posted April 17, 2014 02:26 AM            

I have a large extended family, grew up close with my cousins in the country, and had a generally pretty happy childhood for about the first 8-9 years. Well, mostly happy.

I also really love Easter. Say whatever you want about religion or holidays or whatever. Christmas and Easter are my favorite holidays. I have very happy memories of Easter, hunting for Easter eggs with my cousins, and *occasionally going to church.

But my family dynamic (on my mom's side) is SO effing dysfunctional to deal with. It's basically impossible to stay overnight with any of them, because they're so...ehm...hard to deal with?

My mom lives in my grandma's house (which she owns with my aunt, and they're debating about what to do with the house and remaining property).
My aunt and her husband built their home on one side of my grandma's house, and my uncle built his on the other side. So they're all neighbors.

And they're constantly bickering in a passive-aggressive way with each other. My mom complains relentlessly about my aunt and her husband, and I know that they're equally annoyed by the way that she does things (justifiably so).

They all do things that just make it really uncomfortable to stay over with them, although it's really wonderful to visit during the day.

So we were going to stay in the only hotel in town, but that's a pain with a toddler. A day trip is possible, but that's also a pain, as it's a 2 hour drive both ways, and my son has an Aries stellium that doesn't really allow for long road trips.

I feel badly that my son doesn't get to grow up around his cousins the way I did, and none of my friends have kids that he can play with or anything...and I know that my family is really looking forward to us being there.

But the truth is that I just don't want to deal with it.

posted April 17, 2014 02:40 AM            

And the only bed that's available to us is the bed that my step-dad died in. WTF?

My aunt and her husband are great hosts, but they have so many family members come to stay with them that it's fairly clear that it's kind of a pain for them.

And when they go to bed they turn off all the lights and the television. So that's that.

It makes things rather uncomfortable.

And my mom refuses to come over to my aunt's for very long, because she doesn't like my aunt's husband, and she's all bent out of shape because no one wants to deal with her effing gigantic, slobbering dog.

Stupid problems, I know...
But really.

posted April 17, 2014 03:18 AM            

I don't enjoy the company of my sweet's sibblings. Don't want to deal with the rigid hierarchy, unspoken rules, ******** , criticism, competitiveness etc.. As older siblings they demand respect, but they make it hard to do so lolol.

His brother's wife is a bucket of crazy.

Yeah..

I play it cool most of the time, and when the conversations turn weird I tune them out.

Ah I think I can relate to your feelings about the whole thing.

posted April 17, 2014 08:44 AM            

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted April 17, 2014 10:46 AM            

We would only stay for the weekend, probably one night, so I suppose it's not that bad. Especially when my aunt just texted me that she's really excited to see us (*sigh).

posted April 18, 2014 03:37 AM            

Oh arrrrgh about the "thick" of your "family" story, Violets... I can definitely relate to you...

Same thing... PGF + PGM had built their home on mini-farm. Later, they built (themselves) a house for one daughter (my aunt) and her husband on right, & for my father (& mom) on left. "The three families" were neighbors on one field of (divided) property. I grew up with my brothers alongside two boy cousins all same ages. My mother couldn't stand my dad's side of the family-- she'd go apes if she saw them on 'our' side of the driveway line, then we were not allow to visit with them, forbidden to see the grandmother, yadayada.

Dad relocated one day's journey away... (sad for ME [age 7], for I had similar [good!] characteristics of my Scorpio grandmother (PGM).... We moved, but Mom didn't 'leave' her in-law problems behind at all. *grin* My aunt had some BIG dogs too she was Sagit-- and a gorgeous tall woman, so classy)

You KNOW I can write some really really long posts... haha, so I'll cut to the chase.

Violets.... DEFINITELY, you should do it. For all the sakes above-- AND "Hotel" is the BEST idea... will allow you private space, and won't be dealing with the 'cleanup' after yourselves with 'family'...

