posted June 16, 2003 01:16 PM         

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but unfortunately I know where you are coming from because I have dealt with my own food issues my whole life.

Please share your problem with someone you trust and although I'm sure you feel like your parents are against you, please let them help you. Eating disorders are a serious issue and require professional help.

The only thing I can offer you is support and know that I understand what you are going through. I have been in a place where the only comfort I could find in the world was in Linda's books also.

Please find the strength to ask for help from someone you can trust. All Knowflakes are special, whether they are new to Lindaland or not. You are special too, Mack.

Don't give up and know that if you are looking for unconditional love, you have come to the right place.

Love and Light,

posted June 16, 2003 05:39 PM         

I send you light right now.

Everything everyone's said to you so far, I agree with! Excuse me if I'm repeating their points, I just felt I had to say this my own way...

Wherever there are secrets, there is shame... and, criticism or half-support, is not true "support".

I don't know you, and I don't think I have a true food disorder, but I have strugggled with weight since kindergarten, and I also know what it's like to receive only conditional so-called "support". All I can say, is keep speaking out. Keep reaching out. There are so many people who've gone through what you have, and can help you without judging you. When your family tried to hospitalize you, they were taking away the last part of control you had over your life -- your disorder -- so of course it couldn't work. It has to come from you -- your choice, with people you trust -- you have to choose your method of healing, or to combine several of them, whatever works. I wish I had the specific information or recommendation you need, but please keep searching for support groups -- and excellent therapy/counseling/healing professionals, because they exist. Maybe a special centre where they deal in a holistic way with your disorder, instead of force-feeding you. And bodywork (massage, Reiki, etc.) is supposed to be great for people with eating disorders -- that way you can unlock emotional blockages in your body almost mechanically, via touch, that sometimes take years to articulate in 'talk' therapy.

But go get help now. You must get those toxic fears and feelings out of the shadows. Like on Lindaland, start telling others about it. Find a support group, get referrals. You have to care enough about yourself to go out "shopping" for the healing you need; here we can offer words and love and light but you already have the Divine within yourself, just waiting to be let out and shine.

Good luck, mackthefish, and may you find all the courage you need to actively love yoursELF.

posted June 21, 2003 06:57 AM         

I really feel for you. I know that change can worsen an eating disorder as this has happened to my sister a couple of times. Usually it would take 3 months for her to eventually stabilise herself.

I feel sad that your family haven't been as supportive as they should have been. Perhaps I shouldn't judge them, but I know that whatever my sister put our family through, she was always surrounded by love and compassion. She may not have felt this but she was.

You will get through this, but I strongly suggest you go to an eating disorder support group as well as a good counsellor/psychologist. You are the only one that can help yourself. Other people can help you until they are blue in the face, but if you keep resisting them, then they can't help you any further. You can do this!! You have taken the first step by writing here. Take baby steps and keep posting here. You will always be accepted with open arms here - never forget that!!!