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Author Topic:   Your "Tips and Remedies" on Getting Over Someone...
PisceanDream
Knowflake

Posts: 1323
From: Here
Registered: Jun 2014

posted December 23, 2014 05:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PisceanDream     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mine is simple:

Not to let my thoughts get too far. If I don't regulate my thoughts and start to think too much about them, then I'll obsess and if I obsess... It's really bad as it might compel me to run back.

Thanks to my Gemini Moon and Saturn influence, I have a strong understanding for why things need to end. If something were to end, and I know that there is logic behind it, then I will develop the strength to stay away from it and happily be on my way to moving on. It won't hurt much, actually. I shut down my emotions rather quickly and it helps the process.

So... What are yours?

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 9277
From: Mordor
Registered: Nov 2012

posted December 23, 2014 06:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Removing the person out of one's life asap and for good should help a lot. That's what I'd do if I broke up.

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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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Barbiegirl19
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Posts: 5088
From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
Registered: Jul 2013

posted December 23, 2014 07:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Barbiegirl19     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Nevermind...

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 59147
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 23, 2014 07:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think TIME. I know this is an adage but it is an adage because it is true lol

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DeepFreeze
Knowflake

Posts: 3947
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013

posted December 23, 2014 09:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for DeepFreeze     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Edit:
I'm the last person that should be giving advice on these things.

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PisceanDream
Knowflake

Posts: 1323
From: Here
Registered: Jun 2014

posted December 23, 2014 09:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PisceanDream     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sure, I understand but I view that as a very broad "means" if not an "end", actually. So how would you particularly go about that? Do you ignore the person? Block the person? Remove them from your sight/mind? Avoid coinciding with them? I think there are many paths and methods that lead to that removal, so I wonder more about the specificities since I think many of us would agree on that note, Cappy...

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BellaFenice
Knowflake

Posts: 2200
From: Sparkles the Unicorn-When will your faves?
Registered: Sep 2013

posted December 23, 2014 10:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BellaFenice     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
All wounds take time. No matter how painful it is, you have to be willing to let go of the person/thing and not look back. Cut off all sources of communication: social media, phone numbers, etc.

I think when you do not have the closure you exactly want, there is always that thought in the back of your mind telling you "call them! call them!' But you cannot do that! That puts you back to square one immediately.

Sometimes the most profound situations in our lives lead to tremendous pain, and that is okay. The important thing is to learn the lesson behind it, and work towards simply integrating the lessons into your core and moving on to focus on you. Focusing on the other person and/or thing will only make you regress.

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PisceanDream
Knowflake

Posts: 1323
From: Here
Registered: Jun 2014

posted December 23, 2014 10:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PisceanDream     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks Bella I agree that learning the lesson behind it is probably the most important thing.

Do you believe that there is room for friendship after all is said and done? After the closure and the necessary time to heal has passed...

I usually find it not so hard to befriend exes once again, after some time has passed. But some situations are too complicated that they might open a crazy can of worms best left shut.

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Jo B
Knowflake

Posts: 551
From: London, UK
Registered: Feb 2014

posted December 23, 2014 10:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jo B     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Remind yourself of all the bad times and why they were no good for you (or you both were no good for each other), rather than sentimentalise over the good times. People break up for a reason, there is no point looking for reasons why you should stay together.

After a certain amount of time you might end up friends or never see them again, only time will tell.

From experience though I think once it's over, it's over. There is no going back. Things will very rarely be the same the second time around if you DO decide to give it a second chance.

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Faith
Knowflake

Posts: 9438
From:
Registered: Jul 2011

posted December 23, 2014 11:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
At this point, if I were single and dating, I know what I would do. I'd tell myself, "He'll be back."

Because in my single life, they really did always come back (!) until I made the final split. And having the ball in my court was comforting and reassuring ~ 'helped me feel in control.

Now I think that might have been a selfish satisfaction, to want to have the ball in my court.

A more straightforward way to feel in control is to be in control as PD said -- monitoring your thoughts. That negates the need to have the upper hand in a relationship, or to be in that often-coveted role of rejecting the other person as opposed to being rejected.

Learning that it doesn't matter who rejects whom was difficult for me....learning to NOT internalize the rejection and make a mountain out of a molehill marked a huge step in my personal development. At this point, I might not even care if someone rejected me...rejection doesn't matter as much as when I was younger. I have a lot of good friends now, and they support me. I know who I am and what my value is.

But still...if my heart was really aching I would probably indulge in a little speculation (or delusion ) that this was not, in fact, the end.

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 9277
From: Mordor
Registered: Nov 2012

posted December 23, 2014 12:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by PisceanDream:
Sure, I understand but I view that as a very broad "means" if not an "end", actually. So how would you particularly go about that? Do you ignore the person? Block the person? Remove them from your sight/mind? Avoid coinciding with them? I think there are many paths and methods that lead to that removal, so I wonder more about the specificities since I think many of us would agree on that note, Cappy...

I would go about that the way a surgeon would go about amputating a limb. No contact and avoidance. Changing my number, job and residence would be an option if he turned into a stalker.

quote:
Do you believe that there is room for friendship after all is said and done? After the closure and the necessary time to heal has passed...

It's not a bad idea...for masochists and those who didn't love.

