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Author Topic:   Keeping forum life separate from real life
Faith
Knowflake

Posts: 8699
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Registered: Jul 2011

posted October 26, 2014 01:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Question~ Do you tell people that you know in real life that you are on this forum (or any forum)?

Like, does your significant other know you are here...would you invite a new love prospect to look at your posts here? Pretty sure I would never do that.

I've only told one person I know "in real life" that I am at this forum and my screen name is Faith. The only reason I told her is because I know she doesn't care enough to look it up

But how do the rest of you feel about it and handle this? Do you behave differently online, and don't want to invite "cognitive dissonance" in your friends when they meet you here? Do you divulge more here because it's paradoxically "private," what with the anonymity?

I know I've said a lot of things here that I wouldn't tell my friends/husband/family. So no...I don't want them knowing I'm here. It feels sneaky, but I just do it anyway because I like it and despite the guilt I sorta feel like I have the right to a private life (sun's ruler in the 12H, what else can I do?)

Still I'd like to know how others have it in perspective. Maybe someone can ease my mind with how they view it.

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Faith
Knowflake

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posted October 26, 2014 01:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
PS I guess I feel like I can be more fully myself when I don't have to worry about the social ramifications of my words as much.

If there's drama here I might be emotionally affected but it's nothing compared to real life drama.

I can't handle real life drama. My Pisces moon is wimpy that way, and it restricts my behavior.

Here, it's more like my 11H Gemini Mars' stomping grounds.

PPS Also, I like to get to know people in a kind of mutually responsive way. I don't want to hand them an open book to all my posted opinions ("I'm Faith at this website-- go look into it")...especially when my opinions are not really as solid and fixed as they appear when you write them down. Plus they could take things out of context without ever talking to me about it. I don't want that possible cloud in the background (ie, what do they know or think about me, now that I am a "public figure"?)

In many ways I see forum life as a sport: just kicking around ideas and getting feedback, with an almost guaranteed limit of potential for consequences.

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juniperb
Moderator

Posts: 8575
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 26, 2014 01:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Question~ Do you tell people that you know in real life that you are on this forum (or any forum)?

I really don`t remember lol. I`ve been on this forum since 2002 (my first forum experience) . No one I know is on an astro or like forums. Mostly they are on the techie / instructional forums.

Well, if they are secret astro buffs, they don`t tell .

Life is totally seperate for me. There is enough drama in family, friends and work relationships to carry our forum visits into.

Oh! shura is a real life friend and she shares the forum experience with me

Offline, I do think about some members here and hope life is being good to them.
hint, you

quote:
Do you divulge more here because it's paradoxically "private," what with the anonymity?


Nope, aquarius through and through .

------------------
Christian, Jew, Muslim, Shaman, Zoroastrian, stone, ground, mountain, river, each has a secret way of being with the Mystery, unique and not to be judged.
Rumi

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aquaguy91
Moderator

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From: Uranus
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posted October 26, 2014 01:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The only person that knows I post here is a friend who posted here a few years ago.

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Dancing Maenad
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Posts: 2335
From: The Harvest
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posted October 26, 2014 02:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Nope. In the past I was pretty terrified of the idea, and I was sure one of my friends had stalked me. Now I'm not as scared, if they find out, they find out. It won't kill me. But I don't share a lot, not even 10% of my inner life with real people, compared to here. I poured my soul in here. Nobody knows me better than Lindaland.

------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 46113
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
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posted October 26, 2014 02:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Love this thread!

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teasel
Knowflake

Posts: 6450
From:
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posted October 26, 2014 03:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for teasel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My family know. My sister found it by herself. When I mentioned it to her, years ago, she said that she visited. Over the past few years, she passed along things that I posted here when I was venting, and needed to talk, so I usually don't tell people where I am, elsewhere on the internet. I mostly post on a private board now, that has nothing to do with astrology, and that she doesn't know about.

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BellaFenice
Knowflake

Posts: 1581
From: Pseudo-Leo with a 1st House Stellium
Registered: Sep 2013

posted October 26, 2014 03:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BellaFenice     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No one knows that I post here, but it wouldn't bother me if they found out. I act the way here that I do in real-life, what is the point of being inauthentic.

