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Author
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Topic: LibraCat9
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theFajita
Knowflake Posts: 2007
From: Boca Raton, FL USA
Registered: Sep 2002
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posted January 08, 2003 12:31 AM
 
Are you there? Trying to see if you're OK..
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Food is the only art that nourishes! IP: Logged |
LibraCat9
Knowflake Posts: 8
From: Chicago Il United States
Registered: Jan 2003
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posted January 08, 2003 12:52 AM
Im still here. Listen I know you mean well and you probaly are a good person.However dont worry about me.I cant live with the things I have done. I got angry and threw a waste basket at my best friend and she had to get a stich. I tried to get her to press charges but she refused. I can't keep making threats like this without following threw. Somebody even posted a response to "where do souls go" saying that people who make threats are not serious. I feel I am doing the world good. What if Jeffory Dahlmer took himself out instead of all those people. How would his Karmatic wheel balance out then? He obviously had a sickness he could'nt control. And while Im no serial killer, I do feel I will only bring people down in the state I am in. Who knows, maybe I can pick my friend Michelle as a parent when I come back? I understand that you control your reality. I don't think Im going to a bad place or a hell. I think this is the right thing. I saw someone else post saying "dieing of old age is negative or suicide. Because of negative thoughts. This contradicts nature. You live life in a 360 degree cycle(circle). You go from a baby needing the care of others. You grow into a adult being able to take care of yourself, and from there into a elderly person once again needing the care of others as if a baby or child. Anything in nature that doesnt change dies. Im not sure if I am strong enough to finish this cycle. I am already 27 and its probaly to late to change. But enough with the woe is me. Like I said no more threats. Maybe next time I will be a fire sign, a Sag or Leo/tiger. Instead of a Libra/Cat. I have had a confusing life for the indecisive scales to weigh out. The only thing stopping me at this point is my mom and brother being around.
Thanks for your concernIP: Logged |
theFajita
Knowflake Posts: 2007
From: Boca Raton, FL USA
Registered: Sep 2002
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posted January 08, 2003 01:31 AM
You know you were wrong. Now that is a great start. Many people who react with violence do not think they are wrong. They don't want to change or even see a reason for it. Another thing don't get me wrong, I am no angel! I am trying to relate to you. You have many emotions and that's OK you just need to learn to express them better. I know it hurts that girl is not with you, but maybe that is best. Imagine if you got really angry with her and hurt her very badly- you would feel worse than you feel now. So maybe God put her out of your reach to save her. For now. I think you can change though.
And I am sure your ex-girlfriend wants you to be happy despite if she is preturbed by your behavior. So if not for you, then for her, aim to be happy. I know there were times I didn't care for myself at all, and I needed any motivation to get me started. Maybe you can hang around here on Lindaland and meet some people, learn some stuff, take your mind off of stuff. C'mon I dated a Libra for a long time, Libras are wonderful!
