posted November 25, 2013 01:43 AM            

Firstly though, normally I'm a very quiet, easy going person who keeps to himself. I mean, I'm friendly. I smile, I make eye contact, I'll start up small talk conversations, etc. I don't try to put myself in the spotlight though or hide. In certain situations I might do either though. I hide from my the public, from neighbors, etc. As I've posted before.

This is what I'm talking about though.

The Negative -
There's a part of me that feels like it's just waiting to EXPLODE in violence. Sometimes the consequences are sort of being weighed in my head of if I just let loose on someone. Just every urge that is in there... let it go. Sometimes I kind of hope in a weird way, that someone would like, try to start something or catch a purse snatcher in the act or something. Not to be a hero, but just to go nuts. To get that aggression out.
It goes more extreme than that but I don't want to sound like I need to go get help. LOL! Nothing is going to happen. I'm pretty certain of that. I will often kind of play these movies in my head where I act out this kind of stuff.

The Good -
Completely opposite. Sometimes I wish I had more time to work with to help people. Visit children in the hospital, people with fatal conditions. Help the homeless. Help the animal shelter. Wanting to do much more for my family.
The frustrating part is that of some things that I could do, and want to do, I hold back and I don't understand why I do that either. Instead I spend a good deal of my free time p***ing it away online, etc.
Heck, I'd love to just walk around and give people hugs, talk to them, compliment them. Just to give them a smile and walk on.
Sometimes I will drive by someone with a flat tire and I really want to stop. Usually it's on the way to work though and they are not understanding if I'm late for that. It really makes me feel bad. There's been a few times when probably I could have and didn't. It bothered me too but yet I didn't. (WTF??)
There's a part of me that just loves pretty much everyone. I want to tell them so but again, that could be creepy. LOL It almost hurts that I can't have these things expressed and done.

Does anyone else experience such extremes in desire?
Instead I seem to linger somewhere in the middle, appearing totally "even". I live life feeling severe restriction - self-restriction and so with these extremes. I'm both thankful for it and bothered by it. Maybe it's not even the same thing holding both back.

posted November 25, 2013 03:50 AM            

You might find it useful to explore Jungian archetypes pertaining to the animus (and anima).

Not to say women don't have their dark sides, but it's usually (but not always) different from that.

As for me I wrestle with a desire to run away from the people who love me so I can be independent (my Sag energy, and perhaps the Scorpio, too).

I experience "the good" as well. Heck, I even act on quite a bit though less than I used to (unless you count doing stuff for my family). I used to do this with less sense, sometimes being good is just being enabling and it's being stupid. You have to make sure you're not just being manipulated by people who want to exploit your good side, and just to be clear I mean the people who exhort you to do good for others (and there are some real villains involved in charity and volunteer work) as well as those who try to say "give me your money and God will take care of you" or some nonsense like that. I do recall some volunteer work I did on a daily basis very fondly (until the place shut down) and I still step in from time to time, but again my Sag doesn't like obligations so I'm hesitant (and my family comes first, as they should).

As for "wasting time" that's something we all do in one way or another, at least from a certain perspective. As for your passing people by that's probably because you're not used to doing that and so you're not in the habit, and we humans are critters of habits. If you want to make it more likely you stop then schedule a time to do some good deed that needs doing, and you can think of something if you try (picking up trash is an example). When it becomes more normal (a habit as well as not feeling so out of place or lacking confidence) then it will feel more natural to help in other ways as well.

posted November 25, 2013 03:58 AM            

Always full of good sense and I appreciate the lengthy response.

I'll check out the suggestion.

