Author
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Topic: My father's dying
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Gemini Nymph Knowflake Posts: 963 From: Registered: Jul 2004
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posted September 29, 2005 11:42 AM
My father has had severe emphysema and COPD (chronic obstructed pulminary disease) for several years now. This past week he's taken a turn for the worse and has been in the hospital since Saturday. Last night his doctor informed me that "this is the beginning of the end" - which wasn't a shock, as we've known how bad he has been, but still, it's just dreadful. What the doctor said was we can expect that over the next few months he'll be in and out of the hospital, simply deteriorating until he finally dies. I feel that I am prepared emotionally and spiritually for my father's death, but not for months of watching him and my family suffer. He is in denial, and is very frightened, so he has been lashing out at my mother irrationally, which is just pushing her to her wits ends. My father will only talk to my brother, which has become a massive burden that he's putting on my brother alone. I spent the entire night at the hospital, and had to spend much of that time forcing him to keep his O2 mask on and in bed. When he moves around a lot, his blood O2 levels dips dangerous low, and these dips are effecting his ability to reason. So he has become very difficult and uncooperative with his treaments. I myself feel very powerless over teh fact there's very little I can do to make him more comfortable or even get him to reason with us. I'm also very angry with my father because he had been warned for decades that this would be his fate is he didn't start taking his health seriously ( my dad smoked heavily for nearly all his adult life, and had a extrenely poor diet). Now I feel that he partially brought this upon himself, and consequently upon his entire family. Also, we as a family are financially strained and we are not sure if his insurence will pay for an in-home aide, which he needs since we all needs to keep working. My father's passing will be a financial blow that may force us into bankruptcy. I spent the morning talking with my mother about credit card balances and the house payment, and about what we could do to have our finances in better order before my father dies. I wish to ask all of you to please pray for my father and my family. I know somehow we'll get through this, but there's so many things right now that we are facing that are very frightening and disheartening that it's hard to keep a brave face. Thank you so much. IP: Logged |
geminstone Knowflake Posts: 441 From: Golden, CO Registered: Nov 2004
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posted September 29, 2005 12:40 PM
~ geminstone IP: Logged |
Bluemoon Knowflake Posts: 2295 From: Stafford, VA USA Registered: Feb 2005
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posted September 29, 2005 12:42 PM
I feel your pain, GemNymp. Know that I and many others will be here for you. White light and healing to you and yours in your time of need. IP: Logged |
BlueRoamer Knowflake Posts: 1057 From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean Registered: Jun 2003
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posted September 29, 2005 01:18 PM
My grandfather died of emphysema and bladder cancer. Smoking and bad diet same deal. My heart goes out to you. IP: Logged |
sue g Knowflake Posts: 3559 From: ireland Registered: Sep 2004
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posted September 29, 2005 02:03 PM
So sorry to hear of your sadness Prayers and healing coming from the Emerald Isle......... xxx
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Hedgewitch Knowflake Posts: 296 From: Registered: Jul 2005
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posted September 29, 2005 03:33 PM
sending much love and light to your father, he must be so very terrified and saddened with all this. may goddess bless him and hold him and keep him comforted through this, with all her compassion and healing strength. love, Hedgewitch IP: Logged |
Gemini Nymph Knowflake Posts: 963 From: Registered: Jul 2004
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posted September 30, 2005 12:17 AM
Thnak you guys. Things are going to get pretty rough for us, I suspect. My father had gotten a living will months before, but didn't sign it. Even though he's told his doctor he wants to be DNR, he hasn't talked to his family about this (the doctor informed me and I told everyone) and whenever my mom tries bring up the living will with him, he snaps at her. We are going to have to get teh hospital case manager to talk to him about his will for us. He's getting very irritable and short-tempered toward my mom, and that's getting very hard for me to take. They haven't had the best marriage in the world,but she's been there for him and put up with alot of his bad decisions (or lack of decisions) and selfishness over the years. Now he's vulnerable, and worse, his mental state is deteriorating along with his physcial state, so a lot of repressed anger is coming out. Unfortunately he seems to be taking it out all on my mom, and she simply doesn't deserve this. As much as I hate the idea, I'm encouraging her to look into nursing homes, because I am afraid of how he'll act towards her if he goes home, especially if this irritablity is a sign that he's spiralling into dementia. He behaves more civilly towards nurses and other caretakers. Tonight, when I was visiting him, he started snapping at *me* when I looked at his vital signs and blood sugar log, and started lecturing me about HIPAA confidentiality regulations (which I know all about, seeing I work in a psych hospital). This only shows how much in denial he is - as it stands, he's not able to care for himself, and therefore his guardians (me, my mom and brother) are entitled to that information. I know he's sick and needs us to be patient and compassionate, but this whole ordeal is seriously testing all of us. I dont' think we can take care of him on our own at this point. If we can't get him into a nursing home, I don't know what we're going to do. Well, thanks for letting me vent. Please keep the prayers coming - we really need them. IP: Logged |
