Author
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Topic: How do you break the habit of liking a.holes?
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hannaramaa Knowflake Posts: 5118 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted July 31, 2013 12:53 AM
Some of you may have seen my recent thread "Capricorn Guy..." and if you have, you know about the two baby mamas, the immaturity, and the blatant disrespect I was tolerating for a minute. Well, it got me thinking. My best friend the other day said all my line of guys have been s.itty. I was about to protest but I couldn't, because I've never met a guy that was nice to me who was also attracted to me. Why is this? Why do some people attract that? Is it because I tolerate such behavior at all? I was guessing some members/people are going to say "Look at your childhood." But what do we look for? I fought with my mom, and got along with my dad, I was an only child. Other than that I don't know how to identify why I pick and attract the men I do. I would like to change this though. Help? IP: Logged |
T Knowflake Posts: 9793 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 31, 2013 01:54 AM
Experience and age.Experience being the biggie here. You get to a point where you can spot them a mile away. And if you respect yourself then it can happen earlier. I'm always amazed when I hear a 45 year old woman complaining about her relationship as if she was a 17 year old.....still not knowing how to get out, or deal with it? Hmmm.... Learn what you can from these early relationships early on and learn them well. ) IP: Logged |
Jessica2407 Knowflake Posts: 3265 From: Saturn Registered: Sep 2012
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posted July 31, 2013 01:56 AM
I would say it's because you are attracted to the ones that your mind unconsciously tagged as ''unavailable'' or ''with issues'',indirectly it protects you from forging a real relationship because I believe that IS what you most feared and most want at the same time. It's almost as if you are running towards an incoming train,although you see the lights coming at you,you want to keep moving towards the lights because you can't help yourself.Now how to break the habit of liking a.holes? You have to ask yourself what do you want? What do you most want when you meet a guy and do not accept anything less than what you want. hmmm,I know I made it sound so simple and things are seldom simple
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MsPrism Knowflake Posts: 593 From: Registered: Jun 2013
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posted July 31, 2013 02:30 AM
Hm. . . this reminded me of something I read on Bob Marks astrology site.I'm quoting the whole thing just for reference, not because this specific aspect applies to you. http://bobmarksastrologer.com/aspectsmars.htm quote: Mars Aspecting the Sun: Whatever squares or opposes the Sun frequently shows traits that we reject, that we don’t even want to believe we have. But we do have them. Mars is anger and energy. One woman with a stressful aspect between the Sun and Mars had a violent father who beat her mother in front of the kids. She always wondered why her boyfriends were abusive. I asked her if she also had no energy. She replied "How did you know?". You cannot cut off the "bad" traits of a planet and keep the good. It’s a package deal. Jung was right in this case. She told herself that she wasn’t going to be like that violent Mars, so she attracted it from the outside. And since she rejected her Mars function, she also cut off her own energy. In other cases, the Mars seems to take over, and the person has an explosive temper. Stress aspects between the Sun and Mars can also tend to be defiant of authority if the Mars influence predominates. Once you learn to deal with this combination, however, the energy can seem never ending. The conjunction is easiest stress aspect to deal with. There is no "projection" with the conjunction. You are simply active and aggressive, and may be mistaken for an Aries Sun-Sign. The harmonious aspects give less temper and more action,making it easier to accomplish things.
Maybe you're meeting people with traits that you aren't integrating yourself and it's causing you problems? Does your Sun square anything in your chart? IP: Logged |
hannaramaa Knowflake Posts: 5118 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted July 31, 2013 02:49 AM
Typing from my phone, but yes MsPrism. Saturn and Neptune of all things, and Saturn and Neptune are also in my 7H. It also semi-squares Jupiter, and Sagittarius is my DSC sign. Capricorn rules my 8H and Libra rules my 5H, kind of touches on what Jessica said about issues. And basically being emotionally paralyzed at the moment. IP: Logged |
MsPrism Knowflake Posts: 593 From: Registered: Jun 2013
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posted July 31, 2013 03:58 AM
Oh I see, I'm sorry about that Hanna. I'll paste the descriptions to see if they make sense to you or not. quote: Neptune Aspecting the Sun: Both the harmonious and stressful aspects tend to increase the imagination. The stressful aspects tend to bring out the more negative side of Neptune. If you have that, then you have to be careful of substance abuse. You also have to be very careful of having your sympathies played upon because you are a sucker for a hard luck story. The men in your life are inclined to be irresponsible. Watch out for the "Savior-Savee" syndrome. You know. Either you are always trying to "save" people, or you get yourself into situations where they have to "save" you --- again and again and again. Any aspect between these two means that it will be good for you to do some sort of charitable activity to keep the Neptune happy.