You are writing Memories.... NOT visiting irritating relatives. The MEMORIES are what's going to count in everyone's life.

I had small children, long car trips (NO air-conditioning in the first car -- NEVER do that, okay?)

But the "effects" of letting "family" be with your little son, and you all just 'seeing' each other~~ well, good OR bad, it's "full" memories. When you (your son) get older you never know what picture or words your soul may draw upon as something VERY significant to your purpose on this earth.

If I were with you right now, Violets, I could tell you very significant things--- good ones, bad ones. BUT IT WAS ALL worth it. It's rich. It's 'experience'.

One of my greatest sorrows in life was missing seeing my Scorpio grandmother for the last time. My first baby was the first great grandchild. The baby had surgery at 6weeks old, my husband and I still didn't have 'communication' down pat between each other. The baby was almost 2 1/2 months old, and we were to go for a visit (day's journey away, early-mid June, HOT weather).

At the last moment "we" decided 'not' to go see her... (What we didn't know is that she was sick, and had SWORN my aunt and one cousin to scorpio secrecy.) I WANTED to go see her, but made a terrible choice "not" to last minute. I'm SURE that grieved her... She collapsed June 28, had surgery but it was too late, and died early morning July 4, 1984. She had never 'held' my first baby in her arms.... And now, even today, I feel terrible pain for "erring" on the side of 'my OWN comfort,' selfishness. (Understandable 'excuses', but selfish, nonetheless.) Terrible loss. It would have been too "uncomfortable" to make that trip to go see her. I brought my baby to her funeral. I loved her so much, and she truly loved me back! I was her only granddaughter. And She was the ONLY person in my whole life whom I EVER felt truly loved me 'unconditionally'.... my big young know-it-all mouth and all.

GO VIOLETS.... Take that Aries baby. Let them hold and play with him. Let him get all slobbered-up and slimed by that big St Bernard, and all the Auntie's sloppy kisses.

Go for them..... AND for you.

posted April 18, 2014 01:50 PM            

Thank you for sharing that, and I know that you're right...although things have taken a turn for the worse with them, as my aunt and my mom had a huge blowout fight a day ago, and my mom apparently told her to "get the f*** out of my house" after my mom had given my aunt the money for all of the property taxes, despite the fact that my mom is only living in the house...not using the rest of the property, which is huge.

I spoke with both of them on the phone last night, and it's just...Oh my God. Their renditions of the same situation are so contradictory that it's like they're living in completely different worlds.
And they're just not being objective at all, not putting family first (which was something that was very important to my grandma, and my aunt has always preached).

It's so frustrating...and I feel like I may have to get involved in it, because they just can't communicate properly with each other at all.

But I don't want to get involved in any way, I really just wish they would focus on what's important in life and stop being so petty.

It's sad when a family who has always been close (despite differences) gets all nasty when it comes to something stupid like dividing up property.

It's making me wary of going over there, because I don't want to get stuck in the middle of something disastrous.

But they've already been picking out special little prizes for my son (as he's the youngest grandchild in the family) for the Easter egg hunt, and I really want to see my family.

Ugghhh...so torn.
It will only be a day trip now, but things are so volatile over there.

And the Nodes are in my 3rd and 9th houses (NN in 3rd), so I suppose it's just one of those things...

Yeah, it's too bad we can't talk face to face.

posted April 18, 2014 01:51 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ellynlvx:

---

posted April 18, 2014 02:14 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Violets:
I feel like I should be in an effing Seinfeld episode.

(Totally random observation: My spellcheck didn't correct the name "Seinfeld", but it corrected the word "spellcheck".)

---

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted April 18, 2014 02:42 PM            

Guess its just one of those things around the holidays that have to be dealt with, especially if you have very family oriented in laws.

posted April 18, 2014 04:04 PM            

Idk Violets, it's up to you really. If your heart's not in it and it would only put you down, then don't go. If you do want to go, can you manage to not stay the night? The thought of that alone gives me shivers about MY family lol, cannot have that happen.

posted April 18, 2014 04:14 PM            

We're planning on just making it a day trip if we do go (and now I have "Day Tripper" by the Beatles stuck in my head, thanks brain)...

