posted July 28, 2014 05:47 PM            

As for my own experience, I met my parents again when I was almost 22 (last time I spoke with Dad before this I was 14, and 16 for Mom) and I made a sincere effort to let the past be water under the bridge. And as I got older so that I understood them better I was glad I chose that route rather than adding more tangles to the shared karma (defining karma here as "patterns" that repeat themselves because the wheel keeps turning the same direction rather than learning to stop the wheel or at least change its direction, and that's not only between me and them but also kept me from drowning in my own disillusionment and bitterness as they had done and thus becoming them). We're still not close, but I've pretty much let go and don't expect anything from them, and I'm at peace with the sitch.

posted July 28, 2014 07:20 PM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Sounds like you're ignoring him already. But if you want to tell him you've got other things to do next time he calls then I don't see anything wrong with that. It might even inspire him to seek to be more apart of your life, or it may send him further away into whatever life he has for himself, and perhaps either one is as good as the other. It's entirely possible he only involves himself as "much" as he does because he feels obligated with some shades of guilt as you seem to over the idea of cutting him out of your life completely rather than he's genuinely hoping to be part of your life.

As for my own experience, I met my parents again when I was almost 22 (last time I spoke with Dad before this I was 14, and 16 for Mom) and I made a sincere effort to let the past be water under the bridge. And as I got older so that I understood them better I was glad I chose that route rather than adding more tangles to the shared karma (defining karma here as "patterns" that repeat themselves because the wheel keeps turning the same direction rather than learning to stop the wheel or at least change its direction, and that's not only between me and them but also kept me from drowning in my own disillusionment and bitterness as they had done and thus becoming them). We're still not close, but I've pretty much let go and don't expect anything from them, and I'm at peace with the sitch.

Also, best to focus on what you have than don't. If you're bitter then you're going to hurt yourself far more than him. That is if you obsess over this, get angry or bitter over it, then your body will put out chemicals that will break you down physically and mentally and possibly destroy even the chance of general happiness, and punishing him (as opposed to letting go) is likely to make it even worse. This letting go isn't for his benefit, it's for yours. That doesn't mean you're obligated to tolerate an intolerable sitch or that you should pretend he's something he's not.

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Thank you and yeah, he added me on facebook and recently messaged me and I haven't looked at it really or responded yet. From the little preview of the message that I read it was basically the same "I miss you" "I'm proud of you" etc.

I'm kind of lost by what you meant here "It's entirely possible he only involves himself as "much" as he does because he feels obligated with some shades of guilt as you seem to over the idea of cutting him out of your life completely rather than he's genuinely hoping to be part of your life. ".

Were you trying to say that maybe he's genuinely hoping to be apart of my life but isn't because of guilt?

posted July 28, 2014 07:29 PM            

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
Do what's in your heart.
My niece has nothing to do with her dad. My sister's husband has treated her like his daughter since she was in diapers.

She met him once a few years ago because he insisted. (she's in her 20's)
She didn't like him and has nothing to do with him.

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Thank you, I personally feel like I should just ignore him 'but', on the other hand since he is my birth dad I don't want to be "cold" yano? He's never done anything to harm me or hurt me, but he basically has about the same relationship to me as a stranger on the street so it's like do I just keep up this dialogue of sporadic "I miss you" etc. or do I just leave it alone with him feeling hurt because I no longer respond to him.

posted July 28, 2014 07:55 PM            

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Originally posted by Chiemi:
I'm kind of lost by what you meant here "It's entirely possible he only involves himself as "much" as he does because he feels obligated with some shades of guilt as you seem to over the idea of cutting him out of your life completely rather than he's genuinely hoping to be part of your life. ".

Were you trying to say that maybe he's genuinely hoping to be apart of my life but isn't because of guilt?

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No, but that is another possibility. His guilt at not being part of your life more might actually make him avoid you to avoid his own feelings which is a vicious circle that he needs to stop and deal with instead of running/hiding (leaving it unresolved).