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Author Topic:   Violent Relationships
FireMoon
Knowflake

Posts: 808
From: Minnesota
Registered: Mar 2012

posted July 05, 2013 05:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for FireMoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't know what forum to put this in but it's pretty much a personal issue and I didn't want to put it in personal readings so I apologize in advance for being so negative..

But basically... a little over a month ago I got into an altercation with the person I (was) dating, and it got really nasty, i.e. actual physical violence that was dangerous... He's pretty much a foot taller than me and defending myself wasn't a realistic option

The whole thing has left me reeling and feeling disconnected and unconfident, so I'm not exactly eager to share it with many people I know in real life. It's embarrassing if anything. I've basically been hiding out from the world since then, and tbh it really has affected me..

This isn't a sob story and I can't exactly ask for compassion, especially after everything I've written here about the whole "bad boy" topic. I understand I'm not a victim and I brought this person into my life because of my own problems/issues... I have Mars opp Pluto natally- the day it happened tMars was conjunct my natal mars.. I've seen violence in my own family growing up (shocker lol) but have never personally experienced anything like this before. It's been humbling to say the least.

As a Sag Moon/Merc I realize I can be pretty preachy at times lol, and originally I wanted to type this out as a topic looking at the big picture and all of that... but really I guess I just needed to vent, so again sorry for being dramatic, may edit this later

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Doux Rêve
Moderator

Posts: 4958
From:
Registered: Dec 2010

posted July 05, 2013 06:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Doux Rêve     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You're not being dramatic, FireMoon.

That's a serious issue, and I hope you're not dating that person anymore?

Violence is unacceptable.

I am so sorry it happened to you.
Please don't blame yourself or your natal aspects, everyone has free will and your "partner" is the one who made the wrong choice.

He is the only one who's responsible for his actions, not you.

I hope you will heal and never have to go through this again.

Stay strong ~

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Hera
Knowflake

Posts: 6550
From: Aries fantasy land ^_^
Registered: Sep 2010

posted July 05, 2013 07:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Hera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Fire Moon,

I am really sorry this happened to you. As a Mars opp Pluto person, I understand what it's like.. You're not being dramatic, physical abuse IS dramatic anyway you put it.

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Odette
Knowflake

Posts: 2226
From:
Registered: May 2012

posted July 05, 2013 07:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi FireMoon! I am very happy you posted this here and I am VERY proud of you

I realise it was difficult for you to open up about what happened, even in this context - where we don't see/know each other. You are very brave to be here and to say this 'out loud'.
So many victims of violence keep it to themselves and can't tell anyone - online or offline.
There is a lot of fear and apprehension about speaking up.
But speaking up can help and I am glad you have said something. It's so important to have emotional support when something like this happens.

This is definitely the right forum and you can talk as much as you like about this situation. I am happy to read anything you have to say - I am completely 100% all ears (or 'all eyes')... and I am sure many other knowflakes will also be there for you. Please do not feel bad or embarrassed.

There is absolutely no reason why you should feel embarrassed. The man who did this is disgusting and he is a bully. If anyone should be embarrassed by their behaviour it should be him. Any normal, reasonable person out there - including your friends and family would blame him - not you.
No one would look down on you for this, so please don't think that. Because this is NOT your fault. You are not psychic and you could not predict this person would behave in such a violent manner.

Please break all contact with him, even if he apologises or tries to get together again.
Anyone who gets physically abusive is unable to have a healthy relationship, no matter what they say after the abuse.. even if they feel bad about it. It will most likely be repeated.

It worries me that you are not talking to anyone about what has happened - in real life. I think it's very good as a first step that you told us about it here.. but PLEASE do talk to your closest friends - to people who understand you.. and care about you - or talk to a counsellor. You need to speak to someone about what has happened in RL. Tell them the story.
After you talk to them and clear your head - you can decide what to do next - whether you want to report his behaviour or not. This is completely up to you. I would advise that you do - but I can't put myself in your shoes as I don't know the exact situation.
If he was extremely abusive - I would be worried about him doing this to other women in the future.

