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Author Topic:   Twin Flame Journey: Composite, An Email, And A Prayer
IndigoDirae
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From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted June 25, 2014 05:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm sharing this because I'm mildly flabbergasted.

So, for those who know the story so far, an update. Despite the wonderful advice and insight here, I've still been feeling the most miserable I have in a very long while -- inexplicably so. After realising (thanks to Gabby) that my ills likely do stem from this communication breakdown and emerging cold warfare with my Twin Flame, I've been even more at a loss as to how to stop it.

My husband and I had a heart-to-heart. He said that he wouldn't expect him to expend any further effort, though he's sure it's he's not as apathetic as he seems. He suggested I email him. I said I already had. He asked, 'did you just tell him you're sorry you let him down and ask him to forgive you?' JUST that? No. Mired in pages of confused emotions during 2012 -- absolutely. Just that? No.

So I emailed him. At 2:22 Pacific Daylight. Exactly. I said (mostly) that: that I let him down, and I'm sorry, and to please forgive me -- for all of it, for everything. That I was so focussed on an endgame, I missed the whole point of our relationship, and all we could have enjoyed as a result of it. And that I miss him.

A little voice nudged me and said, 'make a thrice composite with it.' And I thought: why?

... Maybe that's why.

I know I used our basic, natal, rather than progressed composite, but -- wow.

Can I request a moment of prayer for peace? A brief meditation on love and harmony, so that he may welcome it into his heart, rather than succumb to the influences of what I'm thinking may be our 12H cSATURN? It's so divisive and suspicious, and primed for misinterpretations and paranoid motives.

I just want him to feel love and support, and to believe me, rather than suspect my motives; fearing he'll just be hurt, just disappointed again, just abandoned once more.

I wanted to get this out here, now, to everyone, my dear cosmic colleagues, and the Universe. Then I can share what I see in the following posts.

So send a little prayer our way, if you would. Positive vibrations of encouragement and harmony; of unity, of trust.

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IndigoDirae
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Posts: 2915
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted June 25, 2014 06:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
First off, I have to confess -- it's a beautiful chart.

• SUN conjunct MOON and MERCURY
• JUPITER conjunct VALENTINE and DESTINN
• 3H NNODE conjunct ISIS/OSIRIS
• ISIS conjunct IC
• OSIRIS sextile ASC

•11H PSYCHE trine 7H EROS
• MARS conjunct DSC

It's crazy that there's such a huge interception in Libra, which is where the stellium now is; but in the 5H ... that ... oddly makes sense to me.

VENUS is now on ALGOL, not CHIRON, and conjunct the degree the tSUN and tOSIRIS were in when we saw each other last.

It's really close to the tVENUS, (2° GEM) which is also where it was when I composed and sent the email.

There's a beautiful interplay with the Event Chart, too:

tOSIRIS conjunct tMOON @ 11° GEM.
tISIS conjunct tSUN @ 1° and 3° CAN (on my dMOON).

tVENUS conjunct tJUNO.

tEROS and tKARMA are still way OOB and parallel (36°S).

The tVERTEX was conjunct tMARS at 16° LIB, which conjoins the triple composite VALENTINE-JUPITER-DESTINN -- which is all on his nVESTA and my nSUN.

The triple composite SUN-MOON-MERCURY is conjunct our nJUNO and nALMA.

Wow. Just, wow.

cATROPOS is conjunct the cMOON, too. 2° LIB, where my nSATURN-ALMA-JUNO is. And the SGC. I'm starting to see how it's a sense of 'stopping' or facing the inevitable rather than an -ending-; at least, it could be.

VESTA trines VENUS.

ALMA is conjunct his nVERTEX.

tKARMA on the cDSC.

cVERTEX conjunct cSATURN, 6H, with SATURN as 8R and 9R.

8H URA conjunct NEP, as ruling MC and 11H.

12H VENUS ruling the stellium in the 5H, and on ALGOL ... the fact it's 'replacing' CHIRON seems significant. And now CHIRON is conjunct AMOR in 11H.

There's A LOT here.

It feels ... hopeful. Like -- maybe. Just ... maybe ....

Send me some good energy. Send it off into the world. Into the Universe. Share it with those you love. Share it so that it'll make more good energy and spread more love.

And maybe this time ....

tDESTINN is on the cNNODE-ISIS/OSIRIS ... 3H ... just ... maybe ....

