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Author
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Topic: Kissing the frog
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Dancing Maenad
Moderator Posts: 1297
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted July 28, 2014 12:34 AM
  
Someone recently told me something that stuck with me. He said "Anyone can get laid/have a date/even get married. All you need is to lower your standards".Without turning this thread into another closed one, I would like to hear some honest opinions about this. I'm off to work so I don't have time to write an extensive OP, but I'm curious if this concept applies in our appearance-ruled society and what qualifies as "frog" or prince/princess in your eyes, what would you compromise on looks-wise and why. Everyone's opinions are welcomed and appreciated and I will not tolerate arguments in this thread. ------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9773
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted July 28, 2014 12:46 AM
In all honesty I find most women physically attractive if they dress nice and wear make-up etc. The only thing i'm picky about is the girl's weight. Which is not to say I have a problem with a girl being chubby/ or a little overweight but there is a fine line between that and being obese. Let's just say if a girl of average height (between 5'2 and 5'5 for women where i live) weighs in the neighborhood of what I weigh or more (I'm 6'4) than I'm not going to be physically attracted to her, it's just not going to happen.IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9773
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted July 28, 2014 12:56 AM
I think we all have preferences for a potential mate's appearance, but thats not to say we wouldn't date someone who doesn't fit our preferences. Take me for example. My ideal woman would be 5'8 or taller, I love a girl with long legs. But that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to short/petite girls, the tall ones just grab my attention more.IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 4914
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted July 28, 2014 01:04 AM
It depends on the person. Some people expect all sorts of perfection and even outright absurd standards that are fit only for Disney movies aimed at children or cheesy romance novels (or porn), and that's not even counting those who accept their own flaws while demanding perfection from potential partners (both men and women can be this way). This includes looks but not restricted to them. Others OTOH, are way too desperate who will latch onto anyone who allows it, or because they have maybe one trait they like so they ignore the rest of the person. I think they need to raise their standards. I understand that a guy was the one who made that statement (I imagine a very young guy since he included marriage) but the way you posted it sounds like you agree with him that the only reason to date or even marry someone is on how they look so that all you need to do is "lower your standards" (that is not expect a perfection 10 on physical appearances) but I think even guys (generally speaking) look for more than that when it comes to marriage, just as I think most women look to more than a fat (or at least promising) bank account. 'Course some men (and occasionally women) only care about looks (nothing else matters beyond that, at least not in the short term) but they're pretty stupid if they marry someone thinking s/he'll look like that forever. In either case, neither looks nor finances are particularly important to me, at least outside of especially self-destructive behavior (gambling away the rent money, for example, or a person under medical care or looking as if one should be, though I suppose over the top extreme cases would make a difference). Other things are, however. Luckily, I never felt that my life was incomplete if I didn't have someone to orbit so I never felt I had to "lower my standards" out of sheer desperation. That's not to say I therefore "hold out for the best" any more than I reject the world and my life in it for having all sorts of inconveniences and worse in it. It's an imperfect world full of imperfect people (and I'm one of them), and I'm at peace with that. IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 4914
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted July 28, 2014 01:12 AM
Oh, just for fun:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKWIqRAW_WI She's not caring for looks or money...though I have to say as beautiful as I find Selena Gomez I'd have been seriously creeped out by her behavior, too.  IP: Logged |
FireMoon
Knowflake Posts: 1962
From: Minnesota
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted July 28, 2014 02:44 AM
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Faith
Knowflake Posts: 7871
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted July 28, 2014 09:29 AM
No, not everyone can get married, even if they lower their standards, there are other factors involved. They may be too shy to allow themselves to be approached, or too commitment-phobic to hold it together with someone, or have unresolved issues that create self-sabotage...there are all kinds of reasons.And standards can be an unconscious thing ~ I know that I was barely aware of my own standards when I was young (Venus conjunct Neptune) and if I told anyone what I was looking for back then, they'd scratch their heads about who I was actually dating. I think synastry can override standards or create new standards. edit IP: Logged |
DeepFreeze
Knowflake Posts: 2751
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted July 28, 2014 01:50 PM
(What PJ said) Personality is where most of my standards were, or should I say had the most demand, the most detail, of what I wanted. Looks had more of a "window" - but not clearly defined.
I don't feel like going on and on, I probably could, but I'm lazy. At least right now I am. LOL
The thing is, even if your standards seem a little bit ridiculous, don't lower them. I'd rather be single than to settle for less.
