but I really like your spirit. and I should tell you I feel very much better although I won't let it get to my head too soon thank you for being a real friend, different from the ones around me!

posted June 30, 2013 05:32 PM            

You sound very self-aware and wise.
That's definitely a big plus in my book!

I'm sure you'll do great things in your life, even in small ways.
You make an impact, believe it or not, I can feel it.

Just believe in yourself and keep a relatively positive attitude, eventually you'll grow into a "better" you - a bright, genuine person, who carries wisdom and brings light to others

posted July 01, 2013 06:34 AM            

just stay true to who you are like i said, and i'll repeat all things will pass...maybe not too soon, maybe sooner than you think but who cares?
A sailor will never make it to captain of is own ship, unless he learns, and what better way to learn than through the storms of life.....am blaming the last paragraph on Sun and Jupiter in watery Cancer lol

just thank you for taking the time to reply to everyone to.