posted May 15, 2007 09:18 AM         

I thought soon is the time where the complaints of pregnancy can outweigh the bliss of it.
I thought you'd like to read my response to the aches,
so with love, to you;

Do You Remember?
That first idea…the glimmer of consciousness, that you might be pregnant. The confirmation, the understanding that you have a being inside of you, the warmth and the loving glow that came from knowing every action extends beyond just you and you grew to a multi dimensional being in the time it took to process the concept of two heartbeats in the same body.
You grew less selfish, more understanding, the root of motherhood took shape in your belly and firmly housed a place in your flesh for eternity.
Do you remember the excitement, the inside track to how divinity must be, as every task becomes more special. Every thing has a depth and a scope and a purpose. This orange is no longer just pulpy sweet, it is a vitamin cocktail growing new parts every day.
Do you remember… the first time you heard the thundering hooves of a heartbeat… and how yours grew beyond anything Dr Suess could describe in script.
Do you remember… That Belly.
The first gentle goldfish twinges. The ‘Is it?’ and then the ‘Yes it is.’
This independent but so dependent force growing minute by minute, quickening inside you with a rhythm that grew from random vague shapes to, weeks later, actual parts you can identify.
Do you remember having a date firmly on your calendar, when you will see the shape of your newest dreams, you will see the seed of motherhood pre birth, and you will count limbs yourself, measure love on a screen, via the conduit of goopy gel smeared on your swollen belly with an ultrasonic device, turning into a magic wand of excitement and the most natural smile you have ever known, as you see a perfect face profiled on screen.
That is the face of love.
Do you remember the uncertainty of the future, how that passes quickly through the mind and then is replaced by the wonder of letting it go and letting it develop. When those movements in your belly have a purpose beyond exercise, they are there to remind you that nothing is permanent. They grow into your ribs. You grow heavy with child. Every step feels limiting, though still, somehow … special.
You fantasize about what will come in the increasingly near future. You wonder if you can handle it….you embrace the idea of pain for a purpose, and even begin to wonder if it really will be pain….. and look forward to the day that will bring these graceful imaginings to life.
And soon, you will say “Do you remember” when you look into the sleeping face of a new member of your world, the most important person to grace your life. When that tiny child reaches for your finger and grasps it firmly. When you nourish that child with your body, satisfying hunger and love all at once. When that child smiles at you and you know that one was for real, for the first time…
You will say ‘Do you remember being pregnant?’

posted May 17, 2007 01:05 AM         

THANKYOU! I was smiling the whole way through, it felt like 300 hundred different emotions passed through me then.

And wow I just heard that quote yesterday...and I it totally stayed with me...

"Having children is like letting your heart walk outside your body."

Everything is coming along nicely, baby is kicking around so much especially at night. I am finding sleeping is beginning to be really uncomfortable, I have 4 cushions placed in all directions just so I can fall asleep for a few hours.
Bathroom trips are becoming increasingly closer together. But I love it... I just smile.
Darren gives me the best belly rubs, it's such bliss. I used to hate my belly being rubbed, I wasn't into that. But now I can't live without a nightly belly rub. It's so gooooood.

posted May 17, 2007 10:06 AM         

thank you! the admiration is returned.

sunchild, i am so glad to hear that things are coming along so beautifully.

i loved being pregnant (if i erase the end part) but even then, i loved it.

i wish you the most positive open birth experience!

have you read any Ana May Gaskin?
spiritual midwifery, etc.... sheila kitzinger is good too. even the sears books.

ana may is awesome! i totally reccomend it, as someone who has given birth three times... the first with a long pre labour and an epidural, and the second two as naturally as possible..( i had iv with pitocin the last time to start labour as i was almost two weeks 'late') i wholeheartedly reccomend natural. its amazing and humbling. and empowering!

posted May 18, 2007 09:02 PM         

SunChild, like anyone who has gone through this before, I can feel your bliss. I'm giddy with the "knowing" of the beautiful place your special journey is about to take you. It makes me glad to be female. I wouldn't trade it for the world!