Perhaps you just need to work on your ego, maybe when that gets bruised is when you act out too aggressively. I am sorry for rambling. please write back OK
love fajita
OK I majorly edited due to the fact that LibraCat9 has read this now....  ------------------
Food is the only art that nourishes! IP: Logged |
Aphrodite
Moderator Posts: 3280
From: San Francisco, CA, United States
Registered: Feb 2002
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posted January 08, 2003 01:33 AM
Hi LibraCat9,What is your birth data, if you don't mind sharing? I just want to check when your Saturn Return will be.  Aphrodite IP: Logged |
LibraCat9
Knowflake Posts: 8
From: Chicago Il United States
Registered: Jan 2003
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posted January 08, 2003 02:04 AM
My friend Golda told me my Saturn is returning now. I find it Ironic that she lives near you Aphrodite. Im only mentioning her name incase you know her ( maybe thats silly but you never know). My birth date is 9-24-75. Fajita thanks for sharing such personal information. Yes I was abused growing up. I got beat by my mom and other family members. I have been sort of desensitised to violence. I grew up in a very poverous area.I had a white father and I could pass for other than black. This made me sort of a target growing up and I got beat up a lot. I know thats a touchy subject but, Chicago is the second most segragated city in the United States.And I was a child of the eighties.I changed schools all the time. Im sorry about your boyfriend. Maybe its not my place to say. But leave him if you are being hurt. Sometimes people don't realise what they have untill its gone. He needs to work on himself before he can be with anyone. Not to mention you suffer from depression and im sure that abuse doesnt help. I am staying away from my Ex, for that very reason. Im scared of the harm I could bring. I hate to go to much into this but I have been on meds. Its just hard to find help in my area with no insurance. When I was staying with her, I went to a hospital and I was on prozac. I was on such a high when I got out and was looking to change my life around. Thats when I found out she was messing around with this Ex- convict when I got out. She could have told me, I wouldnt have got discharged to her home if I knew that. I told her I loved her and I wanted to shape up. I beg her to tell me if their was someone else while I was in the hospital and she still fabricated things. Things have been F***ed up every since. The problem is, this was not just a girlfriend this was truly my best friend and I really have no one else. I took her for granted early on, untill now that I have dicovered my real feelings for her. If I could have just got past the relationship stuff and been a friend. All I wanted to do was dance under the stars with her one summer night. Hold her close and wish this moment forever. I wrote her little messages on toilet paper saying thanks for putting up with my Sh** . And I left her little hearts on her car window before she went....wait this board is not for my problems! Sorry. Gee im glad the topic is LibraCat9! Sorry about that.
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theFajita
Knowflake Posts: 2007
From: Boca Raton, FL USA
Registered: Sep 2002
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posted January 08, 2003 03:11 AM
OH LibraCat9 first I am so sorry about the abuse you received as a child, from kids, and from your mom. Kids can be so cruel you know, I'll never understand that. It's a shame they were so ignorant as to notice something so trivial- your skin color or nationality. I know the meds are expensive. I have insurance and they are still very expensive. I would send you some if you take the same kind! Wow, and I thought my drug dealing days were over, LOL, just kidding and trying to lighten up the topic
I don't mind saying those things to you, I just want to help you to know that you can listen to me, because, I am no stranger to your current problems. I know you cared for this woman very much, but perhaps it's time for change and new people. Since she cheated on you maybe she felt the same way, and there is nothing we can do to change her. Don't want someone who will be faithful to you? There are many people out there LIbracat9, and I know sometimes it feels lonely and like no one cares, and it feels as though you'll never meet people who understand you, but you will. This world is full of people. I have moved around all my life, England, Los Angeles, San Diego, Buffalo, Boca Raton, and each time I had to move I was in despair over leaving friends, and didn't think I would make new ones. Despite my determination to not make new ones, I would. And you will too. I know it's hard when you get let out of places, you get that little bit of hope, and then- life happens, and it's HARD. I really really hope you hang in there and stay in Linda-land. There are all sorts of people here, and there really are no rules, you can talk about your problems all you want, you can post as much as long as you want, afterall like you said, this thread has your name on it! You can find happiness within yourself and in life, I know it. Times are hard and the economy is hard but we can get through. I trust it God for that. For both of us, not just me! I am going to say some prayers tonight for you OK? Will you please reply to me?
Perhaps you two will talk again, but regardless I know you both will always hold each dear in your hearts. Love stands the test of time. But I know the pain is real and fresh and it hurts. I have hurt many people I cared for- burned some bridges- but I cannot live in regret. In a thread I wrote a while ago, someone told me to hold my head up, and as hard as that can be, I do!
And you should too, OK? I mean it.
