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Author
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Topic: How do you react to deception?
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8624
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted January 31, 2014 05:37 PM
  
How do you react when you figure out someone close to you is lying to you or you see signs that something is not right with them? Do you confront them directly? Or do you play the waiting game and see if the truth ultimately comes out on its own?IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 7806
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted January 31, 2014 06:15 PM
I confront them directly.IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 53132
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 31, 2014 06:35 PM
quote:
Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
I confront them directly.
If the person matters to me, I will. If they don't, I won't. If a person means something to me, I have to be honest. If the relationship cannot take it, it is silly to invest much more energy in it. I will become a casual friend to that person, most likely, depending on the level of what happened. I had one person talk behind my back but I was not that close anyway to confront her. She is a casual friend. For a close friend, I would confront them. It would make or break it.
------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 3648
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted January 31, 2014 07:32 PM
If the deception simply involves hiding something private/personal to them - that does not concern me or adversely affect me (or others) - then I would pretend I don't know and take their secret to the grave. I would feel like it is not my business. If the deception directly involves me.. so it is directed *at* me.. and in some way harming me or adversely affecting my life.. then I not only confront them directly but also become highly aggressive towards them. If the deception involves harming *other* people.. I would first confront them (if this it is possible.. I mean they might be a sociopath for example, in which case it would be pointless) and I would explain all the reasons why their behaviour is wrong (from my pov). I would try to reason with them so that they put a stop to the deception.
If they don't - and it continues to affect others.. I would uncover their bs publicly. IP: Logged |
DeepFreeze
Knowflake Posts: 1077
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted January 31, 2014 07:55 PM
Reaction unknown.
I may or may not directly confront and in either case it's best to just get out of there. I can be very persistent in my vengeance. (lasting months.) I may screw with them. It depends though. Each situation is different and I may just confront, talk it out and let it go. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8624
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted January 31, 2014 08:53 PM
My normal reaction is to directly confront the person but this has never served me well, it just puts the person on the defensive and they keep lying. I just caught someone close to me in a lie and my friend has urged me against confronting them. He said he always plays it cool and sees if the truth comes out on its own. He swears by this, so I'm going to try his way. He is a Pluto dominant person btw, but you could prolly tell that  IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 7806
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted January 31, 2014 09:32 PM
It also depends on if it's a real lie or if I am just being paranoid  IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8624
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted January 31, 2014 09:38 PM
^ yea. But I'm talking about when you know they are lying or hiding something from you. I don't get paranoid , I tend to see the best in people until they give me reason not to. IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 9247
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted January 31, 2014 09:42 PM
actually if i find out. I get my revenge appropriately.
As I've grown I've become more sophisticated with my wrath.
once I found out someone was lying to me saying we were exclusive.
but I found an active okc account made a fake account and started flirting and we were going to meet up... hmmI knew they has abandonment issues. so I get revenge by ignoring them and making it seem like they were not not good enough.
That probably killed whatever little confidence they had.
The random texts for a month were hilarious to me.. lol IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8624
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted January 31, 2014 10:42 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
actually if i find out. I get my revenge appropriately.
As I've grown I've become more sophisticated with my wrath.
once I found out someone was lying to me saying we were exclusive.
but I found an active okc account made a fake account and started flirting and we were going to meet up... hmmI knew they has abandonment issues. so I get revenge by ignoring them and making it seem like they were not not good enough.
That probably killed whatever little confidence they had.
The random texts for a month were hilarious to me.. lol
Yeah, it seems like you can't trust anybody anymore. It's like with this girl I have been seeing... Everything has been going good, I haven't spotted any red flags or gotten any bad vibes from her. She has also been very consistent and the same person from day to day , no hot and cold sh*t . I was starting to trust her then last night I caught her in a lie and it's got me questioning everything. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 53132
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 31, 2014 10:47 PM
What was the lie. AG?------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8624
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted January 31, 2014 11:30 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
What was the lie. AG?
Well... Awhile back I had sent her a friend request on Facebook and she never responded to it and I just assumed she never used Facebook and thought nothing more about it. A few nights ago we were talking on the phone and the subject of Facebook came up somehow (can't remember what exactly was said or how it got brought up) and I said "by the way I sent you a friend request" and she said "oh I never use it anymore". So I said "ok" and took her word for it and didn't think anything more about it. Well last night when I signed onto Facebook I was greeted with one of those stupid messages about sending friend requests to random people, and it said all my current friend requests got deleted. So I decided to send her another friend request and went to her profile and my friend request was still showing. The troubling thing was I looked at her timeline and it showed that she had been active on Facebook Just about everyday ,adding pictures and updating her statuses, which was interesting because she said she didn't use it anymore. Now this may not seem like a big lie, but IMO it is. It's very obvious to me that she doesn't want to friend me on Facebook because: #1 she is hiding something from me -or- #2 she is hiding me from somebody, or a combination of both. Either way it's not a good thing. IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 7806
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted January 31, 2014 11:36 PM
Aqua, I think you should casually mention it to find out what's going on. You should talk to her about it. Just find out why she didn't want to add you or what the deal is. Only she can tell you why.
Try to find a way to talk about it without making her defensive. See, Aqua, you just think direct communication will cause someone to get defensive that's why you finesse the situation so she won't get that way, see? That's part of socializing.IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8624
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted January 31, 2014 11:55 PM
quote:
Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
Aqua, I think you should casually mention it to find out what's going on. You should talk to her about it. Just find out why she didn't want to add you or what the deal is. Only she can tell you why.