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LeeLoo2014
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From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014

posted June 25, 2014 07:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeeLoo2014     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I hope you receive good news, Indigo, crossing fingers for you

I take it this is the multi-composite with the event?

I can tell from this chart with Mars so tight on DSC the man seems to be the decisive factor in the partnership at this moment. Mars rules 12th house (it appears 6 and 12 th are intercepted, not 5th and 11th). This is also emphasized by the fated Mystic rectangle with him, the nodes and the angles.

The key of this chart, the story-teller and the final outcome of this chart (which can also be a temporary outcome, I guess), is the Venus/Pluto opp on Karma in the intercepted houses: Venus Pluto are in domicile, but intercepted. Venus is two times intercepted, as ruler of the 6th house.

Why Venus and Pluto on Karma?

For the future development, the major clues are: ASC final disp is Venus, so final disp of the chart ruler; NN final disp is also Venus; MC (future developm.) ruler Uranus is disp by Pluto, also in the 8th (more Pluto emphasis).

An important key element here is Saturn, as intermediary disp and tightly conjunct vertex. Saturn is a key factor in the outcome - maybe a meeting or lack of meeting with it on Vertex is a major turning point. Saturn rules the 8th house (more Pluto Venus emphasis). Does it appear to be peregrine in this chart?

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LeeLoo2014
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From: Venus cornering Neptune
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posted June 25, 2014 07:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeeLoo2014     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Also looking at the DSC lord - it tells us about the nature of this partnership and how it may evolve. It conjuncts Valentine and Destinn in the 5th - this is very nice. It too leads to Venus.

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tgem
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posted June 25, 2014 12:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for tgem     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Good for you Indigo!!! That was a wonderful thing to do and I know it was hard! Sending love and prayers your way for unconditional love and forgiveness between the two of you 💙💙💙

Amazing chart!

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amelia28
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From: AC conjunct Jupiter-Uranus
Registered: Aug 2011

posted June 25, 2014 12:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for amelia28     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I send you two lots of love and hope he forgives you!

What is a thrice composite?? I was looking at different house systems last night but did not see thrice.

What is its purpose and how can one make one?

Also, that is amazing that your husband accepts you are in love with someone else. Is he also in love with someone else? Sounds like an amazing man.

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IndigoDirae
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From: Venice, California, US
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posted June 25, 2014 03:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you, everyone. From the depths of my soul.

Amelia, my apologies. I was just writing quickly; the composite is a triple composite composed of his and my natals and the event chart. It's just a multi-composite with those elements.

As to the rest -- longer, more complicated, and the result of quite the journey. I'll respond with the attention that deserves after awhile. I didn't really sleep last night.

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amelia28
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From: AC conjunct Jupiter-Uranus
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posted June 25, 2014 03:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for amelia28     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Thank you, everyone. From the depths of my soul.

Amelia, my apologies. I was just writing quickly; the composite is a triple composite composed of his and my natals and the event chart. It's just a multi-composite with those elements.

As to the rest -- longer, more complicated, and the result of quite the journey. I'll respond with the attention that deserves after awhile. I didn't really sleep last night.


LOL You and me feel so similar in some ways....me too I didn't sleep enough last night either...lately I am not sleeping a full night like I should ...

SO no rush when you are rested and have the time....would love to hear about your journey with your husband......

Hope you have sweet dreams.

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Ceridwen
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posted June 25, 2014 03:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ceridwen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Indigo,

that sounds like a really great idea, about the mail. It might help find closure, or a common place to start or continue from. Of course now it is his turn to reply.


And you gave me a marvellous idea, to check the multi with the incident-chart and Mr Sag and me. And consider me gobsmacked. lol


I love our grand trine with the Sun-Venus-conjunction in one corner (1st house)


Oh and of course Siva-Parvati right on my NN. lol

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IndigoDirae
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From: Venice, California, US
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posted June 25, 2014 04:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm distinctively getting that, Amelia. Thanks. Try and get some rest, too. It's not good that we're pushing ourselves so hard, or just ... being so depleted.

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IndigoDirae
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From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted June 25, 2014 04:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's a day for this.

It remains something of a 'Twin Flame anthem' to me. Still speaks to me so deeply, to a place I didn't know how to access until I first discovered it in 2012. What a year.

'String Theory' by Les Friction.

