posted August 16, 2013 07:45 AM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 16, 2013 07:48 AM            

That is why I will jump to the defense of someone talking about pain which seems like they are talking about the same thing, over and over.

Some people did that for me and I try to give back the good things that were given to me.

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 16, 2013 07:54 AM            

I was developing a set of values and morals that defined me, to myself. I was getting confidence for my own stances in life.

I was pretty happy because I was getting content with myself.

My mother started mocking me for this. She mocked me because I wanted to make something of my life.

I studied hard in high school because I wanted to go to a good college. I got tutoring if I needed help with math etc

I was a good kid. When my friends got into drugs and sex, I pulled out of the group.

So, I got isolated with my mother because I had no friends. My mother started mocking me for everything I wanted to stand for.

She would laugh at me.

I went to a bar, but it was more of a college kid's hang out.

I went home with the DJ and lost my virginity. I didn't even know that people used condoms.

He was shocked when he saw I was a virgin.

It hurt and he just did it and that was it.

After that, I lost much of my sense of dignity and self value.

It seemed like my dreams were stupid and my self esteem got lower.

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 16, 2013 08:15 AM            

The first time I had sex was with my first girlfriend around age 15. Young eh? It was more like, "awh yeah let's do it others did it and they say it feels good." She was a year older than me, so that could explain why it was more her who pushed for it. It wasn't that big of a deal for me, the next time we hung out, our friends were like, "Ohhh, so you finally did it eh??" and joking applauded.
EDIT! I should also mention she brought it up before as an offer but I didn't really feel like it. Then one night, I just said f!ck it, I'm going to lose my virginity, and so I did.

posted August 16, 2013 08:44 AM            

Mine was pretty much perfect. I was old enough (20), in love and loved back and I lost it to a Mars in Scorpio.

I got lucky with it big time. I know it's not every case and I have heard horror stories about it. Sorry it happened like that for you Ami.

posted August 16, 2013 08:52 AM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 16, 2013 08:53 AM            

My past made me what I am today

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 16, 2013 02:41 PM            

Yeah I'm still waiting...

posted August 16, 2013 03:15 PM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 16, 2013 04:03 PM            

((( YTA )))

You guys are strong.
Be proud of yourselves.
You're gems.

I lost it to my ex-boyfriend.
It was nothing special - I wasn't in love, and he wasn't either.
But I felt ready, and I'm glad it happened naturally and not in some abusive way.

posted August 16, 2013 04:07 PM            

You're a strong one, too.

posted August 16, 2013 05:15 PM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 16, 2013 05:19 PM            

I am glad I did this thread. I don't feel so alone.

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 16, 2013 06:04 PM            

I believe the triggering event was when 2 girls were falsely called lesbians (not that I'd have cared if they were) and she joined the school in tormenting them for which I confronted her and then reminded her that she and I had done some fooling around which she very uncomfortably dismissed as "just practice" and immediately after began a project to "girl me up" which quickly spread to losing my virginity (I think she suddenly worried about us being called the next lesbians, though I don't think that would've been likely due to rumors painting us both promiscuous with guys, rightly so in her case which she admitted to and bragged about). On top of that my hair was short, I was androgynous, and almost always dressed like a guy and basically acted like a thrasher (I guess they'd be called "skater boys" today...heck, maybe I'd have been called "skater boi" ).

The most idiotic thing she said was losing my virginity would "jump start" my body into becoming a woman (guess like an engine I just needed a quick spark ) given that I had delayed puberty due to not having enough body weight, and she also said my doctor was lying to me on that, adults would say anything to keep us from having sex (and she had a point, so many were such liars that they had no credibility with me and to believe "proven liars" over my best friend would be an insult, one reason I promote honesty with kids today). As she pushed me into this I did NOT want it, but the only adult I'd have trusted would've been Granny (and I'd have been willing to talk to my older cousin Zack, too, who while promiscuous himself he'd have probably talked me out of it, as I wanted to be), but that was long distance (remember that? ) and I had a teen's sensitivity about people judging me so I didn't want to be put in a position to explain (or worse, have Granny explain) why I'd called when it showed up on their bill. All in all it just happened so fast, and my Libra scales couldn't even decide for sure what I should or shouldn't do.

She then put it forth to my skater friends (since I kept putting it off) who loved the idea, and one was eventually chosen...

It was one of the most terrible experiences in my life. The only saving grace about it was that he was a decent guy and wasn't some brute who "couldn't stop" as some say all males are, though I didn't blame him and did what I could for him, but I felt gored and wounded. And forever after it was awkward between us, and that made it harder to mix with my other friends because he was always there, so I effectively not only lost him as a friend (unofficially) but all the others as well...we wished each other well and all but it was just too awkward to be together. The day I realized I would never see him again was bittersweet because while I wished him every success in life I was grateful to think we'd never have to see each other again (and I'm certain he felt the same).

posted August 16, 2013 06:17 PM            

One thing that helped me stop being bitter and choose healing was my brother's best friend at that time looked up to me. I didn't go to our church function so he called me to see what was going on and I told him what happened. He ran two miles from church to my house, came inside and when I sat down, he fell to his knees and laid his head on my lap and started sobbing, saying sorry.

I called my friend the next day to come pick me up and locked myself outside of the house so I could deal with feeling nauseated where I felt like I was going to pass out every time I walked further from my house.

As for my dad and brother, they're both Aquarius Suns with Gemini Moons. I understood it then that their treatment of me was their response in dealing with the inability to protect me from that. As important male figures in my life, they were powerless to prevent me from that experience. Still hurt, but I've heard of people who have been through worse.

posted August 16, 2013 06:24 PM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal