Posts: 9796
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012

posted July 27, 2014 04:23 AM            

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Before I went to bed last night I started reading a book. I only ended up reading around 20 pages or so before I put it down for the night but the few pages I read really struck a chord with me. It was definitely a lightbulb moment for me and caused me to rethink how I interact with people and relationships/friendships in general. Needless to say I laid in bed for awhile just pondering on all that I had read. The opening of the book focuses on criticism and how it invariably causes division, anger, or hurt feelings and how we can all benefit from being kinder and praising people instead of being negative and finding fault. The book seems to focus on workplace relationships and business partners but I think the material covered in the book is just as applicable to relationships with friends and family. As I pondered all that I had read I realized how true it all was. I vividly recalled moments where people had criticized me and how much anger and resentment I felt towards them. I also recalled moments where I had criticized people or groups of people and how much hatred and animosity it caused. It just seems like most of us (yes, most people are guilty of this) just don't realize how much damage we can cause when we criticize and find fault with others. But the kicker is we all know how much we hate to be criticized. So why the disconnect? Why can't we put 2 and 2 together and realize that criticizing or nagging others accomplishes nothing? Why do people continue to bang their heads against a brick wall?

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Posts: 1378
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014

posted July 27, 2014 05:11 AM            

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While I do appreciate this coming from you, I do not believe all forms of criticism are bad. It really depends on how it is delivered and what it's hoped to be accomplished by it. I will never be one to support humiliation - not even the consensual type - however, allowing someone to persevere in a clear mistake is also something that I disagree with. Criticism delivered with consideration, for the purpose of betterment, is, in my eyes, acceptable and welcomed. It does not cause anger or resentment on my part, but rather gratitude to be made aware of errors I overlooked. Having feedback from my environment, whether positive or negative, is important for me because I am a growth-oriented person.
Things change a great deal if the tone is derogatory and the purpose is to ridicule, belittle or oppress my self expression. This is the instance where I shrug and keep on doing what I was doing before. Everyone is entitled to have their own personal opinions about everything, and I understand that some people just cannot keep them to themselves, however it is important to remember that not all opinions are relevant, correct or even based on reality.

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~the raving one dancing in the nude~

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Posts: 9796
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012

posted July 27, 2014 06:35 AM            

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Well of course.
But wouldn't you agree that most people go about it the wrong way? Most of the time people are coming from a position of anger or atleast irritation when they criticize someone and that comes across to the person being criticized and they in turn take on those negative emotions and become angry and/or defensive. And I also tend to think that if you are going to criticize someone or point out their flaws it's best to also praise them for something they did (or do) right. If a person has done 99 things right and you point out the 1 thing they did wrong without acknowledging all the positives they are bound to get angry. I think people,myself included. are too quick to criticize and too slow to praise someone and let them know we appreciate them.

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Posts: 1378
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014

posted July 27, 2014 08:05 AM            

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There is no question that our world comes short on tolerance and understanding.

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~the raving one dancing in the nude~

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Posts: 2032
From: shamballa
Registered: Aug 2013

posted July 27, 2014 04:52 PM            

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Just love those light bulbs, and pennies dropping...

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Posts: 8987
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012

posted July 27, 2014 05:42 PM            

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Good question.

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Posts: 473
From: Beachville, USA
Registered: Jan 2012

posted July 27, 2014 06:55 PM            

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People focus on the bad things. Especially if you're the kind of person that does everything right, the moment you mess up they'll be I'll over you. Maybe because the bad things stick out like a sore thumb. Like it's easier to spot a stain on a perfect business suit than it is on dirty sweatshirt someone's been wearing for weeks.

In the workplace, I think they just hold the better people to a higher standard. Like they expect the screw ups to screw up. But if one of the good people screw up it's like where did that come from?

When things are harmonious you don't notice anything. But when things go wrong it's so hard not to notice. On the other hand, if you're a complete screw up like me people don't criticize as much.

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Posts: 379
From:
Registered: Mar 2014

posted July 27, 2014 07:14 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
It just seems like most of us (yes, most people are guilty of this) just don't realize how much damage we can cause when we criticize and find fault with others. But the kicker is we all know how much we hate to be criticized. So why the disconnect? Why can't we put 2 and 2 together and realize that criticizing or nagging others accomplishes nothing? Why do people continue to bang their heads against a brick wall?

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I fall victim to doing this many times. I never intend to hurt feelings or verbally attack, I just don't think before I speak sometimes. I'll say things without realizing how they sound or can be misconstrued. I'm also very blunt so people who like to beat around the bush tend to find me abrasive.

