posted August 17, 2014 04:06 AM            

All i can say is you have to be strong and tell him so. Nobody said being on earth was going to be easy. Were all here to learn the dark side then go back into the light. If you want the suffering to end, don't give any more power to it by drinking and things like that. In other words be the change you want to see.

posted August 17, 2014 04:42 PM            

In many ways we live in a golden age. It's far from utopia, but our lives are miraculous in the eyes of many ancestors, including in being kind to others. 'Course when immediate survival is threatened (as it often was in past ages) then things like ethics and dignity do take a back seat, if not jettisoned...I've noticed that people who say otherwise say they would not compromise such things in such a sitch, but not that they did keep hold of their values in such a sitch. That is, it's much easier to imagine remaining a saint in terrible times when it's just imagined as opposed to actually experienced, especially for a long period of time, and so threatened (and other social forces) can twist people enough that killing others with fire is nothing (heck, some used to consider themselves good Christians for doing so, typically thinking God would reward them for it, I thought Stephen King's The Mist was spot on about human nature). But when survival isn't immediately threatened then ethics & dignity become luxuries we can enjoy again.

That aside, of course you can contribute to changing things, though the world itself will not become utopia. The little changes and differences we make ripple through the lives of others, and while some are ungrateful (even exploitative and worse) to those who help, others remember them for years and it inspires some of them to pay it forward. And look at it this way, the world being harsh makes things like kindness and mercy that much more valuable. But don't do it to win society's praise, however, that's not only missing the point, it's likely to fail.

I've noticed many people who come from harsh backgrounds (that probably includes those you know from Nigeria) tend to be very cynical but at the same time they're much more able to find joy in life. When your expectations are low it's easier to be pleasantly surprised and to appreciate the good in life and know its value, whereas when expectations are high then it's easier to become dispirited while taking things for granted when they're going good rather than being grateful for it.

That said, if you think you're gonna see some semblance of the Star Trek universe (which struck me as having a very dark side itself anyway, but that's beside the point) then yeah, expect disappointment. If you require the victory over good over evil or it's a waste of time then don't waste your time chasing windmills, because it's not happening (though I don't see the point of drinking yourself to death over it). But the fact that the world is harsh, cruel, and unjust makes what I've done to help that much more important, and also appreciate the kindness and mercy shown to me whereas otherwise it would be almost meaningless.

Btw, you're right about the complexities and shades of gray. The world is more of a dance, and sometimes mosh (vicious circle), but you'll find heroes and villains on both sides of the law and in every place. I think most are a bit of both...but then the smart know when to bend (some call this going crooked but I call it choosing your battles wisely to "win the war") like the reeds while the firm branch breaks so much easier in the wind. Rigidity isn't the way to go.

But for what it's worth...many people, past and present, have found it useful to find or cultivate a place of beauty to recharge themselves. One example is the Chinese garden (a long explanation), this summing up the peace, harmony, and inspiration they were inspired in many:
http://www.chinagardensociety-kc.org/ChineseGarden.htm

posted August 17, 2014 06:52 PM            

Overall it was just a messed up situation because despite all the chaos we were actually pretty close and I guess some of that fear and negativity started rubbing off on me too, to the point where I stopped being as enthusiastic about traveling which has always been something I love and look forward to... When we first started hanging out again he couldn't even handle sitting through a movie if the theater was too crowded because of anxiety or whatever he was dealing with, and as things progressed I started becoming more and more isolated as well which I now look back on and really regret but it is what it is.

Anyway you're right that living in a utopia isn't possible and also about being happier with less. I really don't believe most Americans are genuinely happy even with all their possessions and accomplishments... A utopia might not be realistic but the way our culture defines happiness and success does really bother me..