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LeeLoo2014
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Posts: 3563
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014

posted June 25, 2014 04:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeeLoo2014     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Indigo,

that sounds like a really great idea, about the mail. It might help find closure, or a common place to start or continue from. Of course now it is his turn to reply.


And you gave me a marvellous idea, to check the multi with the incident-chart and Mr Sag and me. And consider me gobsmacked. lol


I love our grand trine with the Sun-Venus-conjunction in one corner (1st house)


Oh and of course Siva-Parvati right on my NN. lol


It's actually Kiting to Vertex...very pretty, since it also includes NN And all 24 deg. connect to Juno, I like that.

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 7707
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012

posted June 25, 2014 04:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Indigo, what does your Neptune do in your chart?

------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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IndigoDirae
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Posts: 2915
From: Venice, California, US
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posted June 25, 2014 04:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Indigo,

that sounds like a really great idea, about the mail. It might help find closure, or a common place to start or continue from. Of course now it is his turn to reply.

And you gave me a marvellous idea, to check the multi with the incident-chart and Mr Sag and me. And consider me gobsmacked. lol

I love our grand trine with the Sun-Venus-conjunction in one corner (1st house)


Oh and of course Siva-Parvati right on my NN. lol


How the hell did I miss this? It must've been coming in right when I posted -- and I wasn't alerted.

Isn't it crazy? How you wouldn't think in a million years THAT would result?

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IndigoDirae
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From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted June 25, 2014 04:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
Indigo, what does your Neptune do in your chart?


Drive me crazy.

No, in all honesty, it's pretty good; behaves, outside of being my 7R. It's 20º SAG, in my 4H, opposite my 10H PSYCHE (0º), sextile my 2H SUN, (1º), BML (1º); trine my 12H OSIRIS-NNODE-VESTA (1º-2º) -- and so on.

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Ceridwen
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posted June 25, 2014 04:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ceridwen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
It's actually Kiting to Vertex...very pretty, since it also includes NN And all 24 deg. connect to Juno, I like that.

yes, me, too.

our composite Vertex is also 24 Leo, composite Psyche 24 Aquarius, which means that not only did our composite almost have a Psyche-Return, but the transiting MC-IC-axis as well as Vertex fell onto the exact same spot as in composite.


aDditionally our composite Juno is on 22 Taurus, so our composite had JUST a Juno-Return.

Interestingly the last time we met and spoke, it was on the day our composite experienced a Venus-REturn. lol

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Ceridwen
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posted June 25, 2014 04:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ceridwen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
How the hell did I miss this? It must've been coming in right when I posted -- and I wasn't alerted.

Isn't it crazy? How you wouldn't think in a million years THAT would result?


Something funny happened today. Well I had again resigned to that whatever happened on that cnocert, even if it was not imagined by myself (hard to imagine actually verbalized words ), that I had by now fallen long from the minds of any of the participants.
So I was resigned to believe this, and well that is just how it goes. Nothing really has changed or will change. There will be no consequences, I can simply slide back into my invisibility-corner, right?


Well the funny thing that happened was that another actor, who was there that night, "liked" my comment on Mr Sag`s facebook.
The even funnier thing is that this was the very same guy who actually read this thing from Mr Sag`s notepad aloud.
So both participants (well participating in driving me crazy, though they insisted I was driving Mr Sag crazy ) have liked my comment, which was not a very witty or unique one.
I haven`t yet figured out why they di so, especially since before it seemed they would only react to comments of people they know.


But it made me wonder, if not only was it real, but maybe both of them kind a connected the dots and associate my irl face with my facebook account now.

Well, so much for staying incognito.

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I'm so cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 7707
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012

posted June 25, 2014 04:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for I'm so cappy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Drive me crazy.

Oh yeah. I was expecting some hard aspects.

------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.

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LeeLoo2014
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From: Venus cornering Neptune
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posted June 25, 2014 05:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeeLoo2014     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ignoring your neglected harem, huh?

------------------

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

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IndigoDirae
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From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted June 25, 2014 05:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ay, yi, yi ... Facebook games! At least they do feel so for me. Speaking of -- since we saw each other last, he's on Facebook about as much, but he and his coworker (who I honestly rather like) just haven't been communicating. At all. I mean I already saw how blasé they were about each other, (definitely no intimate relations there) but there's been nothing. Nothing!

And he's just angry with me. Soooo clearly angry. But just barbs. He'd never cop to the anger.

I got a strange but overwhelming feeling he was upset I didn't post our photo. But who knows? Who honestly knows?

