posted March 15, 2014 05:01 AM            

Another time was mutual and neutral, both circumstantial and we realized we were "just friends." I was a little sad but I knew it was right and quickly got over it and we remain friends to this day, many years later.

Only one ended badly and it's difficult to explain, it took me years to get over it fully and I hate talking about it. I still savor the good memories, and it's easier the more the emotional scar of the breakup fades. Someone told me that as we'd been together for years that it would naturally take years before getting over it. This was the only one I've refused to have any further contact with.

I've never rebounded. I think the key for me is that I don't define myself by being in a relationship the way it seems the vast majority of women (and quite a few men) do and it's just one aspect of my life where I have so many other aspects of my life to occupy my attention and feel worthwhile over, and furthermore I've challenged many assumptions about my place in the world so I can generally shrug off assumed obligations (like the one about marrying a man and having his kids or I'm a failure as a woman as well as disappointment to the family or whatever for not carrying out my "duty"). Though perhaps more important than that I treasure my close friendships (who are real friends, not frenemies) and thus have plenty of loving support and people to share with after a breakup, something a great many others don't as they feel they have to be somewhat exclusive with a significant other as if they had only a limited amount of love to give out and giving any to friends or others deprived the partner of love s/he'd otherwise receive, and so a breakup would be so much more devastating to them than it is to me for that reason as well.

posted March 15, 2014 06:43 AM            

To be honest I enjoy relationships and friendships, but the only person I'd want to count on is myself. It comes from the way I was treated when I was little/younger. Hence it's rare that I'd rely on someone emotionally to the point of having break-downs or depression when the relationship/friendship ends. At the back of my mind I know that there is always a possibility that it won't work out. People come and go.

posted March 15, 2014 01:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
How do you deal with break-ups? How do you manage when you get dumped? How about when you dump someone? How do you deal with the post-breakup bitterness, guilt and depression? Do you move on fast or slow? How do you mend a broken heart? Do you vent or become a workaholic? To rebound or not rebound, that is an important question too.

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*Laughs maniacally* What a PERFECT thread right now.

How do I deal with break-ups - I talk about it with people, write about it on my blog. It's very different from my Virgo friend who's advice was the opposite. To not talk about it, and try not to think about it. She's a Virgo with a Sag moon, I don't know how she does it. I also have Pluto in the 5th…

How do you manage when you get dumped - depends how I get dumped. This last time, I didn't handle it very well even though I didn't see a future with the guy anyway. It's a respect thing.

How about when you dump someone - I tend to project how I'd feel if I got dumped onto someone else, which makes me skirt around just DOING it. Usually we just drift apart, however this last time I was asked point blank in which case I'll readily admit my intentions.

How do you deal with the post-breakup bitterness, guilt, and depression - Depends how I get dumped and how soon they get into another relationship, how much I cared about them. If I feel I was respected but it just wasn't working or we had different values, lifestyles… Meh. That's okay. Live and let live. If they treated me like s*it and didn't apologize, didn't appreciate me, and then I get dumped? It feels like war but I try to keep my cool. I mainly just rant and rave until I exhaust myself.

Do you move on fast or slow? Slow. Taurus moon trine Saturn and opposition Pluto. But I'm working on that.

How do you mend a broken heart? The only time I can think of my heart TRULY being broken was my first relationship with a Leo sun Sag moon. I cried, and cried, and cried, and I listened to sad songs that would make me cry, and I thought about him every second everyday for awhile. I got a new job that kept me really busy and made myself appreciate my life in the present. It took a long time to heal from that particular event though. And by heal I mean not resent him or want to die.

Do you vent or become a workaholic - I turned into both this past year. I purposely worked two jobs so I didn't have time to think of a guy I really really liked, and I'm an Aries mercury so of course I vent lol. It's like breathing.

posted March 15, 2014 03:05 PM            

FireMoon, I am sorry you deleted your post!

Hanna, I relate quite a bit with what you wrote, I am Aries Sun and Mercury too!

posted March 15, 2014 06:05 PM            

------------------
My Chart!
" Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
-Joan Rivers

"Be who u r
and say what u feel
cuz those who matter dont mind
& those who mind don't matter" -Dr.Seuss

posted March 15, 2014 08:00 PM            

I feel kind of good about it.
I don't really like the idea of being in a relationship at all.

- How do you manage when you get dumped?

If I really cared about the person I would get hurt.. but not in an egotistical way. I would feel heartbroken - not pride-broken. It wouldn't take me very long to get over this though because I'm not very obsessive. When, it's over - it's over. I can draw a line.

- How about when you dump someone?

This is more challenging for me. I find it really difficult to break up with someone - specially if they are more possessive and obsessive than I am.
Unless the person was clearly a jerk - I would really want o avoid hurting them.
I wouldn't put it past me to find them a new gf - and subliminally get them t break up with me first lol
I did this with an ex.

- How do you deal with the post-breakup bitterness, guilt and depression? Do you move on fast or slow?

I am not a bitter person, unless the other person was very nasty. Generally I stay on friendly terms with exes. I am not very romantic or dramatic emotionally. This wouldn't be like a soap opera in my mind.

- How do you mend a broken heart? Do you vent or become a workaholic? To rebound or not rebound, that is an important question too.

posted March 16, 2014 03:14 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
How do you deal with break-ups? How do you manage when you get dumped? How about when you dump someone? How do you deal with the post-breakup bitterness, guilt and depression? Do you move on fast or slow? How do you mend a broken heart? Do you vent or become a workaholic? To rebound or not rebound, that is an important question too.

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Mostly I've been the one dumping. Hmmm.. Maybe .... always at least a mutual situation.
I can recall one very peaceful breakup - with a Scorpio.
Otherwise it's pretty much the same for me. They don't exist and neither do their friends. I'm extreme....
It allows me to heal and move on. Otherwise I may really struggle with constant reminders.
I try to stay busy with work, friends and family.

I've only "rebounded" once and it was stupid. I don't rebound normally. I go into soul search mode... Finding my inner peace.

posted March 16, 2014 12:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
^ It's only shameful if it starts interfering with either of your lives, otherwise I think everybody can chill feeling bad about stalking their exes (online at least and within reason. I mean creeping people, not harassing them.) It's a natural thing to do. You thought you were getting something great from this person and they completely did not deliver… totally normal to want to be doing better than them and how else are you going to know unless you make a fake Facebook profile and add them? I've never done that by the way. Promise.

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Yeah, I suppose that's true. I never worry about getting stalked.
I only got bad once... Stooped to New lows, once. It was out of complete, bitter hatred. It got pretty bad. They knew it was going on and I didn't exactly hide it. They knew, just not when or how.
One time I just showed up at a party uninvited. I was politely asked to leave. lol
That's extremely out of the norm for me.

posted March 17, 2014 01:30 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ash20:
I think the way I get dumped is what makes it hard for me. Usually I have to just take the hint and never get full closure so it makes it difficult for me to move on.. Until I meet someone new I will not be able to get over the other person.

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posted March 19, 2014 11:25 AM            

quote:

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I feel kind of good about it.
I don't really like the idea of being in a relationship at all.

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