posted November 02, 2015 04:21 PM            

Seeing, or even - feeling - my mother's emotional suffering. (I'm pretty sure I'd feel similarly if it was my sister - basically the two people closest to me, my family, my blood...)

I feel so helpless and sad about it.
Wish so badly I could help her, but there really is not much I can do...

posted November 03, 2015 09:19 AM            

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posted November 03, 2015 09:21 AM            

I try to help so much but there is still things that are out of my hands I can't assist with...there's only so much I can do...

So what I am going to do is try my best, search for alternatives that could prove for growth and just wish upon a star, I guess !

But yeah I feel your pain. I'm sure a lot of people understand there's 7 billion people out there and some of them are living in ****** conditions!

posted November 03, 2015 11:16 AM            

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posted November 03, 2015 10:22 PM            

All you can really do is be there for her. I think just doing that can speak volumes because she knows that you care for her and that you will help her with whatever she needs.

posted November 04, 2015 12:38 AM            

I don't know the cause of your mother's pain, but it's likely that while she suffers she is also aware of your suffering (seeing her in pain). When we are at our lowest we worry about our children even if we can't let them see it.

You can't relieve her pain, but if you can make her know that you are ok, you might be removing a heavy burden from her heart.

posted November 04, 2015 06:56 PM            

Desiring,

I think she does realize that some people have it much worse. So there's that, at least.

Ami,

I'm sorry about that. It's a tough balance to find. There are old wounds involved more often than not. I know for certain that my mother and I have had a very difficult relationship that's affected me (and probably her?) a lot, in many different and not so obvious ways. It can get pretty complex...

polka,

Sorry about your mom. It sounds like you've been truly there for her, that's admirable.

I can't say the same for myself. I'm still not comfortable with being "there" for my mother, because I think it feels like too much of a burden (and there's old resentment at play as well, though mostly subconscious).
Her moods affect me a lot if I let her "in", and I don't like that. I'm afraid it'll never end, and that somehow, she'll drag me down to that hopeless pit with her.

(( aquaguy )) Thanks.

venus2,

She suffers from a lack of love, but she keeps focusing outside of herself to find it and fill that void within. I try to explain to her that love has to be found within first (and come from a "higher" level), and that even if she finds a man who loves her and is there for her, inevitably there's going to be pain and disappointment because humans are so imperfect, and life is so unpredictable. But she won't hear it... She's a hopeless romantic and wants someone to make her feel loved, otherwise she "is dying"... (I've literally seen her cry about it, it's incredibly heart-breaking, to me.)

And that makes it hard for me to be "okay" and be helpful to her, because I feel like I have "inherited" those same traits from her, and I friggin' hate that... It scares the hell out of me. That neediness... I am actually very afraid I'll end up just like her, living a "loveless" life, and being depressed and alone past age 50. It's a scary thought and I can't help but feel like I'm so emotionally enmeshed with her, that somehow my life will inevitably mirror hers, in a sick, twisted, way.

There's also the fact that I feel like she expects me to be the mother (she keeps saying how I'm her psychologist...), while I feel like she failed pretty badly at being there for me when I needed her... I do feel genuinely sad and sorry for her, but at the same time, a part of me (the inner child?) is just so angry. She acts like a child, and here I am, carrying her wounds AND mine, while she expects me to help her... I just feel like it's unfair. That I didn't get to have an emotionally supportive mother, and yet I have to be one, to my own mother.
(Notice how often I say the word "feel"... yeah, my perception is very subjective, and I am aware of that. Doesn't mean it's invalid though, in my view.)

There's a lot of stuff going on beneath the surface here...
My Moon can speak for itself (conj. Chiron, opp. Saturn, sq. Pluto/Mars, sq. ASC/NN, sesquisquare Neptune/Uranus - afflicted, much?).

I do know she cares about me as well and doesn't want to weigh me down, but she just does... I can't help but feel like I have to detach myself from her (which makes me come across as indifferent/act kinda cold towards her) or else I'm dragged down into that depressed place with her.

It's like her wounds/pain are mine, on a cellular level. And I'm really not sure how to deal with that.

Thanks everyone, again.

I kinda feel bad for ranting about it so much. She is a very good mother, and I am very lucky to have her. It's just that there are some things on an emotional level that make it difficult for me to have a truly "healthy" relationship with her.
A part of me wants to just get away entirely so as not to be negatively affected, but I'd feel guilty about that, and would probably hate myself for it later, when it's too late and she's gone.
Still haven't found a balance yet.

posted November 04, 2015 08:11 PM            

Well anyway, I know it's your mom so it seems obvious but even still while I read about the situation I just kept getting "karma" stuck in my head. Is it weird that I just get strong feelings? I feel like it's something that you have to do. You know? Something to complete even if it's just to comfort your mother. Perhaps by sticking by her, helping her, it will unlock doors and messages for you to help yourself not end up in the same place. I don't know. Probably I sound crazy but I just have this strong feeling that you need to do this. Good will come out of it even if not immediately evident.

posted November 04, 2015 08:53 PM            

This is very profound. I feel that I had some kind of cellular agreement with my mother to make her Ok by trying to be perfect and that I failed and that she hates me for that and I hate myself.

