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Author
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Topic: Struggling with issues of the self
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Inner depths
Knowflake Posts: 265
From: The Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth City!
Registered: May 2006
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posted January 12, 2007 12:49 PM
 
This has been a depressing several days for me and I'm struggling with self worth and trying to deal with my self hate. I figure If I do something that is different or disagreaable with some I feel hate towards myself. I drive the actual speed limit in the slow lane and I have people hounding me by tail gating. It's just ugly. I chose a stance for celibacy and the guy who I was hanging out dumped me because he wanted things to get "close" like yesterday. I'm a relief worker caught in the chaos at work and experienceing some challenges. I'm afrain to bring them up to HR cause I think they'll see me as a problemed person. Right now I'm trying to research my problem. I have natal Saturn in the 12th and now Transitting Saturn is squaring it from my 4th house. Not to mention pluto square pluto........ I have a long road a head of me on healing this aspect of myself. The only thing that brings me happiness is when I go out and sing karaoke or with live guitar players and learning songs......or cooking at work in the kitchen - being creative...... ID IP: Logged |
Sheaa Olein
Moderator Posts: 2775
From: London
Registered: Jul 2004
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posted January 12, 2007 01:16 PM
Hey ID,I'm sorry you're finding it rough right now. I can relate. You're doing the best thing staying true to yourself and what you believe and Know to be right - and focusing your energy on your creative outlets. It takes alot more courage than some people think until they try struggling with the inner self and perservering to emerge that bit wiser - or at least less confused. I'm not to apt on how astrology affects you at this time, although I do believe it has an impact. I'm sure someone will be able to shed some insight. Just logging out before the end of work day and had to respond in some way. I'm feeling a little baffled right now also by one thing and another. So are you a singer/songwriter? That's a great release. Music. I may not be logged in as much, but I'll certainly be back soon. Blessings,
Sheaa ------------------
"There is no remedy for love but to love more." Henry David Thoreau IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 8313
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted January 12, 2007 01:21 PM
Hi IDI thing singing dancing and music are one of the most powerful forms of healing... Since I learned to sing my depressions have become almost obsolete... Just get out and sing yer heart out when you can....channel all that self doubt into the voice and moving the body... I swear it has saved me..... ENJOY!!! What songs do you like singing??? IP: Logged |
BlueRoamer
Knowflake Posts: 1994
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003
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posted January 13, 2007 02:56 AM
Yes Sue I agree. Singing and dancing are incredibly liberating.Whenever I feel really down I play and sing amazing grace. I'm not a christian, but to me the song is about laying down your burdens for a moment. Life can be so so hard, and at time we feel like we're hanging on a thread. Sometimes we need to let go of our burdens. IP: Logged |
Zingi
Knowflake Posts: 132
From: Oklahoma
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted January 16, 2007 10:08 PM
I do not know how old you are but please know from an experieced person who has been dealing with depression since childhood. It is anger turned inward and as soon as you can figure out why you are angry the depression WILL lessen. Mine was a controlling environment. Which I did not figure out until years later.When I begin to spiral down I find that if I can create something ANYTHING it helps AND if I take the focus OFF OF ME it does wonders.
What I mean is I go out and volunteer. I also throw on some good DANCE music and get my adrenelin going by dancing. MY dancing AND volunteering seems to always help with the self loathing. There are many who have gone and are going through the same as you dear inner depths. We love you and support. 
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~~~**~~~
I do it cause I am a joyful girl.
~~~**~~~ You are not a human being in search of a spiritual experience. You are a
spiritual being immersed in a human experience. ~Pierre Teilhard De Chardin
IP: Logged |
Inner depths
Knowflake Posts: 265
From: The Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth City!
Registered: May 2006
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posted January 17, 2007 07:38 PM
My friends think I'm a singer. I sing to promote a healthier life style for myself. I sing a lot of classic rock songs like Blondie, Jefferson Airpplane, ELO, BTO etc....I have had a lengthy history of depression back in the 80s and 90s. At the moment now, I don't see myself depressed - just a little stressed with what has been going down in my life at this time. I'm asserting myself and being true to who I am instead of obliging everybody around me.
I'm a person of high sensivity and I can be highly creative and intuitive....
ID
IP: Logged |
thirteen
Knowflake Posts: 786
From: Rochester Hills, MI USA
Registered: May 2004
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posted January 17, 2007 08:07 PM
Your post touched me deeply. the part about when others are displeased being angry at the self. Is this due to growing up in an atmosphere where it was made important to please the authority figure? If so there could be an imbalance in the need for approval. just this week i had to let someone at work be very mad at me and i did not do a thing. it was very hard for me to walk away because i like people and i want to be approved of but i see that a need for constant approval is a detriment to my own personal growth and development. Actually your post helped me see things from a bit of a differnt perspective that i needed. I wish you much success in working thru those issues that so many of us have. Im sending light.IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 8313
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted January 18, 2007 07:01 AM
"My friends think I'm a singer"That means you ARE a singer..... I sing in the pub and people say...oh yeah sue the singer...and I think what me? So I can sense your reservation... But really deep down you know you are good....dont ya? Hey I am learning a new song....but I have to sing it from the perspective of a male....great fun...changing genders....  Be your husband if you'll be my wife Have you heard it........it has been covered by the delightful Jeff Buckley....although I think the original was by Nina Simone....still prefer to be Jeff tho 
Keep singing girl....sing them blues away....
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aquaspryt69
Knowflake Posts: 576
From: Arizona
Registered: Feb 2004
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posted January 26, 2007 09:39 PM
Zingi said,"anger turned inward and as soon as you can figure out why you are angry the depression WILL lessen"
I believe this. I'm dealing with a heap of anger and self-esteem issues. Being sober for the first time in about 30 yrs and trying to face and deal with these issues is the pits. I just have to keep telling myself to take things one day at a time.
Hang in there, ID.
IP: Logged |
Inner depths
Knowflake Posts: 265
From: The Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth City!
Registered: May 2006
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posted January 27, 2007 05:51 PM
Aqua,I strongly agree to that quote - I've seen this happen more and more this year when I do work within myself and ask why I feel the way I do. It really is benefical when one does figure out what has angered them. It is another important thing to love oneself and stand their ground when another disagrees with you. I find that people have different approaches, beliefs, emotions, thoughts and the like. It doesn't mean a person is wrong or evil - it's a choice on how one choses to live ones life...... Congrats on your soberity! each challenge in life makes us stronger. have a great weekend......and your post cheered me up, so I don't feel so bad as I have all week...... ID Sue.....deep down I'm a woman with a heart of gold that keeps meeting up with people who aren't good for me. IP: Logged |
aquaspryt69
Knowflake Posts: 576
From: Arizona
Registered: Feb 2004
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posted January 28, 2007 12:18 PM
Keep on the sunny side
Always on the sunny side.
Keep on the sunny side of life.
It will help us everyday
It will brighten all the way
If we keep on the sunny side of life.  IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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