There is nothing on relating to others in the "Saturn aspecting the Sun" interpretation. I'll also paste the Saturn and Neptune in the 7th interpretations for you. quote: Saturn in the Seventh House: tends to delay marriage. In fact, if you have this one, don’t get married or even live with someone (other than a roommate) until you are at least twenty nine years old. You have to wait for Saturn to complete a full cycle around the Sun for things to work out here. Early marriages will slowly decay and fail. I’ve seen this in over 90% of the cases. The partner may be older by at least seven years, and if not a Capricorn, then at least a Capricorn type, solid, dependable, conservative in their private life. Marriage may be for money or security. Watch out. That one frequently backfires on you. Conversely, you yourself may become more practical and hard working after marriage. What this placement definitely does NOT favor is a spur of the moment marriage for romantic reasons to someone you just met.
quote: Neptune in the Seventh House: is good if you are a therapist or social worker. Others can feel your sympathy. But remember what I wrote about Neptune in the fifth house, the house of romance? It goes here too, in spades. Take off those rose colored glasses before you get married. No, that’s not a perfect creature you are marrying. It’s a human being and they have faults. Check to make sure that among those faults are not, alcoholism, drug abuse, and bigamy. If everything checks out, you will probably find you have a romantic, sensitive, artistic partner. Make sure they don’t cheat on you.
Do any of these make sense to you Hanna? I'm really curious if Mr. Marks is very Saturnian and looking on the downside (lol) or if he's correct in these rather upsetting interps. IP: Logged |
somethingexcellent Knowflake Posts: 2038 From: vodka fine, I'm so divine Registered: Nov 2012
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posted July 31, 2013 04:10 AM
quote: Saturn in the Seventh House: tends to delay marriage. In fact, if you have this one, don’t get married or even live with someone (other than a roommate) until you are at least twenty nine years old. You have to wait for Saturn to complete a full cycle around the Sun for things to work out here. Early marriages will slowly decay and fail. I’ve seen this in over 90% of the cases. The partner may be older by at least seven years, and if not a Capricorn, then at least a Capricorn type, solid, dependable, conservative in their private life. Marriage may be for money or security. Watch out. That one frequently backfires on you. Conversely, you yourself may become more practical and hard working after marriage. What this placement definitely does NOT favor is a spur of the moment marriage for romantic reasons to someone you just met.
I like this interpretation. So I gotta wait until my Saturn return, eh? And I might become more practical and hard working after marriage...I always thought about going back to school and switching career paths down the road! Sorry to interrupt hannaramaa, I'd offer some advice but I can't remember much of your chart. Where is your Mars and what is it doing? IP: Logged |
Kerosene Knowflake Posts: 3833 From: Mercury Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 31, 2013 05:13 AM
^ OMFG that's so ******* stupid... You can't even live with someone romantically because of saturn? basically you can't have serious relationships until 29 years old? Saturn can eat a big one.. I'm so happy he's in his own house at least he won't mess with my love life....IP: Logged |
hannaramaa Knowflake Posts: 5118 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted July 31, 2013 05:41 AM
quote: Originally posted by Kerosene: ^ OMFG that's so ******* stupid... You can't even live with someone romantically because of saturn? basically you can't have serious relationships until 29 years old? Saturn can eat a big one.. I'm so happy he's in his own house at least he won't mess with my love life....