let ther b light Knowflake Posts: 72 From: bombay, india Registered: Aug 2005
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posted September 30, 2005 02:07 AM
im sorry to hear about ur dad.......sent aprayer for ur dad and all of u(ur family).....god bless u'll n b wid u'lllove diya IP: Logged |
Cassy Knowflake Posts: 71 From: South Africa Registered: May 2005
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posted September 30, 2005 08:42 AM
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Bluemoon Knowflake Posts: 2295 From: Stafford, VA USA Registered: Feb 2005
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posted September 30, 2005 09:14 AM
Light to you and yours. I feel your pain. IP: Logged |
trillian Moderator Posts: 3630 From: The Boundless Registered: Mar 2003
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posted September 30, 2005 09:39 AM
Much love and light to you and your family. IP: Logged |
pixelpixie Moderator Posts: 1853 From: Ontario Canada Registered: Jun 2005
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posted September 30, 2005 09:56 AM
Patience and understanding and loving light to you and your family. I'm sorry you are all going though this. Try to work through the resentment yourself, he seems to have enough of his own. I think he feels guilty. Just random words, not advice. Above all else, I wish clariy and patience at this time. It's hard.IP: Logged |
26taurus Moderator Posts: 9146 From: the stars Registered: Jun 2004
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posted September 30, 2005 07:55 PM
.,`~*.'`~+.`*.------------------ What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly. ~Richard Bach IP: Logged |
noreenz Knowflake Posts: 728 From: Registered: Feb 2004
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posted September 30, 2005 08:13 PM
Hi GN,Sorry to hear that you and your family are having to go through this. Been there, done that. Regarding the anger: I remember my mother asking for forgiveness in advance for any thing mean she may say or do and informed us that it would be the disease talking. My best friends father was dying at the same time, and they too experienced ugliness. I really feel that if they could control it they would. So, I don't know if it is repressed anger or just what happens as the cancer spreads. If his Doctor seems to think that the time is nearing, he may start to sleep more and more....my mother didn't want to be in hospital, so we just had a hospital bed brought in, Hospice provided needed oxygen tank etc. and that suction thingy, and we kept her as comfortable as possible, with liquid codeine. She went very fast, as she was trying to let go, not wanting to burden us children (such a Cancer mother, lol) Anyways, you have my email, feel free to write and vent, or ask anything...here if ya need me. Much Love and Light to you and your family. Noreen IP: Logged |
singer2112 Knowflake Posts: 17 From: Granite City, Il. USA Registered: Jul 2005
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posted September 30, 2005 09:03 PM
GN, Courage and strengh to you and yours in this your hour of need. Goddess Bless and send Her comfort to you and yours. Singer2112IP: Logged |
ScotScorp Knowflake Posts: 467 From: Saint Louis, Missouri Registered: Aug 2004
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posted October 02, 2005 04:17 PM
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proxieme Knowflake Posts: 5187 From: Southern 'Bama Registered: Aug 2002
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posted October 03, 2005 10:04 PM
I'm very sorry for what you and your family are going through I hope that what shall happen happens as painlessly as possible IP: Logged |
teaselbaby Knowflake Posts: 459 From: Northeast Ohio Registered: Sep 2002
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posted October 03, 2005 11:36 PM
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BlueTopaz124 Knowflake Posts: 396 From: Portland, OR Registered: Jan 2004
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posted October 05, 2005 12:31 AM
My heart goes out to you and your family, Gemini Nymph, this must be so hard for you to go through and watch. I'll be praying for you for guidance throughout all of this, it will be there for you.blessings and love, Laura IP: Logged |
Peri Knowflake Posts: 587 From: Kyiv, Ukraine Registered: Dec 2003
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posted October 05, 2005 11:42 AM
Light and strengh to you. IP: Logged |
SunChild Moderator Posts: 2007 From: Oz Registered: Jan 2004
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posted October 05, 2005 06:33 PM
------------------ "...and dreams, don't ever forget, are the first step in manifesting wishes into reality" -Linda Goodman IP: Logged |
Sheaa Olein Moderator Posts: 2473 From: Outskirts of London Registered: Jul 2004
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posted October 06, 2005 04:52 AM
Love to you and your family Gemini Nymph. I'm sorry to read of your sad news. I saw this a while back and it has been in my mind. I'm able to reply to one or two posts at a time nowadays from work.How are you? Sheaa IP: Logged |
1scorp Knowflake Posts: 1332 From: Registered: Feb 2003
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posted October 11, 2005 12:30 PM
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aqua Knowflake Posts: 1261 From: dreamland Registered: Jan 2004
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posted October 12, 2005 03:51 AM
gemini nym ,we are all with you. sending love and light your way IP: Logged |
peace Knowflake Posts: 172 From: Honolulu,HI Registered: Apr 2004
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posted October 12, 2005 12:53 PM
Hey, Hope you don't have a grudge against me?.Sorry to hear about your situation.My dad is diabetic.He's turning 60 in November.Dad is a very stubborn man.Then again,there is a stubborness in all of us.With much Aloha & prayers, Peace Out IP: Logged |