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Author
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Topic: "Social skills"
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8638
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 03, 2014 11:36 AM
  
I have been thinking about the whole concept of "social skills" a lot lately because a lack of social skills is supposedly one of the main characteristics of people with aspergers. The more I think about it the whole concept is very problematic because it seems to imply that you can be liked by everyone if you just act "correctly" or say the right things. Obviously this is impossible because there are always going to be people who have a problem with you no matter how you act or what you say. Some people are going to hate you at first site. Lol it just seems to me that different people have different personalities and they will clash with some people and get a long famously with some people. For example, most people think aspies are weird but most aspies would tell you that normal people are weird. IMO there is no cut and dry rule for dealing with people because there are lots of different types of people. When someone says "you have poor social skills" its like they are saying "act like me or else" . To me its trying to put everyone in a box or put a square peg in a round hole. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 53155
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 03, 2014 11:43 AM
I am gonna say something that hits me about you and what I know of Aspies. I am just giving an honest feeling here, so please don't take offense. You know I love you xxThe Aspies I have dealt with have little to no sense of humor. You have a sense of humor to die for. A sense of humor is based on picking up subtext or what is left unsaid. That is kind of the root of it, in many cases. It is saying what most people are thinking but afraid to say. Anyway, I don't understand this about you and about Aspies I have dealt with. Thanks  ------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 53155
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 03, 2014 11:44 AM
As far as social skills, I have some ideas to share but wanted to hear what you said about this first, AG.------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8638
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 03, 2014 11:53 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I am gonna say something that hits me about you and what I know of Aspies. I am just giving an honest feeling here, so please don't take offense. You know I love you xxThe Aspies I have dealt with have little to no sense of humor. You have a sense of humor to die for. A sense of humor is based on picking up subtext or what is left unsaid. That is kind of the root of it, in many cases. It is saying what most people are thinking but afraid to say. Anyway, I don't understand this about you and about Aspies I have dealt with. Thanks
You just proved my point Ami  you are one of the few people on here who seems to notice or appreciate when I make a funny or am being playful. There have been many times where I was joking on here and it either went completely over everyone's head or was taken the wrong way. Its the same way in real life.. About aspies, they have a sense of humor but most people dont notice it or appreciate it.
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YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 6792
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted March 03, 2014 02:37 PM
There are no cookie cutter Aspies. We are all distinctly different.I personally don't care about social skills because I don't care who likes me or not. Those who like me will like me. Those who don't... well... IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8638
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 03, 2014 02:44 PM
^ exactly. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8638
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 03, 2014 02:45 PM
Those who like me will like me. Those who don't... well...[/B][/QUOTE]
let me guess. They can just eat your shorts ?  IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 53155
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 03, 2014 03:39 PM
I totally get your playful humor and I love it. People don't always get mine and some people will use it for an excuse to try to make me look bad but such is life ------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Violets
Moderator Posts: 2628
From: Twin Peaks
Registered: Apr 2011
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posted March 03, 2014 04:00 PM
I've seen you make some pretty funny comments that made me laugh, AG. Then again, I've probably taken you seriously when you were joking at times, who knows...At any rate, most people I've encountered with AS have possessed hilarious dry wit, and were totally capable of understanding sarcasm, etc. Here is a thread in the aspie support forum about social skills. You might find it interesting (or not).
http://www.aspiescentral.com/threads/is-it-possible-for-an-aspie-to-attain-the-social-skills-of-a-nt.4574/ IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8638
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 03, 2014 04:13 PM
^Exactly. In fact I think we are more effective at pulling people's legs because we come across as being serious. My friends think I'm hilarious because I can say the most ridiculous things and get people to buy what i'm saying even if it is completely absurd.they always ask me "how are you able to keep a straight face?" IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 6792
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted March 03, 2014 05:10 PM
Good at the gambling table and during business negotiations.My primary aim in life isn't to be sociable or popular or well liked. If it occurs, all the better. Otherwise, no sleep is lost. IP: Logged |
Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 317
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted March 03, 2014 05:19 PM
Social skills huh? Well I don't know. I'm not really sure exactly what "social skills" constitute... But I think it has many different aspects. We're not all good at all of them. It can be your sense of humor, your observational skills, timing (when to say things), knowing how to say things, being able to tell a story well, being able to tell when someone is lying, being a good liar, and being able to project what you want the other person to see (being able to, for example, hide it when you dislike someone). I'm very good at reading people, but I'm also an open book myself so I don't lie well. People usually say I'm allot of fun, but it's because I take risks. Sometimes I miss, and people don't laugh at all. Often people are laughing at me and not with me.  It comes from the combination of extreme ditziness and an expressive face. So anyway I think people have strengths and weaknesses in their social skills as in everything else. Since I'm happy with my social life, it's not very important to me to improve on anything.
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Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 317
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted March 03, 2014 05:21 PM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Good at the gambling table and during business negotiations.My primary aim in life isn't to be sociable or popular or well liked. If it occurs, all the better. Otherwise, no sleep is lost.
