|
Author
|
Topic: What alot of women really think about nice guys
|
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9274
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
|
posted April 28, 2014 10:54 AM
  
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/evet4j/inside-amy-schumer-hello-m-lady This is a video making fun of nice guys and it pretty much depicts them in the same old predictable way. They are portrayed as being nerdy, unattractive, idiotic, unassertive and manipulative. As an Ex/ reformed nice guy I have to call bullsh*t on this video and the stereotype of nice guys in general because it makes it out like the women involved have zero responsibility in these types of situations. First of all the video implies that nice guys aren't direct with their desires and intentions. That assumption is false in many cases because alot of nice guys are direct with their desires and intentions and the women will lead them on and give them hope that they have a chance. So the women have some responsibility in those cases. And even in the cases where the guy isnt direct the women are not completely off the hook. The reason I say this is because women are pretty bright and can figure out whats going on even if the guy doesnt come right out and say it. And secondly there's the important fact that they know what's going on and yet they let the situation continue... At any moment a woman could stop accepting the nice guys offers and politely but firmly let him know that she is not interested in him and cut contact with him. Like the woman in the video... She was making fun of a guy for buying her an iphone! Thats a perfect example of what i'm talking about. She did not have to accept the phone but she did anyway. In these situations women have partial responsibility and arent the innocent victims like they want you to believe. The truth is both sides are at fault in these cases. The guy is usually naive or just a fool in love and the women enable these situations by letting them happen because they are afraid of rejecting him or some of them even intentionally use the guy for all he's worth. At any rate these types of women who trash guys who are nice to them are clearly lowlifes and not worth any guy's time, thats my opinion anyway. I just wanted to speak my mind on this and rant a bit because this issue is personal to me because I have been in the nice guy shoes.IP: Logged |
Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 642
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
|
posted April 28, 2014 12:08 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
At any rate these types of women who trash guys who are nice to them are clearly lowlifes and not worth any guy's time, thats my opinion anyway.
Agreed. Anyway, although I think it's fairly obvious when a guy is interested in me, it is not necessarily at all obvious what he is interested in. Or why. It is not so simple as "oh, this guy is interested, let's lead him on". Is he very interested or merely curious? Does he want a sexual or emotional relationship? Does he even know? Is he interested in me or absolutely everyone? Is he even interested or is this just the way he acts with people? These are all difficult questions that women encounter. And women think allot, sometimes unnecessarily perhaps, but even so women tend to over-think things and a simple issue turns out to be very, very complicated. I am not one of those women you describe. I don't mean to lead guys on, but sometimes it is hard to turn them down politely when they refuse to take a hint. That leads to one of two things; either I am nice but distant (and accused 'leading them on') OR, I am direct and therefore "mean". It's hard to do the 'right thing' sometimes. IP: Logged |
MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 1452
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted April 28, 2014 12:14 PM
I can't watch the video because it won't play on my computer but I hate it when people take advantage of other people's kindness.
IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9274
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
|
posted April 28, 2014 12:21 PM
^ Good points.I think it is very complicated because of the programming men get in childhood. Men are taught to sacrifice themselves for women and provide for them. And this has been further complicated by the fact that feminism has made it a point to demonize male sexuality and have effectively created an environment where men fear being direct about their desires and might even feel guilty for having them in the first place. Alot of guys are just doing what they were taught to do in childhood and they end up getting hated for it. I think alot of men have a lot of pent up anger because of this and understandably so.IP: Logged |
12muddy
Knowflake Posts: 1705
From:
Registered: Feb 2013
|
posted April 28, 2014 12:31 PM
Sometimes I feel for guys who are like the one in the vid, but most of the time I don't. A guy can be "nice" as in being polite, respectful..etc.. without being a doormat/fool/etc.. That's how most of the men I know behave. And they have little to no problem in romantic relationships. quote:
Originally posted by Sibyl:
OR, I am direct and therefore "mean".
Yup. IP: Logged |
libraschoice77
Knowflake Posts: 1735
From: A Danielle Steele Novel
Registered: Aug 2010
|
posted April 28, 2014 12:36 PM
Aquaguy91, this is not always the case, why do you always assume all women are like this?When I lived back in AZ I had a routine of going to the Coffee Plantation to have my latte and study. There was one afternoon where there were no spots available to sit, so I ended up sitting by the window next to some fairly attractive guy who also looked to be studying as well. He was reading a book I was familiar with so brought it up briefly to him, well we ended up in a conversation but the whole time we were talking he was dripping with attitude and sarcasm. And at one point mentioned how he was always lucky with the ladies, after I finished my coffee I got up and left without saying anything more to him. Even though he was a good looking guy I was so put off by the vain aura he exuded.
