posted March 15, 2014 11:47 AM
I didn't experience the same type of abuse, but I can absolutely relate.I also have a real problem just letting go and being present without fear sneaking its way in there, or so much self-criticism that it takes away from the moment completely.
I still find that after all these years, and after quite a bit of therapy, there is still a part of me who is waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I remember once a few years ago, we lived in an apartment and the woman who lived above us would get up early in the morning and clomp around in her high heels, getting ready for work.
After a few months I realized that every morning, when I heard her walking around upstairs, my stomach would clench up and my body would get very tense.
It finally dawned on me that I was having a sort of flashback to when I was younger, when my mom would be getting ready for work.
I knew that within a few minutes, she would be coming downstairs, stomping into my bedroom to say something hurtful or berating, and giving me a list of petty things to do that day. It always made me cringe.
That's just one example...
So, while we don't share the same experiences in an exact way, I can definitely relate. 
I'm thankful that my mom is more supportive these days, to the best of her ability anyway.
You have our love and support, Ami. I hope you will find a way to let yourself "be". I hope the same for myself as well, and for all of us who might feel this way.
Lindaland
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posted March 15, 2014 09:55 AM
posted March 15, 2014 11:47 AM
posted March 15, 2014 12:28 PM
