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Author Topic:   Staying friends with exes/old flames
FireMoon
Knowflake

Posts: 1962
From: Minnesota
Registered: Mar 2012

posted July 30, 2014 01:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for FireMoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just curious, do you guys do this? As an aqua venus I'm usually all about it, but I'm realizing sometimes it's really not the best idea if feelings are still involved...

Mostly I'm not worried about there being drama or anything, I can let go of the past and understand things changed romantically for a reason, even though I still care about them as a person. But if there are still strong emotions, knowing you can either be just friends or nothing at all is a little rough. And yeah the person I'm referring to isn't even technically an ex, but that just makes things even more complicated since there were never "labels" to begin with. I know I'm being vague but I don't really feel like elaborating, just curious to hear general thoughts

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BellaFenice
Knowflake

Posts: 916
From: Pseudo-Leo with a 1st House Stellium
Registered: Sep 2013

posted July 30, 2014 01:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BellaFenice     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Aqua Venus checking in!

You pretty much summed up my thoughts on this. I am friends with a few of my exes, but strictly friendly and platonic. But its not a friendship where we talk everyday and hang out all the time. I like to remain on good terms when possible, but keep firm boundaries.

To be honest, if there are some sort of leftover feelings (haven't experienced this though- once I am done, I am done) or ended badly, all communication and ties are cut. No need to hold onto pain or regret.

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PixieJane
Moderator

Posts: 4915
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted July 30, 2014 02:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Both of those sum it up for me.

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FireMoon
Knowflake

Posts: 1962
From: Minnesota
Registered: Mar 2012

posted July 30, 2014 02:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for FireMoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for your responses!

@Bella, usually I'm the same way, I'd prefer to stay on good terms if we were that close and don't see the point in being vengeful or cutting someone off completely unless they've really crossed some lines. Still though generally once I'm done I'm done...

But with this guy it was a lot harder to move on (which I'm not proud of lol) because there wasn't really any closure or answers on his part when things ended. Now he's basically made a peace offering but I'm the one withdrawing because I feel like too many things have been swept under the rug and him wanting to be friends again out of nowhere is a little selfish. Or maybe I'm being selfish for expecting things to go a certain way... So overall I should probably just move on lol but it's a confusing situation I guess

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 8177
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012

posted July 30, 2014 08:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I too have Aquarius Venus and I wouldn't be interested.

------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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ariestaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 375
From:
Registered: Feb 2013

posted July 30, 2014 09:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ariestaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
When I'm done, I'm done. No friendsies.

Venus in cap

All of my exes and I have venus sq Pluto in synastry so it's always a bad break up. All or nothing relationships. They have all ended so badly that we cannot speak to each other when all is said and done.

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MineAgain
Knowflake

Posts: 457
From:
Registered: Nov 2013

posted July 30, 2014 09:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm a Scorpio Venus and once I'm done, I'm not interested in staying friends. As a matter of fact, I remove you completely from my life whether the relationship ended badly or on good terms. I disappear completely and never look back.

My Pisces Sun Aqua Venus ex is friends with every single one of his exes. He told me he prefers to recycle them as "friends" even those who broke his heart and those he dumped himself. He's also friends with random girls he had one night stands with. Go figure.

I'm the only one he's not "friends" with. I suppose he didn't care enough to end things properly with me. He disappeared and left me hanging when he was the one who told me he dumped every single one of his exes by giving them proper closure but kept them as friends. If he can be friends with his one night stands he can certainly keep in touch with me. Odd.

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FireMoon
Knowflake

Posts: 1962
From: Minnesota
Registered: Mar 2012

posted July 30, 2014 12:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for FireMoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yeah I mean I have one ex who I don't want to ever speak to again, although I'm sure he'll try... he's a toxic parasite that feeds off other ppls energy, time, money, etc. Which I know saying that is getting into the realm of "all my exes are crazy not me" lol but no really, it's just one...

I've stayed friends with my Aqua sun ex and have actually been grateful for that, it's prevented me from becoming even more jaded probably...

But with this guy it's just a whole different story. I was a pathetic mess when all this happened and he knew it too but still didn't bother to explain. Although he did say "were just on different paths right now" which I'm sure was supposed to be condescending but the universe has a sense of humor because now we seem to be on the same exact path... Since we've been talking he's said some nice things which I guess is his way of apologizing except it's not actually an apology. And now he wants to try to start a website/online business with me, even though he has a girlfriend, so.. I don't think that's actually gonna happen but just the fact that he'd suggest it is weird (we'd talked about it before when we were still hanging out but now that's not the case) And I haven't even been talking to him super recently but it's still on my mind sometimes.