ROFL Kerosene... I just love your common sense, and your "flair." So sassy. As for my Mars, it's in the 12H, conjunct my ASC, and sextiling my Sun, Mercury, and Venus. Also inconjunct Pluto. Oddly enough I'm a psychology major, and I really love helping people. My friend (who has a Pisces moon) tends to get with broken people and fix them, but I tend to just get with broken people... I'm overly tolerant < part one of my problem.
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Odette Knowflake Posts: 2278 From: Registered: May 2012
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posted July 31, 2013 07:10 AM
Do you know a wide variety of guys/male friends, colleagues etc.?My reason for not liking a-holes is that I'm around several different guys. I have like fifteen or more male friends in my life atm from Uni and work and I always compare people and the way they behave towards me and towards others. Try to get to know more men on a more personal level, get closer as a friend - see what makes them tick & who they are deep down (without romantic involvement). Because I've met and known so many different types of guys over the years - I think I'm just more aware of male psychology. That's the way I identify jerks and stir clear of them. I'm also aware of what I want/what my standards are .. and what kinds of behaviours don't meet those standards.. ^ and I have become aware of that through experience. I agree that it is partially about age as well. That panicky feeling one gets in the pit of their stomach when someone does not like them back - or when someone disappoints them, as the Cappy guy disappointed you.... I think that feeling is there partially because - of fear. And this is a 'fear' that there is no one better out there.. or that there will never be a "Mr Right". When you know many different guys.. and you have more experience with men in general - you realise that there are actually quite a few people who can be suited to your personality and who you can be attracted to. They are not all "the one".. so to speak - but they can be close enough... to *try* for some time and see where it goes, and have fun along the way. There are people out there, male and female who can make you happy - who you can feel *good* hanging out with. You have to be on the 'look out' for them. Don't stick to just a couple of friends or your usual 'circle'... or that one guy who works with you.. Get involved in more things and meet new people. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 44473 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 31, 2013 07:43 AM
I think it is self esteem. I am talking from personal experience, not books.I think we don't realize how low our self esteem is until we have a pivotal experience. Often, others can see how bad it is for us but we can't. In time, we see what they were saying and why they were shrinking on our behalf. We were treating ourselves so badly by not identifying this person/behavior and kicking it out of our lives. In time, we look back( or I do) and see it was a self esteem issue.
That is my 2 cents. ------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Kerosene Knowflake Posts: 3833 From: Mercury Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 31, 2013 08:11 AM
If you want love, than avoid them completely. You just have to wait for a nice guy to come around.In the mean time, if you're going to parade around with a assholes or bad boy you gotta have a different mentality. They can be fun and amusing if you're not romantically invested in this fling, because that's what it is. A fling... He's probably has someone else on the side anyways. Who says you have to be the victim? You can empower yourself and play along and just enjoy it for what it's worth. It can be pretty harmless unless they're actually abusive psychopaths.. Obviously avoid those types. That really depends on your personality and what you're really looking for... Don't confuse lust for love and a fling with a relationship. That's my best advice IP: Logged |
hannaramaa Knowflake Posts: 5118 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted July 31, 2013 08:27 AM
quote: Originally posted by Kerosene: If you want love, than avoid them completely. You just have to wait for a nice guy to come around.In the mean time, if you're going to parade around with a assholes or bad boy you gotta have a different mentality. They can be fun and amusing if you're not romantically invested in this fling, because that's what it is. A fling... He's probably has someone else on the side anyways. Who says you have to be the victim? You can empower yourself and play along and just enjoy it for what it's worth. It can be pretty harmless unless they're actually abusive psychopaths.. Obviously avoid those types. That really depends on your personality and what you're really looking for... Don't confuse lust for love and a fling with a relationship. That's my best advice
You're right, but just to clarify I wouldn't confuse it if it was stated just as clearly. I need bluntness like that. IP: Logged |
Kerosene Knowflake Posts: 3833 From: Mercury Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 31, 2013 09:11 AM
I feel you..... like I said you just have to wait for nice guys to come around and snag them!I have lilith dominant energy going through my asc/dsc axis so I'm constantly attracting in rebellious, manipulative, and can possibly dangerous schmucks in my life in some way or another. Ironically, I will not only win their game but steal the board heh. +1 for Lilith. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 44473 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 31, 2013 09:15 AM
Where is your dejanira, K?