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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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BellaFenice
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Posts: 2200
From: Sparkles the Unicorn-When will your faves?
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posted December 23, 2014 05:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BellaFenice     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by PisceanDream:
Thanks Bella I agree that learning the lesson behind it is probably the most important thing.

Do you believe that there is room for friendship after all is said and done? After the closure and the necessary time to heal has passed...

I usually find it not so hard to befriend exes once again, after some time has passed. But some situations are too complicated that they might open a crazy can of worms best left shut.


What you are describing is a slippery slope, it really comes down to the situation presented. Now, am I friends with any of my exes? No. However, we may say hi now and then, but nothing more than how are you are doing. Friendly, but in a more formal way.

Sometimes the consequences are too painful and deep to maintain any sort of contact. Time is often telling, you just have to wait it out and see what happens. For some, no contact is necessary to make sure closure is finalized. It can open sore wounds, which puts you back to square one.

I guess what I am haphazardly saying is that it really depends, cannot really tell you yes or no for an answer.

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hannaramaa
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posted December 23, 2014 07:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
OMG why was I going to start a thread similar to this yesterday?! Seriously. All my "exes" per se have lost weight and their lives are "great" (according to social media). And I'm not unhappy with my life, I just wanted to be the first one to get hotter! So annoying.

To get over them... removing them from everything online and not having any friends in common worked great for me for one. Of course there's always a temptation to look and I give in sometimes too. For me, however, there's nothing other than time that really makes me detached unless I REALLY did not gaf.

Writing helped me, and I have a million conversations with them in my head (that I'm convinced some of them can hear, and actually I've seen a few certified articles declaring we can, indeed, communicate with our minds.)

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PisceanDream
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Posts: 1323
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posted December 24, 2014 06:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PisceanDream     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You're right, Bella... It's very circumstantial.

Here's a little story that might reflect on how interesting it might be to take the route of meeting an ex who I've dated for 2.5 years (on and off)this morning. We had a bit of an abrupt (but still civil) ending around this time last year. We hadn't spoken at all that whole year till the past few days when I found out both of us were here at home. I decided to text him to "break the ice". I met him this morning and I went into it knowing I had 0 feelings for him. We chatted for 5 hours, it was perfect, flowing and I truly felt a friendship despite our "history"... Even as our rendezvous was approaching an end, I didn't really feel anything romantic for him. Well, the last 20-30 minutes of us chatting, he reveals to me that he's gay and has a boyfriend now. I loved him very much and had always seen him as my future husband. The image of having children with him was very vivid. Even after that revelation (his coming out of the closet), he said he felt the same. And that, strangely, the fantasy of being married to me and starting a family with me came very naturally to him, despite his sexual confusion. He loved me very much and all the little strange issues that confused me and bothered me all throughout our relationship made so much sense now.

When he first told me, I cried and I held his hands. He had revealed to me that, although he hasn't told his parents yet, he was more afraid of telling me than he was his own mother (who he suspects would trip). I knew why, he really esteemed me far more than I'd deem fitting. I think he thought I would flip out or something because he always had an irrational fear of me (now I know why he did) but in fact, I empathized so much with him and I was so proud of him. I felt his relief, I felt him shrivel off tons of anxiety, guilt, and fear after he witnessed my reaction.

In fact, I told him this doesn't change the fact that I loved him with my whole heart. It doesn't change our history though it certainly is something to think about in retrospection. To fit in the many missing puzzle pieces with that fact to see what the whole story looks like. I'm actually really happy that we had met and for the first time in a long time, can actually become true friends to each other. I just got home now from meeting him again tonight with another friend and it was absolutely normal. We were laughing and joking, I was being my rough sarcastic bantery self. It was wonderful. I was truly glad I took that plunge, though it yielded unexpected and sudden results. It made me realize that the love between us far exceeded just a romantic barrier. It was always a strong and endearing bond between us that I now come to see wholly for the first time. In fact, he kept making fun of me... Saying that I act like a kitten but deep down I'm a cheetah. He still is in shock of my reaction (because he feared it the most) but I didn't really surprise myself at all. I didn't think I'd cry but... I love him, as a person. With all his silly Aquarian quirks. This moment will forever mark the practical manifestation of the growth that I quite often felt I underwent. I know now that... If it feels right, I will always meet with an ex if possible. If I can do it and he can do it, then so what?

I am also meeting another semi ex-best-friend-lover (very weird dynamics) in a week or two. This one, however, is different seeing as just this summer romantic sparks were reignited. I wonder how this one will go.

Yupp, I'm a true Aqua ASC.

hannaramaa, LMAO! I've never experienced that yet with exes living "great" and whatnot. One of them just got engaged, it didn't stir even a petty emotion in me LOL.

But yeah, I think when the feelings are rough and raw... Cutting them off might be best. In general, I usually believe that I can befriend exes unless there's some serious unfinished business then it might just... Blow up.

Well, I have a lot of reflecting and thinking to do with what was the longest and probably one of the most difficult, stressful, emotionally-charged,confusing relationships I've ever been through. It feels weird to think that there was never ever going to be a future in a sense, though we had both seen it. I'm not sure... I feel dizzy with thought on this one. So much reflection to do... Wow.

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