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Author Topic:   My father's dying
Gemini Nymph
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Posts: 963
From:
Registered: Jul 2004

posted September 29, 2005 11:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gemini Nymph     Edit/Delete Message
My father has had severe emphysema and COPD (chronic obstructed pulminary disease) for several years now. This past week he's taken a turn for the worse and has been in the hospital since Saturday. Last night his doctor informed me that "this is the beginning of the end" - which wasn't a shock, as we've known how bad he has been, but still, it's just dreadful. What the doctor said was we can expect that over the next few months he'll be in and out of the hospital, simply deteriorating until he finally dies.

I feel that I am prepared emotionally and spiritually for my father's death, but not for months of watching him and my family suffer. He is in denial, and is very frightened, so he has been lashing out at my mother irrationally, which is just pushing her to her wits ends. My father will only talk to my brother, which has become a massive burden that he's putting on my brother alone. I spent the entire night at the hospital, and had to spend much of that time forcing him to keep his O2 mask on and in bed. When he moves around a lot, his blood O2 levels dips dangerous low, and these dips are effecting his ability to reason. So he has become very difficult and uncooperative with his treaments.

I myself feel very powerless over teh fact there's very little I can do to make him more comfortable or even get him to reason with us. I'm also very angry with my father because he had been warned for decades that this would be his fate is he didn't start taking his health seriously ( my dad smoked heavily for nearly all his adult life, and had a extrenely poor diet). Now I feel that he partially brought this upon himself, and consequently upon his entire family.

Also, we as a family are financially strained and we are not sure if his insurence will pay for an in-home aide, which he needs since we all needs to keep working. My father's passing will be a financial blow that may force us into bankruptcy. I spent the morning talking with my mother about credit card balances and the house payment, and about what we could do to have our finances in better order before my father dies.

I wish to ask all of you to please pray for my father and my family. I know somehow we'll get through this, but there's so many things right now that we are facing that are very frightening and disheartening that it's hard to keep a brave face. Thank you so much.

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geminstone
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Posts: 441
From: Golden, CO
Registered: Nov 2004

posted September 29, 2005 12:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for geminstone     Edit/Delete Message

~ geminstone

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Bluemoon
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Posts: 2295
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted September 29, 2005 12:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
I feel your pain, GemNymp. Know that I and many others will be here for you.

White light and healing to you and yours in your time of need.

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BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 1057
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003

posted September 29, 2005 01:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message
My grandfather died of emphysema and bladder cancer. Smoking and bad diet same deal. My heart goes out to you.

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sue g
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Posts: 3559
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted September 29, 2005 02:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
So sorry to hear of your sadness

Prayers and healing coming from the Emerald Isle.........

xxx


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Hedgewitch
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Posts: 296
From:
Registered: Jul 2005

posted September 29, 2005 03:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Hedgewitch     Edit/Delete Message
sending much love and light
to your father,
he must be so very terrified
and saddened with all this.

may goddess bless him and hold him
and keep him comforted through this,
with all her compassion
and healing strength.

love, Hedgewitch

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Gemini Nymph
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Posts: 963
From:
Registered: Jul 2004

posted September 30, 2005 12:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gemini Nymph     Edit/Delete Message
Thnak you guys.

Things are going to get pretty rough for us, I suspect. My father had gotten a living will months before, but didn't sign it. Even though he's told his doctor he wants to be DNR, he hasn't talked to his family about this (the doctor informed me and I told everyone) and whenever my mom tries bring up the living will with him, he snaps at her. We are going to have to get teh hospital case manager to talk to him about his will for us.

He's getting very irritable and short-tempered toward my mom, and that's getting very hard for me to take. They haven't had the best marriage in the world,but she's been there for him and put up with alot of his bad decisions (or lack of decisions) and selfishness over the years. Now he's vulnerable, and worse, his mental state is deteriorating along with his physcial state, so a lot of repressed anger is coming out. Unfortunately he seems to be taking it out all on my mom, and she simply doesn't deserve this.

As much as I hate the idea, I'm encouraging her to look into nursing homes, because I am afraid of how he'll act towards her if he goes home, especially if this irritablity is a sign that he's spiralling into dementia. He behaves more civilly towards nurses and other caretakers. Tonight, when I was visiting him, he started snapping at *me* when I looked at his vital signs and blood sugar log, and started lecturing me about HIPAA confidentiality regulations (which I know all about, seeing I work in a psych hospital). This only shows how much in denial he is - as it stands, he's not able to care for himself, and therefore his guardians (me, my mom and brother) are entitled to that information.

I know he's sick and needs us to be patient and compassionate, but this whole ordeal is seriously testing all of us. I dont' think we can take care of him on our own at this point. If we can't get him into a nursing home, I don't know what we're going to do.

Well, thanks for letting me vent. Please keep the prayers coming - we really need them.