Try to find a way to talk about it without making her defensive. See, Aqua, you just think direct communication will cause someone to get defensive that's why you finesse the situation so she won't get that way, see? That's part of socializing.
Here's the way I handled it. I deleted the friend request and sent a new one just now. I figure best case scenario is she somehow overlooked it or Facebook glitched or something and she didn't see it. That's the only logical explanation. I'm going to give her a few days and see if she accepts my request. If she does we can write this off and forget about it, but if she doesn't I will know that there is something definitely not right and quit talking to her and seeing her. IP: Logged |
DeepFreeze
Knowflake Posts: 1077
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted February 01, 2014 12:05 AM
In that case I just very friendly, sounding a bit excited, tell them I sent it, "Did you see it?"
Then you get your answer but I gave up Facebook. IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 7806
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted February 01, 2014 12:33 AM
Yep, make sure she sees it. Sound all sweet, say something like, "aaw I want to be friends on facebook!" in a nice way, just flirty-like and see what she says. Be playful about it and she won't get defensive. If she just makes excuses then you'll know she's not serious or hiding something. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8624
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted February 01, 2014 01:11 AM
Well I plan to say something if she doesn't respond in a few days. But I already know how it's going to go.. She is going to say what she already said " i never get on there" and if I say "I know that's a lie" she will either get angry and defensive or become completely avoidant. IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 7806
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted February 01, 2014 01:21 AM
I would mention it the next time you talk to her, not in a few days. Just say, "we should be friends on Facebook. I sent you a friend request," and sound all happy and stuff. Don't let on that you know something is amiss or are annoyed. Just pretend like everything is great and you are enthusiastic about her adding you on Facebook. After you find out how she responds, if she is lying or not being upfront just stop talking to her after that.IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 3648
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted February 01, 2014 01:24 AM
AG - The people I love the most and who I am closest to are not on my FB - intentionally.
I've had the same issue.. where some of these people were annoyed and wondering why I'm not adding them.My reason is that I don't want to use FB for anything personal anymore. I am very detached and formal on FB. I only post photos of landscapes (places I go to) - and not personal photos - and I don't allow tagging (so no one else can tag me in photos either).
To me adding someone from my private life to FB - feels almost like sleeping with my bf at work... because I am treating FB as an impersonal/networking setting. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 3648
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted February 01, 2014 01:27 AM
Also Aries ppl in general have a very..very.. odd relationship with social media.Don't even go there. If there was a survey on the matter, I'm positive Aries would be the sign to most commonly de-activate and re-activate their FB. Things that may seem entirely normal to you as an air sign - could seem beyond awkward to her. IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 7806
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted February 01, 2014 01:27 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
AG - The people I love the most and who I am closest to are not on my FB - intentionally.
I've had the same issue.. where some of these people were annoyed and wondering why I'm not adding them.My reason is that I don't want to use FB for anything personal anymore. I am very detached and formal on FB. I only post photos of landscapes (places I go to) - and not personal photos - and I don't allow tagging (so no one else can tag me in photos either).
To me adding someone from my private life to FB - feels almost like sleeping with my bf at work... because I am treating FB as an impersonal/networking setting.
Well if she's the same way she should at least tell him the reason, not just some lame excuse.
IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 3648
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted February 01, 2014 01:31 AM
quote:
she doesn't want to friend me on Facebook because: #1 she is hiding something from me -or- #2 she is hiding me from somebody, or a combination of both
Actually I had one person, a friend ^ suspect me of the same sort of thing.. and my answer to him was that - first of all, if I wanted to hide something from him I could hide it either way. It's very easy to add someone on FB and hide whatever you want from them. At least 80% of the things on my FB are hidden from my dad for instance. If he was not added he would see exactly what he sees now - which is virtually *nothing*. Secondly, if I wanted to *hide* this person from others on my list... again it's very easy to do. My friends are hidden anyway so no one would see him.. and the 'post on my wall' function depends on whether I allow the post. :edit:& With comments on my own wall posts... that depends on whether the posts are visible to X or not.
Because if I make a post visible *only* to X - then he could comment on it but no one else would ever see it... and if I make posts visible to everyone *other than* X, then he could never comment on them at all, nor would he know those posts existed.
And "X" would be none the wiser. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 3648
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted February 01, 2014 01:32 AM
SSS - I agree that she should tell him the reason!IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 7806
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted February 01, 2014 01:37 AM
I hear what you are saying, Odette, and I understand your feelings but this can be difficult. I would feel like someone I am close to and want to get closer to is having a party and not inviting me  IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8624
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted February 01, 2014 01:39 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
Actually I had one person, a friend ^ suspect me of the same sort of thing.. and my answer to him was that - first of all, if I wanted to hide something from him I could hide it either way. It's very easy to add someone on FB and hide whatever you want from them. At least 80% of the things on my FB are hidden from my dad for instance. If he was not added he would see exactly what he sees now - which is virtually *nothing*. Secondly, if I wanted to *hide* this person from others on my list... again it's very easy to do. My friends are hidden anyway so no one would see him.. and the 'post on my wall' function depends on whether I allow the post.
But that makes no sense. If you have nothing to hide why not add someone on Facebook? Atleast where I'm at it's pretty standard to add everyone on Facebook. My boss even added me lol. If I denied his friend request it would probably be because I had something to hide , like I was bashing my company for example lol. But I added him because I don't have anything to hide. It's like a formality to add everyone on Facebook, especially the person you are dating. The fact that she lied about the whole thing made it really suspicious. If she had said the stuff you just said I would still think it's weird and still be suspicious.
IP: Logged |
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