posted March 26, 2013 08:05 PM            

I'm really good now actually! I finally found some sort of peace.

posted March 28, 2013 09:50 PM            

I, just, don't really know how to control it or get used to it. Yesterday I decided to just take one pill and I woke up this morning, suddenly, unable to breathe. I tried to go back to sleep and I felt really panicky so I rushed to get a pill and went back to sleep. Idk what to do.. I just really hope it does 'cure' my anxiety or this is just another episode of my life. Drug addiction is really old for me so I hope it doesn't repeat. lol

I haven't really consulted a professional astrologer. I don't really have the money and I'm pretty inexperienced. I do have Neptune opp Merc right now but I don't think that's it, or maybe it could be.. Idk, you see how I really have no idea?
I loved how you explained 'human affection'.. that's right. We have no human touch anymore. It's a rare thing these days. I could really use that right now~

posted March 29, 2013 07:43 PM            

I'm embarrassed... are you referring to that poem on change I wrote? Do I really seem crazily delusional?

I believe I've changed from how I was before.. I'm so..rry I don't really understand what you're trying to imply. I am trying to benefit myself. Idk if taking these pills is the right thing but they do help the intense anxiety I was feeling daily. I've been feeling.. lively again.
I honestly don't know what direction I want to go. Can you tell? I have no fcking clue what I'm doing or what I want. But I do know for a fact that I want to be normal again. No anxiety. First step.

posted March 29, 2013 10:22 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by virgolotus:
^Are you trying to say I'm a nutcase?

I'm embarrassed... are you referring to that poem on change I wrote? Do I really seem crazily delusional?

I believe I've changed from how I was before.. I'm so..rry I don't really understand what you're trying to imply. I am trying to benefit myself. Idk if taking these pills is the right thing but they do help the intense anxiety I was feeling daily. I've been feeling.. lively again.
I honestly don't know what direction I want to go. Can you tell? I have no fcking clue what I'm doing or what I want. But I do know for a fact that I want to be normal again. No anxiety. First step.

Idk how your post tied into my posts or this thread. Are you picking up some other vibes or something?

---

oh no virgolotus... I was not thinking or saying anything in a "negative" way--- not at all! Just wanted to encourage and support you. It's hard for me when I can't see the face or hear your real voice. I may have mixed you up with another member here....

yes, I read your poem, but I thought you were (probably either high, drunk, OR) just trying to be crazy-on-purpose, and a trying to have "fun" and were not "for real"? yikes, sorry for not understanding!

posted March 30, 2013 12:29 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
oh no virgolotus... I was not thinking or saying anything in a "negative" way--- not at all! Just wanted to encourage and support you. It's hard for me when I can't see the face or hear your real voice. I may have mixed you up with another member here....

yes, I read your poem, but I thought you were (probably either high, drunk, OR) just trying to be crazy-on-purpose, and a trying to have "fun" and were not "for real"? yikes, sorry for not understanding!

i apologize and am soooo sorry you thought i interrupted your thread-of-thought... didn't mean to do that... just learning to relate to you... no, i'm not 'picking up' on anything... again, so sorry

---

Please don't be sorry!!!

Oh the recent poem I wrote was pretty strange. That's just the way my mind works.. I'm always scattered and my mind can go off. I was sober when I wrote that.. though emotions can intoxicate me. I don't mean to be standoffish, I feel like I was.

Thanks for trying to encourage me. Your words were WAY too generous.

Here is another poem I posted on the site that is readable: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum17/HTML/002439.html

posted March 30, 2013 03:51 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
I LOVE your new poem, virgolotus... It made me cry... I appreciate your words. Thankyou for sharing with me...

---

Did it really? What struck you?

posted April 02, 2013 10:35 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by virgolotus:
My only issue is... he claimed the Lexapro would repair my brain where I won't need ANY more meds. Did that work for you? I just don't want to have to depend on them for the rest of my life. Depend on anything actually.

---

Sorry I have taken so long to get back!

Yes, Lexapro worked for me and it doesnt fix anybody's brain, it just creates a situation in your brain where seratonin is available more.

In my case, since I have PTSD, my brain chemistry is altered forever. I, too dont want to be dependent on meds for ever, but atleast to get me through some things in life that are too stressful to deal with alone.

Best of luck!

You absolutely know what YOUR body needs!

blessins!

posted April 02, 2013 12:55 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by virgolotus:
^Are you trying to say I'm a nutcase?

I'm embarrassed... are you referring to that poem on change I wrote? Do I really seem crazily delusional?

I believe I've changed from how I was before.. I'm so..rry I don't really understand what you're trying to imply. I am trying to benefit myself. Idk if taking these pills is the right thing but they do help the intense anxiety I was feeling daily. I've been feeling.. lively again.
I honestly don't know what direction I want to go. Can you tell? I have no fcking clue what I'm doing or what I want. But I do know for a fact that I want to be normal again. No anxiety. First step.

Idk how your post tied into my posts or this thread. Are you picking up some other vibes or something?

---

I AM IN JAIL
RUM GONE IN ME AGAIN.
I AM ALONE IN JAIL
I AM A GONE MAN
ALONE IN A JAIL

NO LONGER AM I A GONE MAN IN A JAIL !
GONE AM I NO LONGER IN A JAIL AGAIN!
NO MORE RUM GO IN ME AGAIN!

posted April 02, 2013 10:58 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by virgolotus:
Did it really? What struck you?

Thank YOU.

---

What struck me was the Balance point you had come to in your moments of realization... The energetic effect was of a 'perfect' stillness, surrounded by the halted sweat of work and pain, in the moment of rest and resolute clearness. Is one of those lucid 'reset' moments that Life can present us... I 'recognized' it.

There will be more moments like this, virgolotus-- we are not 'perfect' but are perfecting and evolving. Thankyou for having the courage to share those moments. You add value!

Your words were perfect in describing the scene, the polarities that were like spokes radiating around the hub of your primary core moment of stillness... You're a good person, virgolotus... And it actually DID make me cry to think of everything you'd just been through that brought you to that special moment in time.

posted April 02, 2013 11:04 PM            

What a brilliant piece of work that was!! Gosh, how healing and validating a "find" that is!! WOW.....

You + lexigramming = AMAZING!!

posted April 03, 2013 02:02 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
About your poem...

What struck me was the Balance point you had come to in your moments of realization... The energetic effect was of a 'perfect' stillness, surrounded by the halted sweat of work and pain, in the moment of rest and resolute clearness. Is one of those lucid 'reset' moments that Life can present us... I 'recognized' it.

There will be more moments like this, virgolotus-- we are not 'perfect' but are perfecting and evolving. Thankyou for having the courage to share those moments. You add value!

Your words were perfect in describing the scene, the polarities that were like spokes radiating around the hub of your primary core moment of stillness... You're a good person, virgolotus... And it actually DID make me cry to think of everything you'd just been through that brought you to that special moment in time.

P.S. (so sorry i didn't answer sooner... just saw this tonight, through post at yellowwax. been very very busy with situations and circumstantial things. and i am really enjoying this exchange with you, virgolotus! so please forgive me if i can't stay predictable with my appearances here at LL yet, okay? this may take a while... it's not a reflection on you... i've got some hurdles to clear...

---