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Author Topic:   How to make up for it.
Shulia
Knowflake

Posts: 36
From:
Registered: Jul 2017

posted April 26, 2018 06:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Shulia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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PixieJane
Moderator

Posts: 9224
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted April 26, 2018 08:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If I were in your shoes and wanting to make some amends, I'd look into volunteering with some charity that works with struggling mothers, and/or with kids. When done right, this is important work, and it can help you be a better mother someday (or realize motherhood is not for you, and for the sake of the children you shouldn't be in this case, though that doesn't necessarily mean you can't help other kids, or perhaps instead focus on helping animals or the elderly and others who also need help).

Be VERY careful of charity organizations that use guilt tactics to get you to work or, especially, to give over money. They're typically doing little to nothing and are just exploiting you, with you contributing to the upkeep of mistresses and the like than to kids (though they might receive grant money where they do the bare minimum and try to make you think your money is covering that, or even trick you into thinking other volunteers and what they donate are paid for when they're not). The GOOD charities that are both honorable and competent are a huge blessing on this world, but many of them are not good.

And there are plenty of children who are in need of adoption. Once you're ready for that you can do a lot of good. (Unfortunately, there are some bad apples in the child adoption business as well, so you have to exercise some caution.)

And on a side note, should you choose to give birth, you should look carefully into that. Here in the United States, too many people who are supposed to warn us of not uncommon circumstances and how the body readjusts after giving birth simply choose not to give the warnings, which can be rough on you (and your bank account, again here in the USA where that's considered a private expense). I could see you suffering and struggling which is bad enough, and then feeling a lot more guilt because you're not the mythical mother that you think you're obligated to be. Don't do that to yourself (and your child). Prepare yourself for difficulties so that they hopefully have a minimal impact, or at the very least you won't tear yourself up with guilt for not living up to a romanticized ideal of motherhood. 'Course working with many mothers in need beforehand can help bring many possible problems to your attention as well as learning how to deal with those problems (not that all of them will be dealing with it well).

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Shulia
Knowflake

Posts: 36
From:
Registered: Jul 2017

posted April 26, 2018 09:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Shulia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote


quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
If I were in your shoes and wanting to make some amends, I'd look into volunteering with some charity that works with struggling mothers, and/or with kids. When done right, this is important work, and it can help you be a better mother someday (or realize motherhood is not for you, and for the sake of the children you shouldn't be in this case, though that doesn't necessarily mean you can't help other kids, or perhaps instead focus on helping animals or the elderly and others who also need help).

Be VERY careful of charity organizations that use guilt tactics to get you to work or, especially, to give over money. They're typically doing little to nothing and are just exploiting you, with you contributing to the upkeep of mistresses and the like than to kids (though they might receive grant money where they do the bare minimum and try to make you think your money is covering that, or even trick you into thinking other volunteers and what they donate are paid for when they're not). The GOOD charities that are both honorable and competent are a huge blessing on this world, but many of them are not good.

And there are plenty of children who are in need of adoption. Once you're ready for that you can do a lot of good. (Unfortunately, there are some bad apples in the child adoption business as well, so you have to exercise some caution.)

And on a side note, should you choose to give birth, you should look carefully into that. Here in the United States, too many people who are supposed to warn us of not uncommon circumstances and how the body readjusts after giving birth simply choose not to give the warnings, which can be rough on you (and your bank account, again here in the USA where that's considered a private expense). I could see you suffering and struggling which is bad enough, and then feeling a lot more guilt because you're not the mythical mother that you think you're obligated to be. Don't do that to yourself (and your child). Prepare yourself for difficulties so that they hopefully have a minimal impact, or at the very least you won't tear yourself up with guilt for not living up to a romanticized ideal of motherhood. 'Course working with many mothers in need beforehand can help bring many possible problems to your attention as well as learning how to deal with those problems (not that all of them will be dealing with it well).



Thanks for your long reply!

I worked already with children I know motherhood is for me I always have known that.

I also know I wont be the perfect mother as I am not a perfect person, but I know I will give love as I also received a lot of love even if I had family issues, mostly with my father.

Yes it's a good idea to work in charity.
Just... I realized now if I do charity related with kids I should do it for love, not thinking that I paying for something because that would kill the beauty or the authenticity of it. I did that already too but long ago in India.

I just felt like that know while reading your answer I don't know why.

Thanks! By the way I am not american, I am spanish.

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 94775
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted April 27, 2018 07:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Good advice.

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