Because this has affected you so much - and as you said - you are hiding out from the world.. This can't go on.
You can't let this person continue to harm you. What has happened is in the past. Focus on your present - on the people you care about - on the things you love.. take it one step at a time.
You have to get back out there and live your life and you really need to speak to others - to give them the opportunity to be there for you.
This *situation* is one horrible thing that has happened - that shouldn't have happened. This DOES NOT define who you are. Don't let it become a part of you.
You are who you are.. and you will go on and your life will go on.. and this man IS entirely meaningless.
He is like a bug - He is less than a bug.

It reminds me of a quote in 'my best friend's wedding', when she says "i'm pond scum.. well, lower actually. I'm like the - the fungus that feeds on pond scum." and he replies:
"Lower. The pus that infects the mucous... that cruds up the fungus... that feeds on the pond scum."

That's ^^^ the abusive guy you dealt with.

The pus that infects the mucous!

You're an amazing person. I always enjoy reading your posts here and you really need to just focus on you and moving on from this whole thing.
Sending lots of love and positive vibes your way!!!!!

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Swift Freeze
Knowflake

Posts: 351
From: One World
Registered: Nov 2009

posted July 05, 2013 09:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Swift Freeze     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
As the three ladies above me have said, this will always be a place where you can bring your feelings and troubles.

As they have already said, there is no blame for what happened on you. You did not ask for this, you do not deserve this, you did not go looking for this. You may have brought him into your life, but at no point did you think or feel things would get physically violent. Honestly the most important thing is for you to accept that this is not your fault, and that you did not deserve it.

I can understand why it feels humbling, and why you have been hiding out from the world. You probably felt pretty defenceless at the time, and it would undermine the confidence you have in yourself, your feeling of safety and security, and perhaps belief in people in general. But this is definitely something you can change if you wish.

I'm sure there are plenty of self defence courses you can take, plenty of advice and drop in centres for people who have been through something similar.

As it has been mentioned, you have taken the first and most monumental step, in opening up about what happened. It doesn't matter to who. I don't really know you, or your situation, but if you have a family member or really close friend you can speak to, we would all encourage it.

It is not dramatic to talk about serious issues like these. They are important and they should not be ignored, or swept away as trivial and common place.

Bottom line: Violence is never okay in a relationship. Violence is never okay at any time. Violence in relationships is not normal and it is not common.

You will always have people here who will support you.
I wish you all the best.

- Chris

------------------
Learn lots. Don't judge. Laugh for no reason. Be nice. Seek Happiness. Follow your dreams.

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aquaguy91
Moderator

Posts: 6934
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012

posted July 05, 2013 10:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Don't feel bad, you are not being dramatic. You can talk to us about it. I'm sorry that happened to you *hugs*

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Lazyscarecrow
Knowflake

Posts: 1372
From: Silent Hill
Registered: Aug 2011

posted July 05, 2013 04:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lazyscarecrow     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mars opp Pluto natal here, too.

I agree that I believe it will help if there was someone in your life you can open up to and tell them, because you don't want this to eat you up inside, and the dick who hurt you needs to be known. As everyone else said, NO MAN SHOULD PUT HIS HANDS ON YOU. And it's even worse that the ******* was clearly larger than you. Disgusting. You are a very strong woman, when I went through something similar I would make up excuses about the guy, took blame for his behavior, etc... dragged it on longer than I should have. Though the abuse was more verbal and emotional than physical. Nonetheless, it sounds like you are no longer seeing this person (you said "was dating") and if it is true, I am very glad.

But please don't feel embarrassed (though I completely understand) to the point where you can't reach out, Firemoon. I mostly agree with what Odette was saying. This situation was not your fault, and someone else's poor treatment of you does not reflect on who you really are, a wonderful person. Everyone else has been giving you more helpful advice up here, so I feel like adding anything else would be repetitive. You can talk to us, and we will be here to listen.
You are not dramatic at all, and this is coming from a full blown Leo.

On a serious note, here's to hoping your heart heals and that you will be safe from harm.

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FireMoon
Knowflake

Posts: 808
From: Minnesota
Registered: Mar 2012

posted July 24, 2013 03:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for FireMoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you guys so much for your support, I really really do appreciate it

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for taking so long to respond, I haven't been trying to avoid all of you, this thread has just been difficult to come back to but again thank you for all of your responses, it really does help

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