posted July 05, 2015 02:51 AM            

You find out, not from your SO, that he used to sleep with one of your customers-weeks before you and him met. She vanished from earth, without words, and he chased her like crazy. Then the two of you met and you were "sent from God" and "I never thought I'd meet anyone at work" were words you got fed.

posted July 05, 2015 03:07 AM            

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Originally posted by Vajra:
No, you're not crazy, that IS weird. He should have told you at some point, at the latest when there was a chance you might be interacting with her. How BTW did you find that out now? Through him, or by accident?

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By accident. He gave his daughter his old phone and asked me to install new sim card + restore factory settings. I saw a bunch of texts.

posted July 05, 2015 03:14 AM            

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Originally posted by charlie:
By accident. He gave his daughter his old phone and asked me to install new sim card + restore factory settings. I saw a bunch of texts.

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posted July 05, 2015 03:17 AM            

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Originally posted by Vajra:
^Ugh. That too bad, to find out that way... What's his story, why didn't he tell you? Does he at least feel bad about it?

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posted July 05, 2015 03:31 AM            

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Originally posted by charlie:
I told him I didn't care about his private things prior to us meeting-it's none of my business-but that in this case seeing as I also meet this woman, I felt he could have given me a head's up. He retaliated by saying I was acting stupid and just wanted to upset him.

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^That's BS and my guess is even he knows that. Besides, how could he be sure she wouldn't just tell you about it one day - unless he specifically asked her not to?

I agree about the right to keep private stuff from the past private, btw, but this is a different matter because you're interacting with her professionally in the here and now, so common sense dictates that you needed to know about their past thing beforehand, if only to be able to avoid unpleasant situations with her. She is a customer after all.

posted July 05, 2015 03:40 AM            

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Originally posted by charlie:

What's funnier is that a few weeks ago I had serious back issues and had to see a therapist numerous times per week. As it appears, that therapist works from same building this woman lives in and he never uttered one word! I chose the therapist randomly from a list of places and had no inclinations she lived there. Universe is a trickster!

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posted July 05, 2015 03:50 AM            

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Originally posted by Vajra:
^That's BS and my guess is even he knows that. Besides, how could he be sure she wouldn't just tell you about it one day - unless he specifically asked her not to?

I agree about the right to keep private stuff from the past private, btw, but this is a different matter because you're interacting with her professionally in the here and now, so common sense dictates that you needed to know about their past thing beforehand, if only to be able to avoid unpleasant situations with her. She is a customer after all.

The trust issue between you and your SO is yet another matter - I must confess this thing would irritate the hell out of me if I were in your shoes.

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posted July 05, 2015 04:03 AM            

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Originally posted by charlie:
It irritates me and it's not the first time he has "planned telling me about things later". What's bad for him, and perhaps me, is that life has unusual ways of always giving me hints whether I want them or not! I am a sponge for information coming out of the blue :-/

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Well...forewarned is forearmed, right? I would always choose to know something, even if unpleasant, over living in blissful oblivion....

posted July 05, 2015 07:11 AM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
I've never liked this guy or anything I've heard about him on LL. This situation is no different.
I don't like his chart. I don't like his attitude and I don't like anything you have to say about his behaviour.

So... yeah... I'm not really sure what else to say. I obviously don't know him... so I can't really give you advice based on anything other than what you've told us about him here.
Go with your intuition. Remember, you are not tied to him. And if he doesn't treat you right, you *can* leave him.

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I'm not one to make excuses for other people's behavior. I know I can leave when I want, just like I've done many times before. It's just that sometimes I react to certain things where I might not be able to see myself clearly and thus project.

posted July 05, 2015 07:57 AM              

As you say, you have a great working partnership and presumably a good romantic relationship despite this little concern on your part. You're with him, she's not.

I haven't read your other posts about him so I can't really get a full picture of him, but judging by what you've said, I honestly don't see how he's the bad guy. What if the tables were turned, and he found a bunch of texts between you and and ex (from before you were together) and suddenly got all suspicious? Wouldn't you find that controlling and insecure of him?