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let ther b light
Knowflake

Posts: 72
From: bombay, india
Registered: Aug 2005

posted September 30, 2005 02:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for let ther b light     Edit/Delete Message
im sorry to hear about ur dad.......sent aprayer for ur dad and all of u(ur family).....god bless u'll n b wid u'll

love
diya

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Cassy
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Posts: 71
From: South Africa
Registered: May 2005

posted September 30, 2005 08:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cassy     Edit/Delete Message

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Bluemoon
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Posts: 2295
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted September 30, 2005 09:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message

Light to you and yours. I feel your pain.

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trillian
Moderator

Posts: 3630
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003

posted September 30, 2005 09:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for trillian     Edit/Delete Message
Much love and light to you and your family.

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pixelpixie
Moderator

Posts: 1853
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted September 30, 2005 09:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Patience and understanding and loving light to you and your family.
I'm sorry you are all going though this.
Try to work through the resentment yourself, he seems to have enough of his own. I think he feels guilty.
Just random words, not advice.
Above all else, I wish clariy and patience at this time. It's hard.

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26taurus
Moderator

Posts: 9146
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004

posted September 30, 2005 07:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
.,`~*.'`~+.`*.

------------------
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly.
~Richard Bach

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noreenz
Knowflake

Posts: 728
From:
Registered: Feb 2004

posted September 30, 2005 08:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for noreenz     Edit/Delete Message
Hi GN,

Sorry to hear that you and your family are having to go through this. Been there, done that.

Regarding the anger: I remember my mother asking for forgiveness in advance for any thing mean she may say or do and informed us that it would be the disease talking. My best friends father was dying at the same time, and they too experienced ugliness. I really feel that if they could control it they would. So, I don't know if it is repressed anger or just what happens as the cancer spreads.

If his Doctor seems to think that the time is nearing, he may start to sleep more and more....my mother didn't want to be in hospital, so we just had a hospital bed brought in, Hospice provided needed oxygen tank etc. and that suction thingy, and we kept her as comfortable as possible, with liquid codeine. She went very fast, as she was trying to let go, not wanting to burden us children (such a Cancer mother, lol)

Anyways, you have my email, feel free to write and vent, or ask anything...here if ya need me. Much Love and Light to you and your family.
Noreen

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singer2112
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Posts: 17
From: Granite City, Il. USA
Registered: Jul 2005

posted September 30, 2005 09:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for singer2112     Edit/Delete Message
GN,
Courage and strengh to you and yours in this your hour of need. Goddess Bless and send Her comfort to you and yours.
Singer2112

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ScotScorp
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Posts: 467
From: Saint Louis, Missouri
Registered: Aug 2004

posted October 02, 2005 04:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScotScorp     Edit/Delete Message

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proxieme
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Posts: 5187
From: Southern 'Bama
Registered: Aug 2002

posted October 03, 2005 10:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for proxieme     Edit/Delete Message
I'm very sorry for what you and your family are going through

I hope that what shall happen happens as painlessly as possible

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teaselbaby
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Posts: 459
From: Northeast Ohio
Registered: Sep 2002

posted October 03, 2005 11:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for teaselbaby     Edit/Delete Message

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BlueTopaz124
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Posts: 396
From: Portland, OR
Registered: Jan 2004

posted October 05, 2005 12:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueTopaz124     Edit/Delete Message
My heart goes out to you and your family, Gemini Nymph, this must be so hard for you to go through and watch. I'll be praying for you for guidance throughout all of this, it will be there for you.

blessings and love,
Laura

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Peri
Knowflake

Posts: 587
From: Kyiv, Ukraine
Registered: Dec 2003

posted October 05, 2005 11:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Peri     Edit/Delete Message
Light and strengh to you.

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SunChild
Moderator

Posts: 2007
From: Oz
Registered: Jan 2004

posted October 05, 2005 06:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunChild     Edit/Delete Message

------------------
"...and dreams, don't ever forget, are the first step in manifesting wishes into reality"
-Linda Goodman

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Sheaa Olein
Moderator

Posts: 2473
From: Outskirts of London
Registered: Jul 2004

posted October 06, 2005 04:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sheaa Olein     Edit/Delete Message
Love to you and your family Gemini Nymph. I'm sorry to read of your sad news. I saw this a while back and it has been in my mind. I'm able to reply to one or two posts at a time nowadays from work.

How are you?

Sheaa

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1scorp
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Posts: 1332
From:
Registered: Feb 2003

posted October 11, 2005 12:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 1scorp     Edit/Delete Message

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aqua
Knowflake

Posts: 1261
From: dreamland
Registered: Jan 2004

posted October 12, 2005 03:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aqua     Edit/Delete Message
gemini nym ,we are all with you.

sending love and light your way

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peace
Knowflake

Posts: 172
From: Honolulu,HI
Registered: Apr 2004

posted October 12, 2005 12:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for peace     Edit/Delete Message
Hey,
Hope you don't have a grudge against me?.Sorry to hear about your situation.My dad is diabetic.He's turning 60 in November.Dad is a very stubborn man.Then again,there is a stubborness in all of us.

With much Aloha & prayers,
Peace Out

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