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Author Topic:   To trust or not to trust?
I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 3557
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012

posted November 17, 2013 08:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The title question concerns my good friend. He's never been a saint but I'm becoming more and more disturbed by his behaviour (outside our friendship) and now I don't know if I should trust him. He treats me well but maybe it's just a facade...

Have you ever ended a long-term friendship over someone's immoral behaviour? Can you say today that it was a good decision?

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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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PixieJane
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From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted November 17, 2013 08:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've cut out bad friends and nurtured good ones. I don't regret it, I can't imagine keeping toxic friends (or not having good ones).

Naturally, you mean "immoral" in that he's treating other people like dirt behind their back so you're wondering if he's treating you the same way behind yours. And he is treating you the same.

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Odette
Knowflake

Posts: 2850
From:
Registered: May 2012

posted November 17, 2013 10:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Have you ever ended a long-term friendship over someone's immoral behaviour? Can you say today that it was a good decision?

Yes.. and Yes

When someone behaves badly whether it is towards me or others - it puts me in a parental role.
I have no desire to parent and nag adults about their behaviour.
I could never stay friends with such a person and simply 'turn a blind eye'..
So I'm choosing between - staying friends & nagging them on a daily basis (which would be a waste of my time and energy).... and.... ending the friendship, on the other hand.
I'd prefer to end it!

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charmainec
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Posts: 7564
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 18, 2013 01:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charmainec     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes, without hesitation and it was a wise choice. No regrets.

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"DON'T EVER try and destroy someone's life with a LIE.....when yours can be destroyed with the TRUTH...."
SY Jacobs

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DeepFreeze
Knowflake

Posts: 111
From: Pluto
Registered: Nov 2013

posted November 18, 2013 01:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for DeepFreeze     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think the first thing might be to voice your concerns as best you can without causing too much tension.

It's a judgment call.
If for example, they talk behind others back and share their secrets. They ARE doing it to you also.

Or, a few years ago this guy was beginning a new relationship. I didn't know the woman but they had been seriously dating for several months. He was telling me that he had seen one of his old "friends with benefits" a few times - thinking that I'm going to cheer him on.
I felt very passionately about it and didn't hesitate to let him know that I did not think it was right and would never.
You also have to take into account your friendship. We were decent friends so I already knew my opinion would have impact.

It did. He straightened up and now a few years later they are living together and all is good!

You just have to evaluate it yourself and decide what you want to do.

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somethingexcellent
Knowflake

Posts: 3774
From: vodka fine, I'm so divine
Registered: Nov 2012

posted November 18, 2013 02:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for somethingexcellent     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, it can be incredibly awkward and even taxing to remain friends with someone who doesn't share your ideals or worse, shares ideals that you condemn...

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 3557
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012

posted November 18, 2013 06:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for the feedback. I'm thinking...

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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 3557
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012

posted November 22, 2013 11:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I always let him know when I don't like something and I'm blunt about it but he seems to brush it off.

A few years ago he used to sell weed and he got into trouble with the dealer he worked for. Then he blackmailed anonymously his ex-boyfriend (he's gay) for fun and ended up with a sentence. WTF? He cheats on his boyfriends. He claimes he's been in love but I'm starting to think he only loves himself. He hanged out with a local thief and swindler and even went on a trip sponsored by her with money you don't wanna know how she got. Now he does it again cause "she knows about him too much and it's better not to be her enemy". He treats her like dirt behind her back though. Lately he told me they stole a bike together. I suspect he didn't tell me about all of his excesses but I'm already running out of understanding.

He often talks about his acquaintances and another good friend I don't hang out with but he seldom shares very personal info, he mostly complains about their complicated relationship.

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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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NoRainNoRainbows
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Posts: 851
From:
Registered: Aug 2013

posted November 22, 2013 11:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for NoRainNoRainbows     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
oh dear i'msocappy!! end it with him already, as with people like that, it's only a matter of time before ur his next 'victim'.......

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 3557
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012

posted November 22, 2013 12:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I already distanced myself. Now I'm trying to figure out how to resolve it.

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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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NoRainNoRainbows
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Posts: 851
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posted November 22, 2013 12:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for NoRainNoRainbows     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
does he know where u live?

i get u as maybe he'll just mess something up for you if u just cut him out directly....?

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 3557
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012

posted November 22, 2013 12:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes, he does. I'm not afraid of him, he's not that messed up (I think...). It's just a little difficult to cut him off, you know. We get along and generally I like him. We've know each other since we were kids and we've been friends for years.

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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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Ellynlvx
Knowflake

Posts: 1351
From: Mountain Gate
Registered: Aug 2013

posted November 22, 2013 12:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ellynlvx     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm certain Cappy can handle herself.

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YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake

Posts: 6393
From:
Registered: Oct 2011

posted November 22, 2013 12:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You should know better than be caught up with people like that.

Unlike Oddette, I have no issue with nagging adults - in fact, I make it a point to verbally slap those I know when they step out of line, especially men.

At a minimum, there is reputational risk - and don't tell me you don't care about reputation when the first thing in the horoscope is that reputation is paramount.

I would cut off the malignant cells before the cancer spreads.

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 3557
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012

posted November 22, 2013 12:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
We both live in the same, small town. I might relocate in the near future and I think that would be the best moment to do something.


Haha, he actually has quite a good reputation. He's still in the closet (at least here) and he is an altar server, has been for years. People would encourage him to become a priest and he even tried to get into a seminary (I know ) but didn't succeed. My father makes cheesy comments on us and even my mother seems to like him. He studies and goes to church, he's so perfect

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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake

Posts: 6393
From:
Registered: Oct 2011

posted November 22, 2013 12:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A drug dealer who is homosexual, a thief, a liar, a swindler and a snitch who wants to be a religious minister. How perfect can that be? Pretty much suits the ministry these days.

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 3557
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012

posted November 22, 2013 01:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yep, and we often make nasty jokes about it It's great to goof around with him, I gotta give it to him. At least he had the balls to admit that he's gay when he tried to get there. And he's not a swindler, that girl is, he just used her generosity

He tends to have faith crisises. Once he's a genuine believer, then he holds on to Pascal's Wager. Anyway, he'd love to be a priest, it's probably his ultimate dream.
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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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NoRainNoRainbows
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Posts: 851
From:
Registered: Aug 2013

posted November 22, 2013 01:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for NoRainNoRainbows     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
wow story book material right there

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 3557
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012

posted November 22, 2013 01:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yeah, that's why I keep him close, I'm gathering the material

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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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NoRainNoRainbows
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Posts: 851
From:
Registered: Aug 2013

posted November 22, 2013 02:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for NoRainNoRainbows     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 3557
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012

posted November 22, 2013 02:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Btw, my parents don't know about all these things of course so I'm pretty amused when my mother praises him.

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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake

Posts: 6393
From:
Registered: Oct 2011

posted November 22, 2013 03:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^^ She's arranging the marriage right about now given that seminary didn't take him.

Maybe he's good in bed?

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Lexxigramer
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Posts: 3456
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted November 22, 2013 03:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by charmainec:
Yes, without hesitation and it was a wise choice. No regrets.


Totally agree!

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 3557
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012

posted November 22, 2013 03:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
^^ She's arranging the marriage right about now given that seminary didn't take him.

Maybe he's good in bed?


No, my father seems to hope there's something more. Why would his bed skills matter? He prefers men. And he's not my type anyway.

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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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