posted June 21, 2014 10:47 PM            

The NNODE (18° LEO '03) is of specific importance to me, being 12H, and sextile my SUN, which is the 12R. In a way, my destiny and karma are oddly one; at least quite joined.

I wanted to delve a bit more deeply into that when I noticed OSIRIS (18° LEO '40) being exactly conjunct. It pained me to see that; almost as if this Twin Flame business is somehow a crucial element of my destiny. But then it's 12H, lest we forget! So who knows?

Of course, I stumbled into these last night:

LOGOS @ 18° LEO '24
AETERNITAS @ 18° LEO '50
NESSUS @ 18° LEO '58

What ... on ... earth? Let us not forget 19° LEO is the far Midpoint of his VENUS/MARS, EROS/PSYCHE, and conjunct my SNODE.

What do I make of this?

It's as if the wounding, the caustic interaction, the means by which he hurts my feelings so deeply -- is 'part of the plan'?

The fact that AETERNITAS is involved -- okay, I'm not surprised. And LOGOS? Right, right. I get that.

But what to do about NESSUS? Of course, Nessus evolved is a force of transformation and transcendence. So, naturally, I had to look at the x-factor; the one variable that causes Nessus to lose his cool.

His DEJANIRA is 21° SCO '55; just 1° off of his SATURN and my URA, 2° from my MOON, and 3° from his KARMA.

We could say it's widely (4°) squaring his NESSUS; and it's also making a wide trine (3°) to my NESSUS, which is 24° CAN '07 (exactly conjunct UNITAS, for what it's worth -- 0°00).

It's making no aspects to his NNODE outside of a 3° sextile, which is pretty meh. My NESSUS isn't very active in his chart -- at all. There are a couple of quincunxes -- to his PSYCHE/MARS, which is 2°. That's it.

Of course, my MOON is rather close to his DEJANIRA; 2° conjunct, which is also on that SATURN/KARMA of his.

:: sigh ::

I think I'm trying to understand the hatred; the roots of this emotional warfare. Why we can't bring ourselves to be as close as we both want to be. Why there's always that point at which the wall goes up -- out of fear of loss.

It seems like a DEJANIRA issue to me. But then I saw that NESSUS on my NNODE. With AETERNITAS! And LOGOS!

How would one even go about understanding a connexion like this? It's just hurt so much -- too much. Perhaps even worse because I know he's just defensive. He hurts me the more I show love to him. And then all but demands to see me! And, of course, it's lovely. Suddenly, it all feels better -- as if the clouds are finally fading away, and the sun is returning.

Then it doesn't.

Well, his SUN is on my REQUIEM, 1°. His REQUIEM exactly opposes his APHRODITE, and conjuncts my ASC by 2°.

A prayer for salvation. That's about what it all feels like right now.

Any thoughts or insight? I tried disconnecting, detaching and letting go, but I was filled with such loss -- and anger. It was as if I was shouting in every possible way to be heard, but in some language he couldn't understand, or just chose to ignore.

I miss him. I miss my best friend. I miss the way he was in my head and heart. I'm just so afraid that we crossed the Rubicon in 2012; we found ourselves actually falling for each other, after several years of friendship and a bizarre relationship at a distance, complicated by deception. It was too much.

I distanced because of the intensity and not knowing what to do. He just affected me SO MUCH. Then, our communication breaking down drove him crazy. He was convinced he had become codependent, and he needed me too much.

So why did I go away? I wanted to be needed! Why did I stop taking his calls? Was it because of the jealousy games? Why was I convinced he was going to break my heart?

NESSUS-AETERNITAS-LOGOS / OSIRIS-VESTA-NNODE. 12H and 7H.

Augh! What IS that?

My AETERNITAS-ORPHEUS is on his APHRODITE opposite his REQUIEM; ohhh, what a happy thought!

My LOGOS is 12° LEO '22, apparently; 2° off my MELETE. That's intriguing.

And, of course, opposite his EROS (2°) and VENUS (1°).