But I think you should look for a new life, don't you wonder who else you are meant to meet, and I don't mean like lovers, friends too . It's a new year- so many changes for me, what about you? Again, I edited
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Food is the only art that nourishes! IP: Logged |
LibraCat9
Knowflake Posts: 8
From: Chicago Il United States
Registered: Jan 2003
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posted January 08, 2003 04:06 AM
Listen. Be careful moving out. Check the stats. Abusers most commonly go over the hill when the victims finalize things. Thanks for talking to me and I hate to admit it, but I do feel a little better getting it out. I didnt exactly want to feel better but hey. We never really get what we want down here in this realm. Or maybe we already have what we want and need we just never realise it. Me and her are still friends but on her terms. I have to contact her threw emails and she will call from time to time. I just hope when she goes into therapy they wont try to convince her to stay away from me forever. I agree that I have traits unlike some common abusers. And this is not all my fault, she refuses to communicate and she rarley opt to talk about anything. However nothing justifies violence And I take full responsibility for this. I can meet other people true, but I think what I am trying to talk about is having a support system. She plays such a positive role in that. People talk as thoe you can just replace people. I just need to stay away from her for awhile and come up with a plan. Im just depressed and Im doubting things.
Thanks a lot I feel horrible but I am starting to think things over.IP: Logged |
theFajita
Knowflake Posts: 2007
From: Boca Raton, FL USA
Registered: Sep 2002
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posted January 08, 2003 04:34 AM
OK well thanks for listening to what I had to say. Well it sounds like she will not cut you off completely- and I don't think people will tell her to avoid ever talking to you again. Maybe she just needs time.
I wish I could help more
Please come back, OK? There are lots of good topics and you can join in!Good night- I have to get some sleep for work tomorrow. Oh and thanks for the advice- I am definetly going to be careful and know from experience not to leave without someone there who can protect me, so thanks! I also hope you try to forgive yourself for what you did. First you have to, then she will in time. I hope you don't think I am bossy. I am just Aquarius and sometimes I think I know it all, LOL ------------------
Food is the only art that nourishes! IP: Logged |
LibraCat9
Knowflake Posts: 8
From: Chicago Il United States
Registered: Jan 2003
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posted January 08, 2003 05:16 AM
Aprohdite let me know if I am in my Saturn return? With all my rambling I forgot to mention that I am a fan of Linda Goodman. The only book I have is Love Signs.IP: Logged |
Aphrodite
Moderator Posts: 3280
From: San Francisco, CA, United States
Registered: Feb 2002
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posted January 08, 2003 08:34 AM
Good Morning LibraCat9,I also need to have the birth city, and birth time (available on the birth certificate).
Be back soon. Aphrodite IP: Logged |
Mercury
Knowflake Posts: 88
From:
Registered: Dec 2002
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posted January 08, 2003 08:44 AM
>I do feel I will only bring people down in
>the state I am in.Seeing you all dead is not going to cheer them up much either. If you really cared about the effect you had on others, you would get better. >I don't think Im going to a bad place or a
>hell. I think this is the right thing. Well, a perfect example of self-justification and rationalization this is. >I saw someone else post saying "dieing of
>old age is negative or suicide. Because of
>negative thoughts. This contradicts nature.
