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Author
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Topic: Forgiveness
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asclibrasagsun
Knowflake Posts: 2808
From: Mälmo, Sweden
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted May 07, 2014 06:41 PM
  
How do you forgive someone who has done you wrong?It is so hard to do, I have been trying for one year and I still can't... Please help me with your advice IP: Logged |
Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 743
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted May 07, 2014 07:01 PM
I have been thinking about this allot lately too. I think there are different forms of forgiveness.
There is forgiveness for your own sake, and there is forgiveness for the other person's sake. These two don't have to happen at the same time. I usually don't see a point in forgiving people who do not understand what they have done wrong. It happens more often than one should think. If they don't get it I will refuse to forgive them because they have learned nothing and so forgiving them will not be to their benefit as they will only repeat their mistakes. However there are some cases in which I holding a grudge/hate can become so toxic to yourself that you have to let it go no matter what state of understanding the other person is at. I suppose this happens allot in abuse cases. I think a tip to being able to forgive is seeing yourself as a victor rather than a victim. It requires you to turn the hurt into something positive.  IP: Logged |
MsPrism
Knowflake Posts: 1643
From:
Registered: Jun 2013
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posted May 07, 2014 07:11 PM
I think that last line sums up my mindset regarding my own abuse experiences, Sibyl. I also don't have any hatred or anger toward the persons that abused me so it's great advice! IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 54510
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 07, 2014 07:24 PM
quote:
Originally posted by asclibrasagsun:
How do you forgive someone who has done you wrong?It is so hard to do, I have been trying for one year and I still can't... Please help me with your advice
Talk is cheap on this one. Most people who say they have forgiven have not, deep in their hearts, imo To me, as a Born Again Christian, I am told to forgive because God forgave me and I did not deserve it BUT I really don't have this in my heart and wonder if I ever will  ------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
7thGuardian
Knowflake Posts: 1248
From: Transylvania
Registered: May 2012
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posted May 07, 2014 07:25 PM
Look for a lesson - for something you gained from that experience (bad as it may be). Thus - i hate you could turn "thank you - learning this (the hard way... this time) made me stronger".IP: Logged |
Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 743
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted May 07, 2014 08:18 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4HZxBU0Px8 IP: Logged |
DeepFreeze
Knowflake Posts: 1534
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted May 07, 2014 09:12 PM
quote:
Originally posted by 7thGuardian:
Look for a lesson - for something you gained from that experience (bad as it may be). Thus - i hate you could turn "thank you - learning this (the hard way... this time) made me stronger".
This is the rule that I live by.
There is a positive thing or positive lesson to be gained from anything. It has yet to fail me. Another twist to add to this....
How do express or not express forgiving or not?
I forgive but don't forget. In the majority of cases my forgiveness or lack thereof is not verbalized.
I will go cold, silent, and move on.
IF I happen to come back at some point for even casual conversation then there is forgiveness. Perhaps with a lack of trust and more distance. But I often will not mention it. I had a falling out with ex-roommates. (and current coworkers) We agreed for me to move out but remain peaceful. I kept my negativity to myself. They even would invite me for lunch. However I was p****ed inside.
Once I was out (over a year ago) I have never spoken a single word. It's in my blood.... That's typically my natural way. IP: Logged |
asclibrasagsun
Knowflake Posts: 2808
From: Mälmo, Sweden
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted May 07, 2014 09:56 PM
Thank you all for your great advice and insight, of course I agree with everything you are all saying...