You did remind me of something. I like to watch shows like cops, and things like that. I was watching "Police Women of Dallas" on Netflix. This one officer came across this homeless woman killing ants out in a parking lot. She pulled up to investigate as it was really hot out and to see someone in the direct sun on pavement was a little unusual. Long story short, yes it was a homeless woman, but she had a terrible Heroin addiction. She had a sign with her that said that she was a widow or something like that. I forget exactly. She used to prostitute as well but she was getting older.
I thought of that and that is a very good example of needing to know WHO exactly you're helping, what their intentions are, or what they do with the resources that you give to them.

posted November 25, 2013 04:01 AM            

Sirius Black: I want you to listen to me very carefully, Harry. You're not a bad person. You're a very good person, who bad things have happened to. Besides, the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are.

posted November 25, 2013 04:44 AM            

Astrologically speaking, it sounds like two energies that are at odds. Something Firey or Venusian vs. Saturn or Pluto.

I have a deep need to express love & affection to others but can never do it because of limitations (both internal and external). That'd be the Venus energy.
The limitations are Saturn.

Thwarted self-expression usually leads to frustration, which then leads to anger, which then leads to internal pressure and disturbing thoughts (and all kinds of other, not so pretty things).

posted November 25, 2013 07:02 AM            

In my case when I was younger, it was pent up frustration and anger at things, that caused my feelings. I kicked a glass door off it's hinges which is not something I'm proud about, but it happened, and there is no changing it. I came to understand what it was that was frustrating me, and I've since learned to be in better touch and listen to myself.
Do I still get frustrated? Occasionally yes, mostly at unfairness and injustice, Oh how Libran...
Do I still have desires to be physically violent towards poor defenceless inanimate objects? No. I have little to no desire to be violent. I would only do so in either self defence, or in protection of someone.

I feel that, it's only when you let your feelings bottle up, that things start to become hard to deal with. I don't have any concrete solutions. However, after watching a documentary about cross species friendships in animals. I believe partnerships help. It said that companionship, partnership, friendships all helped to reduce cortisol levels. Sharing helps animals cope with the burdens and stresses of life. That and playing together, and being in contact.

Spend time with a good friend, talk about your troubles and stresses, get a good hug session in there. Have some fun and play around together. Do this as often as you can. Make time for it, because it is important.

posted November 25, 2013 11:39 AM            

It wasn't until I was an adult and realized how fun it can be to be mated to a Scorpio that I knew the extremes that that poor woman had been driven to.

We really liked that bat, too...

posted November 25, 2013 01:38 PM            

SwiftFreeze - It never occurred to before but I think you nailed it. I spend a LOT of time alone. I mean a LOT. I enjoy it very much and it's critical to my sanity but I think it's too much of a good thing. I hadn't realized the slow buildup that it's been causing.

Ellynlvx - Sounds like fun! I got into trouble when I was a kid because I took a machete and hacked up EVERYTHING! Trees, bushes, etc. I would actually cut smaller trees down! My mom and neighbors were not very happy. Oh I did a lot of things but I won't get into a bunch of story telling. I wasn't a very nice youngster at all.

posted November 25, 2013 01:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ellynlvx:
Fun?

Don't you have Pluto right on the Ascendant? In Libra, though...

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posted November 25, 2013 02:00 PM            

You're Cool.

That Pluto is pretty close to the Anti-Vertex as well.

posted November 25, 2013 02:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ellynlvx:
I really like your Planets.

You're Cool.

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Sweet!

posted November 25, 2013 02:05 PM            

"Held their head,
With Laughs of Pain"

posted November 25, 2013 02:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ellynlvx:

That Pluto is pretty close to the Anti-Vertex as well.

I am contemplating a larger orb than the one I read. Too many things are adding up too quick.

---

That's true! I hadn't thought of that. 4 degrees from Asc and 4 degrees the other way from Anti-vertex.

posted November 25, 2013 02:11 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ellynlvx:
Well, anyone who

"Held their head,
With Laughs of Pain"

has got to be Number One in my Book...

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posted November 25, 2013 04:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:

LovelyAries86 - The funny part is that I have no personal planet in Scorpio. Just pluto in aspect, an outer planet aspecting moon, and Jupiter in the 8th aspecting Sun, Mars, and Mercury. It must be enough!