Then there are times before where I would go out to a club and look around at the guys there, usually I would approach the ones that looked shy or alittle nervous. I preferred them over the Ryan Gosling types that are all too smooth with their pick up lines, and expect women to jump to their whim.
Will admit I had my bad boy period I went through when I was 18, but when it is all said and done I give the sweet/shy/unsure guy the time of day. I am married to a nice guy, he's a sweetheart and lucky to have him. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9274
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
|
posted April 28, 2014 12:47 PM
quote:
Originally posted by 12muddy:
Sometimes I feel for guys who are like the one in the vid, but most of the time I don't. A guy can be "nice" as in being polite, respectful..etc.. without being a doormat/fool/etc.. That's how most of the men I know behave. And they have little to no problem in romantic relationships. Heh yeah.
The thing is I dont think most nice guys are like that. I was a nice guy in the past but I was nothing like the guys depicted in the video. I was always direct and candid in my interactions with women and yet they couldnt be honest with me.IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9274
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
|
posted April 28, 2014 12:49 PM
quote:
Originally posted by libraschoice77:
Aquaguy91, this is not always the case, why do you always assume all women are like this?When I lived back in AZ I had a routine of going to the Coffee Plantation to have my latte and study. There was one afternoon where there were no spots available to sit, so I ended up sitting by the window next to some fairly attractive guy who also looked to be studying as well. He was reading a book I was familiar with so brought it up briefly to him, well we ended up in a conversation but the whole time we were talking he was dripping with attitude and sarcasm. And at one point mentioned how he was always lucky with the ladies, after I finished my coffee I got up and left without saying anything more to him. Even though he was a good looking guy I was so put off by the vain aura he exuded.
Then there are times before where I would go out to a club and look around at the guys there, usually I would approach the ones that looked shy or alittle nervous. I preferred them over the Ryan Gosling types that are all too smooth with their pick up lines, and expect women to jump to their whim.
Will admit I had my bad boy period I went through when I was 18, but when it is all said and done I give the sweet/shy/unsure guy the time of day. I am married to a nice guy, he's a sweetheart and lucky to have him.
I dont think all women are like that, that's why I said "alot of women" in the op. Alot of women do have those attitudes demonstrated by the video.
IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 7284
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
|
posted April 28, 2014 12:51 PM
I don't think "nice" is descriptive enough. One of my exes was very nice and I loved him. No complaints whatsoever. Our suns were trine. Another ex was very nice, and it did kind of get on my nerves, because of how he expressed his kindness. The flavor was off. He wasn't touching my heart with it, and I felt like we were getting nowhere. Our suns were square. Still...common courtesy and tolerance make the world go round, and I've never been with any guy who didn't have basic manners. The more refined his manners, the better. But as someone who takes astrology seriously, I think much of what you see happening between men and women is synastry. IP: Logged |
MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 1452
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted April 28, 2014 12:55 PM
I remember when I was 17, I had a 'nice' guy in his 60's with a wedding ring on offer to take me to Italy for a month all expenses paid.IP: Logged |
12muddy
Knowflake Posts: 1705
From:
Registered: Feb 2013
|
posted April 28, 2014 01:09 PM
No idea about your experience with the women you've met. But there could be lots of moments like what Sibyl has described. Sometimes it's not about them being dishonest. As for nice guys.... Well some of them are really wolves in sheep clothing. Don't be surprised if some women hestitate or don't immediately give a straight up answer - they gotta take some time to evaluate the guy's words n actions. I've never dated nice and shy/unassertive guys or "bad" boys. Don't see the appeal. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9274
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
|
posted April 28, 2014 01:17 PM
But as someone who takes astrology seriously, I think much of what you see happening between men and women is synastry.[/B][/QUOTE]That is true. But my problem with " a lot " of women is they have a tendency to try and justify their dislike of someone by imagining character flaws and assigning them to the people they dislike. We all meet a few people that we just dont like, its understandable. But.. Its not cool to stick daggers in their back when they arent around and tell blatant lies to make them look bad. Oh boy I could tell you some stories about women who have made up whoppers about me, all because they just didn't like me. IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 7284
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
|
posted April 28, 2014 01:23 PM
Forgive them and move on. Their lack of character is not your fault, not your problem...it has nothing to do with you. Just keep rising above.IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 7284
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
|
posted April 28, 2014 01:27 PM
Honestly when I was younger I sometimes acted the way you are describing, and as I've matured, these are very sad memories for me. I wish I had been more respectful and mature. I really do.IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9274
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
|
posted April 28, 2014 01:37 PM
Thank you. Maybe I just have had extremely bad luck to be surrounded by women of bad character. But Good lord I have met a lot of bad apples in my 23 years on this earth. I dont think all women are this way. I probably just have crap luck.IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9274
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
|
posted April 28, 2014 01:38 PM
As for nice guys.... Well some of them are really wolves in sheep clothing. [/B][/QUOTE] That is very true. IP: Logged |
libraschoice77
Knowflake Posts: 1735
From: A Danielle Steele Novel
Registered: Aug 2010
|
posted April 28, 2014 01:41 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
I don't think "nice" is descriptive enough. One of my exes was very nice and I loved him. No complaints whatsoever. Our suns were trine. Another ex was very nice, and it did kind of get on my nerves, because of how he expressed his kindness. The flavor was off. He wasn't touching my heart with it, and I felt like we were getting nowhere. Our suns were square. Still...common courtesy and tolerance make the world go round, and I've never been with any guy who didn't have basic manners. The more refined his manners, the better. But as someone who takes astrology seriously, I think much of what you see happening between men and women is synastry.