I'm steeling myself for another blow. Miraculously, the pain I'd been dealing with for over a week suddenly left after I sent it. Not kidding. Gone. It returned many hours later, but much less in intensity. I feel THAT was right. What I did was right -- regardless of anything else. I'm not blocking him; I'm not running. I'm not in denial.

I'm bracing myself, though. To hear nothing. Or, worse, for him to write back explaining the many reasons why I'm crazy, and I need to 'get over my internet friend'. Or something of that ilk. Whatever he could say that's denying and hurtful.

I'm preparing that this will also deal a bad blow to my beliefs, and my understanding of astrology's role in my reality. Which means I'd have a rough period personally, but still be here. Still do as I can to help others.

Because the astrology is SO beautiful; my God. It's SO interconnected -- with our natals, our composite, the two event charts -- maybe even our meeting. I forget.

ISIS and OSIRIS are exactly 13° LEO 30'. The midpoint is EXACTLY on the NNODE.

ISIS is travelling with the SUN.
OSIRIS was exactly conjunct the MOON. At 11° GEM!

It's ... it was so lovely, so perfect. I have hope. I have hope for a new beginning. I'm desperate for it. But I'm also realistic. I can't believe so completely in the possibility and then take another terrible, crushing hit. And yet, closing myself off from him has just been the WORST thing I could do.

This is all very complex. I had no idea. No concept.

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IndigoDirae
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From: Venice, California, US
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posted June 25, 2014 05:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
Oh yeah. I was expecting some hard aspects.


I strangely have no hard planetary aspects in my natal. When you bring in CHIRON and the skyrocks, there are some oppositions -- namely asteroid-to-asteroid.

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Gabby
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posted June 25, 2014 06:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gabby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you....I had no idea, but I'm so happy for you!
I'm glad you reached out to him! Im sure it will take time but you've taken the action that will begin the process of turning this around.
I wonder if what you have come to expect from this relationship is much of the issue.
What I mean is its hard to believe something will be different when you haven't seen anything to make you believe it will be different. Its easy to fall back into pessimism regarding how it will turn out.
What you expect from life because of what you have seen becomes what you believe...then it's hard to expect something new or different because there is no foundation for believing that.
When that happens you will draw to you what you have learned or expect from things, due to past experience.
In this relationship you have hope, and fear of the outcome.
It makes it hard to believe it's going different or will be, even though you hope if you don't believe that it will happen, it won't happen.
The reason is your sending mixed messages to the universe....your heart is hoping and your mind is doubting. In order to manifest your dreams you must hope, believe and then trust that it will happen. It's hard to trust without a foundation to build that trust on. You don't have that! What you have to do is set aside all the past behaviors, set aside all you've learned regarding how this will turn out....and fake being 100% confident that this will turn out exactly how you hope it will.
Yes....fake it until you make it! Every time you hear negative recordings going off in your head or feel doubt or anxiety(which is your heart doubting and fearing)creeping in, say out loud something like, "No! That's not how it's going to turn out! I'm going to be so happy with our relationship, I'm already happy with it....I'm just waiting for what is making me so happy to manifest into my tangable reality..it already happening right now!"
If you spend time fearing or doubting your hopes and dreams will happen, your pretty much spending that time praying they won't!

Here is a way I found that helps me from having to fight so hard against my fears and doubts. I would love it if you would sit down and write out all your fears regarding this relationship. Write all the let downs and times that you got hurt so much that they validate your fears. All the negative you feel about the pain and hurt this relationship has brought pour it out into this letter....let your heart express all it's fear, anger, hurt and allow yourself to cry it out.
When your done your going to get some smudging sage and your letter.
Go outside, light the sage, once it's going light your paper and burn it up as you breath in the sage. Let yourself think about all your pain and all you wrote...and let yourself have the very last cry over it all. Don't stop until you don't need to cry anymore, when there is no more tears....take the ashes of the paper and spread them or throw them in the wind...release the energy of those words. Realize your intentions are to give all that pain and all those negative memories that created painful patterns, your giving them back to the universe and releasing them from your aura.
Then if you can take a bath with Epsom salt in it, still with the sage burning, that would be awesome.
Do this daily until you run out of pain to express...do it until you can't feel the hurt anymore....until there's nothing left but hope and optimism!

After I started doing this and found it so effective I named it my "releasing my demons" ritual! Lol

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