As for the disconnect and criticizing although we don't like to be criticized; it could be numerous things. Spite could be at play.. Wanting to "get back" at someone who previously hurt you, or wanting to embarrass someone. Absent-mindedness, which is most often my case. Sometimes people just don't realize that what they're saying can be hurtful. Impatience could be another one, or just being caught in a terrible mood and exploding on someone/taking out your anger on them. There are many excuses but no good reason for it..

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Posts: 2941
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013

posted July 27, 2014 07:34 PM            

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You know what REALLY REALLY "grinds my gears"?

Slightly on/off topic.
When I see these political commercials that are NOTHING more than a bunch or negative dirt and accusations about the other candidate(s).

Just completely rubs me the wrong way.

Sorry... I just thought of that for some reason.

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Posts: 9796
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012

posted July 27, 2014 08:25 PM            

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^That is actually relevant to what I'm talking about, so no problem.

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Posts: 9796
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012

posted July 27, 2014 08:35 PM            

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And it also amazes me how criticism often has adverse effects. One example that comes to mind is how my brother always criticizes my driving and I end up driving worse every time he is riding with me. I'm actually a great driver and have never even gotten a speeding ticket but every time I drive with him in the car and he starts criticizing my driving and gets all stressed out it makes me nervous and I can't focus on driving as well. It's like the energy in the car becomes so negative and it undermines my confidence. I don't really know how to else to explain it.

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Posts: 1042
From: Pseudo-Leo with a 1st House Stellium
Registered: Sep 2013

posted July 27, 2014 09:51 PM            

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^ Have you talked about this issue with your bro? I'm not seeing why he has to criticize you if you have a good driving history.

I think criticism is unfortunately a part of human nature. We don't always mean to, but when emotions get involved, we often blurt the first thing that comes to mind instead of rationally thinking about the issue. There is nothing wrong with constructive criticism though.

I am big fan of the sandwich method: give a positive, negative, and then positive feedback. Build people up but provide information that can help them in some way.

There is also how we were previously treated and responded to that comes into play. It is no coincidence you made this thread, being that you are Moon-Pluto (I think you are?) individual. Becoming more connected with our emotions plays a big role in how we view the world and treat others. Everyone could stand to be more empathetic and considerate of others.

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Posts: 9601
From: the Point of Light within the Mind of God
Registered: Aug 2013

posted July 27, 2014 10:11 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
And it also amazes me how criticism often has adverse effects.

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Yeah, that's True.

I think it really comes from a good place, though.

It comes from a fix-it place, wanting things to go Right for the person.

Doesn't always come out that way, though.

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Posts: 9796
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012

posted July 27, 2014 11:00 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
^ Have you talked about this issue with your bro? I'm not seeing why he has to criticize you if you have a good driving history.

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I really think it boils to the fact that i'm the youngest child in the family and thus "the baby" and no matter what I do I'm seen as incompetent, and yes I have talked to him about it. I think alot of people who are the youngest in their families have the same experience. This satire piece from the onion pretty much illustrates what i'm talking about

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-who-got-**** -together-5-years-ago-still-viewed,30926/

Notice how the guy talked about has been mature and had his sh*t together for years but his family and friends still view him as immature and incompetent?I think the same thing happens with the way families view the youngest child.. No matter how old the kid gets they still view them as "the baby". Its annoying as sh*t but what can you do? And yes I have moon opposite pluto.

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Posts: 5932
From: In my 1st house Uranus and Neptune
Registered: May 2011

posted July 28, 2014 12:23 AM            

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^ one word: theonion.

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Posts: 9796
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012

posted July 28, 2014 12:33 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by KarkaQueen:
^ one word: theonion.

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Yea. And your point is?

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Posts: 1042
From: Pseudo-Leo with a 1st House Stellium
Registered: Sep 2013

posted July 28, 2014 12:44 AM            

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Karka,

I know where you're going here but AG knew it was satire. Just used the hyperbole in the article to make his point.

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Posts: 9796
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012

posted July 28, 2014 12:49 AM            

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Exactly. I even mentioned that in my post. But even though it's satire alot of it is true to life, that's what makes it so funny.

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Posts: 1605
From:
Registered: Jan 2011

posted August 15, 2014 06:27 AM            

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Nice Topic Ag.

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Posts: 967
From: You.
Registered: Aug 2011

posted August 15, 2014 12:42 PM            

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I think that people do not always like what the great mirror reveals.

Others show us ourselves.
And instead of taking that knowledge deep inside for transformation, we shoot the (often unwitting) messenger.

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Posts: 56501
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted August 15, 2014 01:44 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by Voix_de_la_Mer:
I think that people do not always like what the great mirror reveals.

Others show us ourselves.
And instead of taking that knowledge deep inside for transformation, we shoot the (often unwitting) messenger.

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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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