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Author Topic:   Manplaining
Stawr
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posted July 17, 2022 11:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Now that my life is more care free than it's been many years, I've had more time for friends.

Including my best friend who prides himself in being a male feminist.

IDK what's going on but the last two times I've socialized with him he has me like "wtf?" "you really think I don't know that!?"

I am trying to makes sense, of why I have been wanting to shut him down more.

I feel like if you are around someone a lot you are more obligated to "keep it real" with them.
Maybe it's my astrology transits!
I am having the final lessons of Pluto squaring my sun.
Uranus is also opposing my BML Lilith right now.
Saturn is rx over my Aquarius Mars right now too.

I have been thinking of past occurrences, that have brought me to the point of "I need to shut this down!"

My male feminist friend is a die hard democrat. I am not. I'm libertarian. When we talk voting and politics a few years ago, he made a comment to me like "make sure you are voting for your rights as a woman"
Gee thanks white male savior for implying that you know what's best for me as a woman.
I subtly let him know that yes the eff I feel good about my choice as a woman for who I am voting for. Which I should not have to do.

I am usually only comfortable having an attitude with my husband and immediate family.
My husband loves me for my attitude most of the time. I even said to husband "Okay Mansplainy McGee!" in front of his dad once.

If any of you have been keeping up with my posts other places you know...
Last weekend my friend's mansplaining was so constant. That I actually had my buttons so pushed that I chose to be blunt and ask him "can you please tone down the mansplaining?"
Like he really did not know how to interact with me for a bit after that, and neither did I because I was getting so ticked off.

I hope my friend appreciates being challenged in his world view. He is a double Leo, so I think he can get a bit of an ego, being a proud white male feminist.

Of course anyone of any race and gender can explain something to someone as if that person doesn't know anything.

I believe the term mansplaining was coined in 2008. I'll be sure to double fact check this though.

What are your views on mansplaining?

I would like to hear other women's experiences about being mansplained to. How did you react. Did you chose to stand up for yourself at the time?

Men here, have you ever been asked to stop mansplaining? And if you don't mind me asking, how come?

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Stawr
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posted July 17, 2022 12:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mansplaining (a blend word of man and the informal form splaining of the gerund explaining) is a pejorative term meaning (of a man) "to comment on or explain something to a woman in a condescending, overconfident, and often inaccurate or oversimplified manner".[3][4][5][6] Author Rebecca Solnit ascribed the phenomenon to a combination of "overconfidence and cluelessness".[7] Lily Rothman, of The Atlantic, defined it as "explaining without regard to the fact that the explainee knows more than the explainer, often done by a man to a woman".[8]

^Wikipedia

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Stawr
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posted July 17, 2022 12:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7K6fx7aRzA
Mansplaining, Explained

and double confirmed that the term was coined in 2008 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2tcorO2EI8

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Stawr
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posted July 17, 2022 01:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Unfortunately I don't think my friend is truly seeing himself the way I am seeing him.

Like I am starting to realize that he is gaslighting me for sticking up for myself.

Besides just telling him to stop mansplaining. I asked him "you really think I don't know that!?" "when you think you need to tell me that they dog is not actually climbing up the wall in the film, I feel like you are talking to me like I am a child"

he is more like "okay I'm sorry" instead of you are right what I am I thinking for assuming you wouldn't know that.

Because when I went to his birthday dinner yesterday. He brought it up to me again. And I was completely repulsed. He basically stated:
"I could tell we were starting to be around each other to long and that we needed to go our separate ways."
Like he was basically saying: wow you were turning into a crabby crab-ass, never mind the fact that I was constantly belittling IN PUBLIC.
Maybe there is some truth there that we were together too long.
It just kind of seemed like he didn't learn anything and wants to act like a this duchy white male savior all the time in our friendship.
But I pretty much told him that I do not like to be confrontational, but if you are repeatedly doing the same thing over and over again. I can't just let it go. Like if he just did it one time, I would drop it. The constant amount he was doing it, made it impossible to let it go and ignore that I had to speak up.
I kept things "light" and I really do mean this: "I knew that I would be able to speak up to you and that we could still be friends. " I then used the other example that he witnessed me speaking up to my Taurus friend YEARS ago. And how we were not able to speak to each other for 2 months because of it.

But I really do think there is something going on with his ego, where even when he is told to stop. He has a hard time adjusting. It's almost like he genuinely doesn't know how to act if he can't mansplain. It's sad! It's embarrassing. It's disgusting.

Because before I had to say to him last weekend "can you please tone down the mansplaining?"

I had to say twice "I know that I'm not stupid." He seriously did not bat an eye. Like were you really having such an orgasm in your brain for belittling me that you really did not hear say that?!