I think of LL as a fun hobby where I can get to know people who enjoy astrology like I do. No shame in that!

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teasel
Knowflake

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posted October 26, 2014 03:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for teasel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I act the same way, as well. Talking online, actually helped me to talk about things offline with people. Having them drive me crazy, helped even more. I've always been honest.

Faith, you mention it being a part of your "private" life. That's what the other forum is for me. I haven't had much of an offline social life, so things *do* hurt when they happen online - it hurts almost as much at times. With things happening at home, I realized that I've never really had a private life: people rarely respected my boundaries, my personal space, and it was worse at home - and online - over the past four years. It's surreal. When I had trouble here, and my sister was letting me know that I was being spied on here, it just ****** me off. It's odd being a part of an online community, and having things go wonky, people just disappear, or you suddenly aren't friends, and you have no idea what's going on.

I wouldn't want to deal with what I have offline, with all of the people that I know online (heaven forbid), but I think that the option of just turning the computer off, or blocking people, dehumanizes everything a bit, which is so weird when we seem to share so much more online.

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hannaramaa
Moderator

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posted October 26, 2014 05:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think a couple of people I know know I post here but I don't care if they do. I may open up more here than directly with them but if they asked me anything I'd still stand by it. My life isn't that interesting that I have to keep my hobbies (this) separate from everyday life. I have, however, kept posting HERE about my life to a minimum though with a couple of exceptions.

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charlie
Knowflake

Posts: 2497
From: los angeles, ca, USA
Registered: Jun 2012

posted October 26, 2014 05:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
yes he knows and I am the same here and in real life.

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DeepFreeze
Knowflake

Posts: 3230
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013

posted October 26, 2014 07:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DeepFreeze     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Normally private about anything online but my family knows that we met, and are active on an astrology forum.
Otherwise, we don't talk about it to others. I suppose most know actually.

Had we not met here, I may not have mentioned it.

I behave here the same as real life for the most part.
In real life there's probably 90% or more of people here that I wouldn't be talking to in the first place. Hence, some arguments on here that would be avoided in real life because they would only know me as that quiet guy over there. I stay away from a majority of people in real life because, we don't get each other and probably want to choke each other out eventually.
In real life, I talk to few and open up to even fewer.
Here... There's no avoiding each other. My instincts and intuition would tell me to avoid many that I simply can't on here.

Also, I'm EXTREMELY animated in real life and I can't possibly begin to reproduce that here.

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Ami Anne
Moderator

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted October 26, 2014 07:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My 100% real personality is on here.

In real life, I feel I have to conform more and not be as nutty and as vulnerable as I am on here.

I would like to be as crazy a nut as I am on here, in real life.

I used to be like that. I am crazy fun to be with when I let my hair down.

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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violet7887
Knowflake

Posts: 1660
From:
Registered: Jul 2011

posted October 26, 2014 07:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for violet7887     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by juniperb:

Well, if they are secret astro buffs, they don`t tell .



yes, lol I've had this thought too but then everybody around me is so horrible with even their sun sign info that I doubt it even crosses their mind.


Only a hand full of people close to me know I sometimes post on an astrology forum Faith. They don't know which though.
I wouldn't voluntarily share it with others but if they happen to find me I wouldn't mind either.


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Faith
Knowflake

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posted October 26, 2014 10:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you for your answers

A few comments:

@Juni~

quote:
Life is totally seperate for me. There is enough drama in family, friends and work relationships to carry our forum visits into.

You mean this is like a whole other sphere? Like, it would just add more drama and complication if people had all the more access to you here?

quote:
Oh! shura is a real life friend and she shares the forum experience with me

Shura is COOL! I wouldn't have guessed this even though...come to think of it, that makes sense. Haven't seen her around.

quote:
Offline, I do think about some members here and hope life is being good to them.
hint, you

*note the absence of hearts here*

*I remember that you are very airy and won't subject you to my hearts*

But I hope life is good for you, too. For everyone, really.

