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Author
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Topic: Jealousy!!
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 10022
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted August 13, 2013 11:54 PM
  
quote:
Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
There ya go assuming again sir. I hope you meet a girl and become best friends with her with no attraction and see what it's like. Hopefully she won't have a boyfriend such as yourself and you won't have to deal with judgement and assumptions.
That's the thing if I'm best friends with a girl I will be attracted to her. I don't have the thought process that most women do, which is " hey! I found a guy I'm actually compatible with and get along with. I should ex him out of my dating pool and date a guy who makes me miserable and gripe about him to the guy I should be dating". I actually want to date a girl I'm best friends with so a purely platonic bff relationship with a girl is never gonna happen for me. IP: Logged |
Barbiegirl19
Knowflake Posts: 4748
From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted August 13, 2013 11:56 PM
Okay okay I get it you don't wanna be friends with girls okay cool just don't go throwing your assumptions and judgments it make you look ridiculous and just unapproachable. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 10022
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted August 13, 2013 11:58 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
Eh, here I disagree, I do have several woman I consider friends, and no, never watched a lifetime movie with any of them.In fact, most of my female friends are lesbians, they are rather fun to hang out with for a bit, totally different take on life. They are simply interesting people.
Again like aquacheeka you are friends with women who are gay so its a bit different. I myself get along very well with lesbian women because its like talking to a man in a womans body. But when you put a straight man and woman together its a completely different dynamic. Granted there are exceptions but they are only exceptions and not the rule.
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 10022
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted August 14, 2013 12:02 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
Okay okay I get it you don't wanna be friends with girls okay cool just don't go throwing your assumptions and judgments it make you look ridiculous and just unapproachable.
Wrong, I do want to be best friends with a girl and that will be the girl I want to marry. I am an aqua venus afterall. The way I see it other guys should leave me and my friend alone and find their own. IP: Logged |
Barbiegirl19
Knowflake Posts: 4748
From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted August 14, 2013 12:03 AM
More power to ya then IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3850
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted August 14, 2013 12:04 AM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Padre35:
[b] Eh, here I disagree, I do have several woman I consider friends, and no, never watched a lifetime movie with any of them.In fact, most of my female friends are lesbians, they are rather fun to hang out with for a bit, totally different take on life. They are simply interesting people.
Again like aquacheeka you are friends with women who are gay so its a bit different. I myself get along very well with lesbian women because its like talking to a man in a womans body. But when you put a straight man and woman together its a completely different dynamic. Granted there are exceptions but they are only exceptions and not the rule.[/B][/QUOTE]Sort of AG, there is a difference between hard lesbians and more bi for the moment lesbians. However that is not why I consider them friends, the ones I know are not "men in women's bodies". I'll leave it at that...  Larger point, if by "won't have female friends" you mean "won't waste time with a platonic situation when I can be looking for non platonic situation" Then sure, but to just devalue all female friendship is not wise, the offer a different energy. IP: Logged |
Barbiegirl19
Knowflake Posts: 4748
From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted August 14, 2013 12:04 AM
I want the same thing just not with guys who have been my best friends since preschool sorry IP: Logged |
Barbiegirl19
Knowflake Posts: 4748
From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted August 14, 2013 12:06 AM
@Padre I agree with that. I have friends of both sexes and wouldn't have it any other way IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3850
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted August 14, 2013 12:07 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
I want the same thing just not with guys who have been my best friends since preschool sorry
Sure sure, those are life long friends and not to be jettisoned easily, though when they do become seriously attached to someone they may have less time to spare. That is just the way the world works. IP: Logged |
Barbiegirl19
Knowflake Posts: 4748
From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted August 14, 2013 12:09 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
Sure sure, those are life long friends and not to be jettisoned easily, though when they do become seriously attached to someone they may have less time to spare.That is just the way the world works.