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posted November 04, 2015 09:15 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by venus2tinkerbell:
Hi Doux,

I don't know the cause of your mother's pain, but it's likely that while she suffers she is also aware of your suffering (seeing her in pain). When we are at our lowest we worry about our children even if we can't let them see it.

You can't relieve her pain, but if you can make her know that you are ok, you might be removing a heavy burden from her heart.

It's a strange therapy. Heal by showing health, but with mother's it's so effective.

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Can you explain this more, Tink?

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posted November 04, 2015 09:21 PM            

Thank you for sharing, much appreciated.
And thank you for that last part, it's beautiful.
What you said doesn't sound crazy at all, actually it makes sense to me. I agree that there seems to be something... "karmic" going on, whatever you wanna call it, something that's beyond the scope of "simple" parent/child relationship (if such a thing even exists - but apparently it does).
I'm not sure if it's me complicating things or if there really is a deeper aspect to it.
Well I read some excerpts from the Hades Moon book yesterday on Google reads (I'd actually purchased it a while ago on Kindle but seem to have lost it because I don't have the app anymore...) and it hit a chord, deeply. It's a pretty heavy book to read when you can relate to its content (and probably seems a bit too dramatic to those who can't).
But I've been struggling with "baggage" my entire life and to me there is no doubt my familial dynamics have played a huge part in this, especially my mother (but my father as well, and even extended family dynamics). I think there's a psycho-genealogical aspect to it as well - families tend to carry certain "themes" throughout the generations, and at some point the new people coming into the family are going to have to deal with all that baggage. It may sound arrogant or unrealistic, but I believe I'm one of those people that are "called" to change the dynamics, to heal the wounds and transform into something new, something more free, lighter. It definitely is a challenge and I in no way identify with the "savior" or "hero" archetype, and I know that I may very well "fail" in this "mission", but I am definitely willing to try. I've always felt a strength (or just hope?) deep inside me that I've simply been incapable of truly manifesting, but I want to at least try and see where it leads me.

Ami,

posted November 06, 2015 10:56 PM            

Your relationship with your mother, your deep love and concern, and your disappointment in her all remind me of me and my mother. We have always been very close, even when I would have preferred not to be. Time, experience, and my own heartbreak have given me the patience to help my mother deal with her heartbreak. When I was younger I thought she was more of a burden than anything. I thought she couldn't give me the kind of help I really needed; an unemotional objective opinion, logical strategies for solving problems, etc... Time and mean-spirited people have taught me the value of the people who may not be able to think and act methodically and decisively, they may not have the kind of strength that is most often valued in the world, but they love you- all they do is love you.

I'm not lecturing. You write very well. I feel I can really understand you, and I think your relationship is very similar to ours. I just want to reassure you of how sweet it will be one day.

My mother broke down in the car today. Crying. Really crying. It was awkward for me. Loving my dad hurts my mom, because she has to love through the pain he caused her many years ago. I can talk her through most issues, but not when she cries like that. I don't know what to say. This particular cry didn't hurt me at all. She needs to do it on her way to healing. She apologized and I said it was fine. Crying and feeling is good. All I could think to do was tease her when she got out of the car (it makes her laugh). I call her my chubby little blueberry and she cracks up. I couldn't talk to her like that a couple years ago. I'm going on and on...

Your mom reminds me of myself too- in love with love, and finding that one close friend and confidant. It doesn't work to tell our types to love ourselves. We understand what you're saying. We don't understand how. That's why I love astrology. It gives you the map of how.

Working with my NN and focusing on what it required of me showed me how to focus on my own growth, gave me guidelines for setting boundaries, and saying things like me, and I want this or that for myself (2nd house NN). I kind of think that when we're dealing with self-love it needs to be an action or activity before it takes root as a feeling and understanding. It's something you do that feels good (and you feel confident doing after the first couple of times), and you keep wanting to do it, until if it comes to a point of having to defend your right to do it (doing things in your own favor, or actively loving self), you will. And then it starts to grow as a feeling or emotion, and you start to think about the things you value, and appreciate in yourself, and things others should value, appreciate, and respect as well.

posted November 07, 2015 03:31 AM            

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I can see where you're coming from.
Glad to hear things are better with your mother and you have more objectivity now.

If I ever get to that point, I think it'll be once I'm away from her, physically speaking. For now we live together so she's always there. I believe it affects the dynamics greatly.

Good point about taking action and then feeling the good feelings about yourself.
It makes sense (and I've read several sources that say the same thing). That you've gotta take action somehow. Take care of yourself physically, start a hobby, etc.

posted November 07, 2015 04:52 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Valentine

Sorry for your loss.

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posted November 07, 2015 06:18 PM            

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