:: heavier sigh ::

posted June 21, 2014 11:14 PM            

I have reached a point were I genuinely don't care if my ex is my TF or not; what I want is for his memory to stop haunting me and I am sure my memory haunts him too so I want us to both be free of that.

In your case you say your guy is your TF and in my case if he is we don't have the reunion markers IYO but your story and mine feel so similar even though I was in a committed relationship with mine for about a year.

What your case and my case have in common is the 7th house with just chiron in it opposing a huge stellium!

This is why I am trying to understand chiron so much lately bc I noticed that your story in many ways sounds like mine and our composite have that in common.

I feel the answer is that and we need to figure out what that means...

posted June 21, 2014 11:32 PM            

1.(sun conjunct AC, Akhenaten, valentine, mars and pluto) and

posted June 21, 2014 11:35 PM            

I think is important to acknowledge this and look into it.

posted June 22, 2014 12:37 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by amelia28:
You and I both have chiron in the 7th opposing our composite stellium with who we think is our TF although in your case you are convinced he is your TF and think mine is a near TF.

I have reached a point were I genuinely don't care if my ex is my TF or not; what I want is for his memory to stop haunting me and I am sure my memory haunts him too so I want us to both be free of that.

In your case you say your guy is your TF and in my case if he is we don't have the reunion markers IYO but your story and mine feel so similar even though I was in a committed relationship with mine for about a year.

What your case and my case have in common is the 7th house with just chiron in it opposing a huge stellium!

This is why I am trying to understand chiron so much lately bc I noticed that your story in many ways sounds like mine and our composite have that in common.

I feel the answer is that and we need to figure out what that means...

Your energy even feels similar to mine in some ways...

---

Amelia,

Okay, point of clarification. (And I appreciate your responding.) Back in January, when I began a Twin Flame astrological research thread, I really had no idea that it would lead to uncovering that I was actually a Twin Flame, and that he is mine, that March. And I was VERY sceptical. You might even say I kicked and screamed about it; dragged my feet; shouted to the heavens.

I went into heavy denial. But then I was completely bombarded by signs and synchronicities from the Universe -- I was beginning to look silly in my denial. I mean, I was coming up with explanations that were beginning to seem ridiculous in comparison to the unlikely event. And so, I had to consider the possibility it was true.

Plus, iQ would say every few weeks or so that I really needed to stop running from it, because I'm never going to escape it.

As to the markers ...

These came from the research we did, which was largely supplementing and testing iQ's previous research and theories. He determined so immediately from my composite that we were Twin Flames, that he then looked for the specific markers; those are the ones which I've continued to use.

However, I began to wonder something, the more I delved. It seemed to me that, rather than these simply being markers to determine if two individuals are Twin Flames or not, I began to contemplate these might simply be markers for Reunion. That we may be finding those 'near miss' couples ARE actually Twin Flames -- which aren't 'supposed' to reunite in this life -- whatever THAT means.

The whole thing is a big question-mark for me, to be honest. I think I became convinced after a few very illuminating months, and carefully reviewing several years of the most bizarre experiences I'd had yet. I also had to remind myself that I'd always been on the fence about the paranormal -- despite EVERYTHING in my life that SHOULD have convinced me. It wasn't until the experiences I had with him that I couldn't deny it anymore. It was too blatant; I couldn't explain them away -- and, oh, how I tried!

But it's where to go from here that stumps me. Plus, this whole 'supposed to' notion. Besides, the truth and the reality is that we'll end up ascending anyway, no matter what we do. It's more like how we're to deal with the connexion here, now, on Earth. It's THAT 'supposed to' which I can't quiet decipher.

According to iQ, free will aside, we're sodium-chloride. Sure, we can choose not to be together here, but we'll essentially be refusing to form the bonds which make salt. (I thought that was a bit eerie, considering he's a chemist.) And I KNOW what amazing things we do together, especially from what we've already done.

But it's JUST not that easy.

