posted May 06, 2017 11:36 AM            

I guess things took a really amazing turn, crappy turn. I had to be hospitalized and have now been referred over to internal medicine. There is a strong fear of cancer...my health just keeps deteriorating despite how hard I have fought to live a healthy & positive lifestyle.

I am down to 100lbs now, I have lost a ton of muscle and fat despite my good appetite. My vision has developed black dots, flashes, and floaters. I am always having hot or cold flashes. I get dizziness and vertigo constantly. My hair is going grey and dry (I am 26, by the way) and there is a hard mass that has developed on my right shoulder. It has been there for a year so I thought it was just a bad muscle knot...

But now I have to face reality. It isn't a knot. The inflammation is very visible and it has now caused three ribs at the sternum to pop out. The pain is worse every day, and nothing ever brings it relief. The man I considered my twin-flame and the love of my life, bailed on me at the last moment while I was in hospital, saying "I honestly don't think we are good for each-other," when I asked him why he did it. This was after I thought we had bridged all our divides and we were spending more time together than ever - truly connecting again.

For this to happen in the midst of SO many other stresses I don't even have the energy to touch light upon: my heart is broken. I recently just got landed a prominent position on the Indigenous Arts Council in my city and got approved for grant funding for a historical fiction I plan to write. It was as if all my dreams are unfolding...they are all right there, and now my body and energy is leaving me.

I see ravens every day, multiple times per day. My uncle passed away on April Fool's this year, the same day as my grandma. I found out that his spirit name was "Silver Raven Eagle Man," and that he even received his peace-pipe after many years of healing the traditional Cree way. I know he is guiding me, looking out for me...but how close I am to the spirit world right now is frankly terrifying.

posted May 07, 2017 09:30 AM            

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