It makes sense to me.Still I cannot forgive,
The person that betrayed me is enjoying himself to the fullest and does not even understand the least bit of how much harm he has brought to me...I wish he would hurt, why does he deserve happiness? IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 4412
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 07, 2014 10:25 PM
It's normally not hard for me. When it is then I separate myself from that person. Only in one case since fully becoming an adult has it continued to be hard after that (took me years). Though I think my placements help me a lot in this regard (my only major placement in Scorpio is Jupiter which would also help minimize obsessive bitterness, unlike many other Scorpio placements).A sense of humor (especially dark, sardonic, and gallows humor, but any kind) helps, too. I should say that I forgive out of self-interest, not some misguided con job of religions to keep the masses in line so they could be oppressed and exploited by abusive political and religious leaders. One thing I will agree with Buddha on is that holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It doesn't hurt the other person, it just hurts me. So I don't forgive them to show myself as "spiritually superior" or similar nonsense, I forgive them (that is let go of the bitterness and obsessive thoughts of what was done) for the sake of my own mental and physical health. In most cases I just let it all go but that doesn't mean I give a "get out of jail free" card. As an example, letting go of the anger of past sexual abuse is one thing, remaining silent on it so others are likewise abused is something completely different. On a lesser note I've forgiven my parents for things done to me (learning more of their background and how they became the sort of people they were helped) but I haven't forgotten. That means I get along with them when I can and have a little compassion for them, but I don't trust them at all and would never make myself dependent on or vulnerable to them again, but there's no bitterness with that, it's like how I wouldn't quench my thirst with sea water, I know it won't help but I don't hate the sea for it, I just find water elsewhere. And also how I brace myself to be stung when swimming in the Gulf of Mexico and not being bitter over it when it happens, just prepared (obviously it helps that I never enter the Gulf of Mexico save when I freely choose to, it doesn't come after me or hold any sort of power over me). Likewise, I do nice things for the 'rents but I never expect even minimal gratitude over it, and good thing or I'd be disappointed. Again, humor helps with that. IP: Logged |
MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 1519
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 07, 2014 10:44 PM
It can be difficult.I forgave my father for abusing me as a child. I suppose I want the bad cycle of karma to end. I didn't want my hate or retaliation moving beyond this lifetime and I didn't want to live with bitterness on my part. There are still times I get angry about it - very occasionally - but I work through that and use that towards something more positive.
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Doux Rêve
Moderator Posts: 7816
From:
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted May 08, 2014 12:30 PM
I can't forgive people no matter how bad I think I want to.Sometimes I even think that I have forgiven someone when in fact I harbor deep resentment inside that lies dormant and occasionally reaches full consciousness. All that to say... I have no idea how to forgive. And very often I don't even want/care to. Forgiving means letting go and that's precisely something I have trouble doing. IP: Logged |
DeepFreeze
Knowflake Posts: 1534
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted May 08, 2014 07:46 PM
quote:
Originally posted by asclibrasagsun:
Thank you all for your great advice and insight, of course I agree with everything you are all saying...
It makes sense to me.Still I cannot forgive,
The person that betrayed me is enjoying himself to the fullest and does not even understand the least bit of how much harm he has brought to me...I wish he would hurt, why does he deserve happiness?
You forgive when you feel it. Don't feel guilty.
I think it's possible to not forgive but yet not let it be consuming. I just don't talk to them. They're essentially dead.
If they have some reason to talk such as work I won't be an idiot about it. I'll talk. But they will never get anywhere near my personal life.
There's a double cancer at work who won't look at me or even walk in the same room if she can help it, after two years now. She gets this disgusted look too. I kind of feel pity for her. That has to be completely miserable.
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Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 743
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted May 09, 2014 10:06 AM
I'm so glad we can discuss such things here. I tried to bring it up to some friends two weeks ago but they just looked at me like I was a weirdo. No room for such reflections AT ALL. -.- It didn't seem like they had ever had to contemplate it! Well what a wake-up call they're going to get. At some point. IP: Logged |
Catalina
Knowflake Posts: 1721
From: shamballa
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted May 09, 2014 02:32 PM
In the end we are all human, those who are hurtful are usually hurting themselves. I have seen the reality of "what goes around comes round" often enough to know that they will find their justice somewhere. So I can release them and their behavior, also knowing I have made many mistakes that probably hurt people...What looks like getting off scot-free is just how YOU see it. Not necessarily his reality at all. I would Thank him for the lesson and realize you are that much stronger for having had the experience. And know that there is something better that would have been kept from me without it. IP: Logged |
asclibrasagsun
Knowflake Posts: 2808
From: Mälmo, Sweden
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted May 09, 2014 11:00 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Sibyl:
I'm so glad we can discuss such things here. I tried to bring it up to some friends two weeks ago but they just looked at me like I was a weirdo. No room for such reflections AT ALL. -.- It didn't seem like they had ever had to contemplate it! Well what a wake-up call they're going to get. At some point.