To be completely honest, I envy the time you two had together. I wish that I could've had that to look back on. To KNOW what I don't know. To have felt it here, at least once. I've become convinced that the love never had there will be the greater regret than the love he feared would be lost, so it wasn't worth risking the pain.

I recorded this today; it's been stuck in my head all week. Finally had to chance to just do it.

https://soundcloud.com/6degreesofscorpio/bestineverhad

Of course, he's said nothing. Heh. I didn't expect him to.

So, long story short, it's all just investigations and theory. I suppose we can consider ourselves lucky to know; a very dear soul-sister has commented how remarkable it is that we met at all and have overcome the obstacles we have.

It feels ... tragic in many ways. Simply tragic. Those words he used still echo: tragically disappointed. And now ... this horrible feeling as a result of making the determination that there would never be anything more than this between us. That, if the whole purpose of our being here was to eventually find some way to be together, we failed.

So that's why I'm saying -- I don't know. But I'm certainly willing to entertain the notion -- even arrive at the conclusion -- that you ARE Twin Flames -- but that you accomplished what you were here to do.

I DO find it interesting that two major relationships with soul connexions (my Twin Flame and my Guardian Soul) feature a CHIRON conjunct the DSC.

You've been doing a lot of looking into CHIRON, so what have you found? It's certainly prominent in these composites and synastries. Now learning what I have about hard CHIRON-SATURN aspects, I'm rather proud of what my Guardian and I have overcome.

His CHIRON is opposite my SATURN, at 3º. His SATURN is square my CHIRON, 6º. The second is too weak to have much influence, but taken as a DW, it does factor.

posted June 22, 2014 01:05 AM            

quote:

---

I miss him. I miss my best friend. I miss the way he was in my head and heart. I'm just so afraid that we crossed the Rubicon in 2012; we found ourselves actually falling for each other, after several years of friendship and a bizarre relationship at a distance, complicated by deception. It was too much.

---

This is such a good start, really. The more this feeling of "missing him.. missing him as a 'human being' (not a partner/lover etc.)" becomes integrated .. the more chance to find it back, him. It just takes some time.. and suffering to make it a true and unshakable part of yourself.

quote:

---

I distanced because of the intensity and not knowing what to do. He just affected me SO MUCH. Then, our communication breaking down drove him crazy. He was convinced he had become codependent, and he needed me too much.

---

posted June 22, 2014 01:45 AM            

I read above you have NN in the 12th and you saying the following sounds so much like you are growing into your NN in the 12th and in the process of finding that balance between the SN and NN:

"The whole thing is a big question-mark for me, to be honest. I think I became convinced after a few very illuminating months, and carefully reviewing several years of the most bizarre experiences I'd had yet. I also had to remind myself that I'd always been on the fence about the paranormal -- despite EVERYTHING in my life that SHOULD have convinced me. It wasn't until the experiences I had with him that I couldn't deny it anymore. It was too blatant; I couldn't explain them away -- and, oh, how I tried!"

This you just said, you having NN in the 12th and juno conjunct alma; yes it seems your are here to experience the paranormal and perhaps you will reunite with him after all in this plane; you are young still...

We will figure this out but I think chiron plays a role..I will keep looking into chiron and you do the same....

I just read this; I found it online, it is exactly how it feels like to me:

2. Soul Mates (Author Unknown)
I believe that many people have difficulty embracing the idea of past lives or in reincarnation. Yet many of these same individuals are determined to find their Soul Mates. If you are of the same mindset as I, then you too will believe that we tend to attract people or partners to us who compliment ourselves in some way. In attracting these people or partners, we attract exactly what we need in order to grow. Very often, what we do not own in ourselves, we will attract from the outside and through others. This will force us to confront that which we do not see or own in ourselves or in our behavior. It may force us to focus on making the changes necesssary for our personal growth. I believe that a Soul Mate can be a man or a woman....it makes no difference. We can have many Soul Mates; not just one, although it is my belief that we only have one Twin Soul. What makes a Soul Mate relationship so special is the ability to immediately and intimately connect on a much deeper level; we perceive in the other that which we do not have, that which we are lacking. Through this type of symbiotic relationship, something wonderful happens. Through this relationship we confront or become more aware of our limitations. This kind of *joining* transforms the other, and visa versa.

