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Author
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Topic: hi yall!!
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theREALfajita3
Knowflake Posts: 31
From: sunny south florida
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 12, 2005 08:55 AM
 
First of all I want to say that I like all the pics you guys posted of yourself. Um- I need some prayers and good energy but in a way I feel compelled to say I don't probably DESERVE them because as those of you who have known me, I have struggled with my addiction problems alot. Well this year has been good and bad. I got married to a very nice handsome older black man who took me off the street and helped me to quit smoking crack. However, due to financial situations we could not always live together and when we weren't together I was horrible and back in my whirlwind of escort services and prostituting and being homeless and smoking crack AND addicted to taking methadone and oxys and drinking like it's going out of style and I went to jail 5 or 6 times. SO my struggle now is I have been run over by a car and it crushed my lower spine the L1 part which controls your legs so even though they put a rod in my spine and put some hip bone to fuse I cannot use my left leg, I guess physical therapy will help me to walk again. So now I have to use a walker to walk (or hop on the leg that works), fall sometimes, feel so depressed and worthless that I wish the car that ran over me would have killed me and I have to wear this brace for my spine all the time and I feel locked in this cage.
Also me and my husband just want to be together but I am wondering if we are not supposed to be together because of personal reasons (also, when we met I was so messed up I didn't know what was going on, now, I'm like, I married who??). He is a pisces 2/24/56 I am 2/11/81 aqu with taur moon and virgo rising. Well anyways I guess I am rambling but I am sorry if I sound full of self pity but I can't help but ask my Father God to take home each day because I have been on the street since I was 15 and all those horrible things unfortunetly to deal with it you make it OK in your head and it's hard for me to see any other life but deep down I know it's wrong and thats why I got run over because I am bad. Well I'm not like totally given up I am taking tons of vitamins and eating only foods that reduce inflammation so that maybe when my spine is not so inflammed it will send the right signals to my leg to work. Please send light! Thanks! d------------------
Bless you IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 2624
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted December 12, 2005 09:06 AM
 HELLO!!!!!
Gosh, when I first started posting here, we communicated a wee bit, and then you hadn't been here in a long time.(I had to reregister, hence my profile, here since June.. it's more like '03...)
I am so sorry to hear about the misfortune and circumstances in your life up until this point.
wow.
It is quite humbling.
This whole 'bad' stuff... I honestly never got the impression, and I still don't.. that despite the 'harsh' things that you have been party to, that you are bad, or deserve it.. in a sense.. it means you are stronger than the average bear, and you have earned every experience, in order to overcome it.. i mean earn in the sense that it is your badge.
I have complete faith in you and you mind and the reasons you come back to post here.
I send you love and light. In spades.
Your accident certainly stopped you from spiralling out of control, and put you (not quite positively) right back in your body to stop the cycle of self-abuse.
Yes, it certainly got your attention..
Your vibes, now and back then, are positive. You have helped me today.
I know you believe in synchronicity, and signs from the Universe... Yesterday, I was trying to define the steps I would take in my life. Because though I haven't really used my body in a destructive way, I have been feeling destructive.. and needed a change so desperately, one that I could feel good about.
So I started looking up new career paths that would be a building block. I am ready to do it.
What you described, is what I'd like to do.
Helping people with lifestyle changes.. positive changes.. relearning to walk, rehabilitation.
I'm going to go into a physiotherapy field.
Your post helped to solidify it for me, and for that gift, I thank you!
I also wish you clarity and love, and faith.. I will not wish you patience, as I know you have that, or else you wouldn't have been through so much...
seriously.. thank you. 
Welcome back, I am hoping you stick around and feed off the love you'll find here. IP: Logged |
teaselbaby
Knowflake Posts: 600
From: Northeast Ohio
Registered: Sep 2002
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posted December 12, 2005 11:12 AM
You most certainly do deserve prayers, and you have mine.   IP: Logged |
Aphrodite
Knowflake Posts: 4461
From:
Registered: Feb 2002
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posted December 12, 2005 01:34 PM
Big Hugs You still cooking?  IP: Logged |
trillian
Knowflake Posts: 3782
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003
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posted December 12, 2005 03:37 PM
I have seen the beauty of your soul since I first started coming here, Fajita. As pixie said, you are not a bad person, and you are not suffering because you did 'bad' things. It's a path that will lead you to what you need.I send loads of healing and love to you.