Most of them have girlfriends. I'm not spending every second of my life with them. It won't be with me that they're attached too I just don't see them that way IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3850
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted August 14, 2013 12:11 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
@Padre I agree with that. I have friends of both sexes and wouldn't have it any other way
Exactly, though with such long term friends I don't see them as female per se, as in "secretly attracted, never had the guts to ask" Back on topic though, for whatever reason most of the time when I'm friends with a married couple, say through work or what have you..invariably the husband will pull me aside and accuse me of trying to sleep with their wife. Which for me is an impossiblity, that is a line in the sand I won't cross, but it did educate me about both jealousy and sort of how that dynamic works. IP: Logged |
Barbiegirl19
Knowflake Posts: 4748
From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted August 14, 2013 12:13 AM
I just find that extremely judgemental and annoying. I just overall hate jealousy! Won't tolerate ever or ever initiate it. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 10022
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted August 14, 2013 12:17 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
Sort of AG, there is a difference between hard lesbians and more bi for the moment lesbians.However that is not why I consider them friends, the ones I know are not "men in women's bodies". I'll leave it at that... Larger point, if by "won't have female friends" you mean "won't waste time with a platonic situation when I can be looking for non platonic situation" Then sure, but to just devalue all female friendship is not wise, the offer a different energy.
Padre,
Its not that I don't value female friendships. My problem is I don't normally get along with women and they don't get along with me. So its a breath of fresh air for me when I actually do get along with a woman. I become attracted if that mental connection is there and its usually not so when it is it is special for me. I also want to clarify that I don't think purely platonic male/female friendships are impossible but they are a rarity. TBH, My best friend is gay and I'm completely straight and thers is absolutely nothing romantic between us. However people do assume there is something between us and I can't blame them for thinking that because most men who hang out with gay men are gay too, but not me.IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3850
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted August 14, 2013 12:18 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
I just find that extremely judgemental and annoying. I just overall hate jealousy! Won't tolerate ever or ever initiate it.
All true, but very practical in the sense that a single person who has qualities whichever partner lacks will stir jealousy as a sort of protective measure. We may wish to think otherwise, that is the dynamic I've experienced. IP: Logged |
mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 2128
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted August 14, 2013 12:20 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
Eh, here I disagree, I do have several woman I consider friends, and no, never watched a lifetime movie with any of them.In fact, most of my female friends are lesbians, they are rather fun to hang out with for a bit, totally different take on life. They are simply interesting people.
EXACTLY.I have many guy friends because I get along with them. I talk about video games, politics, sci-fi/fantasy media, history, philosophy, current events, and just plain bs with them.
Nary a Lifetime movie to be seen ag - So, if someone (a girl) is your best friend, she cannot be friends with anyone (male) else?
Well, um, more power to you.
Really.
There are women out there who will share your views and live happily with those terms.
My only advice is to make sure that the girl you're with knows that that's your view before you're in too deep. Make sure that her preferences align with your own, otherwise she'll quickly feel confined. It's no fun to anyone to be jailed - or a jailer.
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Barbiegirl19
Knowflake Posts: 4748
From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted August 14, 2013 12:20 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
All true, but very practical in the sense that a single person who has qualities whichever partner lacks will stir jealousy as a sort of protective measure.We may wish to think otherwise, that is the dynamic I've experienced.
It's very unfortunate but anyone who dates me will never have to deal with that coming from me. I have way to much pride in myself and who I am to waste the time on that crap. 
IP: Logged |
Barbiegirl19
Knowflake Posts: 4748
From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted August 14, 2013 12:22 AM
@mockingbird Yes!! I agree with all that you've said completely IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3850
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted August 14, 2013 12:22 AM
AG, that is how people think, a sort of programming, "he hangs around a gay guy, and he's single..."Though for me, those who know me just know I can talk with anyone on a variety of stuff so I rarely have that imputed on me by friends, gay men I sort of know sometimes will ask me if I swing that way quietly. AG, cannot really comment on one's approachability or what have you with women in the offline world, I'd have no basis for even commenting. Noapte Buna y'all IP: Logged |
mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 2128
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted August 14, 2013 12:23 AM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
However people do assume there is something between us and I can't blame them for thinking that because most men who hang out with gay men are gay too, but not me.
It might be worthwhile to expand your circle.