I always lowered them. In the years before barbie, I didn't and was single. I expected my standards, and she met them. (and more!) But I spent a few years by myself for it. Really, I think if you purposely lower them because you're tired of being alone... it's a real risk. You MAY end up surprised, and that's the appeal but reality is that you're probably setting yourself up for disappointment. IDK... I'm having trouble concentrating. I just think people should have some self-respect and whatever it is that you need to feel satisfied... keep those standards. Don't lower if you're not TRULY, deep in your heart, lowering them due to a change of heart and not just trying to open up more options.
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ariestaurus
Knowflake Posts: 375
From:
Registered: Feb 2013
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posted July 28, 2014 02:36 PM
I always thought I had a physical 'type', but then I looked at how different all my ex-bfs look..One was 'gorgeous', one was not gorgeous at all, and my current is 'plain' (according to my friends). It's all about chemistry (for me). It's my guy's intelligence, maturity, and our hot sexual/intellectual chemistry that makes me like him so much. I've been told repeatedly that I can 'do better' (looks-wise), but I don't care what others say. I have no problem lowering my 'expectations' when it comes to looks, but I'd never lower them in terms of intelligence, respect, class, etc. The only physical attribute I consider important is height. I'm 5 foot 10 and prefer men taller than me.
IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9773
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted July 28, 2014 03:34 PM
Saw this and it made me think of this thread:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/openminded-man-would-be-willing-to-look-past-jenni,36560/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1  efault&recirc= manlinessIP: Logged |
hannaramaa
Knowflake Posts: 7640
From:
Registered: Nov 2011
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posted July 28, 2014 04:25 PM
Well yeah anyone can get what they want on paper, but it doesn't mean they're happy. I've had self-esteem issues all my life, so to make a long story short a frog when I was 18 was someone who was ugly and weird. Now IRS someone I'm not attracted to, or someone that's a raging alcoholic, smokes, has kids, a criminal record, and isn't consistent. Before, a prince was anyone willing to give me the time of day (because back then I saw it as "I'm an overweight person and I understand my value isn't much in society because of this, so it's not "settling" because I'm being fair and only going for people I consider in the same league as me.") Now? I don't put up with inconsistency. Alcoholism. Vagueness/murkiness. Smoking. I'm on the fence about having kids, and I look at how clean they are, who they associate with, how they handle conflict, etc. I still haven't been able to actually be open to a traditionally attractive person, but maybe that's my next hurdle. So my standards raised/changed but not necessarily in a shallow way like I thinknyour friend was implying. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3784
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted July 29, 2014 08:33 AM
Hmm, I suspect there are internal double standards that everyone has and works through as life goes on. Men and women will say "well I want X in a partner" however, who they actually select is quite different. IP: Logged |
MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 1771
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 29, 2014 03:03 PM
quote:
Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Well yeah anyone can get what they want on paper, but it doesn't mean they're happy.
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why IP: Logged |
MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 1771
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 29, 2014 03:06 PM
I hate the concept of "lowering standards".My tastes have changed over the years but they've changed because of life experiences and because of people that have touched me emotionally. Sure, everyone has their preferences. Then sometimes someone comes along that doesn't fit in that mold and the mold changes. It expands and grows and becomes better. IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 8870
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted July 29, 2014 06:39 PM
Well ...my number one priority is clean teeth. That is something I require without compromise.I like interesting and somewhat quirky but so does most people. I am not all about macho crap and muscles that's not something I am attracted to. What I really crave is someone I can mother and protect...it's because of that Taurus moon. I have to feel like I am helping them and protecting from life. Yes, it's okay if they are male, lol. I know it's not the male stereotype but I am not into that. So if someone feels like they can't cope with life, send them to me  IP: Logged |
Ellynlvx
Knowflake Posts: 9399
From: the Point of Light within the Mind of God
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted July 29, 2014 07:15 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
Someone recently told me something that stuck with me. He said "Anyone can get laid/have a date/even get married. All you need is to lower your standards".Without turning this thread into another closed one, I would like to hear some honest opinions about this. I'm off to work so I don't have time to write an extensive OP, but I'm curious if this concept applies in our appearance-ruled society and what qualifies as "frog" or prince/princess in your eyes, what would you compromise on looks-wise and why. Everyone's opinions are welcomed and appreciated and I will not tolerate arguments in this thread.
DM, not to go off topic, but I read somewhere that you were wondering about Fourth House. I know you had a chart around here somewhere... IP: Logged |
Dancing Maenad
Moderator Posts: 1297
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted August 01, 2014 12:36 PM
Thanks for the replies, everyone!Pixie,
I don't know if I agree with the person who said this, I personally think it's more complicated than that.