Agreed! IP: Logged |
asclibrasagsun
Knowflake Posts: 2808
From: Mälmo, Sweden
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted May 09, 2014 11:01 PM
@CatalinaWouldn't say I'm much stronger from the experience at all, actually! That whole what doesn't kill you makes you stronger idea is something I completely disagree with. IP: Logged |
Ellynlvx
Moderator Posts: 7656
From: the Point of Light within the Mind of God
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted May 09, 2014 11:06 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcGy-BT5suk quote:
"Forgiveness"
(Collective Soul)In my silence, I would love to forget
Restitution hasn't come quite yet
And with one accord I keep pushing forth
I stretch my heart to heal some more It used to be all I'd want to learn
Was wisdom trust and truth
But now all I really want to learn
Is forgiveness for you As my seasons change, I've now grown to know
When one's heart creates, one's soul doesn't owe
So I wash away stains of yesterday
Then tempt my heart with love's display It used to be all I'd want to learn
Was wisdom trust and truth
But now all I really want to learn
Is forgiveness for you
Songwriters
ROLAND, ED
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Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 743
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted May 10, 2014 04:20 AM
quote:
Originally posted by asclibrasagsun:
@CatalinaWouldn't say I'm much stronger from the experience at all, actually! That whole what doesn't kill you makes you stronger idea is something I completely disagree with.
Well... If not stronger, then perhaps wiser?
IP: Logged |
12muddy
Knowflake Posts: 1737
From:
Registered: Feb 2013
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posted May 10, 2014 06:45 AM
For me, being able to truly forgive would require compassion and empathy. I would have to understand why the other person did what they did, and have to see that the act hurt them as well. I have forgiven loved ones who have done me wrong.As for the abusers, while I have no desire to "understand" them or why they did what they did, I try not to pay them any thought, or to feel anything towards them at all. No compassion, no forgiveness, no hatred. I see them as bad experiences. Thinking too much of them will be hard on my emotional/mental state. The trouble is sometimes my loved ones are the abusers - my parents. Hah it really messed my mind up for a while coz I was torn between wanting to forgive and feeling too hurt to do so. In the end, I tried to give them a chance and luckily they took it, so for the most part things are working out well and I don't think much of their wrong doings. IP: Logged |
Catalina
Knowflake Posts: 1721
From: shamballa
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted May 10, 2014 01:59 PM
It's amazing how easy it is to forgive your parents when you have your own kids and see that maybe they just didn't know how to handle a situation. Because, believe me if you haven't already had them, we make a lot of wrong steps with our own kids too.I am not suggesting anyone necessarily have compassion for those that hurt us, but realize we don't know all/understand others' inner workings. Or their blind spots. In the end it is how you respond that makes you stronger, not the event itself, just as your response is what makes it hurtful... And forgiveness is really just letting go, which you do for your own sake more than the other person's, but we have all caused or catalyzed pain for someone, life goes on and hopefully we learn from our mistakes. IP: Logged |
asclibrasagsun
Knowflake Posts: 2808
From: Mälmo, Sweden
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted May 10, 2014 09:16 PM
All amazing thoughts, guys thank you for your inputI understand what all of you are trying to say and I couldn't agree more IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 4412
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 11, 2014 12:34 AM
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asclibrasagsun
Knowflake Posts: 2808
From: Mälmo, Sweden
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted May 11, 2014 11:03 AM
Read the whole thing, lighthearted comic but lots of meaning in there!Wish my situation with the man was as easy as this IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 54510
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 13, 2014 04:42 PM
quote:
Originally posted by asclibrasagsun:
Read the whole thing, lighthearted comic but lots of meaning in there!Wish my situation with the man was as easy as this
Thinking of you!
------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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