There are many straight men who're friends with gay men without themselves being gay.
Maybe it's a more metropolitan thing, though.Editing to add: That's not a criticism of you, ag - just mild surprise that others around you might assume that you're gay because you have a gay friend. IP: Logged |
Barbiegirl19
Knowflake Posts: 4748
From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted August 14, 2013 12:25 AM
quote:
Originally posted by mockingbird:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[b] However people do assume there is something between us and I can't blame them for thinking that because most men who hang out with gay men are gay too, but not me.
It might be worthwhile to expand your circle.
There are many straight men who're friends with gay men without themselves being gay.
Maybe it's a more metropolitan thing, though.[/B][/QUOTE]And alot of gay men are quite feminine so why not settle for the real thing
IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 10022
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted August 14, 2013 12:41 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
AG, that is how people think, a sort of programming, "he hangs around a gay guy, and he's single..."
and I understand why they think that , in fact its probably the logical thing to think. You could search and never find a completely straight guy who is friends with a gay guy. However you'll prolly find supposedly straight guys who are friends with gay guys but they are secretly in the closet. Its the same with purely platonic male female relationships, sure there are extremly rare instances where it works out that way but 9 times out of 10 you will find that one of them has closeted romantic feelings for the other so to speak.IP: Logged |
MetalAphrodite
Moderator Posts: 2394
From: Zanguin :3
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted August 14, 2013 01:47 AM
Gemini Sun and Cancer Venus.I'm not normally jealous, but I do have the tendency to get anxious when in a relationship. When I was younger, I was very open. Boyfriends kind of programmed me to be more jealous then I just accepted it and dealt with it by disassociating a lot or blahing out. My last relationship, I spent a lot of time alone in our home. He didn't like me to talk to his friends for fear they would like me better than him. He, and two other boyfriends before and after him, have said to me point blank during what I would consider a very vulnerable moment for us both, that they don't care who I f*%$ as long as I love only him. They say things like this then they run away and do something else, caging me. I know part of that was my choice as well. At this point, I'm trying to undo the programming in my mind connected with anxiety that says if I don't behave jealously towards my partner, my world will implode. I think at this point if I'm expecting a partner to become jealous in order to prove he loves me, is it really love I'm seeking or enabling my insecurities? Vice versa if he expects me to be jealous as well. Love is supposed to be a positive experience, though growing pains are not uncommon. I can choose to make it work for me or not. IP: Logged |
11nahyt
Knowflake Posts: 3431
From: Neptune. where the witches wear givenchy
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted August 14, 2013 04:27 AM
To me, friends are people who care about each other in a strictly platonic way. no sexual/physical attraction to each other whatsoever. and i do not believe hetero men and women can be strictly friends without some attraction happening eventually, either from one or both parties....Sure they may never date, kiss or get intimate, but I'm positive Atleast one of them will become attracted to the other in some way, but may keep quiet about it.. Maybe if one or both people in this scenario find each other to be physically repulsive, then i could see them being friends 100%.... Until they get drunk, and have drunk sex with each other.. To then realize it was the best sex of their lives..then WHAM! Now they're attracted to each other! See? not even these two could help it. Lol..no but seriously, hetero man+hetero woman having a strictly platonic friendship on both parts? I DON'T BUY IT. If my man is going to flirt, or go out to eat with other females, or any other unnecessary **** , he'd better find Atleast 6 females to do that with. Because That's how many he's going to need to carry his casket. This is why I love antisocial men lmao. IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 7029
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted August 14, 2013 10:50 AM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Wrong, I do want to be best friends with a girl and that will be the girl I want to marry. I am an aqua venus afterall. The way I see it other guys should leave me and my friend alone and find their own.
Bingo. Dittos.
IP: Logged |
mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 2128
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted August 14, 2013 12:22 PM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Bingo. Dittos.
But YTA - You've said multiple times that most of your friends are women, haven't you? ------------------
If I've included this sig, it's because I'm posting from a mobile device.
Please excuse all outrageous typos and confusing auto-corrects. IP: Logged |
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