Sorry for the really long rant idk what's going on with me I've just been a little too open with my emotions lately lol but it's nice to vent. Also thanks for the responses, I'll come back to comment more later...

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BellaFenice
Knowflake

Posts: 916
From: Pseudo-Leo with a 1st House Stellium
Registered: Sep 2013

posted July 30, 2014 02:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BellaFenice     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
But with this guy it's just a whole different story. I was a pathetic mess when all this happened and he knew it too but still didn't bother to explain. Although he did say "were just on different paths right now" which I'm sure was supposed to be condescending but the universe has a sense of humor because now we seem to be on the same exact path... Since we've been talking he's said some nice things which I guess is his way of apologizing except it's not actually an apology. And now he wants to try to start a website/online business with me, even though he has a girlfriend, so.. I don't think that's actually gonna happen but just the fact that he'd suggest it is weird (we'd talked about it before when we were still hanging out but now that's not the case) And I haven't even been talking to him super recently but it's still on my mind sometime

No need to call yourself pathetic, trust me, we've all had that one time.

I would say that if you guys can meet and discuss what happened, get your side of the story and explain why he needs to apologize, and make it clear friendship isn't on the table right now that is probably the short-term solution.

However, if you want to be friends, then obviously you would need to discuss the boundaries that come with it, since it sounds like he hurt you.

Online business: HELL NO

I would definitely not get into a business with someone who may not have the best motives and hurt you. Who is to say he wouldn't hurt you financially?

To me it seems you need closure more than anything. If you guys can meet and discuss what needs to be said, I think that would really help the both of you.

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FireMoon
Knowflake

Posts: 1962
From: Minnesota
Registered: Mar 2012

posted July 30, 2014 03:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for FireMoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by BellaFenice:
[b]But with this guy it's just a whole different story. I was a pathetic mess when all this happened and he knew it too but still didn't bother to explain. Although he did say "were just on different paths right now" which I'm sure was supposed to be condescending but the universe has a sense of humor because now we seem to be on the same exact path... Since we've been talking he's said some nice things which I guess is his way of apologizing except it's not actually an apology. And now he wants to try to start a website/online business with me, even though he has a girlfriend, so.. I don't think that's actually gonna happen but just the fact that he'd suggest it is weird (we'd talked about it before when we were still hanging out but now that's not the case) And I haven't even been talking to him super recently but it's still on my mind sometime

No need to call yourself pathetic, trust me, we've all had that one time.

I would say that if you guys can meet and discuss what happened, get your side of the story and explain why he needs to apologize, and make it clear friendship isn't on the table right now that is probably the short-term solution.

However, if you want to be friends, then obviously you would need to discuss the boundaries that come with it, since it sounds like he hurt you.

Online business: HELL NO

I would definitely not get into a business with someone who may not have the best motives and hurt you. Who is to say he wouldn't hurt you financially?

To me it seems you need closure more than anything. If you guys can meet and discuss what needs to be said, I think that would really help the both of you.[/B]


Sorry I realized after re reading my post I wasn't being clear, the first "toxic" ex I mentioned isn't the same person, that relationship actually started right after things ended with this guy (the toxic one is a Gemini and the online business guy is a Cancer just to clarify). The cancer did hurt me-he jumped into a relationship with someone else unexpectedly, but we weren't technically together so the only thing I can really be upset about is him not having the decency to tell me straight up and explain instead of just letting me find out on my own and then icing me out because he didn't want to deal with it. It was pathetic because I was so devastated (which actually put me in a vulnerable position emotionally, hence being open to the toxic relationship)

The weird thing is I really do still want the cancer in my life and would trust him financially (he has a decent sized trust fund that he'll inherit when his grandparents die lol) so he'd have no reason to take advantage, but in the meantime were both equally broke right now.. We were friends/more than that sometimes for like 5 years and he didn't even tell me about the trust fund until right before things ended actually, so that had nothing to so with it but we'd always talked about helping each other in our careers.

Anyway yeah closure would be nice and maybe someday we will meet in person but I just know we both have our own issues to deal with and also I don't trust myself to not fall back into the feelings especially considering he has a gf right now and that's a level of drama I'm not trying to get involved in...

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hannaramaa
Knowflake

Posts: 7650
From:
Registered: Nov 2011

posted July 31, 2014 01:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have Venus in the 11th which states I'm supposed to remain on friendly terms, but that's never been the case with me. All my exes hate me / hold grudges against me.

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DeepFreeze
Knowflake

Posts: 2762
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013

posted July 31, 2014 02:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for DeepFreeze     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I DID.
I cut them all off since Barbie and I got together. She didn't mind them at all.. Idk. I just thought I would and even though they were around I wasn't close to them. So, nothing to be missed. I just thought it to be easier.

