posted August 18, 2013 02:27 AM            

IE lesbians

I'm most certainly not trying to engage in some fantasy sex (threesome), the problem is I'm very very direct with my lesbian friends.

Saggie bluntness, to the point of "you're a lesbian, so there is no underlying thing here in this conversation"

Am I being to blunt? From my conversations with lesbians it seems to me they wish to be seen as both feminine and not interested in men per se.

I ask b/c I had a chat with a lesbian whom I consider a friend, and felt like a dirtbag for being so blunt with her..and we are friend friends, known her for a while now and we have great great conversations.

posted August 18, 2013 02:39 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hera:
Well Sags do put their foot in their mouths most often than other signs..

---

True, thing is I usually can cover it up in conversation it's just I feel like a tool/gauche/out of rhythm

It's not that they weird me out, not at all, it's more I simply do not know how to speak with lesbians w/o just being a jerk.

posted August 18, 2013 03:46 AM            

I'm not clear on what it is you're being blunt about. You don't need to identify them as lesbians, but you shouldn't have to pretend they're not either. Don't make a big deal out of it one way or another and you'll probably be fine.

posted August 18, 2013 04:16 AM            

straights guys ask me about anal sex all the time.
I have no answer so I offer to show them so most stfu about it.
Some of them don't... and some try and take me up on that offer..

posted August 18, 2013 08:02 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Padre35:

Goodness, it's rare I need advice, however in my town there is more then a small number of "women who play for the other team"

IE lesbians

I'm most certainly not trying to engage in some fantasy sex (threesome), the problem is I'm very very direct with my lesbian friends.

Saggie bluntness, to the point of "you're a lesbian, so there is no underlying thing here in this conversation"

Am I being to blunt? From my conversations with lesbians it seems to me they wish to be seen as both feminine and not interested in men per se.

I ask b/c I had a chat with a lesbian whom I consider a friend, and felt like a dirtbag for being so blunt with her..and we are friend friends, known her for a while now and we have great great conversations.

---

I think that if you can't be honest, that person is not worth being in your life. Too much time is wasted on BS.

I am more selective to whom I give my time and energy. One guiding factor is if I have to be fake. I won't.

This includes my clients. If someone does not want the truth, they can go to someone else and I tell them.

Truth is love. Everyone can find fake people because they are everywhere. True people are rare. Be one. That is my philosophy.

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 18, 2013 12:16 PM            

I had no problem with it cause I love my kid!

So, for atleast 6 years I have been accepted into and engaged in the lesbian world, so I think I am qualified to speak on this subject

There are diffferent types of lesbians, I would text her and ask her to elaborate, but dont want to bother her day off (she works full time and goes to school full time) will ask her later.

You have the "lipstick" lesbians, the ones who you cant tell are lesbians, they are the the femm in the pair, if paired in a relationship with a woman.

A "dyke" and I really dont like that term is the other end of the spectrum. They really crack me up, they hate men, but try to emulate a man's persona. I never understood them, they hate men but try to be them? hmmmm strange! Sometimes you cant even tell they are actually a woman.

Those are the two extreams, and there are so many different types inbetween.

My daughter is the masucline one in her pairing, but she is far from a dyke, I have darn near had my arse layed down in public situations cause she has short hair, wears mens clothing (with a bra undereneath), she does not try to be a man, she just expresses her masculine feeling, allthewhile embracing being a woman. Anyway due to the way she dresses she has been questioned going into a ladie's restroom, standing inline for a concert questioned as to why she is not in the man's line, etc...

Mama bear will fight for her kids.

So, to make a very long story shorter, sorry, you first have to know which "type" of lesbian you are dealing with, and I will say this for all gays, men and women, who have truely accepted themselves, are VERY tolerant of folks and their mis-understandings.

Just be yourself, if you stuck your foot in your mouth take it out....I am the G at this..with other subjects, but I feel ya.

And yes, as I have already said, a woman can be femanine and not interested in men. One has nothing to do with another.

When my kid came out she said "the soul is androgynous."

She even told me one day and this is very verbatim and quoted exactly "mom, one day you just might find someone you really click with and that someone could be a woman....."

I am far from interested in women sexually, but I do see her point and as bein a Pisces lady, I, can come off as the ultra-femm....

K, I'll shut up now!

posted August 18, 2013 05:55 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hippichick:
Ok, my eldest now 24, daughter, came out in her late teens, scared to death I would not like it..