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It's clearly enough! Haha

I only have (1) planet in Scorpio - Pluto. But Pluto is in my 1st House. So hot diggity damn!! Then...Pluto is in contact w/ my Moon, Mars, Jupiter & Neptune. So trust me Deep Freeze...you don't need a bunch of planets *in* Scorpio to embody some of it's traits or feel the influence.

posted November 25, 2013 05:32 PM            

I meant to say an outer planet in Scorpio in aspect to moon.
Yeah it's weird. I feel Pluto for sure.
But then there's the whole chart. I mean, I'm not Pluto, I'm me.

It's good to know that this dual nature is not unusual. I knew everyone had it but mine seems extreme, to me. Maybe it's not really.

posted November 25, 2013 10:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:

"A young Native American boy asked his father, 'Why do some people do good and other people do bad?' The father replied, 'Every person has a good wolf inside them, and a bad wolf inside them.' The boy asked his father, 'which one wins?'. The father replied, 'The one that you feed."
Not sure if that's exactly how it goes but if you've never heard it.... close enough.

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posted November 26, 2013 12:07 AM            

So one half of my nature is open and fun, other half is keep things so secret that not even my best friends know what I'm up to or where I've been etc.

Do that by talking about everyone's favorite subject..themselves... Have found the other side of that is cannot really talk about what I've been up to or what problems I'm having etc.

posted November 26, 2013 12:34 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Padre35:

For myself, with three fire placements in my big three, Sun, Moon and Asc, and 3 or 4 scorpio placements and pluto opposing the sun, it's more a question of either openness or monastery.

So one half of my nature is open and fun, other half is keep things so secret that not even my best friends know what I'm up to or where I've been etc.

Do that by talking about everyone's favorite subject..themselves... Have found the other side of that is cannot really talk about what I've been up to or what problems I'm having etc.

I can go out every night in the Spring and Summer, or can stay home and just learn new things or workout, either way is fine.

---

Yeah I can relate.
There's things that I keep secret because they need to be.
Other things that I keep secret for no good reason.
I spend a lot of time home alone. LL is the most communication that I get BY FAR.

However, if I had a S.O. and they wanted to go out more together - no problem. Not a lot though. I find socializing really wears me out mentally. Yet I love it too.

posted November 26, 2013 12:43 AM            

Sometimes my Tauraen Neighborette will join me and we'll talk about her favorite subject...herself! She seemingly joins a new cause a week. Animal rights, environmentalism, buying a house etc

posted November 26, 2013 04:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
Doux - You blow me away! It's Pluto vs The Others.(Fire/Air/Earth) I'm having fun not revealing my chart because when I do, people tend to just overlook Pluto. I can always feel it intensely, even if Astrologically on paper it gets looked over. You make it fun though, you really do! You're very good! It's also helping me to understand what in my chart is actually showing most vs what people think SHOULD be showing most if they look at the chart. So far, what you see is what I feel inside. Of the "big three" (Asc/Sun/Moon) it's as if one has been transformed a great deal by Pluto, and another appears absent because it's overpowered by the other two.
You're also correct. If I worked on the caring side and expressed it that I would feel better. FYI to anyone, that's the side that I turn to, to try to express. At the same time I don't want to give myself obligations - which cause stress. That defeats the purpose. Even though I'm helping, the help is for me psychologically as much as it's for anyone else. I want to truly volunteer, not give myself an obligation to volunteer. Then it just feels like work. lol

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Why, why, thank you.
Glad to hear you can relate.

I have a very bad trait that I need to work on. When I see "complex" charts, I tend to have a knee-jerk reaction - a voice in my mind goes: "Back off!" and I really can't help but analyze all the things that could make someone... messed up, in a way, haha.
My own chart is definitely not a piece of cake and I'm far from being a healthy individual so I'm probably biased.
But yeah, I see what you mean.
It's not very cool to be "judged" like that, based on a chart.