Poker? I would love to play poker with you haha. I'm a menace. Not very smart perhaps (as I said, I'm an open book), but I have luck in cards and I'm savvy. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3246
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted March 03, 2014 08:59 PM
Read Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people"..it's a bit old, the concepts are a great way to break the ice with people.Basically, the problem comes down to people are so wrapped up in themselves they rarely take the time to be interested in other people's lives and what THEY like about their lives. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8638
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 03, 2014 09:18 PM
^ interestingly some of the most popular people in the world are the most self absorbed. I wish i had a dollar for everytime i have greeted someone with " how are you today?" And they didnt respond in kind. I would be a rich manIP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3246
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted March 03, 2014 09:59 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
^ interestingly some of the most popular people in the world are the most self absorbed. I wish i had a dollar for everytime i have greeted someone with " how are you today?" And they didnt respond in kind. I would be a rich man
True, thing is, people are very very self absorbed, there are things on their mind that they would love to talk about but no one ever asks them. For example, it fairly clear YTA is deeply involved with his oldest son's college education and educational achievement in general..would make a good basis for a quick conversation about where he sees his son being. That is merely one example, people rarely take the time to talk to other people AG, there is to much of a personal agenda, be it for money, power, sex, past wrongs etc, ppl rarely can get outside of themselves As soon as I learned that lesson, social skills became quite easy. The real problem is realizing no one..or a rare few..want to hear about your problems IRL. IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 9267
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted March 03, 2014 10:21 PM
This is true^I've always been popular just because I like hearing about peoples dirty laundry. I always get texts.
-OMG GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?
-ETC CRUSH TALKED TO ME TODAY. They always invite me out to lunch or something like that..
esp since I'm good at relationship advice and generally motivating people.
What I genuinely amused by is when people tell me their secrets or I stumble upon them.. but the negative is it creates this weird bond.. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 53155
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 03, 2014 10:23 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
This is true^I've always been popular just because I like hearing about peoples dirty laundry. I always get texts.
-OMG GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?
-ETC CRUSH TALKED TO ME TODAY. They always would love to have lunch with me..
esp since I'm good at relationship advice and generally motivating people.
What I genuinely amused by is when people tell me their secrets or I stumble upon them.. but the negative is it creates this weird bond..
This is classic Gemini ------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 9267
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted March 03, 2014 10:34 PM
Funny too because It seem to know everything about everyone else but they don't really no much about me because they are so consumed by their own issues and i like to keep my business private. Until it randomly hits them that they know nothing about me and than ask and I just shrug it off or continue talking about them.
People are so funny. but if I know something really private about another person I usually gift them with a secret about me..
So were even. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3246
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted March 03, 2014 10:36 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
This is true^I've always been popular just because I like hearing about peoples dirty laundry. I always get texts.
-OMG GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?
-ETC CRUSH TALKED TO ME TODAY. They always invite me out to lunch or something like that..
esp since I'm good at relationship advice and generally motivating people.
What I genuinely amused by is when people tell me their secrets or I stumble upon them.. but the negative is it creates this weird bond..
Yep, this is one of the reasons why I chose to be ordained, so when the dirt is poured I'm not compelled to speak to anyone else about what I've been told. I've been accused of saying alot, but never saying much, there is a reason for it, in this "modern" world..ppl who can just STFU are rare and hard to find. As a Minister consider it a duty of conscience not to talk about such things as they were told in confidence to gossip is to fail from my pov. One of the reasons why I give very few "answers" IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 53155
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 03, 2014 10:38 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
Funny too because It seem to know everything about everyone else but they don't really no much about me because they are so consumed by their own issues and i like to keep my business private. Until it randomly hits them that they know nothing about me and than ask and I just shrug it off or continue talking about them.
People are so funny. but if I know something really private about another person I usually gift them with a secret about me..
So were even.
That us funny, K
------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3246
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted March 03, 2014 10:40 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
Funny too because It seem to know everything about everyone else but they don't really no much about me because they are so consumed by their own issues and i like to keep my business private. Until it randomly hits them that they know nothing about me and than ask and I just shrug it off or continue talking about them.
People are so funny. but if I know something really private about another person I usually gift them with a secret about me..
So were even.
 You notice that as well? Your house could burn down..they'd never ask about it! and that secret for secret thing is something I never do, fwiw, that is a technique that spies and diplomats use to build trust..better to smile and mirror. IP: Logged |
Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 317
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted March 04, 2014 06:06 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
You notice that as well? Your house could burn down..they'd never ask about it!
I think it really depends on the person, but sometimes... Yeah. I once told one of my closest friends about a death in my family and she made no comment except telling me that for some reason she felt so down that day. Like she had no reason, but her crush hadn't texted her that day and.... sigh..... So I had to spend the next half an hour comforting her. I guess I just went with it because I kind of couldn't believe my ears. So self-centered. I attract these people like bees sometimes because I normally don't talk about my personal stuff in RL. So they just go on and on and on... IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 6792
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted March 04, 2014 11:30 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
True, thing is, people are very very self absorbed, there are things on their mind that they would love to talk about but no one ever asks them.For example, it fairly clear YTA is deeply involved with his oldest son's college education and educational achievement in general..would make a good basis for a quick conversation about where he sees his son being.
What's there to converse about? I would very much like to talk about it, but you are right that not many would want to listen.
Achievement is a way of life in my extended family and is a prime objective. It's not just about educational achievement. It's in everything I do and my family does. Ultimately, you can lead a horse to the water but you cannot make a horse drink. This is where my son's personal motivation takes over because he is even more focused and ambitious than I am. He chose his lifepath. I'm here to help him make it happen. I haven't spoken about my younger kid yet. He's 9 years old and is great at both the piano and violin. He's a technological and math whiz. He's a whole lot more like me, with a passion for cars and electronics, and his lifepath would probably be business. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3246
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted March 04, 2014 11:39 AM
See YTA, that is sort of the point, anyone who knows you from here knows about your son, this is not a new conversation on "here".Out in the face to face world, how many ppl would know it? Or even bother to ask you about it? Most ppl are hijacked and have -0 interest in even asking, let alone listening w/genuine interest ie, that raw material of social skills IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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