posted November 22, 2008 07:17 AM
"Hi, my name is Greg, and I'm a fleshoholic.""Hi Greg!"
"It's been almost four hours since my last taste of flesh.
Already, I'm thinking about a couple of porkchops I have stashed at home.
Man, I just know how succulent those chops are gonna be when I sink my teeth..."
[understanding nods and voices of empathy from the crowd]
"My wife, Buddha, Gandhi, and Einstein all say I have a problem, but I'm not sure.
I mean, just because animals are our brothers and have feelings,
and just because they dont deserve to be caged and slaughtered..."
[Greg starts to break-down.]
[sobbing] "Oh, who am I kidding?! I'm a monster! A cannibal!!"
[someone pats Greg on the back.]
"It's okay, Greg. We know. We've all been there. The succulent chops, the juicy ribs."
"They fall right off the bone!"
"I know, Greg, I know."
"Help me! You've got to help me! I can't stop! My thirst for blood is unending!"
"There there, Greg, there there.
Admitting you have a problem is the first step, and the hardest.
You've taken that step, and nothing can take it away from you now."
[Greg cries into his hands. Crowd applauds.]
[woman stands]
"Hi, my name is Marsha, and I'm a fleshoholic."
"Hi Marsha!"