posted June 01, 2014 06:25 PM            

It is about my mother, with whom I struggle. I know Violets goes through similar things.

My mother was upset I did not "like" her. How can you like someone who baits you and does one up man ship on you?

Then, YOU are left feeling like you did something wrong that you don't like someone like that.

I love her but I don't like her.

I would appreciate any thoughts. I know this is my stuck place.

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posted June 01, 2014 06:38 PM            

Astrologically, I think it is the exact conbust of Mercury and the Sun. There is no or very, very little detachment from the self.
It would feel like when you are really self conscious and you feel everyone is looking at you or watching you like when you walk into a party alone or something that makes you feel that way.
For this aspect, I think it is kind of a permanent stance, not really a choice.

I may move the astrological part to Astro 2 but feel free to discuss anything that hits you and I appreciate it!

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posted June 01, 2014 07:45 PM            

She doesn't try it much on me anymore, as I've set my foot down very firmly about it with her, point blank.

But I think I mentioned that she seems to be trying to subtly bully my son, which really p*sses me off big time.

I think that she knows it, just beneath surface level, and then conveniently forgets about it. I don't blame her much for a lot of her past behaviors with me anymore, and it doesn't feel angry for me very often.

But this is now, and I have to hold her accountable for her actions on some level, when it comes to my child. I hawkeye her when she's with him, and I've told him that it's perfectly acceptable to say "I want to be alone right now". He deserves that space and that right, after all.

Other annoyances are just that. Mostly I feel guilty at times for not helping her as much as I would like to, but then I have to realize that she puts herself in situations that make it nearly impossible to help her, so...

I'm sorry that you're still having to deal with it, Ami. I was stuck in a very angry place with my mom for decades. Now I feel mostly just sad and tired about it, because I have to disengage from her so extensively.

posted June 01, 2014 10:15 PM            

I think my mother does not have the empathy to know when she hurts others but maybe she does. She is a therapist

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posted June 01, 2014 11:16 PM            

She WANTS to help people, I'm sure of it. But there's a creepy control thing that goes on there that I honestly don't think she's aware of, in that sense.

She does have empathy, and the desire to help people. But then something else sort of creeps in and mucks it up with what I can only assume are unconscious ulterior motives.

I think that anyone in the helping profession has to be aware of that potential, and guard against it. It's nice to feel good about what we do, but I think that if we aren't careful we can end up doing it for our own egotistical gratification (or to be depended upon by someone else who is deemed "helpless", as I think happens with my mom).

It's a tricky balance, all of that.

And of course I'm speaking from my own experience, working in helping fields. I have to keep myself in check with it, because it's really easy to say "Oh, I've done caring things for people!" when the point is, of course, to just do those things and be thankful for the blessing to be able to be of service.

posted June 02, 2014 12:26 AM            

Sometimes people have a hard time doing it just for the sake of it, I think we all have to fight against that.

posted June 02, 2014 07:31 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Violets:
Oh, lordy. My mom is odd that way as well. She was working for the DSHS for a while, and was a preschool teacher when I was younger.

She WANTS to help people, I'm sure of it. But there's a creepy control thing that goes on there that I honestly don't think she's aware of, in that sense.

She does have empathy, and the desire to help people. But then something else sort of creeps in and mucks it up with what I can only assume are unconscious ulterior motives.

I think that anyone in the helping profession has to be aware of that potential, and guard against it. It's nice to feel good about what we do, but I think that if we aren't careful we can end up doing it for our own egotistical gratification (or to be depended upon by someone else who is deemed "helpless", as I think happens with my mom).

It's a tricky balance, all of that.

And of course I'm speaking from my own experience, working in helping fields. I have to keep myself in check with it, because it's really easy to say "Oh, I've done caring things for people!" when the point is, of course, to just do those things and be thankful for the blessing to be able to be of service.

I think, sadly, that my mom may (or may not) have missed that part. But I don't want to pass judgment on her, maybe she hasn't...

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posted June 02, 2014 08:25 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Violets:
But of course, I think that what I said about my own mom can be said of a lot of people who try to help others, whether they're doing it in a professional setting or not.

Sometimes people have a hard time doing it just for the sake of it, I think we all have to fight against that.

Anyway, I just wanted to clarify that I was only referencing my own mom there. And what I've noticed in my own psyche, and have guarded against.

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I am a counselor. I have a Masters degree. I never worked in it up until now because I felt like a fraud. I knew I was not in good shape, so how could I help others?

I worked in natural health for my working life until I had kids and then stayed home.

I think I am a natural counselor(Jung conj the Sun) exact. I do not think a counselor can be made with the best education. I think they are born. I am a born counselor due to my chart, in large measure.

I am mostly air and water which is the perfect profile for a counselor.

My clients help me so much by giving me the honor of sharing themselves with me. They deepen me but more than that, I have seen many changed lives. I give God the credit, not me.

My counseling is with the charts, most of the time, so it is more of my showing them who they are, not my being "the authority"

Also, I use the Bible as the Source and not me. That is a distinction I can live with. I lead the people to God, if they want that. If they don't, we stick with the charts and I use my intuition.

I know I am more of a vehicle for my intuition, Astrology and God, so now I take much of the burden off my own "wisdom"

I have life experience to share and I do that readily. I break the rules of counseling and do my own thing based on what my intuition tells me.

I love counseling when it uses the charts. W/out the charts, it is walking in the darkness imo

However, the larger issue of why I like it is that I am merely a tool to be used to serve people. I may be a broken vessel but I can allow God to come in, through my intuition, and guide me, so it is not really me anymore.

.

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posted June 02, 2014 08:30 AM            

For me, the stronghold of self esteem is so big. When you had to really shrink and hide your emotions, you learn to feel they are bad, so you are afraid to show them.

That makes for shame and hiding.

I would say this is my biggest stronghold.

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posted June 02, 2014 08:38 AM            

That reminds me of that scene in One Flew Over the Cukoos Nest with Billie and Nurse Ratchett when Billie stops stuttering and Nurse Ratchett threatens him that his mom will be angry.

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posted June 02, 2014 10:34 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:

That reminds me of a couple who I used to live next door to... They had adopted 3 boys who were mentally/emotionally disabled and it was clear that the father liked having control over them. One boy was schizophrenic, one was severely Autistic, but I can't remember what condition the other one had.. The father treated them like children and always held their condition over their heads.. He even tried to talk down to me on a few occasions because he knew I had Asperger's and I definitely got with his ass. He once told my mom that "Robbie and Aquaguy are on the same level"... Robbie being his severely autistic adopted son... This made mom very angry and it made me even angrier when I found out about it... In no way, shape,or form are me and robbie on the same "level"... Robbie is severely autistic and is not independent at all.. I can: hold down a job, keep friends, drive, cook, clean etc. basically everything a fully functioning adult can do, I just struggle with certain things because of my aspergers. But in my neighbor's mind I was a drooling retard because I have a condition, I am glad I was not raised by him or someone else like him. It's really sad because one of his son's, the oldest who has schizophrenia, is more then capable of living a relatively normal independent life but his dad keeps him in a state of total dependence.

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posted June 02, 2014 12:01 PM            

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posted June 15, 2014 12:36 AM            

Once in a while, I truly don't have a clue. Not long ago I thought that I was doing something nice but it upset them.

posted June 15, 2014 12:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
People usually have a clue, but they just don't care.

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You got a good point, Randall. For my mother, she is a therapist so she has to be nice to keep patients

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posted June 17, 2014 07:31 AM            

AMEN

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