posted October 27, 2013 01:51 PM            

This is a comment from a person.

I'm a sadist. And not a whips and handcuffs s/m dominatrix (i actually find that really boring and pathetic). I am exited by genuine, mortal agony, I have compulsions to hurt people every single day sense before i can remember. it's like a drug, it's better than drugs.

I close my eyes and all i see is choking up blood and busted lungs and splintering bones and it just feels so good. I've been this way since before I can remember(the first time i can remember it i was four), and nothing I do seems to change it. I'm 23 years old and have never had a sexual partner. I'm friendly and outgoing to everyone, have tons of friends, a 3.9 GPA and every night I fall asleep to fantasies about murder. Nobody knows, not a single soul. It gets really lonely.

i control myself because i have to, but when i'm walking down the street my mind just goes wild, splitting skulls, knife wounds, blood and pain is all that fills my head.

I'm afraid to go to therapy because I don't want to be labeled as a threat (also i can't afford it). But that's a lie, i am a threat, because when I lose my temper (very rarely) I completely lose control. all of my carefully erected psychological architecture comes crashing down and all i want is to inflict pain. i've killed animals, when i was younger, i'm ashamed to say i enjoyed it.

I decided when i was very young that if it ever came down to a choice between my life and someone else's i would take my own. i'm not suicidal, i'm not really angry or depressed as some people suggest. i'm usually pretty happy, except the inside of my head is an abattoir.

I'm not a sociopath, I feel everything, some dislocated sense of empathy keeps me in check, at the same time my emotions are slowly killing me, because i know what i am and i know that i can't stop. i don't know why i'm posting this, i'm stoned and lonely and it's christmas. some words of encouragement, anything would help.

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posted October 27, 2013 02:02 PM            

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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.