posted August 12, 2004 01:16 AM         

I am sad.

And I am happy!

I was given a gift tonight, but it is a strange gift.

This gift came at just the right time, 'cause I started feeling very sad tonight.

I started feeling sad because I saw some of my own Karma in action tonight.

I saw a new Knowflake join us -- and leave us in the same day.

Heck, the guy was full of misgivings when he got here; he'd been lurking for a while, and had already seen all the fighting that has been going on lately.

I'm suprised he made a first post at all! What a guy!

Then I realized, you know, that I was one of the people responsible for all the ugliness. Or maybe I should say, irresponsible for it.

I am sad. And embarrassed. And regretful. I wish I could go back and take back every post I made that was driven by nothing more than the need to not lose an argument. Or the need to bite back at someone who hurt me. But I can't. I have to live with those posts. Worse, other people are seeing them. They became a part of the fabric of Lindaland. Ugly patches in an otherwise beautiful quilt. Dirty stains on an otherwise clear window to enlightenment.

I'm thinking about what poor Randall must be feeling, too. Poor guy, he starts a website with the best of intentions, welcomes everyone to it with open arms, treats its members with more respect than they do themselves sometimes, and what does he get for his troubles?

People like me forget what we're here for, and what it's really all about, and in our ignorance, we almost turn it into a place that no one would want to come to. I wouldn't blame him if he banned me. I'd be mighty sad, and would consider that I'd suffered a great loss, but I don't think I'd have the heart to be upset with him.

Daf may have been right about dark forces at work. But I'm starting to remember the simple things again. Like, the darkness can never extinguish the light.

This is still a beautiful place. Something had to compel that stranger to make a first post. Besides, I see the beauty; I'm involved with it in several strings right now. And I know how to scrub those dark patches off the window, too. So's we don't scare anybody else away. And so Lindaland can be all bright and squeaky-clean again.

Which brings me to the gift I was given.

I was told, "You can use this gift whenever you see something revolting or disgusting being posted at Lindaland. You can use it whenever someone posts something really stupid. You can use it whenever someone insults you. This gift can drain all the negative energy out of a thread faster than you can say 'shut up'!"

The person who gave it to me -- a real Angel, let me tell you -- then said something very strange.

She said I couldn't keep the gift. I had to give it away! To everyone who wanted it!

Not sure if that's going to work. I mean, it's such a small thing, such a simple thing. It sure doesn't seem to be able to have the power to stop negativity. In fact, I've had one of these before, and always regarded it as kind of useless.

I noticed that some of you have one of these, too. I've noticed you showing it off now and again, when you thought no one was looking. You clever rascals, I noticed it!

So not everyone here is going to need one. But I trust the Angel who gave me this, so I'm going to share it with anyone who wants one, just like she said.

It's a... it's a...

Well, it's a sound. I'll make that sound for you right now. Listen close:

posted August 12, 2004 01:42 AM         

Jesus answered him in silence.

posted August 12, 2004 10:54 AM         

Since I don't have any interest in the free gift on offer, although I thank you for the consideration, forgive me if I take the liberty of replying to your thread.

I applaud you for the very honest introspection if nothing else. If we all could do that, perhaps we'd all be in a better place.

I do not think Daf was right at all.
Sometimes we bind our own lives up in dark forces and forced connections that block and fixate us. Our insecurity and uncertanity nails us down, convincing us those dark forces are responsible and we see no sign of self anywhere.

I give you an emptiness
I give you plenitude
Unwrap them carefully
One is as fragile as the other
And when you thank me
I'll pretend not to notice the doubt in your voice.
When you tell me they're just what you always wanted.

This was written by a very insightful friend of mine to illustrate the above.

I know your gift very well. I use it myself on many occasions.

Listen..... no need to get too close - it's very LOUD!

Gia