Much has been discussed and written on the topic of Soulmates. Several months ago, after some discussion, a friend sent me a wonderful article on the topic of the Soulmate relationship. It left quite an impression on me at the time and wanted to share it here. If anyone knows who the author is, I would love to know to give proper credit. Here is what was written:

When we are born it begins a journey. Along the way on this long winding path we eventually end up seeking many things. One of which is love. In the beginning, it is from our Mother & Father, then our family, community and so on. Eventually, assuming everything goes right, we begin to find we have a void within us, which other forms of love can't seem to fill.

We have all known loneliness, a dark emptiness within our soul which seems to stretch for an eternity. We feel like we are apart of nothing, just drifting aimlessly upon the sea of humanity with no destination, nor land in sight. At times despair is like our wet clothing as we shiver cold and alone in the darkness. To distract ourselves we dream of "The One" and how they will lift our spirits and take away the emptiness, this absence of life.

For some, eventually someone comes along and brings light to this darkness. But as humans, sometimes we are by this time so starved to be "touched" that we unknowing make compromises which, if we were rational we would not make. Thus the saying. "Blinded by Love ". Because, of these compromises, we may never find our true predestined love.

Many of you now, are not in a "Soulmate" relationship. The truth is you got tired of waiting and you settled for the best "offer" at the time. This was your choice, and now is your Karma. But in your heart, in your soul, you know if someone is your Soulmate, for it goes beyond just love. It is a form of joining.

When you meet your, (SM) this person will have an instantaneous effect on you. A Soulmate is someone who makes your knees go weak and you want to catch your breath. With but a single glance they lesson your burden and but a smile, warms your heart. You will feel a sense of connection ( affinity ) with this person. They will touch you so deeply on so many levels, you will want to share your inner most secrets. For the first time in your life someone will make you feel like almost like a god. Once you have met your (SM) for better or sometimes worse, your life will never be the same.

One of the things which makes this experience unique is the sense of a meaningful spiritual experience. You both feel like this is to be and that you've been together before in a past incarnation. Normally for some, it is several months, weeks or days before physical intimacy (sex) occurs. But when you meet your (SM) something happens, the pull or drive to become physically intimate overwhelms many, and one finds it happening basically in the initial meeting. There's a sense of safety with this person. You knowingly let go of your defenses as an empathic like bond is formed. Unlike other relationships, in the past, there will be no game playing or hidden agendas which plagued you in the past.

Sometimes the best way to find something, is by not looking for it. With this in mind, you probably will meet your Soulmate (SM) when you're not looking. Since life revels in making things difficult, you'll probably meet them in the morning when your on the grave yard shift. For many it will be after a bad relationship or several bad relationships. If you're lucky you won't have to wait until your 50 to meet your (SM). But if you do. well at least you'll appreciate it's significance more, than someone in there twenties. You have had the benefit of experience, the perspective of age and the knowledge, such love is once in a life time.

The point here is "Serendipity", so forget about taking that "Singles" bus tour to the Circus. Sure you'll meet a lot of nice people and perhaps you really should get out, but just be prepared to ..Well, meet some real clowns.

The universe is a funny place, don't be surprised if your Soulmate is older or younger. Soulmate's don't care about age. How much older or younger ? From my observations, expect years like 7 to 20. In a true (SM) relationship it won't matter, if anything it will make you stronger. Life is not neat, nor has it ever been. So why should it start now ?

There is something about the Passion you share with an (SM). It goes beyond just " body parts". For a moment in time you two are the only ones who exist in the universe. Hearts beating in rhythm as your souls have intertwined themselves becoming one. Your personal energies meld and you feel the flame of creation move through you like a wave of the ocean on a hot summers day. Soon you begin to lose track, of where you begin and your partner ends. From within the depths of your raw passionate union, your (SM) will know how and where to touch you. It will be different, intense and more gratifying than lovers of your past.

