posted October 31, 2013 02:10 AM            

http://www.capitalfm.co.ke/lifestyle/2012/04/20/10-sure-signs-heshe-is-a-commitment-phobic/

[quote]People will often confuse a commitment phobic with a person who is not into you. These two characters have great similarities but believe it or not there is Love involved when dealing with a commitment phobe only it is the short-lived kind.

Commitment phobics are just normal people who are struck by fear of commitments because of one reason or the other. They get freaked out by so many things and are constantly in emotional conflict especially with themselves as their beliefs about love and commitments have been altered either by experience or observation. To some extent commitment phobes suffer a personality disorder due to this.

They are famous for creating confusion, pain and havoc in other people’s lives because their behaviors are unpredictable and insensitive.

Spotting a commitment phobe:

*1. They are very charming and they know how to get their needs met. They can easily win you over. They make the perfect boy/girlfriends in the beginning. They are very romantic and they do and say all the right things but all this is short-lived. Whenever things start to get serious they scamper!

*2. They are very attractive and successful yet they have many excuses of not having married yet considering they are past the age of marrying. They claim to not have met the right person or that there’s no need to rush things as there’s plenty of time for such stuff as marriage.

*3. They have a history of very brief relationships all of which just ended suddenly and in most cases they sabotaged themselves out of those relationships. Their sabotage behaviors include finding fault with you, working long hours and/or during weekends such that they don’t have time for you, not calling you or not returning your calls anymore.

*4. They are normally trapped between choices. Sort of like they want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to be with you yet they don’t. They love and miss  you when they are away from you but when you are together they freak out again telling you that you deserve to be with someone better and when you are away they will be the first to call you. They like to feel in control and only pick time frames that work for them.

*5. They are quick to spot what they want in a potential person but then they often exude indecisiveness. They want to be in a relationship because otherwise they will be so lonely but at the same time they want their space and freedom. They would rather date busy people who are rarely there or be in long distance relationships.

*6. They are very loving and in their mind they know that what you have won’t last long and so within that short time they try to give you their all. Then the calls reduce, the texts become scarce and its like they just disappeared from the face of the earth. Of course they say they will call you back but they never do. They just stop caring and ignore you completely.

*7. They are super unpredictable and often get bored very easily. They are often moody and hate planning ahead as planning ahead equals commitment! They are unreliable and are always late and sometimes  they might not even turn up.  They are like this with everyone including with family and friends but they are not like this with work though.

*8. They can’t handle rejection hence when you threaten or decide to leave; they are very apologetic and promise to change as they don’t want you leaving them. They prefer to do the leaving and when in a relationship with them you always feel like you are not a priority at all. In fact you often feel like the jump-off. They also prefer affairs as opposed to full on relationships.

*9. Because of their phobia they tend to be unfaithful in relationships and they lie and are evasive about where they are, what they are doing and who they are with. They are famous for playing mind games especially when their time to run is up!

*10. They often pair up with people who are not their type at all. Either people who are married, too old or too young etc, so that it is not easy to commit fully. These same differences are what they use as their weapons for excuses to end relationships.

These commitment phobes (especially the severe cases) should be spotted early before they break your heart because they are very good at that.

Remember though that sometimes, its not about them being selfish intentionally as they could be having a personality disorder and the word “forever” freaks them out![/qoute]

posted October 31, 2013 02:46 AM            

2. No. If they're successful then it could be they haven't had a chance to foster a meaningful & sincere relationship with someone compatible because they've focused their energies elsewhere.

Also, "rush" isn't defined. I'd personally never even consider marriage until after 2 years to give the brain chemicals a chance to calm down because once they do you may find the love isn't lasting...if after 2 years there's still something there THEN I'd take the concept of marriage seriously. But 2 years would be far too long for some people, but just because it is doesn't make me a commitmentphobe. I just take biology into account.

3. Probably...the key word being history which means it's happened several times over without variation (but each relationship that was different casts doubt on it). However, it's possible that s/he hasn't found someone s/he's into as well...and if successful (see #2) then extra work does sound perfectly plausible.

4. Yes.

That said, wanting someone successful (as typically defined) to also have all the energy & time in the world for you is also wanting to "have your cake and eat it" as well.

5. Very likely.

6. Same as #3.

7. Very likely...but another possibility that occurs to me is that s/he is trying to date because it's "expected" rather than truly desired (and thus something different from commitmentphobia).

8. Yes...but could also be players who simply don't care save about sex and/or having something to talk about with others (that is it's not that they're scared of relationships they're simply using the relationship to get what they want and once they don't want it then the meaningless relationship that was a ruse from the beginning is discarded but the player will use every deception & manipulation to keep getting the most for least until s/he is tired/bored of it).

9. Definitely sounds like a player, which can be from pure shallow selfishness rather than fear.

10. That or players. Older married people (mostly men but women are known for it, too) are infamous for hooking up with young people, seducing them all too easily, and then discarding them, but it's not a fear of commitment, the young one (so sure they know the score when they're a gullible fool) was just being used by a player rather than rejected out of fear of commitment.

posted October 31, 2013 03:36 AM            

Issues relating back to the parents and witnessing a failed relationship causing trauma?
Are they afraid of failure of wanting to follow in the same footsteps?

Are they addicted to the chase when they have spotted a potential romantic interest? Losing interest once they have the person and discarding the partner because they feel there is nothing more to pursue afterwards.

Deep hurt from a past relationship which causes the person to shy away from commitment completely. Also not wanting to feel responsible for another person?

posted October 31, 2013 09:52 AM            

All that is basically me, except for 6, 8, and 9. I won't lie to someone because I hate how I feel when I'm lied to.

I didn't know I'd gotten this bad 'til I read that list and could identify with the majority of it (without having to stretch!)

posted October 31, 2013 10:47 AM            

I just think that people want to give platitudes to people to "get over things". Things like this issue build up slowly, brick by brick.

They have to come down the same way, imo.

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posted October 31, 2013 11:00 AM            

Which leaves it open to discussion and to hear directly from those who have genuine commitment phobs and to hear THEIR side.

posted October 31, 2013 11:19 AM            

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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted October 31, 2013 11:31 AM            

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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted October 31, 2013 02:36 PM            

I have found it has a background of feeling helpless as a child by adult behaviors and actions. They learn early on others have power over you , can hurt you and they grow up developing defensive actions to protect themselves.

Leading to becomming commitment phobes. They have a fear of loss of control. Many if not most, need to be in control of the situtation and love + commitment gives up that control since 2 are now involved.