>You live life in a 360 degree cycle
>(circle).... If I believed I was going to wrinkle and wither away, I would want to commit suicide right now too. Such beliefs lead to more negativity. >The only thing stopping me at this point is
>my mom and brother being around. My close family was the reason I chose not to commit suicide. Over time, I developed my own personal reasons not to do it. Stop trying to picture what your next life will be like. If you skip class this time, you will just have to take those tests over again. Your next life will be identical, or worse, than the one you have now, and on top of it you will have amnesia and less knowledge about how to deal with it. You have probably been through all this many times before, and killed yourself in previous lifetimes. Your belief in circles and wheels of balance, nature, and change is evil. A circle is a state of no-progress. A circle is hell. Break out of the loop you are trapped in. IP: Logged |
Mercury
Knowflake Posts: 88
From:
Registered: Dec 2002
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posted January 08, 2003 09:00 AM
Life is an open-book test...You can ask for help as often as you want, but you still have to do the problems yourself...several times over to show you really know them. When you solve a problem, you turn that page and it never comes back again. You are doing the test not because anyone is forcing you, but because you signed up for this class for your own reasons. You are probably doing better on the test than you ever dreamed or hoped, but you cannot quit now, there are just a few more pages left over to finish, and after that you can go home with a great burden lifted off your shoulders...forever. It is hard to do the problems, they are very tricky. You have to have to believe in yourself and your teachers to succeed. Everything in your life now is just a hologram, a page in the book of your lesson. On this page events happen, sensations are felt, and time passes, but they have no more importance in the end than ink on paper. They can be done, undone, reversed, and re-done endlessly, as they were never real in the first place. Insofar as they feel real, they need to feel that way to establish the difficulty of the puzzle, the test, but their reality, is in the end, completely holographic. IP: Logged |
LibraCat9
Knowflake Posts: 8
From: Chicago Il United States
Registered: Jan 2003
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posted January 08, 2003 01:59 PM
I am feeling a bit better today Mecury. You have to understand that depression is tunnel vision. I agree with the majority of your statements. And Im sure you mean well. Your old age concept is kind of strange to me. How could Nature be evil? The root word of natural is Nature. You will naturaly age. I agree how well is up to you. My grandmother is eighty eight, she would be getting around like she was in her twentys before the accident. So I know what you mean. But rest assured everyone will wrinkle, we don't have to just wither away true. But you will wrinkle, once again how bad could be up to you. People of color usally don't wrinkle till the age of sixty because of the melanin factor. This is a fact. How could Neter or Nature be evil? If anything we should respect nature. I know I was sounding a bit irrational. The reason most people don't speak out about their depression is because they feel they may be attacked. If i was making perfect since or not thats how I felt at the time and probaly will feel again in time. You should try to take a suicidal persons feelings into consideration like Fajita did. And not to contradict you, however you say that my belief in circles is evil, yet you claim I may have killed myself in a past life and its up to me to break the cycle? So that in itself is a omission that you also acknowlege patterns or cycles that one must go threw and learn to break. Be careful Libra's love to debate. Its just about in our NATURE to do so. I respect your philosophy and what you acknowlege as the truth. Sometimes people don't need a philosophical answer. They simply need to vent and be heard. If we would listen instead of trying to come up with answers the world would be such a cool place. Everyone must choose their own path regardless of what you acknowkedge as truth.
I know I probaly pointed out something you said, but please don't miss the point at hand.
Peace
Oh yeah, my birth city is Chicago Ill I dont see a birth time on the certificate. SorryIP: Logged |
theFajita
Knowflake Posts: 2007
From: Boca Raton, FL USA
Registered: Sep 2002
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posted January 08, 2003 09:25 PM
LibraCat9 I am so glad to hear you are feeling a litte better. I am so glad you read my posts too, b/c I know in depression it can be hard to be open, you know? So thank you for at least reading it, I took some info out that I wrote, since you read it I suppose it didn't really serve a purpose of being there anymore, I tend to ramble and realized maybe I divulged too much stuff, well not to you but everyone else might not understand my reasons for being so open.So btw I loved Love Signs too!
Please write more and tell us how you are doing, thanks. love fajita ------------------
Food is the only art that nourishes! IP: Logged |
theFajita
Knowflake Posts: 2007
From: Boca Raton, FL USA
Registered: Sep 2002
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posted January 09, 2003 08:04 PM
I hope you come back LibraCat9!!! ------------------
Food is the only art that nourishes! IP: Logged |
theFajita
Knowflake Posts: 2007
From: Boca Raton, FL USA
Registered: Sep 2002
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posted January 12, 2003 03:15 PM
are you here?------------------
Food is the only art that nourishes! IP: Logged |
Aphrodite
Moderator Posts: 3280
From: San Francisco, CA, United States
Registered: Feb 2002
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posted January 13, 2003 02:13 PM
LibraCat9,I, personally, did not see anything significant in your natal chart to point out to for your situation. Aphrodite IP: Logged | |
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