They will look into your eyes and you will feel your soul open wide. For some people, there is the "Rush". All the love, all the lust, all the need will surge forth from your soul like captives from a prison. At this moment you will know what it means to get lost within someone's eyes. You will experience a touch you have never felt before and your lust will rise to new levels. Often, in the case of true Soulmates, you can get so carried away you can actually hurt yourself. ( I know.. she caused me to pull several muscles one night) But in the end as you lay there, as the warm afterglow begins to fade, you will realize what just happened was not sex. "Sex, simply doesn't feel this good."

To put it simply, your (SM) will be able to make love to you in ways no one else will be able to match.

It is within our nature as human being to **** things up. The very thing which makes Soulmate love so special, is the one thing which can bring it down. The simple fact is, the unparalelled love & passion is terrifying to many people.

We learned how to have relationships from our parents or primary giver. If your primary givers relationships were dysfunctional, then chances are so are yours. There are many people in this world who in relationships maintain an extreme amount of emotional control. They take pride in the fact that their partner is madly in love with them. By being able to "wrap them around their finger" they feel safer. Thus, all their relationships become based on this pattern. Then one day their (SM) comes along and wham!. Quickly they discover the control over their heart and the relationship is gone. Now they must relate on a level playing field, and for many, they run.

For those of you who are runners let me tell you what you already know. It doesn't work. You can move to the other side of the planet, marry someone else and fill up your spare time with some cause. But the simple truth is, your (SM) will be there in your soul. No matter how hard you try, no matter how busy you make yourself, everyday they will enter you thoughts. So then many try and **** them out. But that doesn't work either, for it becomes just sex and as you lay there afterwards you will feel empty and cheated.

A good measure of this is a simple test. After you have just made love to the person who you are using as a safe substitute, do you find yourself wanting to "get away" from them? A kind of "Okay, I got off..now get away from me feeling"? This is assuming that you can still get off. In some cases your orgasms are just barely, if you're lucky. When you were with your (SM), didn't you feel the need to remain close, to pull each other tightly and melt into each other? That's the difference....and one which is very hard to hide from yourself.

If you run, then you've made the conscious choice to doom yourself and the other person to be haunted for the rest of your life. Sure, you may eventually fall in love with someone who fits your preconceived image or expectation (cute, rich or successful) of what your partner should be. But as time moves on...you never forget, you always wonder and then you eventually regret. I have a saying:

The Soulmate relationship is worth putting up a fight, but there comes a time when you have done all that you can do..and you can do no more. At some point, the one who runs has to choose to stop and come to their senses. Life is sadly cruel, just as it is grand. Short of burying your child, losing your Soulmate is indescribable anguish.

It is like having your tender soul ripped from your body. You feel lost, abandoned and betrayed. There is a sense of panic which permeates your very being and personal existence. You find yourself saying, "never again". You did something you had never done before, you willingly let another in....all the way.

Eventually, after the shock, the depression comes, then the anger and then you just want it all to end. You wish you could just stop feeling...but you can't. And no matter how much you drink, smoke or eat, you can't make the pain go away. Yes, regular love hurts too..and badly. But when you lose your (SM), no matter how enlightened, wise or talented, in both will and spirit you are...it is devastating.

Many of us sadly, fail to recover and we truly never "Love" again. Those who are really weak, try to kill themselves. Be it with a car speeding on a wet winding road after drinking, or "J" walking on 42nd street, to just taking one too many pills. The end result is the same if we succeed, suicide is suicide whether you leave a note or not.

In the end, we don't even want to see the person, because that just tares open the wound over and over. Right or wrong, that's just the way it is. Eventually, you go on with your life and you stop hating them...because like you...they will never forget either.

Every now and then life gives us a happy ending. Sometimes, after trying to get their (SM) out of their minds, the "runner" comes to realize what they had lost. A few are wise enough to do whatever it takes to correct the situation and get back into their Soulmates arms. Hopefully, not enough time has gone by so that the situation is salvagable. But oftentimes it's not. All I can say is TRY. With Soulmates there is NO pride, and there CAN be forgiveness. We are destined to meet our Soulmate, what you do after that is "your" choice.