The way I see it, in my case, yes I do think that I may not give chances to some men based on their appearance. I can be pretty critical because of my Saturn-Mars, even though in the past I dated and fell in love with people way outside my preference zone (short, much too thin, fat, bald, semi-long hair haha and I don't like long hair on men), that is why it got me thinking. I have been told repeatedly that I should lower my standards but, on the other hand, I like what I like and I cannot fake it. Dating is not a charity case.
 The problem I am facing right now is that I can't get interested in anyone, not even attractive people. I am wasting a paid subscription to an online dating site and a Jupiter transit through the 7th. They all seem plain and uninteresting right now lol. It might be because Saturn is still opposing my Venus..
I have been thinking, though, that I may have brushed over bald dudes and, idk, it might be a phase, but I don't find them as unattractive as I used to. Some men can definitely look good bald but I still don't know if I could see myself intimate with another one again.
Don't I wish this was simpler.. and that my attitude and reaction to the men I come across to was different. But I get physical symptoms of discomfort if I am repulsed by someone, so, sadly, I have to say I need to be attracted to my partner - even though it seems like my standards might be expanding (I prefer that to the idea that I am "lowering" them). ------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged |
Dancing Maenad
Moderator Posts: 1297
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted August 01, 2014 12:38 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ellynlvx:
DM, not to go off topic, but I read somewhere that you were wondering about Fourth House.I know you had a chart around here somewhere...
I asked in Asteroid Astrology because it recently hit me I have Karma in the 4th, but I didn't post my chart there. Why do you ask? ------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged |
I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 8156
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted August 01, 2014 12:57 PM
quote:
Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
Well ...my number one priority is clean teeth. That is something I require without compromise.I like interesting and somewhat quirky but so does most people. I am not all about macho crap and muscles that's not something I am attracted to. What I really crave is someone I can mother and protect...it's because of that Taurus moon. I have to feel like I am helping them and protecting from life. Yes, it's okay if they are male, lol. I know it's not the male stereotype but I am not into that. So if someone feels like they can't cope with life, send them to me
You made me laugh, thanks. ------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. IP: Logged |
Ayelet
Knowflake Posts: 332
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 02, 2014 10:30 PM
I believe we are attracted to the person who is right for us, but i might be wrong. I think, if someone doesn't attract you, it doesn't mean he or she is not a very worthy person, they are simply not in accordance with your personality. So one shouldn't lower one's standards. Even so, one should check if one is not loweing the true standards of his \ her soul settling for superficial traits which unfortunately may substitute an inner content. IP: Logged |
Ellynlvx
Knowflake Posts: 9399
From: the Point of Light within the Mind of God
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted August 02, 2014 10:37 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
I asked in Asteroid Astrology because it recently hit me I have Karma in the 4th, but I didn't post my chart there. Why do you ask?
I was just going to take a look for you. Better to take the chart as a whole than by one Aspect. IP: Logged |
Ayelet
Knowflake Posts: 332
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 02, 2014 10:45 PM
Dancing, I don't think you should worry about not being attracted to anyone at the moment. This is my opinion. I don't think we are romance machines who should find an object at any given moment. Even if the situation stays the same over a long period of time, there is nothing to worry about. I agree personally that it is nicer to be in the company of someone you love than alone. But being alone is my second choice to just play the game of dating with the hope that it will get someplace. I don't like dating sites as they seem to me a bit like a "meat market", though that is only my personal view and the sites wouldn't have existed if they didn't have a value. I also have a past of being a technofob, so perhaps that plays a part of the way i see these sites. Perhaps I am being superficial here, as i don't have much experience of my own with dating sites. Anbyhow, i think: Do what you believe in and be where your heart leads you, and in the right time you shall meet the love of your life.IP: Logged |
BellaFenice
Knowflake Posts: 913
From: Pseudo-Leo with a 1st House Stellium
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted August 02, 2014 11:52 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ayelet:
I believe we are attracted to the person who is right for us, but i might be wrong. I think, if someone doesn't attract you, it doesn't mean he or she is not a very worthy person, they are simply not in accordance with your personality. So one shouldn't lower one's standards. Even so, one should check if one is not loweing the true standards of his \ her soul settling for superficial traits which unfortunately may substitute an inner content.
Great post! ITA. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 4465
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted August 03, 2014 12:38 AM
quote:
Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
[B](What PJ said) Personality is where most of my standards were, or should I say had the most demand, the most detail, of what I wanted.
I'm the same - and I wouldn't consider lowering my personality standards  IP: Logged |
Dancing Maenad
Moderator Posts: 1297
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted August 03, 2014 12:41 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ellynlvx:
I was just going to take a look for you.Better to take the chart as a whole than by one Aspect.
Thank you, Ellyn! I'll post my chart in PR and shout out to you in the title. ------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged |
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