------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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hannaramaa Knowflake Posts: 5118 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted July 31, 2013 09:24 AM
quote: Originally posted by Kerosene: I feel you..... like I said you just have to wait for nice guys to come around and snag them!I have lilith dominant energy going through my asc/dsc axis so I'm constantly attracting in rebellious, manipulative, and can possibly dangerous schmucks in my life in some way or another. Ironically, I will not only win their game but steal the board heh. +1 for Lilith.
Lilith in what sign? Mine is in Libra. I need to learn how to work that in my favor...
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Kerosene Knowflake Posts: 3833 From: Mercury Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 31, 2013 09:29 AM
Asteroid lilith gemini , BML and various lilith's in Sag.Maybe you could libra is relationship oriented! Bml in the 7th is almost like having it in libra after all. Also your libra would be in the 5th house!! I think? Take control of your inner femme fatal! imb4 anyone says inner goddess LOL Ami, it's 2nd house in cancer IP: Logged |
Doux Rêve Moderator Posts: 5274 From: Registered: Dec 2010
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posted July 31, 2013 09:54 AM
quote: Originally posted by Jessica2407: I would say it's because you are attracted to the ones that your mind unconsciously tagged as ''unavailable'' or ''with issues'',indirectly it protects you from forging a real relationship because I believe that IS what you most feared and most want at the same time. It's almost as if you are running towards an incoming train,although you see the lights coming at you,you want to keep moving towards the lights because you can't help yourself.
This resonates with me. I'm trying my best to break the negative cycle, but am I fooling myself? It feels like I'm walking through an emotional desert. IP: Logged |
hannaramaa Knowflake Posts: 5118 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted July 31, 2013 10:25 AM
quote: Originally posted by Kerosene: Asteroid lilith gemini , BML and various lilith's in Sag.Maybe you could libra is relationship oriented! Bml in the 7th is almost like having it in libra after all. Also your libra would be in the 5th house!! I think? Take control of your inner femme fatal! imb4 anyone says inner goddess LOL
Lol I can stomach femme fatale better than "inner goddess." Like I can wear chiffon and glow all the time... My Lilith is smack dab on my 4H / 5H cusp. Pre tell what that entails? IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 44473 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 31, 2013 10:31 AM
quote: Originally posted by Kerosene: Asteroid lilith gemini , BML and various lilith's in Sag.Maybe you could libra is relationship oriented! Bml in the 7th is almost like having it in libra after all. Also your libra would be in the 5th house!! I think? Take control of your inner femme fatal! imb4 anyone says inner goddess LOL Ami, it's 2nd house in cancer
K, does your Deja do anything i.e. touch any personal planets? If not, I really don't give it a lot of value imo ------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Padre35 Knowflake Posts: 2141 From: Asheville, NC, US Registered: Jul 2012
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posted July 31, 2013 10:35 AM
Well, also can be jerks/aholes are fun or seem fun and exciting etc, could be one does not like being bored in a relationship. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 44473 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 31, 2013 10:37 AM
quote: Originally posted by Padre35:
Well, also can be jerks/aholes are fun or seem fun and exciting etc, could be one does not like being bored in a relationship.
True, Padre. ------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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hannaramaa Knowflake Posts: 5118 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted July 31, 2013 10:43 AM
quote: Originally posted by Padre35:
Well, also can be jerks/aholes are fun or seem fun and exciting etc, could be one does not like being bored in a relationship.
I don't like being bored, true, but I look at the fact I have seen my best friend everyday for the past 7 years, and figure it's not my unwillingness to be bored that magnetizes me to douchebags. IP: Logged |
Kerosene Knowflake Posts: 3833 From: Mercury Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 31, 2013 11:16 AM
Do an exercise, go out with a guy that you wouldn't normally go out with! Im sure there's some nice guy friend that is secretly in love with you. That's always the case....Unless you don't really have guy friends IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 44473 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 31, 2013 11:19 AM
The chart would show it Hanna.------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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