You have loads of decisions to make; I wish for you wisdom. Please keep us posted. Namaste. 
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The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine. -Indigo Girls IP: Logged |
trillian
Knowflake Posts: 3782
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003
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posted December 12, 2005 03:38 PM
btw, Pixie, you will make a wonderful healer.  ------------------
The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine. -Indigo Girls IP: Logged |
theREALfajita3
Knowflake Posts: 31
From: sunny south florida
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 12, 2005 05:47 PM
Y'all brought tears to my eyes...
Of course I remember you pixelpixie- and I think that is wonderful you want to help people. I know your heart is big enough!!
Thank you teaselbaby- I am praying like crazy and I know that is how I am healing very very quickly. PLease do pray, I know it helps. I'm also listening to this self-hypnosis/quick healing CD and I think it may be helping.
APHRODITE!!! COOKING? LOL what am I not cooking! I just made two sweet potato pies and my husband is getting an upside down pineapple cake in the next week- you better beleive no injuries are gonna stop me from cooking!!! Funny you mention that Trillian-thank you and def NAMASTE! Love you all and so glad to be in a healing mode rather than a destructive mode, I can't lie though, I'm in so much pain, I really look forward to pain medication time....doh! I'll be back later HUGS! ------------------
Bless you IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 1192
From:
Registered: May 2004
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posted December 12, 2005 06:36 PM
I think I remember you...
I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles.
Things will work out for you, I'm sure.
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aqua
Knowflake Posts: 1874
From: dreamland
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted December 12, 2005 11:06 PM
hi theREALfajita3 !
hope u are doing well now .love and light
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morgana
Knowflake Posts: 915
From:
Registered: Nov 2002
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posted December 14, 2005 12:10 PM
Fajita!!! Mygod, it's been more than 2 years since we last spoke...
You were the very first friend I made here in Lindaland and I will never forget you. I'll always see you as one of the most beautiful people I've met. It's awful for me to read about everything that's happened to you. I had no idea. I was shocked by your post, but I can understand. We abuse ourselves in so many ways, emotionally, physically and psychologically. Your way is just more visible on the outside and therefore easier to judge.
Dearest, precious Fajita, please do not despair, everything has a reason, and I'm sure you have the strength to get over this. Everyone has their own reasons why they do things as I know you have yours. But do not punish yourself further by thinking you're bad because I know you're not, and I'm sure zillion others agree with me. Your path is a truly difficult one, but the rewards are that much higher if you overcome this. But you know that, you're a wise old soul. Please don't give up I'm thinking of you. P.S. Eat lots of raw fruit and raw vegetables - good for healing the body and soul! IP: Logged |
theREALfajita3
Knowflake Posts: 31
From: sunny south florida
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 25, 2005 12:46 PM
Thank you so much MOrgana you brought tears to my eyes. I am eating ONLY good and healthy things, you would think I am trying to lose weight but I am just trying to avoid things that arent going to help my spine heal (still broken) and get blood down to my bad leg. thank you so much everyone!IP: Logged |
Aen
Knowflake Posts: 584
From:
Registered: Nov 2002
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posted December 26, 2005 03:57 PM
(((hugs)))& lots of light IP: Logged |
alchemiest
Knowflake Posts: 522
From: baltimore, MD USA
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted December 26, 2005 04:25 PM
Hi Dani! Lots of love and light to you- stay strong. Don't feel any guilt, if that is what you are feeling. The first and most important step to self healing is self forgiveness. All I have ever seen of you here is a wonderful bright spirit sharing warmth and love. We all make mistakes. I wouldn't even call them mistakes... rather, we all put ourselves through experiences that we have to learn from. My heart and best wishes are with you. Hugs,
A~ IP: Logged |
theREALfajita3
Knowflake Posts: 31
From: sunny south florida
