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Author
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Topic: All You Can Do Is Control YOUR Reaction
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 63778
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 02, 2015 11:46 AM
  
There are so many situations in which this is applicable. People harass you for any number of reasons. Right now, I told someone that I can't look at charts on Messenger and she keeps sending them to me lol This is a very small example. I want to be really nasty but I rarely let myself be. I want to conduct myself in a dignified manner and not let anyone make me lose that. ------------------
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 63778
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 02, 2015 12:51 PM
When all else fails, be honest I just was very honest and it worked out fine. Who knew  ------------------
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MarsSaturnDelight
Knowflake Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Dec 2014
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posted August 02, 2015 04:05 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
There are so many situations in which this is applicable. People harass you for any number of reasons. Right now, I told someone that I can't look at charts on Messenger and she keeps sending them to me lol This is a very small example. I want to be really nasty but I rarely let myself be. I want to conduct myself in a dignified manner and not let anyone make me lose that.
What I find worrying is that you felt compelled to respond to what appears to be a trivial event, in not only a 'nasty' way, but a 'very nasty' way. Doesn't sound stable to me.You must be troubled if you have to reality check yourself on such small life events. IP: Logged |
ikja
Knowflake Posts: 1771
From: The Valley of Restoration
Registered: Oct 2014
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posted August 02, 2015 04:34 PM
quote:
Originally posted by MarsSaturnDelight:
What I find worrying is that you felt compelled to respond to what appears to be a trivial event, in not only a 'nasty' way, but a 'very nasty' way. Doesn't sound stable to me.You must be troubled if you have to reality check yourself on such small life events.
While I understand what you're saying MSD, this particular situation seems to be the cherry on top. I agree and I do think the issue is a minor event to get wound up over. However, if there have been lots of little events over the course of a day or even two days, it seems plausible that this querent would get AA's 'very nasty' as opposed to just her 'nasty.' So, I think AA's post suggests more of a 'tipping point' as opposed to an instability. I may be projecting (lol), but I know that is how I operate anyway. Then again, I've got Mars conjunct Moon in Aries, so maybe I shouldn't bring myself into this lol.
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Catalina
Knowflake Posts: 3284
From: shamballa
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted August 02, 2015 04:49 PM
Rather than controlling ones reaction, questioning it can open the mind and heart and completely transform the need to "strike back". How hard is it to not engage with internet msgs until one is ready? How hard to see that a toddler whining is not worth getting angry at? How hard to see that a different opinion is not a personal attack (and might even be an attempt at helping)?IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 63778
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 02, 2015 11:04 PM
It turned out to be a good experience. The girl said she was sorry for not respecting my boundaries. I said that was cool and all is well that ends well!------------------
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Odette
Moderator Posts: 5905
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted August 02, 2015 11:28 PM
quote:
what appears to be a trivial event
I don't think it's that trivial...
It's one thing to be pestered once or twice.. but if a person is pestering you *all* the damn time - it can get very annoying. quote:
All You Can Do Is Control YOUR Reaction
This is true and good advice in many situations in life.
It's not always an easy thing to do, depending on who you are dealing with. Some people are more difficult than others. I think it's also important to remember that we've all been on the other side of this, as the (often unintentional) instigator - and that another person had to -control- their own reaction towards *us*, at those times.
I was always grateful in retrospect when someone was calm in response to my anger.. because it gave me a chance to see the error of my ways. Had they reacted in an aggressive manner - things might have just escalated. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 5905
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted August 02, 2015 11:28 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
It turned out to be a good experience. The girl said she was sorry for not respecting my boundaries. I said that was cool and all is well that ends well!
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 63778
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 02, 2015 11:35 PM
I don't think it's that trivial...
It's one thing to be pestered once or twice.. but if a person is pestering you *all* the damn time - it can get very annoying. Thank you, Odette. I helped her with 2-3 charts and she kept sending me more and more, even though I told her I could not do them lol I took a break to calm myself and then told her that I was trying to be nice but I cannot do these charts and that if she wanted more, she would need to have a professional chart reading. She said she was sorry and we are cool, now. ------------------
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 63778
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 03, 2015 03:54 PM
Anyway, back to the subject. You can just control your side of the street. This is giving me peace. It is easy to want others to act as you want them to, but you have to learn how to REACT because you can't make that happen  ------------------
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DopGang
Knowflake Posts: 469
From: <--------- over there.
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 03, 2015 04:28 PM
It's true. However, sometimes you can alter your action/reaction knowing with almost certainty what the reaction will be from another person. Jedi mindf**k. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 63778
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 03, 2015 09:37 PM
quote:
Originally posted by DopGang:
It's true. However, sometimes you can alter your action/reaction knowing with almost certainty what the reaction will be from another person. Jedi mindf**k.
Yes  ------------------
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ReachingForTheStars
Knowflake Posts: 365
From: second star to the right, and straight on till morning
Registered: Dec 2013
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posted August 04, 2015 02:38 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Catalina:
Rather than controlling ones reaction, questioning it can open the mind and heart and completely transform the need to "strike back".
Awesome point!! Asking yourself: 'why do I feel this way?!' Can lead to better self-understanding and true self-control. I also agree that anything that stimulates the urge to be "nasty" is not trivial. IP: Logged |
Catalina
Knowflake Posts: 3284
From: shamballa
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted August 05, 2015 01:30 AM
Yes to your first point! But I think its all too easy for trivial things to elicit reactions totally unrelated to the actual action/event. I've shared this short, comical story to illustrate this point before..because it's short, sweet and explains it very well
Once, as I walked into the ladies' room at a restaurant near my home, a woman came out of the single stall. We smiled at each other, and, as I closed the door, she began to sing and wash her hands. "What a lovely voice!" I thought. Then, as I heard her leave, I noticed that the toilet seat was dripping wet. "How could anyone be so rude?" I thought. "And how did she manage to pee all over the seat? Was she standing on it?" Then it came to me that she was a man—a transvestite, singing falsetto in the women's restroom. It crossed my mind to go after her (him) and let him know what a mess he'd made. As I cleaned the toilet seat, I thought about everything I'd say to him. Then I flushed the toilet. The water shot up out of the bowl and flooded the seat. And I just stood there laughing.
In this case, the natural course of events was kind enough to expose my story before it went any further. Usually it doesn't;
- Byron KatieMore often than not it is the story we tell ourselves that irritates/shocks us, whether it's about the other person or about us (they are so self-centered/ we are so timid, etcetc) that creates our reaction, not the other person's behaviour at all. We put ourselves thru so much drama that doesn't need to be there.
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NYCdodger
Knowflake Posts: 692
From:
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted August 09, 2015 08:24 PM
Decided to scroll through this thread and i saw this and wow, this speaks to me very deeply. I always use to tell myself the same thing. That its not about the action but the Reaction that determines our character..Its difficult though, especially for someone like me who's stubborn. But I've learned that sometimes no matter what, some people will never understand your true motives and will see you according to however they choose to see you. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 63778
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 09, 2015 09:35 PM
quote:
Originally posted by NYCdodger:
Decided to scroll through this thread and i saw this and wow, this speaks to me very deeply. I always use to tell myself the same thing. That its not about the action but the Reaction that determines our character..Its difficult though, especially for someone like me who's stubborn. But I've learned that sometimes no matter what, some people will never understand your true motives and will see you according to however they choose to see you.
My cutie comes to my rescue
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Lindaland
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