We are born into this world alone and we begin our journey. Few are lucky we find the right partner, "The ONE" along the way. With this person we grow, learn and experience the wonders of human existence. They become part of us, as we become part of them. Eventually, our journey must end as we were born to die, alone. But in between these two points we hopefully have learned, experienced and gained some wisdom with the chance to pass it on.

As I walk my chosen path I say to those of you who shall follow me, this is but one part of the road which lay ahead of you.

In my lifetime, I found my Soulmate. I know the joys, the exquisite highs and the sense of oneness, completion and peace. Yet as we turn the coin on the other side, I also know the ongoing torment of losing one. I hope you never have to find out how it feels....to lose part of oneself. But if you do, know this: "You will survive. Your life will never be the same, but given enough time you will survive" At such a moment, you are not able to see that way. Once you do survive, the choices, good or bad, are your responsibility...and life will be what YOU make of it.

The dedication was To: Kimberly....I waited all my life to find you....my Soulmate...and for a brief moment, YOUR thoughts were MY thoughts. MY goals were YOUR goals, YOUR dreams were MY dreams. The love was grand, the passion unrivaled and we both finally felt complete. Sadly for both of us, until YOU put in enough time on this planet...you may never understand the value of what was cast aside.

"Experience is the greatest teacher of all"....

Maybe....my love....we will get it right next lifetime.
Author Unknown

Link: http://www.karmicastrology.info/relationships.htm

posted June 22, 2014 01:55 AM            

Every now and again you meet someone and there is an instant recognition. A short conversation later and you both know that this is going to be an easy relationship with an easy connection. According to Debbie Maya, Psycic and Medium, this is a 'regular' Soul Connection that most people will experience. Those connections come and go but the memory is good.

"But there are more intense karmic soul mate connections and involves an intense like or dislike". Sounds daunting but these sorts of connections are necessary for spiritual growth. "once the lesson has been learned or a debt repaid, the relationship has done its job."

But the most compelling and also the most rare soul connection is the Twin Soul or Twin Flame Connection, and is one that time never dims. The attraction is instant and the energy of the two souls stay connected over time, miles and sometimes over the years.

Here is what Debbie has to say about this;

Very often there is an initial meeting of the twin souls and often one half of the duo is more spiritually awakened and “gets it”. The other may not be quite there, but they are deeply touched by the experience.

Sometimes they remain in contact like this, and sometimes the two are “deliberately” torn apart and separated over years to go and work on their own lives and commitments and deal with karma in other relationships before finally reuniting down the line.

But are the twin souls destined to be together?

How entrancing to find the same magical alchemy still at work, just as it was at the first meeting – a recognition of a deep rooted love so entrenched and so accepted, it could only have been forged in other lifetimes together. You might ask: is that love at first sight? a recognition of an ancient love?

Inevitably in twin soul connections come up against the “dance” the connection and the disconnection between the two that is incredibly frustrating, and cannot be rushed. Often one party is keen to move the relationship on to higher levels, whilst the other doesn’t know what the hell is going on and doesn't want to deal with the relationship, as it touches deep and painful emotions that may have been suppressed. So they try and escape the relationship. They are referred to as a “runner”.

When this happens, the other twin experiences a bereavement, which never heals, until the next reconnection.

The "runner" has perhaps experienced a lifetime of destructive love affairs. Unable to accept love when it is proffered (even though they may crave it). They may have trashed it, kicked it around like a football and found subtle ways to push it away because they have somehow felt unworthy, unloveable, claustrophobic or simply have never found the right person. For the other twin, the experience is like a searing pain through the heart. In conventional relationships eventually the wound is healed, but not so in a twin soul connection.

The intensity of the connection means that each one feels the other's pain and confusion and there is much telepathic interchange. Both are pulled around by the compulsion of the energy, and are connected by what seems like an electrical cord.

