Author
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Topic: Am I being petty?
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aquaguy91 Moderator Posts: 12097 From: Wankety Wankerson Registered: Jan 2012
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posted April 24, 2017 11:54 PM
So, One of my "supposed" best friends since Elementary School is getting married this summer and I learned today that he did not pick me to be one of his groomsmen. I have been through the whole spectrum of emotions since I found out. I have been angry, hurt, confused, and extremely bitter. Me and this guy have so much history. I have been by his side through thick and thin. I was there when he experienced his first major heartbreak and rushed to be with him when his dad died and let him cry on my shoulder. We have always been really close and I thought we would be close friends and have each others backs for life. And today I got a knife to the gut and found out apparently I am just a second tier friend at best. In my opinion, the people you choose to stand by your side on your wedding day are the people you care about and value most. I dont think it would hurt that much if he had picked all old friends to be his groomsmen, but he picked guys he hasnt known long. I mean one of them is his gay roommate he has only known for less than 2 years. WTF??? Anyway, this has really hurt me and I dont see how our friendship can ever recover from this. I dont think I will attend the wedding at all because I wouldn't be able to hide the bitterness I have over being slighted in such a raw way. I have tried thinking about all of this is in different ways and my feelings have remained unchanged. Do you think I am being petty? Maybe, its just my ego, but I know this hurts like h*ll right now.IP: Logged |
teasel Knowflake Posts: 10593 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 25, 2017 12:08 AM
I don't think that you are. IP: Logged |
PixieJane Moderator Posts: 9054 From: CA Registered: Oct 2010
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posted April 25, 2017 03:25 AM
It does sound like a snub, and I can understand why you'd be deeply hurt by this. IP: Logged |
colorful butterfly Knowflake Posts: 1652 From: USA Registered: May 2015
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posted April 25, 2017 06:04 AM
Please don't shoot me!!! I just want you to think of it differently thats all, I can completely understand how this would crush you inside and all the other emotions that you are entitled to feel. It's just this one question that I want to ask and it may come off wrong which it is not meant to do so at all. Someone that I did ALOT for!!! I asked myself when I had to give up something awhile back that hurt just as bad, was so humiliating and well, my pride and ego got stomped on in so many ways. Anyway, the question I had to ask was did I love this person for them or did I love them for me? BTW THANK GOD FOR UNANSWERED PRAYERS!!!! IP: Logged |
soren unregistered
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posted April 25, 2017 06:48 AM
CB i had a friend who, it seemed we didnt get along nearly as well as other friends, but he stuck around. are you saying, perhaps he was doing it for himself, and not for me? i kind of suspect that.IP: Logged |
aquaguy91 Moderator Posts: 12097 From: Wankety Wankerson Registered: Jan 2012
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posted April 25, 2017 10:50 PM
quote: Originally posted by colorful butterfly: Please don't shoot me!!! I just want you to think of it differently thats all, I can completely understand how this would crush you inside and all the other emotions that you are entitled to feel. It's just this one question that I want to ask and it may come off wrong which it is not meant to do so at all. Someone that I did ALOT for!!! I asked myself when I had to give up something awhile back that hurt just as bad, was so humiliating and well, my pride and ego got stomped on in so many ways. Anyway, the question I had to ask was did I love this person for them or did I love them for me? BTW THANK GOD FOR UNANSWERED PRAYERS!!!!
I dont really understand what you are trying to say here. Are you asking me if I really cared about my friend? If so, yes I did.As a person who is very fixed in terms of astrology placements, loyalty is very important to me. I don't care to have "acquaintances". When I befriend someone it is sacred to me. Me and this guy had been friends since Elementary School and I considered him to be one of my 3 best friends. I thought I was one of his best friends too. And yesterday I found out he doesn't consider me to be in his inner circle at all. I would just be 1 of the 150 people at his wedding. That really hurt me. It was like a dagger straight through my heart.
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colorful butterfly Knowflake Posts: 1652 From: USA Registered: May 2015
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posted April 26, 2017 12:47 AM
quote: Originally posted by soren: CB i had a friend who, it seemed we didnt get along nearly as well as other friends, but he stuck around. are you saying, perhaps he was doing it for himself, and not for me? i kind of suspect that.
