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Author Topic:   Working through fear
mys-elf13
Moderator

Posts: 146
From: deerfield
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 28, 2010 05:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mys-elf13     Edit/Delete Message
I am finally undertaking the painful, scary task of working through my paralyzing fears. It is based in my 3rd chakra - how I relate to myself, my sense of self. My birth chart has showed me this along, there is a Yod screaming at me "here, this is what you NEED to overcome". My north node resides where Saturn does in. The Yod pointing right at Saturn. I have had enough of the gnawing undertones of ego saying that I am not capable of managing myself in this life on my own.

For G-d sakes, I have 2 kids. I know I have and will continue to make some mistakes with them. It is of the great import that I can guide them to trust in themselves. That relying on themselves is a HUGE source to have and with me not having had it, I am not being the example I want to be.

More though than it is for them, I NEED this for ME. It scares me to take the plunge and finish off my degree. I ahd only 15 credit hours left and I left school. The belief was I can't take care of myself.

I never went back to school, I stayed in an unhealthy relationship all due to fear. What bulls--t. There is a part of me that is such a coward. It is not a bad thing. I am learning to embrace that part of myself so that I can heal and work throught this fear. Again, I am scared but I am ready. I do not want to live with like this anymore. this is not living to me.

It is like a am trying to rebirth myself. There is pushing, yelling and breathing as I am trying to reenter. There is a period of rest and back to the grindstone of the work.

Effort, prayer and not giving up is what I remind myself of. I want that pit in my stomach to dissipate. I know as I continue it will get smaller and smaller. I am scared, though.

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"Once in a while you can get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right"
Robert Hunter

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Yin
Knowflake

Posts: 1171
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 28, 2010 07:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yin     Edit/Delete Message
mys-elf,
Good for you! What you are displaying here is real courage. We all have fears. We all stay put and justify it one way or another just so we don't have to admit that we are afraid of the unknown.
You have taken the first step. You've looked your fears square in the eye and all of a sudden they are not as big, are they?
I wish you all the best.

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Know Yourself

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Sanchenuss
Knowflake

Posts: 154
From: Clinton, SC USA
Registered: Nov 2009

posted February 28, 2010 11:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sanchenuss     Edit/Delete Message
mys-elf13. You let yourself go through that on purpose. When you want to end it and step forward is your choice and apparently you are telling yourself now. This is YOUR time from here on, now all you have to do is share YOUR time with others without fear. Enjoy this playground that was given to you by the creator.

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mys-elf13
Moderator

Posts: 146
From: deerfield
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 01, 2010 08:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mys-elf13     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you both for your supportive words.

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"Once in a while you can get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right"
Robert Hunter

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