I had no problem with it cause I love my kid!

So, for atleast 6 years I have been accepted into and engaged in the lesbian world, so I think I am qualified to speak on this subject

There are diffferent types of lesbians, I would text her and ask her to elaborate, but dont want to bother her day off (she works full time and goes to school full time) will ask her later.

You have the "lipstick" lesbians, the ones who you cant tell are lesbians, they are the the femm in the pair, if paired in a relationship with a woman.

A "dyke" and I really dont like that term is the other end of the spectrum. They really crack me up, they hate men, but try to emulate a man's persona. I never understood them, they hate men but try to be them? hmmmm strange! Sometimes you cant even tell they are actually a woman.

Those are the two extreams, and there are so many different types inbetween.

My daughter is the masucline one in her pairing, but she is far from a dyke, I have darn near had my arse layed down in public situations cause she has short hair, wears mens clothing (with a bra undereneath), she does not try to be a man, she just expresses her masculine feeling, allthewhile embracing being a woman. Anyway due to the way she dresses she has been questioned going into a ladie's restroom, standing inline for a concert questioned as to why she is not in the man's line, etc...

Mama bear will fight for her kids.

So, to make a very long story shorter, sorry, you first have to know which "type" of lesbian you are dealing with, and I will say this for all gays, men and women, who have truely accepted themselves, are VERY tolerant of folks and their mis-understandings.

Just be yourself, if you stuck your foot in your mouth take it out....I am the G at this..with other subjects, but I feel ya.

And yes, as I have already said, a woman can be femanine and not interested in men. One has nothing to do with another.

When my kid came out she said "the soul is androgynous."

She even told me one day and this is very verbatim and quoted exactly "mom, one day you just might find someone you really click with and that someone could be a woman....."

I am far from interested in women sexually, but I do see her point and as bein a Pisces lady, I, can come off as the ultra-femm....

K, I'll shut up now!

teri~

---

posted August 18, 2013 06:03 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Padre35:

Goodness, it's rare I need advice, however in my town there is more then a small number of "women who play for the other team"

IE lesbians

I'm most certainly not trying to engage in some fantasy sex (threesome), the problem is I'm very very direct with my lesbian friends.

Saggie bluntness, to the point of "you're a lesbian, so there is no underlying thing here in this conversation"

Am I being to blunt? From my conversations with lesbians it seems to me they wish to be seen as both feminine and not interested in men per se.

I ask b/c I had a chat with a lesbian whom I consider a friend, and felt like a dirtbag for being so blunt with her..and we are friend friends, known her for a while now and we have great great conversations.

---

posted August 18, 2013 07:07 PM            

I don't know what to think.. whether it is intentional or not.. anymore. But sometimes it seems intentional.

posted August 18, 2013 07:27 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I think that if you can't be honest, that person is not worth being in your life. Too much time is wasted on BS.

I am more selective to whom I give my time and energy. One guiding factor is if I have to be fake. I won't.

This includes my clients. If someone does not want the truth, they can go to someone else and I tell them.

Truth is love. Everyone can find fake people because they are everywhere. True people are rare. Be one. That is my philosophy.

---

AA, I really enjoy chatting with my lesbian friends, BUT! There is a semi truism that if one is spending time and energy chatting with a female there probably is an underlying attraction.

I'd just prefer to put where "we" stand in a friendship, ie, "well you've told me you are a lesbian, which means there is no sex type thing happening, but we are still down like a flat tire".

I think it's sort of my anti creepy nice guy approach by just putting it on front street and just acknowledging that from my pov I'm chatting with you b/c I personally like you not b/c I'm sucking up and pretending to like you so there may be sex involved sometime or another.

My conscience wonders if that is just to blunt and crude, or is it appropriate to not just ignore the typical, underling "hope" in such a friendship for most people.

posted August 18, 2013 08:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hippichick:
A "dyke" and I really dont like that term is the other end of the spectrum. They really crack me up, they hate men, but try to emulate a man's persona. I never understood them, they hate men but try to be them? hmmmm strange! Sometimes you cant even tell they are actually a woman.

---

Having been among the lesbian community I didn't find that accurate, that definition of "dyke" is decades old (at least within the community) and the stereotype just doesn't ring true either. Perhaps you're confusing them with the type of 70s feminism that tried to make "lesbian" a POLITICAL orientation rather than sexual (most who identified as lesbian among them were actually celibate and/or asexual). They were man hating and were essentially calling for a full shunning of men. In addition they seemed inclined to imitate men to show they didn't need one.

