posted May 15, 2014 06:57 AM            

What was your grieving process like?
How did you cope with the loss?
Did you have coping mechanisms?
Did you find coping with the death was much more difficult if there was no closure (unresolved issues, the manner in which the person passed etc)?

Or:
In the case where someone passed from a terminal illness..

Were you mentally prepared for the outcome?
Were you in denial about the situation and still hoped for a miracle despite the odds pointing in the opposite direction?

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Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

posted May 15, 2014 07:24 AM            

Often there were two voices in my head. One told me to get ready n deal with it, one vainly hoped for a miracle. I don't think I have any special coping mechanism. I felt terrible and I cried. Smashed a few things and cursed the universe. Then I cried some more. Eventually I was spent and the pain faded.

posted May 15, 2014 10:36 AM            

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posted May 15, 2014 10:54 AM            

That colours my reaction to it.

When my Grandmother passed, it brought my Marriage to an end.

There was a time about six months after that I dreamed she was leaving the house, and then I cried.

When my Brother was snatched from us in such a violent nature, he was around for an awful long time, and I felt Vertigo and a sick dizziness from him.

I still feel it a bit, but it has faded a lot. I try to hold him close and comfort him, so the badness passes.

If I don't pass out first.

When my other Grandmother passed, it was by her own consent.

Her religion did not believe in artificial additions to the body, and boy was she p****d when she woke up.

She made my Father turn it off.

posted May 15, 2014 12:46 PM            

I have mourned several loved ones who died of natural causes. My aunt in her 30's of a brain aneurism, my step-father in his 40's of a massive heart attack, my uncle in his 50's of a massive heart attack, my friend in her late 30's of a massive heart attack, my friend who was assassinated in the middle east while researching for a book ...

I suppose I first react with some shock because those have been incredibly unexpected and they were relatively young. Then tears, then more tears, and some more tears... and then a renewed appreciation of how fleeting life is and that it should be savored and spent showing the loved ones still with you how much you love them.

posted May 15, 2014 04:31 PM            

My father was in good health basically. Enough that he got out and did things everyday. Very very capable and still ran his business,took trips, etc.

He fell and was on life support last Dec 14, the day after his birthday.
We pulled the life support last Dec 20th.

The day after he fell was kind of rough. The daddy we pulled the support and the daddy after was kind of rough.
Other than that I've pretty much been myself.

I know that I can't change anything by being overwhelmed by those emotions. He's gone, it's a fact and my feelings will only affect me. I want to make each day count for MY life (which includes offers that I love, all of our time is limited). His time is done.

I do NOT, absolutely do not think about what will be missing in the future. How I won't see him or be able to call him, or ponder what ifs, or I wish kind of things. No regrets.

I remember how he's made me happy, how he's made me smile and laugh, the time we've spent together and overcome our obstacles.
am thankful to have had him in my life at all. He was a great great man and I feel blessed to have been his son... To have been close to him like that.

I'm thankful and pleased that I could impact his life positively and I definitely made him proud. I'm happy to have spent time with him, to know him, to bring him joy.

Basically, I celebrate what was and don't think about what won't be.

Now, obviously age or victim of a violent crime would be different or victim of a drunk driver. I'm not sure... Probably not good

posted May 15, 2014 04:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
I do NOT, absolutely do not think about what will be missing in the future. How I won't see him or be able to call him, or ponder what ifs, or I wish kind of things. No regrets.

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posted May 15, 2014 06:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sibyl:
I'm not sure whether this was in reference to me, DP? I don't mean the missing out on either... I mean the part where you miss someone and wish they were with you. Like a long lost friend you haven't seen for some reason. Or when you are abroad and away from your family for a long time. The death is a perpetuated state of that. No?