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 26, 2005 05:06 PM
Thank you so much you both- hugs and light needed, appreciated and recipricated! (sp)------------------
Bless you IP: Logged |
theREALfajita3
Knowflake Posts: 31
From: sunny south florida
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 26, 2005 05:08 PM
BTW I can walk with a cane!!!!! (Big improvement)------------------
Bless you IP: Logged |
Sirona
Knowflake Posts: 10
From: Oregon
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 26, 2005 05:19 PM
Life takes us upon many roads. Many of them hard and challenging. Our choices made are part of that path they do not define us but yet build us into what we become. You speak like one who has a wonderful soul; one who seeks the light. The tunnel may seem long and unending and the walk highly uncomfortable but maybe it is just because your mind is changeing, your soul growing, and peace is making a place in your heart to call home. The light seem far away now and I know what it feels like just to want to be done with it all, not have to struggle anymore but focus on the light ahead of you it will be everything you've always needed in the end. Pain reminds us we are human, that our bodies need attention in ways we hardly think about. Physical pain takes it's toll also mentaly as you and I both know. It takes time to heal but I think you've got the right idea to relieve the pain you are a host of right now. Love yourself and your pain will subside. Forgive yourself and the walk will come easier. May blessings be upon you and those you love. May you find what you are seeking. May you come to love yourself as others love you now. Blessed Be.IP: Logged |
theREALfajita3
Knowflake Posts: 31
From: sunny south florida
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 28, 2005 01:07 AM
Awwwwwwwwwww Sirona your brought big fat tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for UNDERSTANDING and ENCOURAGING!------------------
Bless you IP: Logged |
Sirona
Knowflake Posts: 10
From: Oregon
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 30, 2005 04:41 PM
Any time you need me call and I will be there. In this world all we have is eachother sometimes to remind us of the light. Smile dear lady you are in my heart and my prayers. Your day will come and you will shine like you never thought possible. Blessings upon you and yours.IP: Logged |
holy grail
Knowflake Posts: 21
From:
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted January 02, 2006 06:32 AM
Fajita, here is a simple technique to help with your pain and inflammation to a certain degree.The technique is basically be one with the sensations and not calling it anything (e.g. pain, numbness, burning and labeling it (e.g. broken spine, inflammation). Incidentally, it can be use for illness and negative emotions. Though it is not useful for working to lift one state of depression - as opposed to some short transitional depression. And also canceling negative thought form be saying (make your acupuncture system go strong)
I am not subject to that
In truth I am an infinite being and therefore I am not subject to that To help with your state of depression and worthlessness, try reading faithfully “A course in Miracles”. It is available on line for free.
Download free copy of text in A course in Miracles (ACIM) work text from http://www.miraclesnetwork.org/booksACIMworkbook.htm (this website seems to be down currently)
or read from the net whenever
http://acim.home.att.net/workbook_contents.html One read a lesson a day, which is a page and do the given exercise. The exercise takes 2 minutes to begin with and working up to 15 mins or so a day. When done faithfully, there is a shift in one’s consciousness after lesson 75. That is one is less susceptible to the effect of food pesticide and other things. That can combine with attending a Twelve steps group in dealing with addiction and alcohol. A twelve step group energy is in at the beginning level of unconditional love, where as the course in miracle workbook is higher at the beginning level of enlightenment. Some soul chose certain circumstances to hit rock bottom so as to serve as a springboard to go higher. I mean you are face with a broken back and other problems. What is the alternative? You can either go lower or work on it and shot up higher spiritually then most people. You may also contact the people in www.healingcodes.com to help you. They have never turn down anybody who genuinely need help – people who cannot afford the healing package and service they have. You are in my prayers.
To Thee, O' Lord, I surrender my existence and pray to be thy servant
I pray to fulfill Divine Potential for Thy Glory.
Amen.
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