posted June 20, 2004 11:51 AM         

The Whats down in Whatville liked eating a lot.
But the Munch, who lived upwind of Whatville, did not.
He ate veggies and nuts, and on these he subsisted.
All offers of meat he routinely resisted.
Whenever he smelled their concoctions a-cooking,
He'd stare over there at the cookers -- just looking.
They ate EVERYTHING! Every manner of creatures.
Regardless of smartness, behavior, or features.
All kinds of beasties were served at their dinners.
They cared not for ethics, for they were the winners.
If you were to question their diet, they'd say
They'd eat anything that could not get away.

The Munch couldn't stand it! He ran to the town.
Grabbed hold of the table, and knocked it all down.
"What's wrong with you people?
Those beasts on your dishes...
They used to have feelings,
emotions, and wishes!
What's wrong with you people?
What happened to you?
Were you always so mean,
or did you lose a screw?"

"You're daft," said the Mayor.
"Desist all this din!
These things are the way
that they always have been!"

"A ludicrous reason,"
the Munch said, aghast.
"It's stupid, repeating the sins of the past.

"Although inspirations are far and are few,
Superior beings will seek out the new!"

"We'll give you one chance to convince us. You'll fail,"
said the Mayor. "And then we will throw you in jail!"

"Fair enough," said the Munch, and he entered the kitchen.
He started his work -- culinary bewitchin'.

A few hours later, the dinner bell rang.
"Come on and get it," the Munch maestro sang.
The Whats took their seats 'round the table, a-groan
with dozens of dishes, and nary a bone.

There was Tofu, and Kofu, as "turkey" and "hams",
and roasted potatoes, and maple-glazed yams.
There were lentil-stuffed mushrooms, and peanut pate`.
an eight-layer cake, and bananas flambe`.

They ate until stuffed. How completely disarming!
A meal of such grandeur, without any harming!

"Are you satisfied now?" asked the Munch. "Do you see?
You can get any taste you desire -- peacefully!"

"You were right," said the Mayor, "and we were all wrong.
We should have been list'ning to you all along."

So if you're in Whatville, and hunger you feel,
there are plenty of places to get a good meal.
The food's sure to please you and fill you with joy.
And it's all made with vegetables, wheat, corn, and soy!

You may enter hungry, but you'll leave exultant.
'Cause the Munch is employed as the town food consultant!

(C) 2004 D. Wolfe