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posted May 16, 2014 05:22 PM            

In the early 2000s I lost the 4 people who raised me from a baby. They all died one after another. I did OK with that, considering that two of the deaths we from aids, and totally senseless... they were too young. The most traumatizing part was BEFORE they died, and the things they said and did before they went. Very difficult. I was crying all the time and just having a hard time with my 3 small kids.
I had a break for awhile, and then in the mid 2000's I lost 4 close friends. One of them, my best friend. It got to the point where I would pick up my phone, but everybody I wanted to call was no longer living.
And THAT'S when I really fell apart...
I started drinking and mixing my anxiety meds with alcohol. I'm surprised I'm still here myself! I just realized the bulk of the most terrible things that have happened to me, happened while Pluto was in Sag.

I guess in the end I figured out that no matter what, I am going to experience the death of others. In fact, it's possible that I may be the last one left of my tribe, and I can't do a thing about it! Drinking doesn't help, nor does throwing oneself into work. Sex doesn't help. Time is the only thing. That and talking with others. These deaths I experienced brought me closer to my cousins who I hadn't spoken with in years. Now they are in my life every day, and that is a blessing.

posted May 16, 2014 05:28 PM            

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Love,

posted May 16, 2014 06:54 PM            

He lied to me. (Yes, I know people lie about how it's "only fear rather than pain" that makes them cry out. I call BS on it, especially as I see their fear as they're restrained but them cry out and jump as much as possible from the branding touch though methods are use to minimize such movement, and see it as yet another manifestation of human nature that likes to cover up something evil that's beneficial to the self as something good or at least harmless, and that's what my family was doing, like all who mutilate animals with fire in this day and age when alternatives are easy to use.) As I realized he lied to me everything he ever said, and all adults ever said, was thrown into confusion and my whole world (and composure) dissolved.

So then my uncle pulled an old trick (I've met a handful of others with similar experiences) in which he fed me burgers and then explained to me that we'd just been eating my favorite cow. Being 4 I didn't understand, I thought she tasted good but I assumed the meat was like the milk, that the cow was still okay. I was just confused as he gave me a speech about how cows are livestock, not pets.

It was after days of looking and Granny trying to explain it to me that I realized she was dead...and worse, I realized she had been put to death to teach me a lesson. And therefore I was not only wracked with grief but also guilt as it sunk in. I know the lesson my uncle meant to teach me but what I learned is "your love will kill."

A few years later on the outskirts of Houston a school I went to made us (for either stupid or sadistic reasons) watch Old Yeller every single year before summer break. Frankly, I thought it was a stupid movie the first time (and I sure as hell knew better than to play with bear cubs as that boy did!) and once was enough. I refused to watch it a third time and a teacher told me I had to see it to learn about death. I shouted something like, "I've known about that since Uncle X killed my cow!" It was obviously a sore spot for me and I was finally allowed to spend the time in the library instead.

posted May 16, 2014 07:09 PM            

But I can share about an acquaintance junkie who died about the same time. He'd gotten on hard drugs in Vietnam that we (runaways, including my best friend who was killed as one) called him Pappy and he shared one of our squats with us. When my krew would bring food back I'd sometimes take some for him if I thought we could spare it since he was a wanted felon and therefore denied the same services for the homeless that we kids were (and he was nice enough to us unlike many other adults). One day he was filled with an incredible passion and poured out his life story to me that was horrific and he grabbed me hard at one time shaking me (I'm surprised I wasn't terrified, I guess I was so enthralled by what he said and he felt like someone drowning clinging to me to live rather than trying to hurt me) asking me why there was evil. He believed I could figure it out and wanted me to. I promised I'd try.

Not long after he locked himself into a room he used to cook his H and use it and then he never came out. We were worried but didn't check on him. And not long after deputies raided our squat (I was lucky enough to be away at the time) and they found him dead of an OD (and at least one other adult dead in the elevator shaft that we had no idea was about or how long they'd been there). Razorwire got put around it and we could no longer squat there. I felt really sad for him and didn't know if his death had been accidental or on purpose.

posted May 19, 2014 06:56 AM            

I will elaborate why I started this topic later. I didn't know it would stir up some of my own feelings for loved ones who passed.

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Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

posted May 21, 2014 01:41 AM            

um okaaay.. ...chirping crickets