Thats hard to say. What I mean is are you a friend because you are their friend or are you their friend because you gain from it? I don't mean this in a challenging way or to be hurtful, it is just how I had to look at the situation that I was dealing with at the time. It hurt but I just let it go. I dated a guy for 3 years, dealt with a lot of BS, he didn't want to be with me but didn't want anyone else to have me either. He ended up marring another girl after somethings came up with my life that I couldn't be more at the time. I knew he had someone else because of how he was acting and doing things. Then he just popped up that he met someone and was getting married. I wasn't ready to be married at the time but It still was hard to deal with as I felt like I was in limbo trying to figure out what was going on. At first I was shocked like, what in the world as he said he didn't want to be married or he wasn't going to purpose to me. Later that changed as he took me to a cookout and basically told everyone he could how I was the one for him, how he loved me etc. ( I was really happy that day) Just a whole lot of other things that went on , so my whole pride, ego, everything just crushed. Oh, and not to mention other people who thought it was ok to make fun of this because I was hurt by it. After 3 years with someone I would question myself if it didn't. I actually feel sorry for those who thought it was funny, like I wonder why their relationships turn up sour etc. Karma is a &*) & Anyway, the thing that just ended up happening with me was I decided that I could love him for me, be mad , hold it in etc or if I really loved him then I would just see him happy. We are still friends to this day. We don't talk or hang out as much as we use to but I still enjoy the friendship. We actually get along better since we split up. ( Jesus!!!)
In the end, I think things worked out how they were suppose to. In some ways I miss the old times ( good ones) but thankful we don't have anymore bad ones!! It was like we were married and we won't even married. Jealous over each other, crazy love is what my friends called it. ( 3 years!) Yep, loyalty would have been nice as I know they had something going on for a long time but I forgave him and wish him all the best life can give him! It's really hard not to be selfish ya know. So in my mind, true I gather friends and loyalty. How much you put into the relationship thinking this is the contract you have with one another but it's like do you really want to carry all that around with you? Hurt, sadness, anger etc. You can null and void this if you don't agree with it. Just want to try to help if it can, if not I totally understand.
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charlie Knowflake Posts: 4294 From: Registered: Jun 2012
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posted April 30, 2017 11:41 AM
Have you spoken to him?? I would. Maybe he didn't think you'd be interested? Or maybe he didn't think at all? Either way, I'd voice my feelings in a calm way. If he shows lack of understanding I'd have to rethink our friendship. IP: Logged |
windyday Newflake Posts: 20 From: I'm from Neptune.. Registered: Apr 2017
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posted May 01, 2017 03:05 AM
hmmmmm... I guess what Charlie said about talking to him about your feelings, is a good way. BUT if I had been treated like this, I wouldn't probably do that. I would attend the ceremony, but I would disappear gradually from his life. I imagine I would feel hurt and slighted.IP: Logged |
Randall Webmaster Posts: 83878 From: From a galaxy, far, far away... Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 01, 2017 10:24 AM
Welcome!IP: Logged |
windyday Newflake Posts: 20 From: I'm from Neptune.. Registered: Apr 2017
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posted May 02, 2017 01:48 AM
Thank you very much ^~^IP: Logged |
soren unregistered
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posted May 02, 2017 03:10 AM
quote: Originally posted by windyday: hmmmmm... I guess what Charlie said about talking to him about your feelings, is a good way. BUT if I had been treated like this, I wouldn't probably do that. I would attend the ceremony, but I would disappear gradually from his life. I imagine I would feel hurt and slighted.
i had a friend i was up in his face about going to the wedding. found out he planned to ban specifically me!!! hahahahah then i convinced them otherwise. had some kind of hurt from me that i had no idea about, that was nothing my fault. as if living your life and not living your destiny were a crime awesome name IP: Logged |
Sulkyarcher Knowflake Posts: 1351 From: Registered: Dec 2013
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posted May 02, 2017 05:09 AM
I'm sorry he's being a jerk to you. IP: Logged |
windyday Newflake Posts: 20 From: I'm from Neptune.. Registered: Apr 2017
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posted May 02, 2017 11:31 AM
@Soren What a friend!!! And I'm happy you like my name IP: Logged |
Randall Webmaster Posts: 83878 From: From a galaxy, far, far away... Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 03, 2017 12:57 PM
Good name. IP: Logged |
windyday Newflake Posts: 20 From: I'm from Neptune.. Registered: Apr 2017
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posted May 04, 2017 05:16 AM
quote: Originally posted by Randall: Good name.
Thank you. (≧◡≦) IP: Logged |
Randall Webmaster Posts: 83878 From: From a galaxy, far, far away... Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 05, 2017 09:59 AM
You're welcome.IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 71852 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 07, 2017 09:31 AM
(((AG))))You are not being petty, at all. Anyone would feel that way, I think. ------------------ Want to Read Simple, Fun,Sexy Articles on Astrology? Check Me Out, DUDE. http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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SleepyDiary Knowflake Posts: 33 From: Registered: Apr 2017
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posted August 17, 2017 01:22 PM
What ended up happening, did you go or hasn`t the wedding happened yet? I hope it all turned out okey. IP: Logged |
Randall Webmaster Posts: 83878 From: From a galaxy, far, far away... Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 18, 2017 07:21 PM
Update?IP: Logged |