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Faith
Knowflake

Posts: 8699
From:
Registered: Jul 2011

posted October 26, 2014 11:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@aquaguy~

You and sand kept in touch, eh?

kidding kidding

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aquaguy91
Moderator

Posts: 10027
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012

posted October 26, 2014 11:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
@aquaguy~

You and sand kept in touch, eh?

kidding kidding


Not just no but h*ll no lol

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Faith
Knowflake

Posts: 8699
From:
Registered: Jul 2011

posted October 26, 2014 11:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@DM:

What you said made me think of how LL resembles The Breakfast Club. Buncha oddballs with not much in common in our real lives, confiding in each other here.

It's sweet. When we get along.

@Randall: Thanks!

@Bella:

It's not a matter of authenticity, dear, it's about controlling the outflow. *rings doorbell in front of your sun square Pluto and then yells to see if anyone is still home.*

@teasel: I feel really bad hearing about what happened when you were discovered here.

quote:
Talking online, actually helped me to talk about things offline with people.

^^ Me, too. I think I "test drive" ideas/revelations here that maybe I'm unsure about letting loose with people I know. (And vice versa...but the courage tends to start here before there.) 'Reminds me of this:


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Faith
Knowflake

Posts: 8699
From:
Registered: Jul 2011

posted October 26, 2014 11:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Not just no but h*ll no lol

Seriously I don't even remember why it all went bad. At least you can laugh it off, too (now that he's been banned 30 times over.)

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Faith
Knowflake

Posts: 8699
From:
Registered: Jul 2011

posted October 26, 2014 11:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hannaramaa:
I think a couple of people I know know I post here but I don't care if they do. I may open up more here than directly with them but if they asked me anything I'd still stand by it. My life isn't that interesting that I have to keep my hobbies (this) separate from everyday life.

Ditto to the "my life isn't that interesting" part and the "if they asked me anything I'd still stand by it."

I just don't feel like walking anyone through my 8,000+ posts...

And don't like many of the things I say, so I would be wincing just to re-read it (Saturn opposing Mercury.)

@DF

quote:
Here... There's no avoiding each other. My instincts and intuition would tell me to avoid many that I simply can't on here.

^^ Same. When I think of how few verbal spats I've gotten into over the years, and how few run-ins with creeps, and that kind of thing...I just picture myself gliding around people in real life, like surfing the wind currents of vibes and moving away from who I need to be away from, just naturally.

@Ami

quote:
I would like to be as crazy a nut as I am on here, in real life.

Me, too. It's a good goal and I am painfully but surely heading in that direction.

@charlie

Not surprised, and I mean that as a compliment.

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Faith
Knowflake

Posts: 8699
From:
Registered: Jul 2011

posted October 26, 2014 11:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by violet7887:

Only a hand full of people close to me know I sometimes post on an astrology forum Faith. They don't know which though.
I wouldn't voluntarily share it with others but if they happen to find me I wouldn't mind either.


Sums it up!

Those in my inner circle know I'm on an astrology forum. If any of them are detective types they could figure out which one, lickety split...but those would be my Snake friends, and they aren't the type to tell me they did it after the fact.

Sometimes I wonder...

PS Your screen name is still messing with my head, and I can't fully believe you are a Gemini. Just so you know, in my mind, when I see you, I think, "Aw, violet! Such a sweet Cancer!" <3

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aquaguy91
Moderator

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From: Uranus
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posted October 27, 2014 12:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't keep my time here a secret or anything. It just never comes up in conversations. I don't really have friends that are into astrology so it's easy to understand why it never comes up. Lol

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PixieJane
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From: CA
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posted October 27, 2014 04:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm always vague about where I go if I talk about it and never my screen name. Just to be safe I'm careful to keep most people I talk about anonymous as well, both to prevent someone possibly making a connection to me and on the chance that they themselves may stumble on it (thankfully, most I know these days interact OL almost exclusively through games and/or texting, no messageboards). Besides, it's only fair (I doubt I'd care if they talked about me as long as they kept me anonymous). And finally, it's also to protect others. It doesn't feel sneaky to me, it feels smart and even responsible.