That's true, sometimes there is a natural free flowing nice you get from someone in a relationship, and on the other hand there's the get on your nerves nice where its seems unreal. Too much butt kissing is annoying for anyone lol. IP: Logged |
libraschoice77
Knowflake Posts: 1735
From: A Danielle Steele Novel
Registered: Aug 2010
|
posted April 28, 2014 01:46 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Thank you. Maybe I just have had extremely bad luck to be surrounded by women of bad character. But Good lord I have met a lot of bad apples in my 23 years on this earth. I dont think all women are this way. I probably just have crap luck.
Still think you should move to a different area, you might have better luck else where. I had many problems too with men in AZ, I finally moved and eventually found myself a wonderful man. IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 7284
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
|
posted April 28, 2014 02:02 PM
quote:
Originally posted by libraschoice77:
Still think you should move to a different area, you might have better luck else where. I had many problems too with men in AZ, I finally moved and eventually found myself a wonderful man.
And all you need is *one*!  ETA: It's something to remember, AG, when the dating game gets too nerve-wracking: you won't always have to get to know allll these people. IP: Logged |
Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 642
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
|
posted April 28, 2014 02:11 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Thank you. Maybe I just have had extremely bad luck to be surrounded by women of bad character. But Good lord I have met a lot of bad apples in my 23 years on this earth. I dont think all women are this way. I probably just have crap luck.
Or maybe it is meant to be this way so that when you do find the "good apple" you will appreciate it even more and live happily ever after  Idk, I think if we keep running into the same issues there is supposed to be a lesson there somewhere.
IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 8318
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
|
posted April 28, 2014 02:50 PM
Only stupid women don't like nice guys and that's their problem. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9274
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
|
posted April 28, 2014 03:13 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Sibyl:
Or maybe it is meant to be this way so that when you do find the "good apple" you will appreciate it even more and live happily ever after Idk, I think if we keep running into the same issues there is supposed to be a lesson there somewhere.
Maybe so. I have read venus/chiron interpretations that say that. I have venus quincunx chiron exact. IP: Logged |
Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 642
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
|
posted April 28, 2014 07:24 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Maybe so. I have read venus/chiron interpretations that say that. I have venus quincunx chiron exact.
There you go!  Either way, I think it is a nicer way of looking at it. If you see it as a lesson/challenge, I think it will be easier for you to reconcile and deal with. Besides... If you never experience any hardships in life, how will you know happiness/love when you see it? I know someone... Extremely unhappy, and has the least reason to be. PERFECT life. Keeps asking me what the point is. What's next? Can never be content. I think this person appreciates me most for the excitement, really. The whole moon opp mars and 5th house stuff. Happiness can get boring really fast if you don't really have anything to contrast it with. IP: Logged |
Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 642
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
|
posted April 28, 2014 09:01 PM
Why do you say you are a former nice guy btw? What do you do differently now?IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 4348
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
|
posted April 28, 2014 09:03 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
This is a video making fun of nice guys and it pretty much depicts them in the same old predictable way
Perhaps it touches a nerve for you but just in case you or anyone else doesn't realize it I wanted to point out that it's intended to be comedy. IP: Logged |
Topic Closed
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