I think that for me, it's only a feeling of obligation because they're so dysfunctional with each other. I really enjoy their company, and I know that my son has a wonderful time when we go...I just wish that they would pull their heads out of their @sses with each other and make their environments a little more friendly to people in general.

And while things are so tense between them, I kind of don't want to walk into the middle of something bad...

They can all get on my nerves in their own special ways when I'm around them individually, but wow...it's just turning into a Cold War over there, ya know?

Or maybe it isn't, but it sounds dubious to me...

posted April 18, 2014 05:12 PM            

[added for "clarity purpose, as P.J. "thought" I was referring to "seamstress" in a NEGATIVE WAY. P.J. I'm NOT talking about your "hobby" but MY mom in relation to VIOLETs' "mother-in-law"---> keep reading:]

Sure hope your mother-in-law[/I is NOT [i]my bio mom. *o shivers* {{{(j/k!!)}}}

(heck, don't know if mine is still alive-- but maybe the universe cloned her... need to break that mould!)

(humor) Don't go Violets!! I'll help you change your decision.... NO, Don't Go! "Grand Cardinal Cross, Eclipses??" Maybe not THIS year, but do it next year?... Maybe Ellyn can do the astrology and find a better transit?

===========================================
COUPON: *Get-Out-Of-Visit* FREE PASS April 2014
===========================================

libraschoice77... 'with your tongue?'?? What a great post! Lovingly, "I understand-- more than you know"! Much love to you!

-----------------------------------
ADDED at 823pm edt
PIXIE JANE oh no....Please, What I was saying is that MY 'own' mother was ALSO very skilled at being a seamstress--- just like Violets 'mother-in-law'....
The "creepy" part of the thought was a JOKE, a humorous imagination that crossed my mind, as a JOKE!

(added this HERE because my reply to your post BELOW got separated to page two! of the thread)

posted April 18, 2014 07:07 PM            

Can't help the North Node moving through my 3rd, though.

Jeez...I just got off the phone with my mom, as my husband and I were talking about selling our home, buying three acres for sale in our area, building our own home on it, and letting my mom and mother in-law have their own acres to live out their days on (I mean, yeah they're a little dysfunctional...my mom is very much so, but she can stay on her side of the property, haha).

My mom's response was rather ungracious, I have to say (being very picky about the type of house she'll live in, etc.), when the entire point of the idea was to make sure that my mom and mother in-law have a place to call their own in their old age, and their children and grandchild close by to check on them, etc.

I am probably not going to go this weekend.

posted April 18, 2014 08:03 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
^ Oh Violets... *jawdrop* - whoah, 'she's a seamstress'?... omg how creepy!

---

Fun fact, one of the ways I make money is from sewing, which I've been doing for fun since I was a little girl. I had to adapt of course as I can't compete against big biz. But there's a market ignored by big biz, like those especially small or tall while also being thin, for example. And they pay A LOT to have clothes made, refitted, and mended for them. I also learned new ways to use my sewing skills through the library (such as Hippie Crafts) which expanded how I can make money through sewing (and also other ways).

And I've also made stuffed toys for less than $10 and sold them for many times the prices as "originals." I've seen them sold for a hundred at times by those I've sold them to, which was a huge profit to them as well as to me. I didn't do this too often, however, as it somehow feels shady. Though I'm telling the truth that they're "originals" I don't see why that means I should be able to get away with selling what I think was $10 worth of time and materials for $50, and see them on sale for over a $100 each and they sell (sometimes in less than a month, and some buyers were like "got to have them all") and only because they're called "originals"! Granted, those were usually the times I only made rent and ate regularly because of that.

IOW, I'm something of a seamstress (though it's not the only thing I do). Don't worry, I laughed when I read that, I never realized we were creepy before.