For example, if someone from my hometown were to google their town they could easily find posts I made IF I were to name it and they'd EASILY figure out who I was and my family with gossip spreading fast. That could bite me in the butt next time I visit (which will be in a few weeks!) both from family and the town (especially as I'm bringing my BFF with me this time, and they would not react well to her if they knew the details of her spiritual life & beliefs). And my mentioning a cousin who gave me rice crispy treats with ganja butter could potentially target my farm for a drug raid which is roughly collectively owned, and in this police state (which America is in more ways than one, especially the Drug War) they could lose it all without even a trial (they'd have to fight for it in court, which they couldn't do once their livelihood had been seized, heck I'm not sure they could afford it even with the farm). Therefore this particular anonymity is for the protection of my family from the police state (as well as possible embarrassment from what I share) and my friends from my family and the town as much as for my own protection.

In many ways I do divulge more OL because it's extremely unlikely to affect me IRL (in real life). One of the reasons I started with MB was because I could talk about things that would get me in trouble IRL. If I shared what I do OL with people in real life--even people who were actually curious--I'd lose business and alienate pleasant acquaintances & neighbors. I've done it enough times when I said too much. Perhaps the most useful lesson I learned in public school is BE CAREFUL who I share my thoughts with, no matter how innocuous it seems, and people can very easily get offended, angry, disturbed, and even frightened by the most surprising things. Ah, the experiences I could share, some are amusing, but this is long enough.

And I also protect myself from people OL, and good thing as I thwarted a Muslim in NYC (his YT vids backed his claims) who had just sent me death threats (he'd also threatened to rape and slit the throat of a college students--her college was shown in her vids so he knew where she was at, her name, what she looked liked and only a few hours away-- and that poor college student nuked her YT channel and was understandably terrified as he wasn't the only one to make threats and it was obvious at least some of them were the real deal), prevented an unwanted cyberstalker from becoming a real life stalker (he thought I was his soul mate and he was very disturbed), and also a guy who threatened to rape me and chop me up with an ax. Not only did I protect myself I protect those who live and associate with me (think of your family, Faith). And I hope my friends take the same precautions.

Finally, I was inspired by the character of Rynn Jacobs in The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane, a fictional character who learned to survive by becoming a mole, who seemed absolutely ordinary while hiding secrets that could destroy her life. I don't want to go on and on about why I related to her but I knew by then that such was right and adopting her philosophy served me well after I became a runaway for the second time. And even now I do like the "hide in plain sight" that not only protects me but protects everyone I care about.

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charmainec
Moderator

Posts: 8699
From: Venus next to Randall
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posted October 27, 2014 06:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charmainec     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
Question~ Do you tell people that you know in real life that you are on this forum (or any forum)?

Like, does your significant other know you are here...would you invite a new love prospect to look at your posts here? Pretty sure I would never do that.

I've only told one person I know "in real life" that I am at this forum and my screen name is Faith. The only reason I told her is because I know she doesn't care enough to look it up

But how do the rest of you feel about it and handle this? Do you behave differently online, and don't want to invite "cognitive dissonance" in your friends when they meet you here? Do you divulge more here because it's paradoxically "private," what with the anonymity?

I know I've said a lot of things here that I wouldn't tell my friends/husband/family. So no...I don't want them knowing I'm here. It feels sneaky, but I just do it anyway because I like it and despite the guilt I sorta feel like I have the right to a private life (sun's ruler in the 12H, what else can I do?)

Still I'd like to know how others have it in perspective. Maybe someone can ease my mind with how they view it.


Many of my friends and family know that I belong to this forum. It doesn't matter to me whether they know or not either.

No, I don't "behave" differently on here compared to RL. Whatever personal experiences I've shared on here most in RL already know. It's not like a secret.

I do appreciate the support and advice received here throughout the years and the amazing friendships which developed (the longest one of nine years )

One question a knowflake has asked me was if posting certain things here and being in a relationship with Randall causes friction between us. Not really. If there was any friction then it was from my side because I'm stubborn as hell and very passionate about certain things. He has always allowed me to express my opinions here even if they were vastly different from his and I'm really grateful for that.


------------------
Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

Linda Goodman

"DON'T EVER try and destroy someone's life with a LIE.....when yours can be destroyed with the TRUTH...." S.Jacobs

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 46113
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 27, 2014 09:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I Love your stubborn butt.

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