If he brings it up again. I will probably have to say "I hope you are not gaslighting me for my reaction to you constantly belittling me that day."

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PixieJane
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posted July 18, 2022 06:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I hate that made up word. It's arbitrary, hypocritical, and (like "manterruption") designed to create barriers between people that would not otherwise exist. It's designed for a political agenda more than clear communication. It's also a trap. Either your mansplaining, or you're part of the problem. Whatever makes men the bad guy. (I don't like manipulative spin phrases and double-talk in general. I also don't like when words are used very inappropriately just to add a level of heated drama, when what they're doing is causing me to question anyone who uses the word since so many use it, like "nice guy" or "incel," when the definition doesn't fit.)

I've had people, male and female, talk to me like I'm an idiot. I'm usually amused by it. I know some people think I talk to them like they're an idiot. It's usually not intentional. (If it is, I'm more likely to be VERY sarcastic, as in I WANT them to know I mean it disrespectfully, or at least dealing with the annoyance by being silly.)

As with most things, if I feel it's meant well then I'll usually take it well. If it becomes excessive or something I'll say so (politely, the first time).

It's certainly better than when they tell you to do something and then call you an idiot for not knowing everything you need to despite having said so or asking questions.


I'm less patient with those who try to manipulate me "as a woman" (or white, lgbt, or whatever) or some such. In my experience, women do this more than men, though there's no shortage of men doing it. Again, it's usually arbitrary and hypocritical, designed to manipulate me into an agenda or BS expectations that are not in my best interest. (Men get hit with this as well, by women and men both.)

Since I consider it a BS word, I'm having a hard time thinking of examples. I can think of when people, male and female, spoke to me like an idiot or told me what I should do as a woman (or whatever), or even male and female together, and sometimes I ignored them, other times I called them on it.


In some cases, I've profited from it. One guy was so incredibly obnoxious. Long story short, I played up the dumb blonde that other people would've seen right through, but not him. I took the fool for all he was worth (business only, though he wanted to become my sugar daddy). It wasn't just business for me, it was revenge.


In another case, I was kinder. A guy who taught computers at a college (and he did like to talk and advise, but I didn't feel talked down to as others might--though I recall thinking "he's a professional lecturer" older than my father, and I might've cut him some slack for that) who was unable to get the vox on two phones synchronized. He offered me $20 to do it for him (he did have a lot on his plate), so I took it. First thing I did was look for a manual online (since he lost his) and my goal at that point was to know enough so I could ask reasonably intelligent questions about it at a nearby Radio Shack.

But I looked at the "don't be an idiot" part (the kind of instructions that, for example, tell you if your appliance isn't working then make sure it's plugged in) and found a solution right away. Basically, it took me 5 minutes to fix his phone, and that's counting the time to boot up the computer and find the online manual.

To preserve his ego (and make sure I got paid), I waited a couple of hours before taking it back and told him it took me over an hour to figure it out. I didn't care, it was easy money. And if he went on lecture mode about computers, I'd often listen (and might learn something), trying not to think how he couldn't even sync his phones together (as I didn't want to laugh). It was free for me while others paid to hear him speak.

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Stawr
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posted July 18, 2022 03:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you so much for your reply Pixie. You have a good point about both genders doing it.

My lady boss would feel compelled to tell me things I already know. So since she is my boss I would just burn up inside. And vent to coworkers later. LOL and eventually just started waking and baking in the morning before I leave. (I have an Associates, and a Bachelors and 10 years prior experience)

I was talking about my male friend to my sister. She put out the idea that my friend is such an extrovert that maybe he can't filter his thoughts.
Pointing to a blue dress at the museum and saying "That's Cinderella's dress!" Could be his way of him saying: act more excited!

I had a sense of humor when he felt like he had to do this when I have eyes and can see and read.

But I started to get annoyed when he felt the need to educate me about American Slavery and Women's right. As if I never had any form of education. He just always has to be so extra. lol

When my friend was lecturing me about women American history it kind of felt like this:
(I can't find an exact clip, too bad because I think it's one of his best bits.)
starts at 8:20-9:00 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPPvS--4_4A

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Randall
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posted August 09, 2022 01:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Randall
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Stawr
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posted September 07, 2022 12:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
http://www.youtube.com/shorts/ZL94CTpj16Q
http://www.youtube.com/shorts/2BRUBBs2_LE

My new favorite tic tok comedian

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Randall
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Stawr
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posted June 14, 2023 02:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My dad's friend has been doing a lot of mansplaining to me about my divorce.

So when he called me by my old last name to mock me...I poured a shot of bourbon on him. No regrets.

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Randall
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Randall
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Randall
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Randall
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Randall
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