Plus the fact he never told you about her was probably he wanted to put it all behind him, as well as protecting his relationship with YOU.

Just my feeling.

posted July 05, 2015 09:16 AM            

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Originally posted by Jo B:
Sorry charlie, but exactly what has this guy done wrong here?
He's not seeing the woman now (as far as you know), he was obviously atrracted to her at some point but it didn't work out between them (he can't help it if she continues to be a customer - although personally I find it a bit odd that a woman who did a disappearing act on him would suddenly turn up out of the blue to use your company again and not find another, under the circumstances).

As you say, you have a great working partnership and presumably a good romantic relationship despite this little concern on your part. You're with him, she's not.

I haven't read your other posts about him so I can't really get a full picture of him, but judging by what you've said, I honestly don't see how he's the bad guy. What if the tables were turned, and he found a bunch of texts between you and and ex (from before you were together) and suddenly got all suspicious? Wouldn't you find that controlling and insecure of him?

Plus the fact he never told you about her was probably he wanted to put it all behind him, as well as protecting his relationship with YOU.

Just my feeling.

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posted July 05, 2015 09:27 AM              

In my experience if you give a guy some freedom to make mistakes or not, a lot of the time he won't make them and appreciate you more.

posted July 05, 2015 09:54 AM            

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Originally posted by DopGang:
I agree with Jo B.

I myself will not mention previous relationships because they are in the past. Talking about them only colors the here and now. There's no sense in tempting jealousy. That's how I look at it.
Even when asked about exes I answer vaguely most of the time. But I do make it clear that I have no feelings for any of them. No bitterness, love, or any at all!
He may be annoyed right now because this is exactly what he wanted to avoid. I would be!

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posted July 05, 2015 10:00 AM            

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Originally posted by charlie:
He said point blank that had roles been reversed ie *I* was the one that had slept with a customer and "forgot" to mention it, he'd be ****** as hell. That is a direct quote.

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posted July 05, 2015 10:01 AM              

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Originally posted by charlie:
He said point blank that had roles been reversed ie *I* was the one that had slept with a customer and "forgot" to mention it, he'd be ****** as hell. That is a direct quote.

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Hmmm, now that I don't like.
But then I'm probably biased because I've been with a guy like it where it's one rule for him and another for you. People show their true colors sooner or later.

You know, this is exactly why I'm not eager to jump into a relationship really, because I can't be bothered to deal with the hassle of blame, accusation, insecurity and jealousy that sometimes comes with it.

But if you're experiencing this "back and forth" with your guy on a regular basis charlie, at some point you have to weigh up whether the cons of being with him outweigh the pros.

posted July 05, 2015 10:03 AM            

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Originally posted by Jo B:
Hmmm, now that I don't like.
But then I'm probably biased because I've been with a guy like it where it's one rule for him and another for you. People show their true colors sooner or later.

You know, this is exactly why I'm not eager to jump into a relationship really, because I can't be bothered to deal with the hassle of blame, accusation, insecurity and jealousy that sometimes comes with it.

But if you're experiencing this "back and forth" with your guy on a regular basis charlie, at some point you have to weigh up whether the cons of being with him outweigh the pros.

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I would be lying if I didn't say that there have been more than one occasion where I have felt "lured" into something I didn't know exist.

Either way, I'll keep weighing and come to a conclusion. Capricorn style

posted July 05, 2015 10:16 AM            

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Originally posted by charlie:
I will be annoyed when she utters something at work that doesn't come from him. He said point blank that had roles been reversed ie *I* was the one that had slept with a customer and "forgot" to mention it, he'd be ****** as hell. That is a direct quote.

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Ouch.

posted July 05, 2015 10:23 AM            

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Originally posted by DopGang:
Ouch.

Ok that's different.
Me personally...
If be out of there.

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