posted July 09, 2017 06:19 AM            

I can see how this is a confusing time for you. I think it is sensible for you to continue to try and move forward with your healing. The relationship cannot be the same again anyway, if you both decide to try reconnect, you will have to have integrated and healed this rupture effectively for there to be harmony in the relationship. Otherwise you will simply be living with a constant reminder of the hurt caused - no matter what the reasons were.

posted July 09, 2017 07:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Voix_de_la_Mer:
Hi Brendan,
if she is struggling to find the language to communicate emotions, therapy could help with this if both she and the therapist identify it and agree to target it.

I can see how this is a confusing time for you. I think it is sensible for you to continue to try and move forward with your healing. The relationship cannot be the same again anyway, if you both decide to try reconnect, you will have to have integrated and healed this rupture effectively for there to be harmony in the relationship. Otherwise you will simply be living with a constant reminder of the hurt caused - no matter what the reasons were.

Thank you for keeping us updated. Remember we are here for you!

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posted February 01, 2019 07:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Voix_de_la_Mer:
Oh Brendan, she sounds really inconsistent, this must be so frustrating for you. The need to get closure is a powerful need, but, sometimes we cannot get it from others involved. Sometimes we have to make our own peace. I am not saying you should give up, I am just acutely aware that sometimes others do not wish to give us the answers we seek.

What can you do? All you can do in that situation is build your inner peace and release yourself from being dependent on their responses.

It seems senseless that she is responding this way to you after her behaviour. But some people just refuse to be accountable or take responsibility for the consequences of their actions, including giving the explanations that the hurt party deserves.

Did your holiday help at all?

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I can't tell you how much I appreciated your responses from this time period Voix. I am in the same situation again, our relationship ended. But now after re-reading what you said and the dialogue we had it lends me clarity.

We were together again up until this week. I didn't do certain things in our relationship or take initiative as I should have so have been blaming myself a lot the past few days when she wanted to separate again.

posted February 03, 2019 01:31 PM            

Does anyone have any advice or experience on dealing with guilt and anger at themselves for things they could have done in a relationship. I am talking to a therapist but thought I would ask.

posted February 04, 2019 05:40 PM            

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Originally posted by vansio:
Hi Brendan, do you by chance have composite Pluto in 4th house with her?

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posted February 05, 2019 07:01 PM            

I have trouble focusing and staying in the moment. I guess feeling spaced out or depressed basically. She was not only my love for 9 years but my best friend. I don't have a ton of people to contact or confide in emotionally so am trying to make sense of things.

I'm scared I will never get to talk to her in person.