Today the very masculine lesbians are generally known as butches, though I think I have heard (or read) the term "bull dyke" which might also apply (and "dykes on bikes" tend to be masculine, but I bet even if one was all femmed out she'd still be called one). There are other types as well such as "studs" or "A-G" (stands for "aggressive"), though in my experience the studs often come off more as very strong tomboy tendencies who are attracted to women. They generally don't hate men (at least not the studs I've met) though many bear the brunt of male hatred (as opposed to the lipstick lesbians men are drawn to) and I can see them returning that hate in that case...but again, not all do.

And "dyke" this day is more of a generic term for lesbian (and gets used a lot this way in The L Word so it's official! ), not any specific kind of lesbian. "Dyke drama" for example refers to drama that seems to center around lesbian specific problems (for example, many lesbians tend to be friends with their exes which causes a lot of jealousy issues when they meet with these other women, and thus "dyke drama" ensues). Naturally, it can be offensive if said in the wrong tone of voice, but then so can "Hey, you!"

posted August 18, 2013 08:33 PM            

I'm not certain, there tends to be variation wherever you go. I know both lesbians and gay men have what they call a "boi" but it means something different for each (and thus gets confusing sometimes when they talk together about someone who is a boi).

I have heard gay men use the word "butch" but my impression is that it means what some would call "straight acting." That is, into sports, etc, a stereotypical straight guy but attracted to men instead of women. But it's not to be confused with words like "bear" (masculine and hairy, and beer guts seem common). And that's the best I can say on it.

posted August 18, 2013 08:37 PM            

Thanks for the info Pixie Jane, there is a lot I do not know about that community and information is certainly welcome.

I rarely hear the term Dyke (or bull dyke) used, occasionally I'll hear "butch" but usually it's more "oh I'm a lesbian".

posted August 18, 2013 09:24 PM            

There are plenty of bisexual stereotypes as well, perhaps the most common and least unflattering is that they're just obsessed with sex with anybody and everybody. But it gets worse. And the belief that bisexuals are "confused" seem to be as common among gay as well as straight people. Bisexuals, used to getting kicked by both sides, tend to identify with whatever is convenient (so if with someone of the same sex then "gay" and otherwise as "straight") which only adds to that confusion.

posted August 19, 2013 09:09 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hippichick:
Ok, my eldest now 24, daughter, came out in her late teens, scared to death I would not like it..

I had no problem with it cause I love my kid!

So, for atleast 6 years I have been accepted into and engaged in the lesbian world, so I think I am qualified to speak on this subject

There are diffferent types of lesbians, I would text her and ask her to elaborate, but dont want to bother her day off (she works full time and goes to school full time) will ask her later.

You have the "lipstick" lesbians, the ones who you cant tell are lesbians, they are the the femm in the pair, if paired in a relationship with a woman.

A "dyke" and I really dont like that term is the other end of the spectrum. They really crack me up, they hate men, but try to emulate a man's persona. I never understood them, they hate men but try to be them? hmmmm strange! Sometimes you cant even tell they are actually a woman.

Those are the two extreams, and there are so many different types inbetween.

My daughter is the masucline one in her pairing, but she is far from a dyke, I have darn near had my arse layed down in public situations cause she has short hair, wears mens clothing (with a bra undereneath), she does not try to be a man, she just expresses her masculine feeling, allthewhile embracing being a woman. Anyway due to the way she dresses she has been questioned going into a ladie's restroom, standing inline for a concert questioned as to why she is not in the man's line, etc...

Mama bear will fight for her kids.

So, to make a very long story shorter, sorry, you first have to know which "type" of lesbian you are dealing with, and I will say this for all gays, men and women, who have truely accepted themselves, are VERY tolerant of folks and their mis-understandings.

Just be yourself, if you stuck your foot in your mouth take it out....I am the G at this..with other subjects, but I feel ya.

And yes, as I have already said, a woman can be femanine and not interested in men. One has nothing to do with another.

When my kid came out she said "the soul is androgynous."

She even told me one day and this is very verbatim and quoted exactly "mom, one day you just might find someone you really click with and that someone could be a woman....."

I am far from interested in women sexually, but I do see her point and as bein a Pisces lady, I, can come off as the ultra-femm....

K, I'll shut up now!

teri~

---