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Author Topic:   Feeling Depressed Since I was 14
Ami Anne
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Posts: 59137
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 20, 2014 06:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I feel a little vulnerable writing this but I need to.

At 14, I simply became numb and with that numbness came a lack of self feeling.

It was a feeling of wind blowing through me because no self was there.

I did all the "normal" things but I was empty.

My real personality is on here. I am a crazy nut but in real life I am afraid to show it.

I am afraid not to be liked, approved of, thought weird, not accepted.

I think if I could show my true self, I might not be depressed anymore.

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 59137
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 21, 2014 11:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think I found my answer but I will wait if anyone wants to post! xx

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DaniPepper87
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Posts: 3026
From: Curitiba, Brasil
Registered: Sep 2013

posted December 22, 2014 09:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for DaniPepper87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

I feel you Ami...

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 59137
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 22, 2014 10:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you, Dani. You are my angel. After I wrote this, I realized I made quite a bit of progress on depression and am gonna write an article on it and will put it up.

How are things with your mother? Your mother's relationship with you is just like my mother's relationship with me lol

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DaniPepper87
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Posts: 3026
From: Curitiba, Brasil
Registered: Sep 2013

posted December 22, 2014 12:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DaniPepper87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mom now is having trouble with her 81 years-old mom.... and she throws all the problems to me... Same old stuff. And I'm getting tired of this... I sense she fears that I go out from home to never come back again... lol

I have a question. Our moon is the mother we had or the mother we will become? Mine is in the 10th house... and I may say that I really loves the place I work!!

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 59137
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 22, 2014 12:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That is a complicated question. I would need to write quite a bit to answer it, Dani dear. I would also have to think about it before I wrote, too.

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DaniPepper87
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Posts: 3026
From: Curitiba, Brasil
Registered: Sep 2013

posted December 22, 2014 12:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DaniPepper87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No problem Ami, I knew it could be complicated. If you don't have time or don't want to... I understand

I can't say that my mom is a Leo one!! Sure, that for anyone that comes inside my life, she has a "Queen eye" (you don't have royal blood to date my daughter), but for a queen, I think she needed to care for herself to keep the kingdom up!!

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Violets
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Registered: Apr 2011

posted December 22, 2014 02:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Violets     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've always wondered that about the Moon as well. Is it our mother, how we mother our own children, or our emotions, or all of the above?!

Ami, sending lots of love to you, and hope for some healing. I was explaining to someone the other day (who seemed to think that people shouldn't feel "stuck") that it's not a race. There are layers and layers for some of us, and it's okay for us to heal at our own pace. We heal when it's right for us, not when it's convenient (in my experience, I suppose).

Much love to you.

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Barbiegirl19
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Posts: 5088
From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
Registered: Jul 2013

posted December 22, 2014 04:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Barbiegirl19     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
When I finally found myself after some pretty huge life changes it was truly the greatest feeling. I don't ever plan on going back to my old self.

Depression, imo anyway, is one of the most difficult, confusing and upsetting things we go through. It's crazy when you think about just how evil and manipulative our minds can get. How low we can get. When I suffered with it I was destructive, wanted to hurt those around me because they'd hurt me, and I guess in some ways you could say that I probably did. Am I proud of it? No. Did I learn from it? Absolutely, if weren't for those times and the many others I wouldn't be the person I am today. I'm proud of how far I've come. I have no regrets.

I think when you're ready Ami, or whomever's reading this and suffers from depression, when you're ready to fight it and stand up to it you will. Don't rush yourself. Take your time and be sincere with yourself. Admit your faults and mistakes to yourself. You don't need validation, recognition from others. Advice and true uplifting are what we need. Support from those that truly matter. You are the only person that can make yourself happy.

Optimism and never giving up is what saved me. If I'd continue down the road I was heading I wouldn't be here today.

I still have my bad days, but the good trump them by a loooong shot. When you're ready you'll never look back.

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 59137
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 22, 2014 04:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You guys are my angels. Thank you Dani, Violets and Barbie.

I feel I came to some really nice epiphanies after I wrote this.

You guys made my day. Love to you :heart

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Violets
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posted December 22, 2014 06:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Violets     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If it helps, Ami, I'm about 30 minutes into my mom's arrival and she's already made obnoxious jabs at me, spewed nothing but negativity about every person she knows, and now I am just hanging out in our bedroom, waiting for my husband to come home because I don't want to deal with her.

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Barbiegirl19
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From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
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posted December 22, 2014 07:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Barbiegirl19     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That really sucks, sorry to hear that Violets.

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Violets
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Registered: Apr 2011

posted December 22, 2014 07:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Violets     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks, Barbie.

It's like a mixture of sincerely thoughtful gestures on her part, and really juvenile, passive-aggressive insults.

Way too much drama for me.

My husband and I have both learned to just hide out in our bedroom when our company is getting obnoxious. Our son has the choice to play with grandparents, or hang out with us while we hibernate.

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 59137
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 22, 2014 07:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you Violets

I do feel less alone

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Barbiegirl19
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From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
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posted December 22, 2014 08:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Barbiegirl19     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Family drama is just soo draining. It never ceases to end at family gatherings.

Awe poor little guy, hahaha does he stick around and play with grandma and grandpa, or does he hide away with you guys?

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 59137
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 23, 2014 10:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LOL Barbie

I am feeling much better. I have to state things first before I can really see what is happening with the heart


I am very grateful that Randall made Sweet Peas.

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 59137
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 23, 2014 04:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
edit


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Violets
Knowflake

Posts: 3954
From:
Registered: Apr 2011

posted December 24, 2014 11:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Violets     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
Family drama is just soo draining. It never ceases to end at family gatherings.

Awe poor little guy, hahaha does he stick around and play with grandma and grandpa, or does he hide away with you guys?


He does a little of both, since he loves the rest of our family as well. We all just sort of come in and out from the bedroom to the living room, whereas we used to feel obligated to stay out and "entertain" or whatever. It's not worth it!

It's helping now that I don't feel like I have the plague, and finally got a good night's sleep. So far. It's only 9 am, though.

...But it's Christmas Eve! We have our Christmas dinner tonight, and open a few presents... EVERYBODY HAD BETTER BE NICE, D@MMIT!

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