Gripped in mutual "obsessive" behaviour the energy can be confusing. It is quite common for the “runner” to profess language bordering on “I love you,” but maybe it comes out as something else, quite veiled, and then for that “runner” to retract and contradict what they have said. They feel foolish and vulnerable. But in time the “runner” finds themselves in a no-brain situation.

They are faced with the choice of living in pain from the separation from the twin soul, or returning and facing that deep love, working through their fears (often unfounded) of possible rejection and reaching their own personal Eden.

For the other party who has been willing all along to go that extra mile, the spectrum of emotions experienced till then is infinite. Sometimes they just believe that the connection is entirely one-sided, or that they’ve imagined it all along and feel foolish and vulnerable.

During the whole process the parties have to remain strong. Twin soul connections never happen at convenient times. There is often the matter of existing and committed relationships, money issues, and a whole million other practical and logical reasons why these two, on the surface shouldn’t get together.

There can be great differences in age, or religion or they may live continents apart. Quite often one may be in an emotionally unfeeling, yet long term relationship, whilst the other is in a controlling and abusive one. Both can feel trapped.

But never forget, Madam Destiny in her infinite wisdom has gone through the whole process and trouble of bringing these two together, and twin soul connections are quite rare.

There can be little doubt that meeting up with the twin soul pulls one or both onto a more spiritual path as they look back and marvel at how they were brought together.

To change one’s life like this takes enormous courage, but it also takes infinite patience. And if you are in such a pairing, you can experience a twin soul connection both as a gift and a curse!

The lessons of why we unite with our twin soul can be varied, but one reason is to teach each other about accepting love without fear, about healing the pain of love and loss and bringing the two halves of the soul back together again.

If you are able to look at the birth charts of both, you will often see synastry involving Pluto, the planet of deep transformation, Saturn the planet of rigidity and control at work. Both are very karmic. In deep love affairs, also look to Chiron in the synastry to see how she is touching Venus in the other chart.

posted June 22, 2014 02:26 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mir:
He has suffered a lot. Yes, clearly. There's nothing worse than an intended communication break down while one has the need to speak. It felt like mental strangulation to me and being strangled time after time... yes, that carries its consequences, unfortunately.

---

I never wanted to cause him pain. But he was clearly too afraid of the potential loss, and I was becoming so vulnerable. He would never TELL me that it mattered. Everything was a disclaimer. He couldn't just say he missed me, or cared about me, or it mattered. It was like one long episode of 10cc's 'I'm Not In Love' playing on repeat; always actions that could easily be interpreted as, well, frankly that he was very much still in love with me. Then words to quickly cover up any potential of interpreting the actions as such:

'I call you everyday because I just want to see where we are on the script.'

'I talk to you until my phone dies because it gets a better charge if it's fully dead; really, I'm just using you to drain the battery.'

'Oh, I'd like to see you; I mean, you're not THAT annoying.'

Then inventing trysts and dates to make me jealous; for the sole purpose of prompting me to pick up. 'Well, it worked, didn't it?'

posted June 22, 2014 02:54 AM            

My Comp 12th and 1st are both in libra with mine

Check your heliocentric composite transits and see if anything interested happen when you met, I know is weird I am saying this but T chiron and T pallas conjunct helio comp Neptune activated our mystic rectangle in helio composite when we met so wondering if you find something similar; I know composites are midpoints and you are not suppose to do transits but humour me when you have a chance.

I have read that helio transits are very revealing as much as tropic transits.

posted June 22, 2014 02:31 PM            

quote:

---

I didn't know WHAT to do. I think I just ended up wanting some sort of confirmation and consistency so much ... that I couldn't play the 'read between the lines' game anymore

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posted June 22, 2014 04:50 PM            

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Originally posted by mir:

And the (funny) messages were just 'his' way to discharge himself from the lack of talk.., he 'could' say whatever he wanted and he playfully did.. but underneath, ofcourse, he must have been terribly annoyed by it.. he just wanted to stay on speaking terms with you, that was his yell. Like "come one come on.. grow up! If it's not THIS.. then accept it's THAT" (men are often much simpler in this regard).
So, let's not forget his perspective.. you're already IN a relationship and his intention is not to come in between.. a very important fact which we should not underestimate. Ofcourse, if you weren't already taken it would be a completely different case.
He's waiting for you to arrive on 'friendly terms' ... you like each other TOO much to (also) let this go, a thing he's already aware of. I know you think you can't do this right now.. but believe me, it's just a matter of time. There's no other way out.