Some of it was spurred on by one ex. We stayed in touch a little closer. About two months before barbie and I started talking, I hung out with the ex gf. (6 years after our relationship)
She basically just came full on physically and emotionally. She just offered to move back for me (she moved to another country) and wanted to be together.
I didn't take her up on any of her offers.

Years ago when I was married to the ex wife an ex gf from 8 years before that showed up at my door! We spoke a couple times a year was all but then she just showed up! (she was also married and lived 5 hours away. Her husband was coming into town the next day)
Ex wife wasn't home and we just stayed outside. I didn't invite her in.

Soooooooo... It was kind of just... Idk, it felt like the right thing to do (to stop taking to them) and to avoid any future surprises.

My views on it?

I guess it just depends on each case.
Barbie doesn't keep in contact either but also by her own choice.

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charlie
Knowflake

Posts: 2218
From: los angeles, ca, USA
Registered: Jun 2012

posted July 31, 2014 11:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sure, why not? I can flip from sexual to friendly in a heartbeat.

Cancer venus 11H

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hannaramaa
Knowflake

Posts: 7650
From:
Registered: Nov 2011

posted July 31, 2014 04:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:
Sure, why not? I can flip from sexual to friendly in a heartbeat.

Cancer venus 11H


+1

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12muddy
Knowflake

Posts: 1912
From:
Registered: Feb 2013

posted August 01, 2014 02:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 12muddy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It depends. I've been able to stay friendly with mine. And my s.o does the same thing. But i's only because there is no hard feelings. If there was I wouldn't have kept in contact.

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FireMoon
Knowflake

Posts: 1962
From: Minnesota
Registered: Mar 2012

posted August 01, 2014 03:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for FireMoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@DeepFreeze, haha wow that's intense, offering to move to move back from another country... It's good that you and Barbie are on the same page though and keep your boundaries, I would probably feel weird about it too honestly especially if you know the ex still has feelings.

@hanna, hmm interesting, how is your venus aspected? I know I've seen your chart but can't remember if it has any hard aspects..

@12muddy, yeah that makes sense, if everyone has moved on it's nice to be on good terms

@Charlie, me too.... I have mars in 11th and my aqua venus is in 8th so it's kind of hopeless lol

I need someone I click with intellectually to be (or stay) attracted, and to me friendship just comes naturally with that. I feel weird talking about this cancer guy so much because I'm sure people think we weren't in an "official" relationship so I'm probably just being delusional and thinking it was more than it was.. but it was very real and lasted a lot longer than it probably would have if we'd tried to make it official at this age. But he's also a Gemini venus lol so there's that.

Idk what real closure would even be in this case. But his moon is in my 10th, his Saturn in 2nd conjuncts my sun in 7th exact, his NN is conj my venus in 8th opp Jupiter so this website thing isn't just joking around.. we've always been on the same page when it comes to ideas, goals, etc. and it was never the right timing but that's basically exactly what I'd been wanting/asking for (not literally). So it probably sounds like I'm making it up or I was the one that suggested it or something but really we were just talking about life and money and I said offhandedly maybe you should just make a website and he replied if you're serious about that we should team up and do it together...

Seems weird but I get why he's wanting to think outside the box, he's so close to being done but hasn't finished school yet and I'm assuming it's because his gf is a few years younger and he was planning on leaving the state once he's done but she's still here in school. I guess he wanted to play house with someone younger and naïve/needy but I think the domesticated life is backfiring and he resents the burden of it. Should've gone with a Cap Jk, but it's a weird situation and it would sort of be crossing a line imo. Soooo idk, I haven't said no but I have been avoiding it basically.

Sorry again for writing a novel about this...

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hannaramaa
Knowflake

Posts: 7650
From:
Registered: Nov 2011

posted August 01, 2014 04:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I know someone who has Saturn conjunct Sun with an ex, and it's been very hard for her to let go of him. Don't feel bad. It's Saturn's fault!

My Venus is conjunct my Sun and Merc, sextile Mars, and square Saturn and Neptune. Maybe semi-square Jupiter too.

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Ellynlvx
Knowflake

Posts: 9399
From: the Point of Light within the Mind of God
Registered: Aug 2013

posted August 01, 2014 06:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ellynlvx     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't keep contact with any of them, but I'm pretty sure I could have any one of them back at the drop of a hat.

They just didn't pass the Test.

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sweet-scorpion
Moderator

Posts: 1912
From: CO, USA
Registered: Apr 2012

posted August 03, 2014 08:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweet-scorpion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I laughed out loud at the thought of me staying friends with an ex. God, no. Scorpio Venus here. Not surprising and I doubt anyone else is surprised. Staying friends with an ex, for me, is asking for trouble... too many strong feelings and memories. I just need to look forward and forget.

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