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I wish that really were the case, and it that simple. He used the fact of my being married as a convenient excuse to not get too deep -- as he was terrified of it. Even though HE brought it up, changing everything.

In 2012, when he finally revealed to me his identity (well, when he confirmed it, really) I wasn't sure what would happen next -- and he didn't know my marriage was open. I really only told him in semi-desperation, a few months later. I told him I had no intention of anything ever destroying my marriage, and he was flattering himself if he thought I would. The most I'd been open to was a casual friends-with-benefits situation. That's when HE said, 'we could have had sex while I was there?'

... Not kidding. Hello, Mr Blunt. Not that it's surprising; I was always a bit floored by JUST how candid he could be.

This is what followed:

'Just as I said, you're incapable of anything beyond FWB anyway. I've known that for years. I don't know why you'd think I would suddenly perceive everything differently.'

'If you've known that for years then why am I explaining myself to you?'

' ... Because you'd assumed I wanted a relationship with you? Like a Relationship? Because you never actually ASKED what I wanted?'

'What do you want?'

'Huh. Normally, I'd say, 'what do you want?' but that's worked out gangbusters for me, so, new approach.'

And that's when I was honest; the BS can be kept to a minimum when there's an outlet for the sexual tension. He said he wanted to keep the tension for shooting. I told him that was a lame excuse. He dodged me -- as usual. He was expert at that.

Eventually, we decided to be open to it. He never wanted to close the door -- he always wanted it kept on the table. Wanted to keep it an option. But then he'd confess to being too afraid to lose everything with me, and couldn't stand that. He saw the potential for it going wrong to be a greater fear than anything. He was also terrified of things going wonderfully right. He was just flat out afraid.

But then it got to the point where we were so delayed that we weren't going to shoot that June. He hid his disappointment. I could feel it. And my husband was becoming jealous; he wanted the attention I spent writing to be on him. (Yeah. We sorted THAT out; it would NOT fly with me.)

Things got complicated. Tensions rose. We never knew where we were in anything, and my husband would push for me to see him when ever we might be going through his city. We both got a bit nervous about that. I'd say to not push it; let things unfold naturally. I think we both had a sense in our minds about how we felt it would go. We just never got to that point.

He still wants to shoot the pilot next summer. Augh. I've already changed the dynamics to where our characters are eventually biting back their anger, or she's putting up with his crap and he's dodging her -- which was the original design. But the direction it had gone, where they were following the standard 'end up together' model -- no, thanks. It may've been his idea, but I felt it was forced anyway.

That's right, folks. Our main character Twin Flames DON'T end up together. Too much karma, too much gone wrong. That's more like reality anyway. I'm a pioneer!

Anyhow. It slowly degraded since January 2013, and the way he so violently rejected me -- only to admit it's because we're too close and can't expect to be casual about this -- and neither of us can have REAL relationship, so ... what've we got? Nothing.

I applaud him for continuing to try and reach me (calling) for another year and a half. I wish he'd just ONCE said, 'are you mad at me?' or 'can't we talk about this?' or -- I dunno -- 'I'm sorry'?

posted June 22, 2014 07:50 PM            

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Originally posted by Gabby:
I'm sorry I can't remember, but did your composite chart have all the planets conjunct?
How do these asteroids aspect in composite?

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If you mean this, Gabby?

posted June 23, 2014 12:16 PM            

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Originally posted by Gabby:
Yep, that's what I meant!
The reason I asked is your story sounds so much like my story with my TF...it's kind of odd how similar.

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